Pointing Our Children To The Scriptures....

Stephan and Rainey are arguing again. In a nut shell, her pot habit angers Stephan. His alcohol habit angers her. Neither one of them practice protecting their relationship and only one of them has the key to unlock the door to a new future. Now, this "new future" wouldn't be free from stress, but this "new future" would involve relying on a greater power than themselves (God) to be able to navigate through life at a stronger pace. Everything would have a purpose and there would be goals that they are both working toward obtaining.

Yesterday, Stephan went to church with us. OH, how grateful I am to see him sitting beside me there. He listens... He makes it a point to go. I'm so proud of him for making the choice to go. After church was over, he said he was going to go hang out with Dan from work and eat lunch with him. I also felt in my heart that he was going to go to Dan's to drink. Stephan still deals with problems by drinking occasionally.

Last night, Stephan came in around 10:00 and he didn't appear to have been drinking. There's a possibility he drank a few beers. Stephan drinking a few beers is like me drinking a sweet tea. I'm sad that his tolerance is so high, but it is. He's not drinking vodka anymore.... that's a positive change!!! There was a period of time in-between my blogging absences that he started on some hard stuff! I was pretty upset going down that road with him after gaining so much ground.

However, we continue to see positive changes.... the fact he's gained 40 pounds, he's working out and trying to eat healthy and he gave up the hard stuff as far as alcohol is involved. Another positive change recently is that he bought an electronic cigarette. He's been puffing away on that and hasn't had a real cigarette in a few days. He tells us he may not quit smoking... he doesn't know for sure yet, but I'm excited about the thought of it. Stephan is also the kind of guy that doesn't want to set himself up for failure. He won't tell us he's GOING to quit- in case he fails at trying. I did warn him of the dangers of even electronic cigarettes. I had just read something about it right before he brought one home. While I don't want to discourage, I also don't want him to think it's a healthy alternative, but a means of quitting...

With Stephan giving up "the hard stuff" and the thought's of him stopping smoking excites me! It's still progress... Even if he doesn't quit smoking- He thought about it and is trying. I pray the Lord gives him strength to over come.

One of the major problems he and Rainey are having is:

TRUST.

She goes places and does things with people that Stephan doesn't like. Just last night, Stephan went with Dan to a college where he and Stephan found themselves in a Dorm Room with two girls they met.

Stephan told me about this when he got home and of course I got angry. I reminded Stephan of how he should protect his relationship with Rainey if he cares about her and being alone in a dorm room with two girls you just met is not a good place to start!

In his infinite wisdom, he told me that both girls told he and Dan that they were dating someone. I said, "so even though these girls are in a relationship, they invite two total strangers back to their room?"

Geezzzz....

 I also said, "And... you're in a relationship with Rainey and you GO to these girls rooms?"

He said, "Mom, we are all just friends...."

I gave him the analogy of Rainey doing the same exact thing in Alabama.... He didn't like that too much! He actually got angry just thinking about it!

I gave him advise.... I said, "You and Rainey will never get along without TRUST in your relationship. You both have to work hard to protect your relationship. I can't blame her for getting mad at you over this! How can she trust you? God has appointed you to be the leader. She needs to stop smoking pot and you need to stop handling stress with alcohol and you both need to get on the same page with God. It's only then that you both will begin to grow spiritually and your relationship will take on new meaning!"

I asked Stephan a few weeks ago about Rainey's salvation. He said she was saved. I said, "How do you know" His reply was: "She said she was."  I asked him about evidence in her life by a walk with God... He didn't have anything so say.

Rainey has recently been studying palm reading which sent Stephan on a RAMPAGE!!! He was so angry!!! I was really happy with all the "reasons" he was angry! He told me he couldn't believe she would do this!!! He said it was of the devil and not even close to being Christian!!!! I was glad that he was thinking about the spiritual realm of good and evil, honoring God and knowing about the dark side of things like that. He even said that things like this is a tool that Satan uses to influence people's lives.

Stephan was giving me reasons why people shouldn't do this and he couldn't convince Rainey otherwise- she saw no harm in it! I took the opportunity to point Stephan to the scriptures. I told him that God's Word is the only thing that will speak to Rainey's heart. I told him God's Word is alive and reaches into the depths of one's soul. Stephan's words would be able to reach her heart, but God's Words would. I pointed him to Hebrews 4:12  For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart..."

I told Stephan that the best way to reach Rainey was to dig in God's Word and find proof that these things are harmful! He did...............  My son was researching scripture. Amen! Stephan's always been told to use the Bible as the authority of his life, but it's as the old saying goes, "You can drag a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink!" I want Stephan to see God's Word as a fountain of blessing... a life source... not to be used on an as-needed basis, but a daily dose of nourishment!

Before I left, I told Stephan that he needed to continue reading his book on relationships. He had been reading it before bed. I was actually a bit surprised he was, but so glad! It's a step in the right direction. It has a lot of scripture in it! In my heart, I imagine my son being influenced by the pages of this book, which lead him on a journey to read THE BOOK! The Bible is the only real place to find refuge, strength, wisdom, guidance....I hope that he will get there too.

I decided that if Rainey is going to be part of Stephan's life in the future that I need to be more of a part of her life too. She may move here one day- or move to be where we are! She may be his future wife. Christ can make her even more beautiful than she already is. She's His creation. She's loved by Him. Rainey has no Christian influence in her present life. Her mother is on drugs. Her father has another family. She lives with her grandmother, who I don't know.

I sent Rainey a text today to see if I have the right number for starters. I haven't heard back from her. I do not want to be in the middle of her and Stephan's relationship... I only want to be her friend. I hope to encourage her and to let her know she's important to God and to me.
 

Motherhood Is A Calling Even When You Feel "Restless"

I'm reading a book called, Restless, by Jennie Allen. A friend, recommended it to me who read it herself. She felt stuck.... My friend, Amanda who's husband was a major league baseball player for several years suddenly fell slave to a torn rotator cuff, which led to surgery, which led to major physical therapy, which led back to baseball- only... never in the major leagues again. One of my friend's ministries was leading the baseball wives in Bible Studies or just being a good mentor. When all that ended, she wondered what purpose God had for her life. Two children later and with the expectation of two twin boys that they are in the process of adopting, she felt a little abandoned and ached for even more purpose. You may wonder how in the world anyone could want more their purpose in life with so much responsibility- but it's there... there must be something more... a grander purpose than just changing diapers.

I believe we all are stuck somewhere at times when we forget that "no unique purpose for our life will fill our soul. The only thing that will fulfill and settle our soul's is God Himself!" As I long to claim that statement and adhere it to my soul; even in the midst of knowing it's true-I have found myself between a rock and a hard place and...

I am stuck....

My friend recommending this book couldn't have come at a better time. In Alabama, Richard and I had a powerful ministry. We went to a very large church. We had a Sunday School class of about 80 called Family Ties. We mainly focused on marriage, family and parenting in our studies and people were soaking it up as if they were bone dry sponges outside in the pouring rain! It was the life stage we were all in! Christian families aren't immune to hardship, financial troubles, the loss of a job, sickness, a wayward child, a run away child, an adult child on drugs, adultery, marital discord, blended-family discord, parenting issues, divorce, substance abuse, pornography, terrible two's, terrible three's, terrible tween's, terrible teens.... I'll stop now, 'cause I could just keep going! We addressed all these issues and more and people NEEDED it like they need food, water and air.

I also was involved in the music ministry. I led worship with the worship team, plus I was in our choir and I sang solo. I was used a lot. I was appreciated. I loved it... it was my passion. When we go back home and we walk in you would think that we were someone sort of important by the way people flock to greet us, but we're just us! We are just loved... It feels so good to be loved.

We moved to Wisconsin about a year ago and I'm just stuck! We found a church here- a larger one- if you can imagine that feels like home, but this particular church has life groups that meet in homes. No Sunday School Bible Study like we're used too... it's just different and frankly, we just don't want to be part of it. It sounds awful to say it, but deep down, Richard and I both know we're supposed to be here, but we also know that when the company buys another facility, we may be moving again. I don't want roots. Isn't that awful?? I want to protect myself from loving anything here. I just can't explain it and I feel selfish for feeling that way. I can't bear to leave church family again like we did in Alabama.

Another issue is there is no choir and there is a praise band, but it's all the same people every Sunday. Could I join? Possibly... Do I want too... no. Why? Are our hearts hard? Are we in a season of life we just don't understand quite yet? Are we backsliding?

What does it mean to run after God? I feel like I'm not. Part of me does with Stephan. I feel like God moved us for several reasons. Actually, I know it.

1) He moved us so that Stephan would eventually move to be with us, taking him away from his environment, giving him a chance to have a new life!
2) He moved us so that our other son (who works for the same company as my husband) could be promoted! Of course this wasn't even an option when we moved. It wasn't even on the radar. It was an act of God and true blessing that happened a few months after we were in WI. My son can't work under my husband, so with Richard gone- Brandon had new opportunity.
3) God moved us so Brandon could be promoted, so that Ellie could stay home with Jeremiah!
4) God moved us so that Brandon and Ellie could find their way on their own as a married couple and we could mentor from a distance.
5) He moved us to strengthen us.
6) He moved us to deepen our faith and trust in Him.

Perhaps right now, God has given me an opportunity to re-fuel in a sense. I'm having to trust Him more than EVER! Perhaps I've been given an opportunity to focus "just on my main ministries" my family... Maybe this is God's plan for now.

Richard and I have been given a gift for sure. I sit at dinner every night and I can't believe my Stephan is sitting right across from me. It still feels surreal...

I asked Stephan what something in my book meant night before last. I asked him what does, "The kind of life I want so badly lies on the other side of death" mean?  He looked at me funny... : ) Eventually, he gave me the right answer. The kind of life that we struggle obtaining when we're struggling with something like drugs or alcohol lies right in front of you when you die to yourself. Only in dying to yourself will you be able to find what you're looking for. It's only then when you can overcome sin. Through the power of Christ...
It was a good discussion.

Maybe- that's where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm supposed to be reading this book trying to find my purpose only to find that I'm living my purpose and although I see it mundane at times, God has given me this gift of time for a greater good!

C.S. Lewis said it best: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world..."

Heaven is our home- not here- not Alabama-not Wisconsin! My job here is to fulfill my calling. Right now, my calling is blogging, cleaning and exploring healthy Paleo recipes and cooking meals for my family of three. It's grocery shopping and finding things like grass fed beef at a nearby market. It's mentoring my daughter-in-law Ellie and saving her a trip to the laundromat when she had no idea her washer was a King capacity and she could wash a comforter in it.  It's scheduling a trip to Alabama so that we can help Brandon put up a fence and other things around their house they can't do by themselves or maybe don't know how to do. It's loving my husband and trying my best to meet his love languages. It's asking my son, Stephan questions. It's even telling Stephan things that he doesn't want to hear at times.... to only later overhear him giving the same advice to others. It's knowing he's listening when he's not! It's loving Stephan through girlfriend troubles and trusting that God will grow him and teach him. It's letting go.... and letting life experience be the best teacher. It's helping him set up on line banking and other things that are gradually becoming part of his life and seeing him become more responsible every day. It's mentoring my niece, Jade and having two hour long conversations about hair and makeup and trying to deal with the fact that she doesn't have simple things she needs... It's buying a birthday present for a little girl here. It's buying a bike for someone who walks to work everyday because he has no drivers license. It's buying another bike for a guy who just got out of prison and cant afford a car, so he can get to work everyday. It's buying baby items for a new mother in need and supporting our friends in Alabama when they go on mission trips. It's Richard's willingness to lead a Bible Study at work for anyone who's interested.

God has us right where He wants us and I have to be satisfied. I, alone have a purpose and because I'm not doing what I "feel" like I should be doing doesn't mean I'm not doing what God has called me too for such a time as this.........

My friend, Amanda is now homeschooling her oldest daughter. Amanda always knew part of her calling was motherhood, but I believe she discovered her calling right inside her home. It was all she was supposed to be doing during this particular season of her life. Sure what she did was awesome in baseball and our ministry in Alabama was awesome, but sometimes we discover that our greatest ministry is within our own four walls and may be the greatest ministry ever given to us. God has a plan for my son's life.... and I have a feeling I'm a itty bitty part of it. : )

Amanda has started mentoring a young lady and having her over for tea once a week. I think this is amazing. She knows her calling, but is also reaching out to others, inviting them inside her home, still giving pieces of herself away.

If we don't change our children's diapers, they won't be able to change the world....What ever we do- do it as unto the Lord.

I can't help but feel like God has a plan for our entire family. I don't feel as if we're supposed to make WI our home forever. I guess that's my unsettling feeling or why I feel stuck at times and perhaps why I'm reluctant to sprout roots here. This is true too: I can be there for my family and my calling and minister outside my home, but maybe I'm in a "waiting" period that I don't understand yet. I'm in a season... a sabbatical. Maybe we needed one. The one thing I am sure of is that I have to leave the stuff "I don't know" to God and believe He has it all worked out for our good. God is moving... He has plans.... My only job is trust.

For now, I'm going shopping today! I haven't bought any new clothes in some time!! Richard told me to go.... hey, so I'm going! I have a dinner in the crockpot. My day is set.............

See you later! 

Overcoming Drug Abuse "Guidance Equals Growth"... It's In The Little Things

If you read "Little Updates" on February 4th, you may be wondering about the judges decision in the trial that Stephan had to go for in Alabama. You may also be wondering if we are moving to Tennessee...

First of all, the Tennessee location did not work out. My husband's company made an offer... evidently someone made a higher one or it's most likely that investors jumped on it and made them on offer they couldn't refuse. You'd have to read back into my blog to even understand if you're clueless right now.

I was really hoping with all my heart that the company my husband works for would purchase this location so we could be closer to Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah in Alabama. It would put us living only an hour and a half away! I fantasized about being able to spend much more time with my oldest son and his family. The news of it not happening broke me to the very end for three days. I mourned over it. I had gotten my hopes up too high. I had imagined driving to Alabama and getting my grandson as often as I'd liked. I imagined the things we would do together- all the snuggling we would do. Brandon and Ellie could come up every other weekend or so. I was sure this was God's plan. God does have a plan.... but this is not it. I was heartbroken...

Secondly, the trial went as smooth as peanut butter! Richard and Stephan had flown to Alabama a day before the trial and Richard said that Stephan did great. He got up on the stand, was honest about what happened the day of the wreck, had a candid sense of humor at appropriate times... He was level headed and remembered everything as if it happened yesterday. I believe the jury could see a "more grown up" young man today that made some terrible choices three years ago! On the other hand.... Blake and his mother were not honest. Blake (the other kid that Stephan was in the wreck with) contradicted himself many times and couldn't seem to remember anything! It was horrible. Richard said that Blake looked bad and just wasn't all there. I believe it was evident to the jury that Blake's mother was just out for some money too. They lost... Our insurance company paid for Richard and Stephan's expenses to fly down, so it was no expense to us. In the end, Stephan and Blake both made mistakes and I know Stephan learned a lot from this experience. I can't help but feel sorry for Blake.... it doesn't seem that his life is any different.

On to a different subject, the last two months have been a little surreal. The things that have happened have impacted Stephan's life for good, although these circumstances are really terrible for the family involved. The first thing that happened is Matt, a guy Stephan hung out with -who was the biggest acid dealer in Northern Alabama died. It was said that he committed suicide by heroin overdose. Stephan described Matt as a really great guy, a musician and a chemistry genius with a really big problem.... drugs and the love of money. I believe that his death made Stephan feel grateful that he had been given another chance at life. If Stephan hadn't made the choice to move to Wisconsin.... Well, I don't even want to think about where he might have wound up. Drugs make people do horrible things. Things they don't realize they're doing until it's over- "if" they make it till it's over.

Another thing that happened is that four of Stephan's friends who he hung out with were arrested for drug possession. One of these kids may go to prison for a very long time! I think Stephan is internally glad and relieved that he made the decision he made to come be with us and away from the playground he had been playing on.... He told me that he knows this could have been him. I agreed! I said, "if you were still living in Alabama you may not be here, or you may be in jail!" Stephan said, "yep!"

Stephan and Rainey are still trying to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't even remember what was happening last time I spoke of her. They are supposed to go to the beach in a few months. Heather, Rainey's friend is also going.

Richard and I both had a profound conversation the other night. We were discussing the fact that "if Stephan loved Rainey so much and wanted to be with her.... under normal circumstances he should have moved back to Alabama a long time ago!!" He hasn't.... He does have a job here with my husband's company, which is the only thing holding him here. He "could" find a job in Alabama as good as the one he has making about the same money, but he remains here with us. Richard and I both found ourselves in awe of God's miraculous power. Stephan's here because he wants to be here. He does love Rainey and wants her to move here! Actually, they have discussed her moving here first of next year.

I know that Rainey has problems of her own. She's 18 and her mother is strung out on drugs. Her mother is a terrible influence and abuses Rainey by making Rainey feel responsible for her unhappiness and health problems if Rainey doesn't do what she asks! What she asks of Rainey---is to sell prescription pills for her for money, then at the end of the month, buy more because she's out! It's a ridiculous circle of crap that my mind can't even begin to understand! Rainey's mother will whine and cry "oh I'm in pain" until Rainey does what she wants. It's sad.... Stephan get's SOOOO mad at Rainey for doing this for her mother! I have also told Stephan that the best way for Rainey to help her mother is to stop this cycle and to tell her no! Like I said, Rainey is 18. I am not making excuses for her, but Rainey is the child and her mother is the mother... not the other way around. I can't imagine being her age and feeling responsible. I know she's NOT responsible for her mother's habit or pain, but an abusive situation like this can sure make a young girl think she is.

I have no idea what God has in store for Stephan as far as Rainey is involved. Rainey needs Jesus Christ. That is the one thing I keep telling Stephan. I also keep reminding Stephan that he's the leader. I tell him that God has appointed him as leader of his future home and family and that he needs to be the example that Rainey needs even now. He's growing.... He's learning.

I'm very proud of Stephan for many reason's lately. Sometimes it seems that even though some days are rough, I'm reminded that we've been given a second chance with him. Stephan took our first one away, but he's come home and he's allowing us to guide him.

1) I helped Stephan set up an online banking account where he can check his statement and see where his money is going. I keep telling him that he should check it often. He checked it the other day by himself for the first time! He also found that Subway had charged him twice for a foot long sub! Go Stephan!
2) We know that Stephan needs credit to be able to get his own apartment or buy a home one day. I helped him get a small limit credit card where he made two purchases and is paying on it monthly. I instructed him to make his payments on time! It's imperative to building his credit score! He also bought a little car. Richard had to co-sign on the loan, but of course, Stephan is making the payments on it. If he don't, it will be someone else's car! Thankfully, it's never been even remotely an issue! In 3 more months we are going to try to see if Stephan can get the car in his name alone... even if he has to refinance.
3) I helped Stephan set up Bill Pay. We made a calendar that he keeps in his room to remind him of when things are due. He also set up reminders on his phone to send him a text when things are due. He schedules everything on the 19th of the month through Bill Pay. This last month- Stephan sat down and did it himself without my help! He even found out yesterday that he made a mistake! He scheduled his car payment to be made in May.... He clicked on the wrong calendar!!! Should have been April!! But... he caught it! Progress!!
4) Stephan filed his taxes!
5) I have stopped doing things for him like make calls for him during the day. Example: He got a letter in the mail from the IRS wanting him to give them information to protect him from identity theft. I told him that before he sends them anything, he needs to make sure things like this are legitimate! I told him he needed to call them- not the number on the letter- but the number that he finds on line to make sure it's the real IRS! He called me the next day from work... ( I really think he hoped I'd call for him) but I looked up the number online and gave it to him. He never asked me to call for him and I never offered. He called them and called me back. It was legitimate!! When he got home he asked me how to run our copy machine. We made the copies and he put the information in the mail!
6) Stephan is also paying us rent! We let him choose the amount. He chose $400.00 per month. We told him we would put that in an account for him as a sort of savings account for when he does move out. We don't pay any of his expenses unless you count what little he adds to our power bill and what he eats. Those two things I could care less about! Mama's gonna feed her baby! Haha... If he were going to college and still living at home- which is what life stage we would be in under normal circumstances, we probably wouldn't charge him anything at all! But since we are where we are and we are trying to guide him into helping himself- perhaps in the future, we'll step it up another notch and keep a portion or charge him more for mundane things. For right now, he's taking one baby step at a time and he's putting one foot in front of the other. That's the goal!
7) Stephan has gained 40 pounds since he moved here last June! Yes, you heard me right! He really needed too. He's 6 feet tall and he weighed approximately 132 pounds when he moved here. Now, he's right at 172!! He's also trying to eat right... He cracks me up talking about fatty foods!! : ) He's also working out in our mini gym in the basement. It's the little things like this that I call progress..

With all the wonderful things going on in my son's life right now, I hope you're not feeling down or depressed because you want your son or daughter to be there too- right now! I understand where you are. If you look back to our "not so bright" days, you know that it has taken years. Years of love and patience. Years that added more gray hair to my head. Years I thought I'd loose my mind or wind up in a divorce! Oh my word, hang in there. I do want you to understand too- You can't guide someone who doesn't want to be led. For a long time, this was the case for us. I am so grateful to God that Stephan is in a place now where he sees the benefit of being loved by us and allowing us to be part of his growth! We have lots to be thankful for... We're still on the journey. He's still drinking occasionally. I pray that soon even this will be a distant part of his life....but again, we have much MUCH to be thankful for. Stephan's a joy- everyday!

Lord God, continue to guide and protect our family. Show us Your Will for our daily lives. Help us to trust you in every situation knowing you have our best interests in mind...

How Drug Abuse Effects The Home- From A Dad's Perspective

The following post is from my husband, Richard. I'm getting many e-mail responses from people hurting all over the globe and he wanted to share a little piece of his heart to you as well.... Thanks for all your responses. I haven't figured out my comments button on here yet. It's not working.. I do appreciate all of your e-mails. Keep them coming...

From a Dads perspective…

I have neglected to post on this as I have neglected to understand the value of a blog until I have seen the email responses from around the world of families who have been hurting like ours and we are farther down this path and our experiences and emotions can offer a source of hope and encouragement.

First of all, let me say that if our situation was with girl vs ours with our son, all bets are off. I do believe my entire experience would have been different due to my heart being SOFT to girls and somewhat tougher towards boys. Just how I’m wired.. Also, I must say that Stephan is our biological son, if we would have been in a blended family, we would have had OTHER issues to overcome. Christel and I did not always agree on the methods of LOVE and DISCIPLINE and IF Stephan wasn’t ONE of ours, we would have instantly BLAMED the other of being indifferent or not loving due to this fact. My heart goes out to blended families as this is ALWAYS in the back of your minds (I suspect).

As a father, I am 10 foot tall and bullet proof…or at least I used to be. The older my boys got the less important their super hero became…that’s life to some degree. My boys always loved me through these years, which served as an element of strength to continue to “be there” for them.

What started out as pot, spilled over into alcohol abuse, cocaine, Roxy’s, Dramamine, heroine (once I think), acid, mushrooms, meth, and maybe some car battery acid...how many stupid things can you run through your body. Stephan is now 21, works with me at my company as a machine operator (arriving at work by 5:30am everyday), is working on starting to save for his $1,000 emergency fund, has a car payment to build credit, and has shown signs of growing up in this confusing ole’ world.

Looking back we simply lost 5 years of Stephan’s life. I am a strong willed individual; plant manager; have been a Bible study teacher for 15+ years (at that time); served as deacon, vice chairman of deacons, and as chairman of deacons. I have visited/served inside of a federal penitentiary with Chuck Colin’s Prison Fellowship Ministries  bla bla bla…basically I have served in almost every capacity at our local church and have spoken from the pulpit Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have humbly watched people surrender to the Lord after those services. God has given me the privilege to serve Him. I baptized both of my sons following professions of faith and NOW I find my youngest in an absolute whirlwind with no end in sight.

What would I suggest you to do in your whirlwind? Magic potion... I have none BUT God did give me a message about it that I will share BUT before I do let me tell you that I TRIED everything I could think of; grounding from friends, cell phone, car etc. We got into physical altercations (I am sorry to say). We got into verbal altercations ( I am sorry to say). I intercepted texts, emails, phone calls, created phony facebook characters and had my son to accept me (I guess the girls picture off of google images looked cool) [this one I am pretty proud of actually!] All of this did nothing except to expose the UGLY and my sweet bride always wanted to know what I found out so I then spread the UGLY around our home and we hurt….really bad. Christel and I have been married now 25 wonder years and there was an 18 month period that we experienced turbulence in our marriage that was foreign and dangerous to survive. I was completely shocked that we were on different pages as often as we were. We both were desperate to some degree.

I suspect that most people do NOT enjoy being out of control in any area of life, especially if it seems to be at the expense of the safety and wellbeing of a child you dearly love. Man, these were excruciating times. Sometimes I felt entirely too close to the situation. Our family is tight and I wondered if we were TOO tight. Maybe not knowing would help, especially since we were unable to deter any negative actions. The sleepness nights, edgy days, and uncertainty raged in and out of our lives. If you are there, I really hurt and sympathize with you. I would hold you and pray with you right now. I know that is something tangible I could do to “be there”.

What did GOD tell me to do?

I am not sure if you call this a revelation but it felt like one to me. It was short and easily spoken but proved to be impossible to do (to some degree). “Richard you are the one to administer the primary discipline and Christel is the one to administer the primary love (no matter the circumstance).” We both could cross the boundary of the other BUT the instruction seemed clear to me. Christel and I did NOT agree on what I thought I heard from GOD, which did not allow us to implement it well. Keep in mind again, we were desperate to some degree.

Here is a golden nugget I can pass along and I FULLY believe will work for you, IF you are able to follow what you hear. God gave you this child. That childs DNA and your DNA is God matched for each other. NO ONE can discipline or love this child like you can. Do NOT under estimate your position or your place during this time. You can do it WITH Gods help. Pray earnestly that the holy spirit would give you the DAILY instruction as what you should do AS it is possible that it will changed DAILY. I am afraid the tactics of war often change during the battle. Listen and implement as best you can.

Keep in mind: It is vitally important that you focus on ministering IN your HOME before sending resources outside of it. Keep the home front strong. It was so important for Christel and I to love each other during this time. We both know the other loved Stephan that was undeniable. We also know that God has plainly instructed us to love one another. Your child NEEDS and WANTS to see you loving each other.

Dads I know you hurt too. Don’t give up. Bow your head and tell our Father your current position on this battle field and REQUEST back up. Stand secure…it’s coming.

Richard