Stephan and Rainey are arguing again. In a nut shell, her pot habit angers Stephan. His alcohol habit angers her. Neither one of them practice protecting their relationship and only one of them has the key to unlock the door to a new future. Now, this "new future" wouldn't be free from stress, but this "new future" would involve relying on a greater power than themselves (God) to be able to navigate through life at a stronger pace. Everything would have a purpose and there would be goals that they are both working toward obtaining.
Yesterday, Stephan went to church with us. OH, how grateful I am to see him sitting beside me there. He listens... He makes it a point to go. I'm so proud of him for making the choice to go. After church was over, he said he was going to go hang out with Dan from work and eat lunch with him. I also felt in my heart that he was going to go to Dan's to drink. Stephan still deals with problems by drinking occasionally.
Last night, Stephan came in around 10:00 and he didn't appear to have been drinking. There's a possibility he drank a few beers. Stephan drinking a few beers is like me drinking a sweet tea. I'm sad that his tolerance is so high, but it is. He's not drinking vodka anymore.... that's a positive change!!! There was a period of time in-between my blogging absences that he started on some hard stuff! I was pretty upset going down that road with him after gaining so much ground.
However, we continue to see positive changes.... the fact he's gained 40 pounds, he's working out and trying to eat healthy and he gave up the hard stuff as far as alcohol is involved. Another positive change recently is that he bought an electronic cigarette. He's been puffing away on that and hasn't had a real cigarette in a few days. He tells us he may not quit smoking... he doesn't know for sure yet, but I'm excited about the thought of it. Stephan is also the kind of guy that doesn't want to set himself up for failure. He won't tell us he's GOING to quit- in case he fails at trying. I did warn him of the dangers of even electronic cigarettes. I had just read something about it right before he brought one home. While I don't want to discourage, I also don't want him to think it's a healthy alternative, but a means of quitting...
With Stephan giving up "the hard stuff" and the thought's of him stopping smoking excites me! It's still progress... Even if he doesn't quit smoking- He thought about it and is trying. I pray the Lord gives him strength to over come.
One of the major problems he and Rainey are having is:
TRUST.
She goes places and does things with people that Stephan doesn't like. Just last night, Stephan went with Dan to a college where he and Stephan found themselves in a Dorm Room with two girls they met.
Stephan told me about this when he got home and of course I got angry. I reminded Stephan of how he should protect his relationship with Rainey if he cares about her and being alone in a dorm room with two girls you just met is not a good place to start!
In his infinite wisdom, he told me that both girls told he and Dan that they were dating someone. I said, "so even though these girls are in a relationship, they invite two total strangers back to their room?"
Geezzzz....
I also said, "And... you're in a relationship with Rainey and you GO to these girls rooms?"
He said, "Mom, we are all just friends...."
I gave him the analogy of Rainey doing the same exact thing in Alabama.... He didn't like that too much! He actually got angry just thinking about it!
I gave him advise.... I said, "You and Rainey will never get along without TRUST in your relationship. You both have to work hard to protect your relationship. I can't blame her for getting mad at you over this! How can she trust you? God has appointed you to be the leader. She needs to stop smoking pot and you need to stop handling stress with alcohol and you both need to get on the same page with God. It's only then that you both will begin to grow spiritually and your relationship will take on new meaning!"
I asked Stephan a few weeks ago about Rainey's salvation. He said she was saved. I said, "How do you know" His reply was: "She said she was." I asked him about evidence in her life by a walk with God... He didn't have anything so say.
Rainey has recently been studying palm reading which sent Stephan on a RAMPAGE!!! He was so angry!!! I was really happy with all the "reasons" he was angry! He told me he couldn't believe she would do this!!! He said it was of the devil and not even close to being Christian!!!! I was glad that he was thinking about the spiritual realm of good and evil, honoring God and knowing about the dark side of things like that. He even said that things like this is a tool that Satan uses to influence people's lives.
Stephan was giving me reasons why people shouldn't do this and he couldn't convince Rainey otherwise- she saw no harm in it! I took the opportunity to point Stephan to the scriptures. I told him that God's Word is the only thing that will speak to Rainey's heart. I told him God's Word is alive and reaches into the depths of one's soul. Stephan's words would be able to reach her heart, but God's Words would. I pointed him to Hebrews 4:12 For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart..."
I told Stephan that the best way to reach Rainey was to dig in God's Word and find proof that these things are harmful! He did............... My son was researching scripture. Amen! Stephan's always been told to use the Bible as the authority of his life, but it's as the old saying goes, "You can drag a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink!" I want Stephan to see God's Word as a fountain of blessing... a life source... not to be used on an as-needed basis, but a daily dose of nourishment!
Before I left, I told Stephan that he needed to continue reading his book on relationships. He had been reading it before bed. I was actually a bit surprised he was, but so glad! It's a step in the right direction. It has a lot of scripture in it! In my heart, I imagine my son being influenced by the pages of this book, which lead him on a journey to read THE BOOK! The Bible is the only real place to find refuge, strength, wisdom, guidance....I hope that he will get there too.
I decided that if Rainey is going to be part of Stephan's life in the future that I need to be more of a part of her life too. She may move here one day- or move to be where we are! She may be his future wife. Christ can make her even more beautiful than she already is. She's His creation. She's loved by Him. Rainey has no Christian influence in her present life. Her mother is on drugs. Her father has another family. She lives with her grandmother, who I don't know.
I sent Rainey a text today to see if I have the right number for starters. I haven't heard back from her. I do not want to be in the middle of her and Stephan's relationship... I only want to be her friend. I hope to encourage her and to let her know she's important to God and to me.
