Are You Protecting Your Child From GOD?

Now that's a shocker of a title, right? Let me explain! So, Stephan has been working for the company my husband works for since the first of August, so almost four months! He's working hard and doing a great job! I'm very proud of him! I'd like to say that everything has been smooth since he began work, but we've had a few mountains to cross. I knew that Stephan would begin meeting people and making friends. This can be a good thing- or not! If any of you have a child that is on drugs, or been on drugs, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not stereotyping people/ people groups at all! I love people. Don't mishear me... I'm talking about individuals on this earth that may be in the same kind of trouble Stephan has been in -and those individuals being good for him to hang around or vice versa for that matter! Over the past several months since Stephan came to live with us, we have stressed the importance of surrounding himself with individuals that would encourage him to grow, not people that might potentially pull him down. We encourage him to learn from the people that he gains inspiration from! I believe that rule could apply to all of us!

Sometimes, I let my anxieties rule me and my moods when it comes obstacles I know Stephan is getting ready to face. I then take on the responsibility of trying to prepare him for whatever these obstacles may be, then... when things don't go as planned as I've set in "my" heart and "his" mind- I crash internally! This "crashing" of sorts causes me to feel like I need to somehow re-train him, because it's obvious I missed something! I believe this may be classified as co-dependent! My moods are sometimes dependent on his success! It can also be classified as a mother with her hopes so high, she can't allow her son to make choices on his own for fear that he may fail. Not "fail" as in he's a failure... "Fail" in a sense that I somehow failed him, because if he was knowledgeable enough- he would have all the tools to make good friends and good choices and life would be perfect with whipped cream and a cherry on top!! He wouldn't have to struggle so... and he would begin to succeed in every area that he wants to succeed in, because I'm ready for his success. He should be too right?

Let me say--- I've been through this over and over! If you've read prior posts, you'll read all about how we had to let Stephan go when we lived in Alabama. We had to let him go to make his own choices and let the consequences teach him, because there comes a time in every child's life where this must happen in order for them go grow! It's true- we can't protect them from everything and experience is sometimes the best teacher!

Let me put it into perspective again- for myself... and for anyone reading that may war with this too. I tell you, why is this such a struggle? It's like tug of war with your own heart! Ok, here goes my short version of the sermon I heard a sermon recently on the Prodigal Son. (Luke Ch. 15:11-32) :  --The son wanted to leave the home of his father and take along with him all of his inheritance! The father let him! The son went on his merry way... he squandered all his money on loose living and prostitutes! He was reduced to a state of hunger and despair and he had to eat with the pigs! It was only when he came to the end of his rope with no resources left that he began to realize what he had done. His heart grew weary and I believe, repentant! He had admitted he sinned against his father and against Heaven. He admitted he was no longer worthy to be called his father's son. He wanted to come home, but only as a hired servant. The story goes on... but the point I'm making is: "The Father Let Him Go." He didn't chase after him. He didn't send him letters to remind him to spend his money wisely and not to lay with prostitutes or he'll loose all his money and be broke! He let the son make the mistakes, so that the son would learn valuable life lessons through experience.

This same sermon was about The Prodigal Son, but it was also a message to us parents. I believe the heart of it would be this: If you continually go before your child padding their every fall they will continue... to "fall!"
The sentence that the pastor said that struck me most was: "How do you know that this "FALL" is not God's plan for your child's life so that God can TEACH them something through the experience?" OH Wow! Right through the heart!

Parents, often too much, try to protect their children from falling and IF God IS trying to work in our child's life then yes, we could be protecting our child from the chastening hand GOD! Ouch! Protecting our children is a good thing, but when our children are ADULT children... sometimes protection doesn't allow for mistakes that our adult children need to make in order to learn and grow. It doesn't allow them to know and come to a realization that they've turned their backs on God and are therefore now suffering the consequences of sin. It doesn't allow them to learn where sin can lead! It doesn't allow them to take responsibility for their own lives.

What I'm saying in a nutshell is that we should guide our adult children with advice and wisdom if they'll take it! Have great conversations with them and take opportunities to mentor them. Spend time with them doing things they enjoy. Be a parent! But... when they won't hear... when they don't want your well thought out wisdom and they want to run and do their own thing... Well, sometimes you have to let them go learn the hard way.

Like I said, since he's moved here we've faced some trials. This happened several months ago.... Aside from work relationships, he did get mixed up with some other people here that, well, actually a guy from work introduced Stephan too. We had not idea that this was even going on, but this relationship lasted for three days and because of this relationship and bad choices on Stephan's part, his choices could have potentially landed him in jail! But- those three days taught him A WHOLE LOT! It taught him that it wasn't worth it. Maybe he needed a reminder. He hasn't been back! Praise God!

I'd also like to say that Stephan is making all kinds of good choices right now too! I have sooooo much to be grateful for. He's not where he was... As a matter of fact, he's NOWHERE around where he "was!" This is what my heart should be focused on! It's a journey that we're walking with our son and he's walking in a new direction. The friends he chooses at work might not be exactly who I'd choose for him according to things they do on their own time.... but---- over the past week Stephan has chose to come home from work and not "hang" with any of them! He does speak of choices they are making: some involving alcohol, absentee parents, adultery, pain killers, and one woman who is almost twice Stephan's age hitting on him! He is learning from these people... He's learning who he doesn't want to be... He's seeing a marriage that just started in the first stages of divorce! He says he wants to be a faithful husband.... He's learning what he "is" looking for in a wife and what he's not!  He is seeing the repercussions of adults living as children in their 30's and 40's and the struggles that come along with it! He says that it's sad and he definitely doesn't want to be there at that age! He knows he has a lot of growing to do. He's 20!!

Stephan has also been going to church with us every Sunday! My heart is over joyed! He has even been involved in a few ministry opportunities where he helped pastor Jason. He "hung out" with pastor Jason one entire day helping with the Christmas Parade!

There's a verse of scripture that I like to recall often: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it! Proverbs 22:6. I know that Richard and I did our best as our boys were growing up.. even with all the mistakes I know we made! We did have a mindset to "train" them as we felt the Lord would want us too in the midst of the mistakes and doubting our parenting abilities!! We tried our best to teach them to love Him, honor Him and be obedient to Him. Many days I prayed for patience and many days were spent wondering what in the world I was doing -or if I was doing anything right at all! Ultimately, I believe we instilled the love of God in them and salvation through Christ Jesus. I believe our boys have a foundation although it may not be perfect- it's strong- not because of us, but because of Christ! I believe this foundation is the rock that Stephan is returning too. Praise God he has this rock of Christ Jesus that he trusted in so many years ago!

You know, God is over joyed when we return to Him! God loves unconditionally, yet He allows us to wander and wandering always causes growth, because we're left to figure things out for ourselves! Every trial that we face causes us to grow and we're also strengthened in many ways! Our faith is made stronger... If we were never allowed to wander and we were always protected from trial, where would our faith be today?

I saw something on facebook today that said: "Guide with kindness."  Too often, I want Stephan to read scriptures where it speaks of drunkenness and loose living, so that he can know what he's doing is wrong. Fact is, he already knows. He has that foundation beneath him since childhood. What he needs is "Words of LIFE" not death! He needs to know that God loves him, God is for him, God believes in Him and God has a plan for his life! Stephan needs to know we feel this way too as his parents... and I think he does. It's just that many days I fail to remind him of it.

Stephan is struggling right now in his relationship with Rainey. He broke it off, but he still loves her. Last Sunday in church I caught myself looking down reading in Proverbs. It was concerning women. I thought to myself that I wished Stephan could read it, but then again- "Words of Life" right? I glanced over to him and he WAS reading Proverbs chapter five! I couldn't believe my eyes! He even made a face as if he'd never read that before and he was shocked! I asked him after church what that reaction was all about as he was reading. He he said he'd made his mind up that he was telling Rainey that it was over! He did call her last Sunday. He did tell her it was over. He also ended their conversation by telling HER she needed to read Proverbs Chapter 5! (Well, maybe not the best thing he should've said... but that's what happened.)

That was last Sunday... Stephan just last night told me he still loved her and was getting ready to call her to discuss their relationship and that he was putting his foot down! I hate to see him go through this again and again! He's done that many times... many, many times. She is not willing to follow and the cycle continues.

There is a girl at church (Samantha) that is interested in Stephan and he's talked to her. She is beautiful. She's been home-schooled all her life. Stephan was home-schooled for five years, so they have something in common. Her facebook page reveals that she is probably a very nice, God seeking girl, but this scares Stephan to death. He admitted that he's never dated a "girl like that." He was purely flushed after talking to her Sunday! I've never seen him that way! It was quite funny in a sweet kind of way.

Who knows? I just keep praying for my son to find his way in life. I try to love him the best ways I can. I love both my boys beyond anything they'll ever know! Well, Brandon has a son now... I'm sure he has experienced that kind of love!!  : )  I want that for Stephan too...

Lord, may you always go before us in every way. Protect my children and our family. Please help us to love them in ways they need to be loved and speak life into them every single day...

Amen

What's God Got Up His Sleeve Anyway?

Hi friends! Sorry I haven't posted in so long...  It's been almost three months! I've been very, very busy still, finishing up the painting/remodel of our new home! We're all moved in and settled. I think the other part of not posting is just mere depression on my part. If you've read prior posts of our move to WI you know how difficult this has been for me. BUT... if you've read prior posts, you also know that I've realized reasons behind the move. One huge reason is Stephan! I never imagined God would love us so much to answer prayers for him in this manner, but God works in ways we cannot see most of the time! Although I know this, the human side of me hates being away from my other son, his wife and now 10 month old Jeremiah. Oh gracious- all my life I imagined how wonderful it would be having babies. I love children and my career of choice since I was knee high to a grasshopper was to be a wife and mom! As my boys grew, each day I lived life with the mentality of preparing them for the future physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was on a mission! I knew that one day I'd be a grandmother and I became one 10 months ago at the ripe old age of 41! I know that God knew the internal desires of my heart... (You know, to have both my boys, my grandchildren and daughter-in-laws living just a few minutes away and every weekend having little children surrounding me and running through the house playing, because after all it was their favorite place to be, right?) Christmas's, Easters and Thanksgivings would be filled with lots of laughter and food around my table. Well, now we are traveling a lot! My heart breaks... I see Jeremiah on facetime (which I love) but... just isn't the same. I can't snuggle him. I struggle daily not having them in my life, but when I snap back into reality, I know that God's plans are higher than mine!

I have to say- There's been some talk! Yes... "talk." My son, Brandon works for the same company my husband works for, but in Alabama. When we moved to WI one thing God did was allow my son to get a customer service job (that he couldn't have gotten if his dad still worked there, because my husband was the boss!) Brandon couldn't work under his dad.. company policy! Anyhow--- There's been "talk" of my son moving to the NC facility, so that customer service can be in one place serving all three locations. NC is where we started with my husband working in that facility. Then he took the job in AL... now we're in WI and he's running this facility! Hope I'm making sense as to how this all came about. The other thing is: I know that Richard will not be here (WI) forever... The plan is to get this facility up and going and to find a replacement for his job, so that Richard can open up a new plant somewhere else-- or he may be taking the presidents job one day. That's an option too. The president/owner works out of the NC location! SO.... how awesome would it be for God to allow such a thing to happen in our weak abilities to try to be faithful and follow His leading? How cool would it be for us to all be together again in NC one day? I can't say this is God's plan, but I do like thinking about it!

Lord, help us to remain faithful even in the midst of confusion of why we're here. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. One, being Stephan... and I know that! I'm so thankful for him and all my children. I know you have plans and purposes for all our lives here on Earth. Lord, guide and protect us. Pick us up when we fall and fail You in so many ways. Help us to find our individual purposes for being where we are.

In Jesus Name.....