I Was Devastated

I don't remember what day of the week it was, but I do remember getting a call from the school telling me that my son wasn't in a certain class. I remember the empty feeling I had, wondering what could have happened to cause him not to go to class! I also remember that afternoon the words that my oldest son, Brandon spoke to me.. words that he had overheard Stephan say on the way to the car leaving school. He had overheard him telling another kid that he had smoked catnip laced with marijuana in the bathroom with another boy earlier that day. When I heard this other boys name my heart sank, because I knew that this kid was on drugs! Stephan had come home telling me tales about this kid. Because of these horrible tales, I felt certain that he was telling me this out of sorrow for this young man. I thought by him sharing this that surely he wouldn't want to involve himself in this type of thing. Well, that day I felt like I had been hit by a huge ocean wave and completely knocked off my feet. I was in utter despair... My husband and I talked to Stephan hoping to hear that it was all a farce... that he was joking or some such thing! Even joking about something like this at this point would have been fine with me as long as "this" information was false!! To my horror... it was true!

Months prior to this event ever taking place, Stephan had got into skateboarding. As a mom, I never liked, nor did I approve of what seemed to go along with the skateboarding fad... I hated skulls! That all represented demonic darkness to me. I didn't like long hair, black clothing, loud non-Christian music... skinny jeans... etc! Stephan was skating to Christian music, wore t-shirts and hoodies with skateboards on them or a "brand" name of skateboarding equipment! I told him and warned him of the potential dangers, not just physically, but spiritually and socially. We talked about friends and choosing friends that will build him up, not tear him down. I never cared if he learned all the different tricks you do on a skateboard as long as he stayed away from all the junk associated with the sport.
As with anything, Stephan gave skateboarding one hundred and fifty percent! He was good!! He could jump, kick, flip and do all that stuff that makes you "somebody" in the skateboarding world!
I also remember that he would watch a particular skateboarder on youtube, who was also a Christian skateboarder... so I thought that things were going well for him and I was proud that he was having fun and keeping in mind the things we had discussed.

He had a friend over one day and I began to notice differences... The radio in the garage was NOT playing Christian music and Stephan began having anger issues... Of course he and his dad would have long talks about the choice of music and fits of rage... and everything would seem fine again.

A few other things happened in our lives during this time. Things that from the beginning were against my better judgement... Stephan was almost sixteen and a friend of his who was a little younger than him was spending time at the mall during the summer and at a waterpark. This kids parents were dear friends of ours from church and we fully trusted them and their judgement for their child. I wasn't very comfortable with Stephan joining him at the mall or the waterpark at all, only because I didn't trust Stephan! After wavering back and forth over the matter, I struck it up as me not being able to let go as a mother...I had to let him grow up! After all, Stephan was almost sixteen for goodness sake and learning to "drive" for that matter! Maybe I should let him have a little freedom. Even with this little bout of freedom that I thought I'd let him have, I still held on and didn't allow him to be at the mall or the water park, but maybe three times.. maybe four times the entire summer!Stephan was immature for his age and I knew it... I know my child! I also shared this with the mother of his friend. Maybe I was being a little over protective or overbearing!!

Now back to the present... For all you mothers out there... Being through what we've been through this past year and a half..things that I haven't even wrote about yet... let me tell you, it's ok to be protective! Trust the Holy Spirit trying to warn you of things that may not be good for your child. What's good for one, may not necessarily be good for another. He, even at fifteen and a half was not ready for this freedom!!! To me, it was the beginning of our journey down this troublesome road. Now, I do and am aware of knowing that no matter how old they are, they all have the power to choose right from wrong and make their own decisions! You may have a fourteen year old that hangs with his friends at the mall and everything may be rosy! I really hope so... As mothers, I think God gives us a special intuition when it comes to our children. I have learned that when something just doesn't "seem" right.. when there's doubt or confusion, I need to stand back and refocus on the situation! God may just be trying to tell me something!!

When we found out about the catnip laced with marijuana we knew that something major had to be done! How could we send our child back into this lions den? What do we do? We had found out also that during these three short trips to the mall, he had bought drugs from a stranger!
Stephan was being very disrespectful to me in the car one day, so I immediately took his cell phone! I dropped him off at my husbands work and went on about my business... I had put his phone in my purse and heard it ring.. it was a text wanting to know if he was still interested in buying it. I texted this guy called, "The Man" back and forth trying to secretly find out what it was that my son was wanting to buy. He thought I was Stephan you see... Again, it was drugs!

My husband and I made the decision to remove him from school completely. We didn't know who to turn to or what to do! I had homeschooled when my boys were small for five years, so we felt that homeschooling and time to refocus would be beneficial to him. Honestly, I didn't want to homeschool again.. not it the tenth grade, but we decided to do the Abeka Video School, which was wonderful! So that's what we did, we took him out of public school. We also got rid of his skateboard, his clothing and anything associated with the sport. If there were any forms of darkness trying to work it's way into our son's life or our home through this, we wanted it removed! We gave Stephan the choice to choose another sport. He was very angry at us as you can imagine! He threw tantrums and pretty much hated us, because he truly didn't understand why we were doing this! He just didn't "get" it as most teens don't! My husband took him golfing one day and ever since that day he hasn't really gave us any more grief over taking his things away. He bought himself some clubs, shoes etc. and absolutely loves golfing.

Lord, I'm learning more and more each day to listen to your voice. You love my son more than I do! You give me the Holy Spirit who bring me to all truths... I trust in you. Help me to stand firm and strong when things don't seem right. Help me to have ears to hear and a heart fully devoted to You! I love you so much Father... You are an ever-present help in time of need...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths....

Proverbs 3:5-6