You're Not a Bad Parent

I posted a video yesterday (Henry's Story.) I can't get something his mother said off my mind. She said that a lot of people attribute teen drug use to bad parenting, which she said, is absolutely not true. I think she also said that people say that if teens use drugs, the "teen" is just a bad kid. I am not quoting here... but of course, like she said, neither is true.

The reason I can't get it off my mind is because it's funny the things you learn as you walk with the Lord. The things you learn about yourself and about others. It's also funny the things you learn from experience. I honestly used to believe that if you taught your children all the things they need to know growing up; that what was poured and planted into them would eventually cause gazillions of "sprouts of goodness" to grow from their heads and that nothing would ever go wrong!   I have to admit, I struggled for a long time when we discovered Stephan was using. I thought "I" had done something wrong and I constantly asked myself the question, "Where did I go wrong?"

When your child reaches adolescence, we have to remember that all that goodness is still in there, but the child doesn't always choose to "prune" all of those "sprouts" growing out of their wee little heads!!!! Sometimes, it seems that they whack em' off at the root and burn the stump! Why do they want to go against what has been ingrained in them? Well, just as Adam and Eve fell into sin, so have we.. and so do our kids. We all have a sin nature. This nature rears it's ugly head in different ways for everyone.

Seeing Stephan struggle in this area has truly given me compassion for anyone going through any type of struggle. It's so easy to sit back and judge, but the truth is, what may seem easy to me may be tremendously hard for someone else. We all have our vices and crosses we bear. I'm sure things I personally struggle with may be a walk in the park for some others!!

I am a singer... I don't talk about that a lot, but it's one of my callings and my ministries. I sing on occasion for an organization called Celebrate Recovery or CR. We go to a fairly large Baptist church and CR is held at our church on Thursday nights. You can find CR's all over the US. When I'm asked to sing, I attend the worship secession of course and I sing a special during part of that service. Afterward, everyone breaks up into small groups. I'm not part of that, so I can't tell you what all that entails.

All I do know is that I love being around people who are open and honest about their struggles. The worship service is "freeing." You feel free to be exactly who you are, warts and all. We come to the cross - warts and all. Jesus forgives us- warts and all. The difference between certain Christians and Christians in CR is that the ones in CR have no more pride, because they openly admit to their struggles. They know now that nothing can separate them from the love of Christ. They know that they now have a savior who has paid the price for their sins and all has been forgiven! They worship, serve and seek help, because they have been freed from the guilt of sin. They truly understand Grace... and Mercy. They continue their journey through life by attending CR to overcome and maintain. There are some Christians in churches today living a lie. Seeking to protect their image in the community or their reputation among believers. Dear people, my husband often uses this analogy: "The church is a hospital for Christians" and in some ways it is. You don't have to "have" your life right before you can be part of a church, but you can't "get" your life right either until you are part of the church of Jesus Christ. ~Giving Him your heart is the first step. Their is healing in His hands. It's so freeing to come alongside other believers to have accountability and unconditional love.

Stephan doesn't understand all this. He says he hates church. He told me that last night. He was hurt by some of the youth members at church who say they love God, but then turned their backs on him. He calls them hypocrites out of hurt. I know that he doesn't understand, but they are growing.. just as he is. I've tried to explain that to him, but I can't change the fact that he was hurt. On the other hand, I am overwhelmed by the amount of adults who speak with him, talk with him, pray for him... I have people to ask how he is doing all the time. I've never been in a church quite like ours. I pray that very soon, Stephan will understand what it means to raise his hands and know that their is freedom, not condemnation in Christ. God doesn't want him to feel condemned, but loved. I hope he can grow to this point soon.

He tells me that his life is not right with God and that he's not going to pretend that it is, like some of his friends. You know, I'm so proud of him for that. You know what that tells me? It tells me that when he does get his life right with God- it will be real! I couldn't ask for anymore than that! As I said in my last post, He led my eight year old nephew to the Lord just last week! He knows the truth. (The way, the truth and the life!)

I have to believe that somewhere in that head of his, sprouts are rooting where seeds have been planted! I pray that very soon, these seeds begin take off and grow. Good parenting is planting seeds... that's it. It's up to our children to cultivate, prune and maintain the growth. It's part of growing up... If you're planting, then good job parent! ...You are doing all the right things!