Woooooooooooooooowww,
Boy things have a way of changing in just a few days. When I last updated the blog, it was Monday and Stephan was still waiting on the apartment. He and Rainey have since broke up- twice! She moved in with her grandmother until the apartment came available and Stephan moved in with Caleb...
Stephan also called me Monday mad as a hornet!!! Rainey had betrayed him and lied to him! He was so upset.... He was hurting, I could tell. He was heart broken! He told me that he was headed to Wisconsin!! That comment woke me up! (Mouth wide open) I asked him to repeat himself... and he did. He said, "yes, last night I packed up my car- had all my stuff, well, except my bedroom set and I was on the interstate headed to BIRMINGHAM!!!" I couldn't help it-- I laughed--- which sorta turned the conversation in a happier direction! Stephan said, "What?" I said, "If you were going to Birmingham headed toward Wisconsin, you were going the WRONG way!!" Stephan laughed himself and realized that he wouldn't have gotten far...
We had a few more laughs after that, which was nice, but then we were back to the fact of the matter which was: If he and Rainey are not getting back together, he now can't afford his rent! He's homeless... he has a job, but he's homeless...
Tuesday morning, I woke up and read my devotion. As I read I tried to look for ways for it to minister to me... but all I could think of was Stephan. I thought, "I should text him some of this!" I went on in the living room, and got my Ipod out and began looking at facebook. I got a phone call... After the call, I checked my text messages. I had one from Stephan he had sent at 3:45am. It said, " I have went through the worst day ever, sorry I passed out asleep and didn't call you back. I love you guys. Pray for me, I'm not doing good at all. : ( "
In my heart, I knew how awful his situation must be. Not knowing where you're going to live. Living in Caleb's basement wasn't an option long term, plus he felt in the way as he put it. That's why I felt led to send him that devotion- and I hadn't even read his text. God had... So, I sent him this:
"Hey Baby, GOD is near when we feel lost. Throughout the daily struggles of life we sometimes find ourselves looking for God in the midst of tough situations. We can't see Him or figure out His direction. We start walking.. or driving to Birmingham... Because we don't know what else to do. We end up miles away headed in the wrong direction. All I do know is God always remains in the same place. HE never moves. He is with us always showing us the way, yet we need spiritual eyes to see Him an the path He has for us. Weather it's relationship issues, loneliness, or a struggling faith, there is a way through. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your OWN understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your paths. Let's pray together. When two or more are gathered. He hears.. I love you sooooooooo much!!!
Richard had also sent Stephan a text: "I have been through many many storms in my life. I want you to let me help you through these days. Allow me to take the experience through difficulty and help you through yours. I know you want to work through things alone. With God you are never alone. I have been praying for you. Give me a call. I love you, Dad.
I didn't hear from Stephan until Tuesday night. He was not good. He was almost crying. He began to tell me how hurt he was. He talked about Rainey... She did betray him... she lied. Won't go into it... He fessed up and told me that Caleb was on Heroin, not pills and that he didn't want to be there any longer. I was actually glad! That's a positive... He told me he wanted to come to Wisconsin and that he'd taken out money...
That night- he also called Richard and talked to him for over an hour. I didn't hear a lot of what they had discussed, but heard Richard giving him loving advise and letting him know we're here... When they hung up, Richard didn't tell me anything I didn't know. Stephan's in a bad spot... He's wanting to move. He wants to get a job here, possibly get his degree...
Taking all this in, I set back and I have hopes... but the thought of him being here also scares the pants off me! No, more than that... scares me to death! I want to help him... Did God move us all the way to Wisconsin for Stephan? Did God know this would happen? Did God allow Stephan to live on his own to teach him something? I'm sure of that, but is he ready? Are we ready?
It's so funny- our house is closing Apr. 26th in Alabama. We just put an offer on a home here, which will close in May... We were supposed to be moved out of this apartment in July. Everything seems to be going exactly according to plan- like clock work! Is Stephan part of the tick, tick ticking? I'm sure he is- but how? I don't know if my heart is ready for him to be here... I have missed him like you can't imagine!!! Oh my goodness! I grieved leaving him in Alabama, although I knew it was right... 100%
I called Stephan this morning- Wednesday. He WAS crying. He had just talked to Rainey. He asked me if his dad had told me what he said last night. I told him some of the things... He said, "Did dad tell you I tried to slit my throat?" My heart fell out of my body and rolled across the floor.. I had to catch my breath for that one. I gently told him, no he did not! I talked with him about it. He didn't cut deep enough to do any real damage, but that's not the point. Anyone who thinks of something and even attempts to act upon it is in trouble! Stephan was also drinking when he did this.... How my heart pleads desperate prayers for him. Earthly wisdom will tell you he needs to stop! Godly wisdom does too... I pray that Stephan will heed to God's whispering. I pray he will hear Him....
Stephan told us that he was driving to WI on Sunday... The Friday before the big move, the apartment place called and they had Stephan's apartment ready! He told me he was still coming... (Saturday) he and Rainey got back together. Stephan made and agreement with Rainey to stop drinking and take anger management classes. He told me he was going to get the apartment and stay in Decatur.....
When Stephan told me that--- To my horror, I felt such a sense of relief! Why relief? Then I felt a sense of guilt for feeling relief! It was quite the moment! I took a deep breath and told Stephan that his dad and I were there for him that he could change his mind. I reminded him of all the good that could come of moving and he turned me down, but I felt I had to offer.
When we hung up the phone, I just cried. I felt so horrible... I was so glad he wasn't coming! It was an answer to prayer! I told Richard that night that ever since we moved here that our marriage was better than it had ever been before and the thoughts of reliving the past where Stephan was concerned scared me to death!!! Ever since I learned of his coming here, I had been really down thinking of what "could" happen! I imagined reliving the Target episode day after day... Our neighbors being mortified at his outbursts! It was more than my imagination could handle! We chose to buy a condo and we have lots of neighbors!
**When I started this post it was April 8th... I had to save it as a draft.. Today is April 22nd. Stephan has been living in his new apartment for one week. Everything seems to be going fine. His car broke down yesterday... but he finally got it to the shop! Ellie went to pick him up this morning to help him get it hauled there. We aren't there to do anything.... Stephan's having to arrange it on his own! It's a good thing....When somebody has to do something- they will. When they don't - they won't!
I really don't feel like Stephan was ready to move here... Perhaps that's why I went through all the emotions I went through. I knew it in my heart. He's still learning.
I prayed for him this morning. Prayer is all I can do that will make any difference at all. I did tell Stephan that there are free anger management classes every Sunday morning! I encouraged him to go to his old Youth Pastor's Church- who is now a Senior Pastor! We will see.
Lord protect Stephan.... Mostly, protect him from himself. Show him that he needs You in his life. Guide him.... Let his sin find him out, so that he will see the error of his ways. Let him know that there is forgiveness and restoration for him to find in You! Let him know that there's healing, hope and comfort in following You.
Amen........
