Becoming A Godly Husband

Richard was out of town two weeks ago. He left early Sunday morning and it was Mother's Day. Richard flew into Raleigh, NC and was going to spend time with his mother before having to be at work in Greensboro Monday morning. Stephan and I had decided to spend the day together also! I was getting ready for church and Stephan and I were going to meet there. All of a sudden, I heard the door bell ring- along with Stephan's signature knock! I answered the door and he had brought me flowers! He was happy and bubbly... We went to put them in water and as I turned around he presented me with the sweetest, heart felt note.

"Happy Mother's Day Mommy : ) As I can already see this note is slanting.. I had no real paper. LOL! But today is a special day for you! You went through the holding me and Brandon in your stomach for nine months and through pain of having us to share each other's company in this world OR just so we could take care of you when you get old HAHA!!! No, no, I'm kidding.. Honestly, on a serious note you were, and still are the best mom a guy could ask for. You are a great role model, mom, wife, cook- (yummy) : )  Not a speck of meanness to you. You are one of my best friends. Family is everything to you and that is special! One day, Me, You, Dad,  Brandon, Ellie and the kids- PS- my wife and kids- finger's crossed : ) will live close happily ever after. I just know God would want that for us. Happy Mother's day again. Tomorrow will be lots of fun!
Love- Your Son- AKA- Stephan the Great!"

I teared up and give him a big hug... We went to church and I sat there looking at him a few times just grateful he was with me. I guess ever so often I have this De ja Vu moment to where I remember how things used to be and all of a sudden, I am sitting there staring at my son - in church - with me! It felt surreal...

Stephan and I went to Metro Market to pick up a few things. I got a rotisserie chicken and we took it home and ate it with left overs for lunch. We had big plans for the day! We were going to take a picnic down to Lake Michigan and sit on the shore, build a fire, eat and make s'mores! Talk about a perfect Mother's Day!

During lunch, Stephan talked non-stop about God and how he didn't do a good job of being the leader in his and Rainey's relationship. He said, "You know, I told her we weren't going to drink during the week and when she brought it in, I caved. I should have been the man- the leader, you know?" He said, "I failed in our relationship!"  I talked to him about the role of a husband and how it "was" his responsibility to lead his home, but being that he wasn't a "husband," not really, because they weren't married, I said, "the whole relationship was outside of God's will."  I did tell him that perhaps this was a learning process- and ultimately- he WAS right on track! He is supposed to be the leader!

Rainey wasn't much of a follower though. I told him that I believed she wasn't willing to follow him, because she had her own beliefs and opinions and they didn't line up with scripture! She had been told what was right, but wasn't willing to make God's word the authority of her life. She was her authority. She wasn't ready or willing to follow God, so how could she follow Stephan who wanted to try to follow God? They were unequally yoked, with one person- Rainey, unwilling to yoke herself to Christ.

I told Stephan that he needed to determine what kind of woman he wanted to marry and try to find that person. I told him a story of our pastor in Alabama... When he and his wife were discipling us, they told us about their college days. Doug was known as a player... LOL! (Our pastor) haha... He was known to take a girl out a few times, then never call her again! When Katy had been asked out by him, everybody warned her that he would dump her after a few dates. Katy went anyway...  They've been married somewhere in the vicinity of 40 years now. : )  Katy told me that Doug was studying to be a pastor and he was looking for a woman as committed to the Lord as he was and was willing to minister alongside him as a pastor's wife! Katy wanted the same things out of life as Doug and he found someone who was wanting the same things out of life as he was...to serve God. He really wasn't a "player," he was just looking for the right woman "for him!" No need in wasting time on other people headed in another direction!

I told Stephan he needed to find someone headed in the same direction as he was... Someone willing to follow God and trust him as the leader of their home. Stephan's response to that was: "I'm gonna have to start reading books!" LOL! I laughed... and then I gave him some ideas.

He's reading a book now by Andy Andrews. I forget the name, but he already read, The Noticer by him. Stephan loved that book!

As Stephan and I drove to Lake Michigan our day was everything I'd hoped it would be. We built a fire, ate hot dogs, corn on the cob, and made S'mores! The weather was perfect! It was just a perfect day. I couldn't have asked for more....

Brandon also called me later that Sunday afternoon and I was able to talk to him. We had a wonderful conversation. I seriously have the best boys a mother could ask for... Sorry to all you other mothers out there... but I do. : ) My cup runneth over....

Finding God- Holy Spirit You are Welcome Here

Stephan came over a few Saturday's ago after he had been to the gym and he was totally perplexed! He had a wrestling in his spirit like I had never seen! He laid down on the love seat and I was on the couch. He wouldn't even look at me much- He was like Jacob wrestling with the Angel! That's what it reminded me of anyway!

He became friends with Kyle while Rainey was still here. I think she met him first. I don't know how the relationship started, but anyway Kyle and his girlfriend continued to come over even after Rainey left. I don't think Stephan had ever been to Kyle's house, but one Friday night he did... I know they drank some. Stephan still drinks on Friday night. Long story short-- Kyle's girlfriend made her intentions known to Stephan! Stephan was extremely angry at her after the fact... and now worried about how to tell Kyle that his girlfriend made the moves on him! He told us that she was messed up in the head anyway and Kyle probably needs to move on himself, but Stephan being Stephan.. hates to hurt anyone.

He finally told Kyle- a few days later. He was mad at Stephan! I guess that's a normal first response... Later Kyle was mad at his girlfriend, but from my understanding he was still dating her! Stephan said Kyle was stupid! He later said he really needed to find better friends and stop drinking.

So, back to Saturday-- As we laid in the living room talking... and Stephan's wrestling within himself, he was still talking about having a relationship with God. He mentioned talking to Drake again that morning as they worked out. He said, "You know, Drake's gonna be a great dad..." He said that Drake was concerned about being too strict and unloving like his own dad. I told Stephan that if Drake is thinking about these things now and making himself aware of it, that he would most likely be a wonderful dad!

After this conversation, Stephan went back to sin again. I had to remind him that God had forgiven him! I also said, "I ain't gonna lie, you still need to work on this drinking thing- because every time you do, nothing good comes of it! Look at last Friday night!" He said, "I know Mom..." I told him that walking with God is a day by day thing. Rome wasn't built in a day. I told him how proud of him I was and mentioned the things he was very successful in like his finances! He's very good with his money and never asks for anything.

I can't remember how long we talked allowing him to wrestle with himself and with God and living life with purpose and exactly what that purpose was, but it was at least an hour and a half. The Holy Spirit is speaking to him.

Holy Sprit you are welcome here...  Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere...
Your glory God is what our hearts long for...To be overcome by Your presence Lord....

Freedom from Lies...

Stephan is still going to the gym and his muscles are telling the tale. I've never seen him more focused on eating right and gaining muscle! He can't seem to gain weight, but when you work out an hour and a half a day, six days a week- well- that metabolism is raging! He is doing so well and I'm just grateful he has such a positive focus!

There is a girl at the gym, Stephan calls her "Treadmill," because he first saw her on the treadmill! He won't talk to her... He says that from what he can gather, just from observing her- a girl like her would never be interested in a guy like him. I TOLD STEPHAN that his thought process was simply Satan speaking lies to him. He talked to me about where he had been... I stopped him! We had such a wonderful conversation about God's forgiveness and I asked him straight out if he'd asked God TO forgive him of his past mistakes. He said that he had... I reminded him of what the scriptures say about God's forgiveness: 
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

I told Stephan that once he asked for forgiveness, God remembers his sin no more! They are as far as the east is from the west. I said, "The only one who reminds you of your past sin is yourself... and Satan! Satan never wants you to forget it, because he wants to drag you through the mud with it every chance he gets!"

I also reminded him that we are ALL sinners! I said, "There is no sin that is greater than another and because of our sin, we are all destined for Hell... That's why Christ died for us all. (For God so loved the WORLD) not-- For God so loved "some." 

**I made Stephan practice with me-- I pretended I was "Treadmill." Gosh, I wish I knew this girls real name! HA HA! I told him to start a conversation with me, like saying, "Hi, I'm Stephan.. How long have you been coming here?" He couldn't even talk to ME! It was quite hilarious! Poor boy....



Lord, create a longing in Stephan's heart for you... Allow Him to know and feel your love... I pray You become his heart's desire. Bless him as only You can... Refine him in your refiner's fire. Mold him and make him. May the work you began in him long ago be completed, so he can begin living the life You created him to live... Free him from Satan's lies...

Growing Faith in God

I've really got to start posting more. After Rainey left, Richard and I went to Alabama about a month later. It was in April. I had a few things to give her like her Bible that she left. Her grandfather had given it to her... I will admit, I was a little nervous about seeing her again. Part of me was glad I was getting to see her and there was this other part of me that felt I needed to let her go. I guess that's where my anxieties were coming from. If Rainey ever, ever needed me for anything, I'd be there. I grew to love her after all. However, down deep, I couldn't help but face the realization that if she and Stephan married one day- I have no idea what kind of wife and mother she would be... Her own mother is a drug addict and Rainey seems to want to live in that life style. It was just a scary thought.

So- anyway, she came to Brandon's and she and I both had tears in our eyes at different times. We had a nice visit and when she was leaving, I walked her out. We both embraced and cried. I told her I loved her. She's such a sweet girl! She just has lots and lots of baggage and she wasn't willing to lay down the marijuana while she was in Wisconsin. She enjoys it. She and Stephan both went to church with us while she was here... Even hearing the word of God, she wasn't willing to sway from what she believed... such as marijuana being ok. She had her opinions, but not a heart change.

When we arrived back in Wisconsin, Stephan was very glad to see us! We talked about our visit to Alabama. He talked about the gym and a guy he met there. This guy makes YouTube videos and wants to own his own gym one day... I have been praying that Stephan's atmosphere would change as far as friends go. I have been praying for God to send him like-minded friends that he could draw encouragement and inspiration from. He and Stephan became friends on Face Book.

Stephan works with Drake. Drake and Stephan go to the gym together after work. I think it's wonderful that Stephan has someone to go with to be accountable too. Drake also goes to Richard's Bible Studies at work every other Thursday and is about to become a father for the first time. He and Christina are expecting twins! Believe it or not, Drake and Stephan have been talking about life, father hood, marriage, etc... Drake grew up with a very strict father that he feared. He told Stephan that if he had done all the stuff he had done, his father would have killed him or disowned him! Stephan told Drake that we had kicked him out of the house several times and let him suffer... but we never stopped loving him. I think their conversation made Stephan feel bad about himself though... Stephan came to Richard and talked to him about it. He told Richard that he felt bad about putting us through all we did and he appreciated and loved us for loving him and having his back through it all. Richard also took an opportunity to talk to Drake about Christ. He talked about love and forgiveness... and grace. I think God is using Richard and Stephan both in Drake's life and at the same time, Drake's questions are causing growth in Stephan... I'm praising God for that...