A Wreck and other Updates

It's been an up and down hill battle for months. Stephan had a really bad wreck a few months ago. He was with two friends and they had been drinking.

Stephan had asked us if he may spend the night with this boy he was with before the wreck. We said that he could... He seemed to be a good kid. We met his mother...

We had gotten to the point with him that we were realizing he wasn't listening to our advice. We've spent hours.. grueling hours advising him and counseling him. He knows the truth, he knows right from wrong, he knows what the right decision is- he just doesn't make it! The fact is: He's going to do what he wants to do no matter what we say. We feel that the only option we have at this point is to let go.. and let him learn from his own mistakes! This was a tough decision for me to swallow! I do want him to learn from his mistakes- but I don't want us allowing him to learn on his own to take him to jail or to take his life either! I don't want him drinking. I want him safe! My husband and I had been back and forth with this decision! You can rule a teen with an iron fist and "make" them respect you and be obedient... Oh, and trust me, he and his dad have had some knock down drag outs!! But we would rather him come to the place of respect and obedience because it's something he desires to do from his heart. He's the type of kid that will only learn respect and obedience from trial and error. We've realized that we can't protect him. He doesn't listen- he'll sneak out of the house if we lock him in his room (so to speak.) He's been grounded, grounded, grounded.. He's had lecture after lecture. He's had his friends, phone, car, TV, video games, etc... etc... taken away to the point that there is nothing left!!! He drinks when we say don't! We have made him buy his drug tests to use at home for our viewing pleasure!! What does he do? He smokes pot and does drugs right after taking a drug test!

Now, I have painted a pretty ugly picture. Stephan is not all "bad." He does have a kind heart. He's respectable to everyone he meets. He smiles and shakes hands with gentlemen. He helps older ladies with their shopping carts! He loves children and animals. He loves us!! He's quite the conversationalist, everyone likes him! But- He's mixed up and needs to surrender his life to God. He's searching for who he is... Let me also say: He bought his car and pays his own insurance!!!

Like a carousel that goes round and round, there are days that we feel as if our only option left is to call the authorities, because he gets completely out of hand with us! We truly don't want to do that until we've tried everything that loving parents can do in attempt to help him and allow him to grow up mentally in the process of it all. Now, I have to say that we have called the police three times when he's ran away! When I say call the authorities- I mean for them to come pick him up and appoint him a probation officer!!!

In this process of letting him learn from his own mistakes and suffering the consequences- If he winds up in jail.. then he'll have to 'learn from those consequences!" No mother wants to see their baby go to jail, and I'm afraid that when he turns 18 that may be a road he has to travel if he doesn't change!

Love is tough... I had a female probation officer friend of mine tell me that the worst thing parents can do with a teen who has been put in jail is bail them out! It starts a process that will never end... Just like a three year old child who gets their way every time he/she has a tantrum. These young adults are constantly bailed out and never allowed to face the consequence that they created for themselves. Parents really think they are helping... but they are creating a monster that will suck the life out of them!

So... back to the wreck: We said he could spend the night. We were awakened one Saturday morning at 5:50 by paramedics telling us that he had been taken to our city hospital with two other kids and one had been released! They gave us no details as to his condition! I have never been so desperate for prayer than that moment! I dropped to my knees, shaking like a leaf and cried out to God to please just let him be ok!! Please just let him be alive!! I could hardly put my clothes on, I was shaking so bad my fingers didn't want to seem to work. I had this awful knot in my throat that choked me to the point that I couldn't breathe. On the way, silence deafened Richard and I both as neither of us knew what we were walking into once we graced the doors of the hospital. Were they taking us to the ER or to the morgue? Oh please GOD not the morgue. When we arrived, he was bloody, moaning and strapped to a table from head to toe and was in and out of consciousness. OH GOD- HE's ALIVE! Oh gracious Lord, I was so thankful he was alive!!! He was put through MRI's, X-Rays, blood tests... the list goes on.

I was certain that with his friend, Blake in the next room, strapped down just like him that Stephan was thinking hard on lots of things! There was really no need to remind him that he just made a horrible mistake!! Part of me wanted to clobber him now that he was alive... but I didn't. I had to reboot myself. He did need love... and lots of it! He knew that this was his fault and at the time he didn't need us to remind him of that! I can't imagine what he was thinking.

We walked out of the hospital that day, praise the Lord!! I have never, ever been so thankful and grateful to God above!!! All three kids were fine, aside from soreness, some stitches, and days on the sofa!

Stephan had ran into a ladies mailbox during the wreck and Richard decided to let Stephan fix it since that was the only thing on "that" property that was hit. He also hit a tree on another property. If he hadn't hit the tree, they would have drove hood first into a swimming pool. So, then came then came the dealings with the insurance company and bills! I informed Stephan of everything, because I didn't want him to think - Oh, - I have a wreck and the insurance pays for me a new vehicle, damage to the properties and pays all these medical bills- end of story!! He did have to interview with the insurance company! And I told him that me and his dad were not paying anything. If the insurance company covered their part and there was a remainder, he would be responsible for that. I believe that the insurance will cover all the bills, and don't want to put loads of pressure on Stephan, but do want him to understand that bad choices have bad consequences!!

Since the wreck, he has found a job and is working. Richard found a list of goals Stephan had written in his room the other day. Some of the things he mentioned were: finding a better job and going to college! Good news!

As I've always said, I know that God has plans for Stephan's life. His life now will be a testimony to others one day. My prayer is that he will begin to see that with obedience and respect comes much blessing.......