Despair

Since my last post, Stephan's behavior has escalated out of control.... Although we are parents who require respect, we haven't received any from our son. We have found through this downward spiral of crisis that we "can" require it, but it's his choice to give it. When he doesn't, he faces consequences... Honestly, and I can't believe it's come to this, but we have no more consequences to draw out of the hat with which to sentence him with!!! We have drawn our last straw and we are at the bottom of the barrel...

He had another wreck a few weeks ago. He ran up on a curb and busted both tires on one side of his vehicle because he was drunk! Since then, he hasn't had transportation!! We suspended his insurance, took the tag off etc. That same day, he also took off and went with friends to a Tuscaloosa- four hours away! Three days later he finally contacts us wanting to come home. We didn't even consider it, although we knew he was hungry and was staying with a stranger... Actually, an Alabama Football player who was trying to get rid of Stephan. Richard told him, "You got there... get back the best way you know how! He did get back, and was wearing the underwear of a football player who's name I won't mention, but this guy weighs about 250 pounds more than Stephan and my only thought was- Why even wear them when they don't stay on?? I wished I'd kept those underwear. This guy is being recruited to play in the NFL and his underwear might have been worth all my pain and suffering....

I read a story once, of two girls running away together. Both eventually wanted to come home and called their parents. One set of parents sent their daughter plane tickets, the other set told their daughter that they would provide half of the money she needed for a bus ticket, but she would have to earn the rest. She did... Both girls returned home. The one girl who's parents paid her way continued to rebel and run away... The other girl never did! I know both sets of parents loved their daughters equally. But just as I've said in a previous post, there are parents who continue to bail their children out and they never learn from their mistakes. Sometimes tough love causes teens to have to take responsibility for their own actions! Sometimes Mama's want to go and rescue their babies, and part of me did, but I also knew he would take advantage of us more than he already does and he would never learn from this mistake. He did come home! He made it!! He found a way! I hoped that he would have changed.... I think in some senses, he did, but not enough to drop the drug habit.

Several days have passed: He didn't come home again the other night. My husband had already told Stephan that if this happened again and we continued to find drugs that he would have to consider telling Stephan that he will have to live somewhere else. We have rules... plus, we will not allow our son to blatantly sin right in front of our eyes!! We can not commend this type of behavior! We love our son and we want to help him!!! We love him with all our hearts!!

These were two things we discussed: Watching him sin/ and forcing him to get help!

On watching him sin: As Christian parents, we know he's smoking cigarettes on our property and know that he is doing drugs. We never see it, (except for the cigarettes... sometimes do get a whiff of that) but never see drug use except empty wrappers, or cellophane... We see behavior and.. he can not pass a drug test! He stays up all night and wants to sleep till noon, but I do pester him until he's up!! Since we do not want him sinning, we want him healthy and we love him, we discussed asking him if he could follow these certain set of rules that we would go over with him... 1)He would be given the choice to either live with us and follow our rules or live somewhere else! 2)We discussed the fact that as of right now, he can not financially support himself if he did live outside our home, so... he would be forced to come home eventually (and be glad to abide by our rules) after finding out what living on his own has to offer!!! That was a hard decision! He has a job, but not enough for an apartment. Leaving our home means him possibly living with other druggies, just livin' it up, so to speak while sinking deeper into quicksand. OR does it mean realizing, "Gosh, living at home under mom and dad's rules is a whole lot better than living with these people struggling to buy food or winding up in jail!!" That's where he's headed... if things don't change.

Forcing him to get help: We have gone over this one over and over. Stephan has been accessed by a counselor and we were making steps to get him counseling! Stephan said he was NOT going and we couldn't force him! We can't drag him to the car.... Our conclusion was that he won't be successful getting the help he needs until he realizes he needs help and is willing to help himself!
That, unfortunately is the cold, hard facts! Most people forced into rehab relapse within months! -so I've read. May not be completely true, but I'm new at all this...

Well, with this said, last Sunday night after not coming home (again,) Richard gave Stephan the option to stay here and let us help him. He would have to follow our rules... all of them! (No drugs, cigarettes, cell phone, till he earns it back, no car until he earns the money needed for insurance, no friends because 99% of them are drug users. He would work his job, earn money... Richard had arranged mission work for him to do. He would work helping shut-in's and work at our church helping our maintenance guy... our church is huge and so this would be a major help to Dewayne!! Dewayne agreed...  He would work his regular job and for his mission work with the shut-in's and helping Dewayne, we would donate $10.00 an hour toward his car insurance! We thought this would give Stephan a feeling of accomplishment and also feel good helping those in need. He turned it down!...
Richard lovingly helped him pack and he's been staying with a friend/drug user!
Stephan lied this this boy's mother, which is why she's even allowing him to stay!
All I know is I am praying for Stephan diligently daily! I pray he will find that he cannot support himself, that he will realize that life is not all about a "high." I hope he realizes that drugs are a dead-end street! I hope this helps him find purpose!!

The only thing I can think of after this.... if this doesn't work... is turning him in! Lord, I pray we don't have to do that! Please guide us and lead us... please help our son return to you! You are his only salvation! Let him experience your love and see you in some way today. Let him see your undeniable power in his life.