After Stephan stole his pills and ran off, he didn't come home- naturally! Well, he called me last night to apologize! Do you know how many times I've heard these apologies? Goodness, I love him... I do... It was so good to talk to him and hear his voice. He was actually sober! That was nice.
I was in Lowes Hardware when he called to apologize. What this apology meant was: (Will you let me come home, shower, change clothes and eat?)
We talked for about an hour. He apologized over and over.... He also had me on speaker phone so Caleb could hear, so I let them both have a little piece of my mind and my heart. I told Stephan how he hurt me (again). I reminded him of his actions (again.) I let him know that I believe in him, I love him and I know that if he gets out of this drug infested world he lives in his life will begin to come together! I told him I'd tried to get him to let me help him do that and also reminded him of how he won't let me!
Like I said, he wanted to come home to shower, get fresh clothes and eat, because he and Caleb were working in some one's yard the next day. I told him he could come home to pick up his clothes! He figured out that I was in town while we were talking and he begged me to tell him where I was. I told him that I figured if I told him where I was that Caleb would drop him off there, leaving me with no choice but to bring him home! I told him I wasn't falling for that one! Then he wanted me to at least meet them and buy him and Caleb a chicken sandwich! I wouldn't... That one was a little hard, I admit. Trying to hold my ground, I told him that Burger King and Hardees throw perfectly good food out all the time and that he should go talk to them to see if he could get any of it! If you think that sounded harsh, you need to read my last post! I'm sure he sold all those pills he stole from me!
They finally made arrangements for Caleb's grandmother to buy them food- and she did! She also bought Caleb a carton of cigarettes for his birthday- she's sweet like that!
I talked to Stephan and Caleb both about getting things together and they assured me they were working on it! I hope they are... Letting Stephan pick himself up and be responsible for himself right now is the only thing that is going to help him. As long as our home has a revolving door on it, he will not get any better. Sometimes I feel like it is- What an emotional train ride we are on.
I told Stephan that his dad and I were meeting in town for a date night and that I'd call him when I got home and I did. It was 8:00... He said that "we were gone too long" and he was just going to wear some of Caleb's clothes tomorrow. I told him that was fan-tas-tic!!
Lord, protect my son. I hate that things have to be this way. My heart feels as if it is being ripped from my chest! I'm so thankful that I was able to talk to Stephan and let him know he's loved... He also knows that our home, our love and our help is available to him on our terms. Lord, I pray that he will begin to see how much he needs You and how desperately he needs help.
It can certianly be heartbreaking. Our grandson just spent 5 months in jail because of a meth habit.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the follow.
Oh gracious, I'm so sorry. I hope he's doing better!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going though this. I've read your previous posts and I start several times to post and I just can't seem to get the words out. I'm dealing with lots of drama also and I don't like to see the weekends come anymore. Last weekend we came home after dinner and a movie to my son greeting us at the door. Because guess what the cops were there but he didn't answer the door. No surprise they showed up we had a feeling the truth would eventually come out. Don't you wonder sometime how much more we can handle? But God carries us through. I have to believe that. I'm praying that he will take care of your son and show him the way. I know this is very heartbreaking for you. It takes great courage and faith to do what you did. Hugs and prayers to you.
ReplyDeleteHope,
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks that your heart is breaking.. I am guessing the cops were there trying to arrest him for drug possession?? I am so sorry. Yes, sometimes I do wonder how much more I can take! I'm sad that I find peace with my son not living here. I don't have to stay on guard all the time- hiding my purse, etc. The only thing I don't have peace about is his life. I pray God's protection over him daily! Letting him go was such a tough decision. I only hope it helps him find himself sooner. He's on his own!
What's going on with your son now? Did they arrest him?
Just wanted to leave you a comment to say "I know what you're going through." For me it's been my younger brother, and watching him destroy his life slowly with drugs was one of the most heartbreaking things I ever endured.
ReplyDeleteWhen you mentioned refusing to buy your son the chicken sandwich I thought "yes, I know EXACTLY how hard that was for me, and I was just my brother's sister."
But it doesn't have to be endless. It took my brother 3 years to hit his low point, and another 3 to find a way to move forward from that place. he was homeless, he was in prison, he was a person that I didn't recognize, and through it all he was so quietly (and sometimes loudly) desperate.
But I'll never EVER forget the Sunday that my father called me to tell me that he'd suddenly shown up at my Dad's church and was sitting in the front row the whole time, sobbing like a child. That was the day that I KNEW that God wasn't going to let him go. Things didn't get instantly better - he's still in the process of putting his life back together. But I'm so thankful for how far he's come.
I will be praying for you son. I'll probably never meet him, but just reading a few of your posts I feel as though I already love him like a brother.
Dear Peculiar Person,
ReplyDeleteThank you... Thank you for "already loving my son like a brother." That made me cry happy tears : ) You are precious! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! I hope that one day very soon my son will come back to the Lord like your brother did. God is his only hope.
I know you mentioned that he was homeless and in prison during those 3 years it took to hit rock bottom, but did he live at home "any" during this process? I was just curious... This is the hardest thing for us (basically kicking Stephan out.) We don't want to enable at all, we want to help, if he'll let us! -It just seems like he'll be gone, then wants to come back and follow all the rules, only to live here a few days and decide he wants to do his own thing again! It's such a vicious cycle!!! He called last night and said he's willing to let go of the friends.. the drugs.. get a job etc. In my heart I want to believe him, but I can't trust him at all. This will be the 3rd time we've "cycled," so to speak, if we let him come home. I just don't know... I'm about to post about it. Thanks for reading and thank you for your input sweetie!
Blessings : )
Yes, he did live at home for a while with my Dad - but it didn't work. The farther he got into that world the more impossible it became. Just like you said - he would come home, seem to be trying, and then Dad would find drugs in his room, or money would go missing, and then he'd have to leave again. It probably happened 6 or 7 times before my father put his foot down and refused to let him come back home. Even then there were times when dad let him in for a shower and a meal. Sometimes he would leave, sometimes he wouldn't, and sometimes they got into fights so bit that they turned into calls to the police - it was a mess.
ReplyDeleteBut GOD - God was bigger, and He was faithful.
<3 Paula
Yes, God truly intervened. I pray for that day to come for our family. Sounds like you dad just did what he had to do day by day. There's no doubt your brother knew he was loved- even during the difficult times.
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