Below is a devotion that I wrote for Stephan this morning. He's very sick.. running a fever of 102. The reason he is home is because we had an appointment with the oral surgeon yesterday to see how his jaw is healing... He fell asleep in my car on the way home and has slept since! I believe he has a touch of the stomach bug and the drug bug combined. He's been on LSD and is seeing "lights?" Oh, how my heart just hurts... For about two weeks now- on the three occasions we have seen him, he keeps talking about getting things right in his life! He's saying things we've never heard him say... but there's this trust issue we have you know? It's so hard to believe what we want to believe!!! This LSD has really done some bad things.... I believe he actually got scared!
I have been praying that Stephan would have horrible dreams! Sounds like a bad prayer for a mother to pray right? I have prayed that he would have such horrible dreams to the extent that when he awakes in a breathless, cold, sweat that he realizes how thankful he is to be alive and when he wakes up so thankful that it was all a dream!!! I prayed that these dreams would make him second guess the things he's doing to himself. My prayers have worked! He has had horrible dreams on three occasions during these last two weeks! Stephan told me about them and they did have a lasting impact! I really believe God is at work...
Like I said, he is home and I got up, made my coffee and wrote this for him:
Start Your Walk at the Beginning
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.
I Peter 4:12-14 NIV
Finding encouragement in times of trial can be tough, and sometimes these trials – or what’s after us, is only a “smoke screen” of diversion from our enemy. We get so caught up in walking though the smoke that we forget our purpose in life. Frankly, our best approach is simply to remember why we exist, which helps us to recognize our enemy's tactics. -Our purpose is to reveal and reflect our Father, to bear His image.
God has a plan for each of our lives and Satan will stop at nothing to see that this plan does not unfold. Knowing these things, our enemy attacks our love relationship with God and it overflows into the lives of others as well. So what do we do in a time like this? In order for fight an unseen enemy, your best response is to “counteract,” - which means: to make ineffective, restrain, or neutralize ill effects by using opposite force, action, or influence. How to do we do that? We start at the beginning…
Was there ever a time that you knew God? If so, go back to that time… Were you happy? Were you seeing God’s blessings on your life? Was He active in your life and bringing good things to it and using you for His glory?
My friend, many of our trials are meant to challenge our love for God, and we can combat them by staying in the Word, praying, and trusting God's wisdom and love. Remember, "God is light; in Him is no darkness at all" (I John 1:5NIV).
When we are in the Word and praying… we are restraining our enemy- Satan! We are attempting to neutralize the effects that he has on our life! God’s Word is powerful… It’s alive… It reaches to the heart of man and guides and directs our paths to find our purpose that Satan doesn’t want us to find!
We must also recognize the devil's aim to pervert our relationships. He wants division to come between you and those who truly love you. He wants to convince you that those who despitefully use you and can potentially cause discord in your life are your dearest companions! Proverbs refers to these types of friends as “Companions of Fools!”
In order to counteract the schemes of the Devil- Start at your beginning… Maybe you need to meet God for the first time. Maybe you need to recommit your life to Him… A good place to start is a prayer of repentance or asking God to forgive you… There is nothing He can’t forgive! He loves you so much! This prayer covers a multitude of sins! It brings you back in favor with God where He can move in and begin helping you rebuild your life, your health, your relationships and your purpose for being on this earth!
Don’t wait, my friend… Today can be the first day of the rest of your life-
of purpose!
I've been thinking about you and praying your son is doing better. These are tough times. I just know what I'm going through and I know first hand how tough this can be. If I had somewhere to run away to somedays I think I would. I don't even like being in my home these days. We all went to church today and were not home 20 mins before all hell broke out. Husband had been keeping from me all the new things that son had just pawned. Our home has been emptied and now son has taken things from our lake place. I am so crushed because I was thinking he was doing better. How do you learn to see things as they are and not with blinders on? Your writings are so uplifting and I admire your strength in your walk wiith God.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Hope,
ReplyDeleteI read your post and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with such pain. I don't know of anything that can make a parent feel so used and abused as a child taking things from you! Our son has taken things from us too. Only three things that I can think of right now... One was my diamond wedding band. My husband had bought me a new ring for an anniversary gift... and this was the old one- but still- That one was painful!!! All I could think was "how could he?" My husband told him if we EVER found anything else missing from our home, he would have to find a place to live! So far... so good! BUT... when he's home, I still hide my purse! I feel like a prisoner in my own home at times! He had taken my debit card before, so even when I take my purse out of hiding I still check for my card, cash and make sure no checks are missing! Crazy right? Not when you've awoken to find your son crawling around in your dark closet in the middle of the night searching for it! Unbelievable!
My heart aches for you- I also know the crushing feeling of being let down. I have been "crushed" so many times now thinking and hoping that my son is doing better that I almost don't allow myself to go there anymore. (Not in my heart anyway.) It's sort of a defense mechanism. I do know that when my son turns to God- things will start to get real. That's where my hope lies. God is the "only" one who can turn his life around.
Addicts will tell you exactly what you want to hear, so you think they are getting better... It's so sad that during those times is the times that you are hurt the most.
You talk about blinders- Oh me, when you love someone so much you'll do anything to help them! Sometimes what we do to help them isn't actually helping at all. I think I try to look at our situation from "someone elses" perspective sometimes- as if he were not my son. What advice would I give to someone else who had been stolen from? Suddenly, all these things come to mind! It gives "me" a different perspective in how to deal with him.
I feel like your husband was trying to protect you or your son... maybe both, but I have to say that even though he is- you and your husband are still hurt in the end despite his efforts. You have been robbed. The only one who wasn't hurt was your son. Drug addiction is not only a problem for the addict- it's a family problem. You guys have to help yourselves before you can help him. You must protect and nurture your individual relationship with God, you must protect and nurture your marriage- then you work on ways to help your son -and in this order.
Satan attacked my son- then the ripple effect began! Stay in the Word girl.. and go on a date with your husband to discuss ways to be on the same page with one another concerning your son. (a little warning-) Discusions like this between my husband and I could get heated at times, especially when we disagreed. Pray before you go... The end result will be what is "best" for your son and for you guys- even if the decisions are hard.
Praying for you...........