If you read "Little Updates" on February 4th, you may be wondering about the judges decision in the trial that Stephan had to go for in Alabama. You may also be wondering if we are moving to Tennessee...
First of all, the Tennessee location did not work out. My husband's company made an offer... evidently someone made a higher one or it's most likely that investors jumped on it and made them on offer they couldn't refuse. You'd have to read back into my blog to even understand if you're clueless right now.
I was really hoping with all my heart that the company my husband works for would purchase this location so we could be closer to Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah in Alabama. It would put us living only an hour and a half away! I fantasized about being able to spend much more time with my oldest son and his family. The news of it not happening broke me to the very end for three days. I mourned over it. I had gotten my hopes up too high. I had imagined driving to Alabama and getting my grandson as often as I'd liked. I imagined the things we would do together- all the snuggling we would do. Brandon and Ellie could come up every other weekend or so. I was sure this was God's plan. God does have a plan.... but this is not it. I was heartbroken...
Secondly, the trial went as smooth as peanut butter! Richard and Stephan had flown to Alabama a day before the trial and Richard said that Stephan did great. He got up on the stand, was honest about what happened the day of the wreck, had a candid sense of humor at appropriate times... He was level headed and remembered everything as if it happened yesterday. I believe the jury could see a "more grown up" young man today that made some terrible choices three years ago! On the other hand.... Blake and his mother were not honest. Blake (the other kid that Stephan was in the wreck with) contradicted himself many times and couldn't seem to remember anything! It was horrible. Richard said that Blake looked bad and just wasn't all there. I believe it was evident to the jury that Blake's mother was just out for some money too. They lost... Our insurance company paid for Richard and Stephan's expenses to fly down, so it was no expense to us. In the end, Stephan and Blake both made mistakes and I know Stephan learned a lot from this experience. I can't help but feel sorry for Blake.... it doesn't seem that his life is any different.
On to a different subject, the last two months have been a little surreal. The things that have happened have impacted Stephan's life for good, although these circumstances are really terrible for the family involved. The first thing that happened is Matt, a guy Stephan hung out with -who was the biggest acid dealer in Northern Alabama died. It was said that he committed suicide by heroin overdose. Stephan described Matt as a really great guy, a musician and a chemistry genius with a really big problem.... drugs and the love of money. I believe that his death made Stephan feel grateful that he had been given another chance at life. If Stephan hadn't made the choice to move to Wisconsin.... Well, I don't even want to think about where he might have wound up. Drugs make people do horrible things. Things they don't realize they're doing until it's over- "if" they make it till it's over.
Another thing that happened is that four of Stephan's friends who he hung out with were arrested for drug possession. One of these kids may go to prison for a very long time! I think Stephan is internally glad and relieved that he made the decision he made to come be with us and away from the playground he had been playing on.... He told me that he knows this could have been him. I agreed! I said, "if you were still living in Alabama you may not be here, or you may be in jail!" Stephan said, "yep!"
Stephan and Rainey are still trying to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't even remember what was happening last time I spoke of her. They are supposed to go to the beach in a few months. Heather, Rainey's friend is also going.
Richard and I both had a profound conversation the other night. We were discussing the fact that "if Stephan loved Rainey so much and wanted to be with her.... under normal circumstances he should have moved back to Alabama a long time ago!!" He hasn't.... He does have a job here with my husband's company, which is the only thing holding him here. He "could" find a job in Alabama as good as the one he has making about the same money, but he remains here with us. Richard and I both found ourselves in awe of God's miraculous power. Stephan's here because he wants to be here. He does love Rainey and wants her to move here! Actually, they have discussed her moving here first of next year.
I know that Rainey has problems of her own. She's 18 and her mother is strung out on drugs. Her mother is a terrible influence and abuses Rainey by making Rainey feel responsible for her unhappiness and health problems if Rainey doesn't do what she asks! What she asks of Rainey---is to sell prescription pills for her for money, then at the end of the month, buy more because she's out! It's a ridiculous circle of crap that my mind can't even begin to understand! Rainey's mother will whine and cry "oh I'm in pain" until Rainey does what she wants. It's sad.... Stephan get's SOOOO mad at Rainey for doing this for her mother! I have also told Stephan that the best way for Rainey to help her mother is to stop this cycle and to tell her no! Like I said, Rainey is 18. I am not making excuses for her, but Rainey is the child and her mother is the mother... not the other way around. I can't imagine being her age and feeling responsible. I know she's NOT responsible for her mother's habit or pain, but an abusive situation like this can sure make a young girl think she is.
I have no idea what God has in store for Stephan as far as Rainey is involved. Rainey needs Jesus Christ. That is the one thing I keep telling Stephan. I also keep reminding Stephan that he's the leader. I tell him that God has appointed him as leader of his future home and family and that he needs to be the example that Rainey needs even now. He's growing.... He's learning.
I'm very proud of Stephan for many reason's lately. Sometimes it seems that even though some days are rough, I'm reminded that we've been given a second chance with him. Stephan took our first one away, but he's come home and he's allowing us to guide him.
1) I helped Stephan set up an online banking account where he can check his statement and see where his money is going. I keep telling him that he should check it often. He checked it the other day by himself for the first time! He also found that Subway had charged him twice for a foot long sub! Go Stephan!
2) We know that Stephan needs credit to be able to get his own apartment or buy a home one day. I helped him get a small limit credit card where he made two purchases and is paying on it monthly. I instructed him to make his payments on time! It's imperative to building his credit score! He also bought a little car. Richard had to co-sign on the loan, but of course, Stephan is making the payments on it. If he don't, it will be someone else's car! Thankfully, it's never been even remotely an issue! In 3 more months we are going to try to see if Stephan can get the car in his name alone... even if he has to refinance.
3) I helped Stephan set up Bill Pay. We made a calendar that he keeps in his room to remind him of when things are due. He also set up reminders on his phone to send him a text when things are due. He schedules everything on the 19th of the month through Bill Pay. This last month- Stephan sat down and did it himself without my help! He even found out yesterday that he made a mistake! He scheduled his car payment to be made in May.... He clicked on the wrong calendar!!! Should have been April!! But... he caught it! Progress!!
4) Stephan filed his taxes!
5) I have stopped doing things for him like make calls for him during the day. Example: He got a letter in the mail from the IRS wanting him to give them information to protect him from identity theft. I told him that before he sends them anything, he needs to make sure things like this are legitimate! I told him he needed to call them- not the number on the letter- but the number that he finds on line to make sure it's the real IRS! He called me the next day from work... ( I really think he hoped I'd call for him) but I looked up the number online and gave it to him. He never asked me to call for him and I never offered. He called them and called me back. It was legitimate!! When he got home he asked me how to run our copy machine. We made the copies and he put the information in the mail!
6) Stephan is also paying us rent! We let him choose the amount. He chose $400.00 per month. We told him we would put that in an account for him as a sort of savings account for when he does move out. We don't pay any of his expenses unless you count what little he adds to our power bill and what he eats. Those two things I could care less about! Mama's gonna feed her baby! Haha... If he were going to college and still living at home- which is what life stage we would be in under normal circumstances, we probably wouldn't charge him anything at all! But since we are where we are and we are trying to guide him into helping himself- perhaps in the future, we'll step it up another notch and keep a portion or charge him more for mundane things. For right now, he's taking one baby step at a time and he's putting one foot in front of the other. That's the goal!
7) Stephan has gained 40 pounds since he moved here last June! Yes, you heard me right! He really needed too. He's 6 feet tall and he weighed approximately 132 pounds when he moved here. Now, he's right at 172!! He's also trying to eat right... He cracks me up talking about fatty foods!! : ) He's also working out in our mini gym in the basement. It's the little things like this that I call progress..
With all the wonderful things going on in my son's life right now, I hope you're not feeling down or depressed because you want your son or daughter to be there too- right now! I understand where you are. If you look back to our "not so bright" days, you know that it has taken years. Years of love and patience. Years that added more gray hair to my head. Years I thought I'd loose my mind or wind up in a divorce! Oh my word, hang in there. I do want you to understand too- You can't guide someone who doesn't want to be led. For a long time, this was the case for us. I am so grateful to God that Stephan is in a place now where he sees the benefit of being loved by us and allowing us to be part of his growth! We have lots to be thankful for... We're still on the journey. He's still drinking occasionally. I pray that soon even this will be a distant part of his life....but again, we have much MUCH to be thankful for. Stephan's a joy- everyday!
Lord God, continue to guide and protect our family. Show us Your Will for our daily lives. Help us to trust you in every situation knowing you have our best interests in mind...
