Gheezey weezey... Poor Stephan, he's been up and down these last few days! My emotions haven't been spared any either! It seems that there was a Building 429 concert at our church we attended in Alabama and I had heard that Stephan was going! Wow! I thought to myself, "I can't believe he's going.. on his own!" This was a major step in the right direction! I was so excited... until a few hours later....
It appears that Stephan and Travis did go to the concert. They were asked to enter the building from the parking lot, because they were caught harassing girls for their phone numbers... Once inside the building, two younger boys were impressing their girlfriends by throwing spit wads at the back of Stephan and Travis' head. Stephan punched on guy in the face then left the sanctuary and headed to the church play ground. During their visit to the church play ground- they were asked to leave church premises! Another issue is that my oldest son, Brandon was on security staff... Brandon was involved in the removal of Stephan and his friend, Travis.
Stephan didn't know that Brandon was on the security staff until the next day when he called "telling on himself" as Stephan always does! I told him that Brandon was on staff- Stephan kept repeating, "OH my gosh, Brandon was on the security staff? OH my gosh... Brandon's on security! OH My GOSH!!" I think for some reason, Stephan was humbly embarrassed. Not sure why... but he was! He even texted (to my surprise) Brandon the next day apologizing! I guess at the church, he just thought Brandon was being "bossy big brother!" Nope... not this time!
As Stephan was telling on himself- I could tell he was also drunk! He and Travis had been doing so well! Long story short- my phone conversation with Stephan ended with one frustrated mom- me.. and one drunk totally frustrated Stephan (because) Travis don't drink... or he didn't until Stephan came along. Of course Stephan and I talked about all this, me, trying my best not to loose it! It seemed that as Stephan and I were talking, Travis left their apartment on foot, drunk, in his underwear! Stephan was mortified! He was really panicked not knowing WHERE he was, WHERE he was going, OR if he would get arrested for public indecency and drunkenness! Stephan said Travis didn't have his phone... and he didn't know weather to go looking for him or not! I told Stephan to stay put!!! I told him HE didn't need to be driving drunk! He said, "oh I never do that!!" I said, "then how did you get home from the church??" He said, "OH yeah!!!" I know I shouldn't have said this... but I did... I said, "Well, you are experiencing a little of what I've been through- through the years with you- it's not fun is it?" He said, "No.. it's not!" Then he went on to explain how it's easier to pull someone down than to pull someone up and how he know's he a leader and this was all his fault! I DID tell him that Travis "was" also a big boy and he didn't have to drink it!
Well, needless to say... here we go again. Poor Stephan trying his best to learn from the terrible mistakes he makes. One after another... When will he begin to see that all this is an unending battle unless he draws his sword and puts an end to the enemies charge? What will finally be "enough" to make him see that all this never ends well?
Richard and I were walking along Lake Michigan yesterday when we received a call from Stephan. He said that he could now pass a drug test! (No pot in his system!) That's something to praise him for!! And we are very proud of him for that! But... then he told us that Travis is kicking him out! When we asked why, he told us that he had invited Rainey over. (The girl that he broke up with recently.) Travis told Stephan it was a mistake! I believe Travis' life was a little less eventful before Stephan came along and Travis is wanting him out! Stephan mentioned moving in with Caleb and his parents- but Caleb just had a terrible motorcycle accident and is in a wheelchair AND Caleb just had a baby- AND Caleb's girlfriend lives there too! Stephan lived with Caleb a while back and felt in the way- plus Stephan doesn't need to be there anyway! Lot's of drinking goin' on in that house!!!
I heard Richard tell Stephan that we're always there for him and that we love him! I heard him say that our door is always open! Stephan had mentioned moving up here again. I love Stephan so much! I mean, I'm his mother! I love that boy with all my heart, then some! I see the goodness in him. I see his potential... I constantly remind him of it! Trouble is, Stephan's got to believe it! He's got to start trusting in God and trusting that God can bring out the best in him. I tell you, him moving here and things going topsy-turvy again... Well, my emotions may not be able to handle it! I'm still struggling with this move to WI in so many ways. We just bought a new place, which I'm already ready to move from and we haven't even moved in! The little girl in me wants to "do a Dorothy" from the Wizard of Oz, tap my heels and say, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home..." I miss Alabama. I miss familiarity. I miss my church. I most especially miss my kids, my little Jeremiah and my home there... I've gotta snap out of it! I know in my heart that God moved us here. There was too much that happened for me not to see it! Stephan's in "boot camp" in a way with us being here! He's having to support himself and his accomplishing that is more than we could have ever imagined 6 months ago!
I guess I'm scared... I don't know if I feel that Stephan is ready yet. I feel he hasn't graduated from the school of hard knocks quite yet. I know he could move here, get a job, maybe start Celebrate Recovery at church... the one we're visiting has one too! He could take classes... but would that happen?
Oh gracious... to fear is to not trust God! I know God is in control...
Let's just see what He does! I am praying..................... that's where my strength and power lies.
On a very positive- Stephan texted Richard the other day ( a long text) with scripture!!! It said that he has got to study to show himself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed.. He said that he can't simply have godly friends to become like Christ, but has to be like Christ to be Christ like! He has to rely on God and His Word before his life can change! That was good stuff! Sometimes it's like Stephan's on the fence. Well, he is. BUT when Stephan jumps off to God's side- it will be for real! Stephan's not one to make a commitment halfheartedly. He's also not a faker... Praying for my baby today...
