I've been doing a lot of praying lately. Stephan has been at his job for, I guess, three weeks now! He gave Richard some money to set aside for his upcoming expenses and will get paid again this Friday. I am really proud of him for this!
He has court Thursday for the tickets he incurred a few months ago, which will cost him 300.00+. He didn't show up for court when he was supposed too, so there are "fees" to be paid as well. He owes Richard some money for car repairs on his car and he'll need to pay his car insurance and keep that paid monthly. He's still not driving his car. I don't know when I'll be comfortable with that, but it has to come to pass at some point.
Like I said, I am bathing that boy in prayer and I also came to some conclusions this morning as I drove him to work. These "conclusions" are the same conclusions that I have came up with before, just different situations or scenarios... I really want him to be successful now that he is off chemical drugs and seems to really be trying to get his life in order. As I mentioned before, we still encounter "speed bumps" on occasion. He IS off the chemicals, praise God, but has come home once this week drenched in marijuana. You know, we've come so far... We talked about it and told him it has to stop. We went through all the dangers of it and it leading back to other drugs, etc. I can't imagine how hard this is for him. I know this could sound crazy, but smokin' a little pot seems so insignificant at this point, compared to where we've been, but we ARE working through it day by day. He's even noticing little things about his friends that really sound encouraging to me. Things like- how his friend Caleb sleeps all day, doesn't work, isn't looking for a job and mooches off his grandmother for money! Stephan says, "that's just not right!" He's genuinely upset over that and I'm really glad!! So, like I said, day by day, we're working with him to get things back in order and we're making good ground. I really want him to work hard, be a good employee, get his debt paid and get on top of his finances, so that things will really start changing for him in the near future. But, you have to notice the word "I" in my first sentence. I'm here to tell you that the word "I" is my problem.
"I" realized it again today and it all started with Stephan being his usual self. He's a guy right? How long does it take a guy to get up, shower, eat and get dressed? For most guys, not long! It takes Stephan exactly an hour... He's so ritualistic in "how" he gets himself ready and has his grooming techniques down to an art. I'm not saying these things are bad.. it's just that our argument on the way to work this morning was all about allowing himself enough "time" to groom, so he can get to work on time. Today, he was seven minutes late... It was the first day he had been late!
Picture this: "I'm" making sure he's up- and he was... I hear the shower cut off, I look at the time- we're cutting it close, ok? I start yelling up the stairs reminding him of the time, asking him what he wants to eat. Finally, he comes down to eat and I frantically tell him that we need to leave in TWO minutes if he's to get to work on time! He said- "MOM, after I eat, I need to go to the bathroom, then I have to smoke a cigarette, so I don't go crazy on people at work! Chill out, every body's late once in a while!"--- I told him, "Yeah, the people who come in late once in a while are the people who never get promoted and are at risk of getting fired once in a while too!!!" -Then, I told him to go eat his Cocoa Krispies on the toilet to save time... and he did! I know that's funny, but it sure wasn't at the time!
All the way to work, I'm trying to teach him the importance of setting his clock earlier to give himself time to get ready, so that he's not rushed and can get to work on time. He actually told me that he was just going to tell everyone that my car battery was dead and we got locked out of the house and the neighbor had to come let us in, then we had to jump the car off! I said, "Oh, more lies!" Then I told him all about how lies only lead to more lies... then we went back to time management and how if he'd set his clock earlier, he wouldn't feel that he needed to come up with any lies at all! Plus, I offered him even "more" wisdom about how his Dad worked hard on his job to honor God when we lived in NC, and he was promoted to another job, then his faithfulness on that job landed him another job, which led us here! Giving your child examples of faithfulness is a great thing, but it's only great if they take it to heart and then walk in faith themselves doing their best to honor God and seek His blessing on their lives. All in all, I hope Stephan heard how faithfulness leads to blessing and slothfulness leads to nothing. The truth of the matter is: Stephan already knows all this! He's been trained...
What I realized again today is that it seems like "I" want so much more for Stephan than Stephan wants for Stephan! Right before we pulled in the parking lot, I wanted to try and change the scene a little. I didn't want him going to work aggravated- although he caused it. I let him know that I loved him and only wanted what was best for him, BUT- I reminded him that I didn't need a job, so ME getting him to work on time was not MY responsibility, it was his. I told him I hoped he would take all I said into consideration and that getting to work on time tomorrow was entirely up to him! I'm simply the Taxi! That's really the way I have got to look at it.
You just don't know how badly I want things to keep going well... I take it upon myself to try and see that it does! Thing is- "I" can't DO it! Just like Stephan, I even have to keep reminding "myself" of things I already know!
My conclusion- I'm going to have to let him do it! ALL of it! I'm going to have to let him fail and let him fall if that's what it takes for him to learn to survive on his own. If he gets fired- it will be a lesson learned! If he gets in trouble for being late- it's a lesson learned! If he spends all of his money and doesn't have enough for his tickets- it's a lesson learned! If he doesn't pay his car insurance, wrecks his car and looses all the money he's spent on his car- it's a lesson learned.
I've been praying especially for a good girl to come into Stephan's life. Someone who he will just fall head over heels for. Someone he respects so much to the degree, he'd doing anything to protect her, want to be there for her, want to be the best he can be, because he cares for her and wants her to be proud of him. Someone who would love Stephan for who he really is inside, not for where he's been. Someone who can bring out the best in him and vice versa. She's out there... somewhere : )
Today, I'm reminding myself AGAIN not to be proactive in Stephan's affairs. By stepping aside and letting the repercussions of life happen for him because of his own actions, we make a lot more progress in the long run. Real progress... This period of trial and error is where real growth and knowledge can happen. It's where Mama becomes less active, so that "Stephan" learns to be proactive!
This... is how Less Active = Proactive!!
