Catching Up!

I seriously can't believe it's been over 8 months since I've updated my blog. Wow, a lot has changed since my last post. In September, I celebrated my 43rd birthday. Gosh, am I that old? We went to Alabama in November to welcome our second grandchild into the world. There's nothing in the world like grandchildren : ) My oldest just turned 2 in January and now the youngest is over a month old now. Time sure does fly. We also went to Alabama for Christmas... What a joyful time.

Golly gee, where do I start? Last time I posted on here Rainey still lived in Alabama. She moved up here to Wisconsin to be with Stephan during the summer. He moved out of our place before she arrived into his own apartment, which is near the plant where he works. It may have been May or June when she got here. If you remember in previous posts, we were charging Stephan rent, which we were saving for him and all of his money he had saved was readily available for his deposit and other things he needed.

After Rainey moved, we didn't see Stephan as much for a few weeks. I was ok with that. I know he's got to establish his home here with her. I also felt in my heart that Rainey felt uncomfortable at our home. Maybe she felt as if we would judge her for marijuana being a part of who she was... She knew we were Christians and strong in our faith, but I wanted her to know us and our hearts. Except for the grace of God- there goes I, right? We're not the judge, nor are we perfect... I don't want to imagine what my own life would be without Christ!

Now that Rainey was here, she was part of our family. That was just the way I felt. I prayed and was honest with God... I don't want Stephan drinking. I don't want her smoking pot... I want my son and the girl he loves to have life as easy and as pain free as possible. I think we all want that for our kids. I saw the strongholds in their life as being something that was holding them back from experiencing life at its fullest. It was also holding them back from who they could become. Hiding all this in my heart, I knew I was on a mission field. A bigger one!

For those first few weeks- maybe two weeks. Stephan and Rainey did not attend church with us. I had expected that they wouldn't, however, I did not loose hope. I remember one day Stephan calling us and asking us if we wanted to go play tennis with them across from where we lived! They drove over and we walked to the tennis courts. I had never played tennis a day in my life, but couldn't wait to try! We really had a wonderful time! Richard and Stephan are so dang competitive! Plus, either of them could be stand up comedian's!! All of us cutting up made for such a great time that day. I think maybe Rainey realized that day that we weren't these stiff necked, stick in the mud parents, or atleast I hope she did.

It wasn't long after that day that we played tennis again... and again. We've went down to Lake Michigan three times now. Twice last summer... the last time we took a picnic. It was Rainey's idea. We also went down to the lake during the first snow. It was really cool being at the Lake, which looks like the ocean, with snow on the ground. We've went to play putt putt together twice. We've went to a park and walked, looking at the river and the geese. Most importantly, after those first few weeks, Stephan and Rainey both started attending church with us and have only missed a few Sunday's since. It's been an awesome ride....  We all go out to lunch when church services are over and they both usually wind up coming back to our house to spend the evening. We watch movies... Richard taught Stephan how to play chess. Everything goes great as long as Stephan wins!!!! Holy cow! He cracks me up! Rainey and I talk or watch movies. It's nice having a girl around and we are getting close...

Rainey was here for about 3 months before she found a job. She had to stop smoking pot and she did. She actually wound up talking to me about pot and it's effects on the human body even before she started applying for a job and that is really what seemed to break the ice in our relationship. You know, I wasn't hard on her... I didn't give her all my thought out advice. I did talk about how smoking it was harmful and most of all, it's illegal. I talked to her about taking care of her body... I'm one of these weird, all organic, non-toxic people who cares deeply for my health to the point that I study about holistic medicine and all-natural this, that and the other all the time! I did talk to her about my relationship with God as well. She told me that she didn't want to smoke pot forever, but she also thought that it was ok to have it legalized to use for medicinal purposes! Oh me...
She told me she had to take one day at a time... I totally agree... Rome wasn't built in a day.

God extended His grace upon me the day I was saved and took me on a journey to where I am now... and there's more to come! I have so much more to learn myself... If God can use me to get her started, she will also be on the most exciting journey she's ever been on.

I love to cook! My husband says that I should be a chef : ) Of course he's bias.... and has to say those things if he wants to eat, but I admit, I can make a few killer dishes! Rainey wanted to learn how to make one of my chicken dishes, so I told her to come over. When she arrived, I was her guide, but she made the chicken all by herself and it was great!

She called one day to see if I'd meet her for lunch, so we met at Jersey Mikes! She's sent me some Pin's in Pinterest and wanted me to help her make some gifts for her family for Christmas. We had a really great time putting those together. We laughed and talked as I helped her.

Stephan and Rainey come over about 3-4 times a week to hang out : ) I sometimes think it's so cool that they want to hang out with us so much... but then.... they also eat dinner every time they come! Either we are cool or my cooking is- either way- I am honored they come! Ha Ha!  Stephan and Richard have also began to work out together. They're really having fun with that! Stephan's gained almost 50 pounds now and he looks great!

Although these last several months have been great, we have had a few tough times as well. Stephan is still drinking beer and just can't drink two. He and Rainey got into a fight at their apartment, he was drunk and so was she, so the cops were called. About 12am one morning, I got a call from Rainey telling me Stephan was in jail! JAIL!!  I thought we had left all that in Alabama!!! All I could think to say when we hung up was, "Oh dear Lord God... and Richard's out of town!" He was, he was in NC on business. Sigh.....................

When Stephan got the job that he's currently at, he had to volunteer to take random drug tests whenever the president of the company wanted him too. If you're new to this blog, my husband Richard is the plant manager where Stephan they both work and it's by the grace of God that Stephan got the job there! If Stephan doesn't show up for work because he was in jail, he would automatically loose his job! Rainey said he could be bailed out... and told me that Stephan had the money to bail himself out, but he needed me to come pick him up. I went down there... At 12am the place looked closed, but I knew it wasn't! I walked in to where I saw a security camera glaring down upon me! An officer came inside and I told him who I was here for. I have to say, situations like this have a way of making you feel about a half inch tall. I wondered if the officer thought I looked like a scumbag mom. Then I thought- who cares-- I'm at the jail! It doesn't get much worse than this anyway, so why worry about it!

Stephan paid his bail, but I brought him home with (me!) He was in no shape to return home with Rainey!! He was drunk and not that it did any good that night, but we had a really good heart to heart that I prayed he would remember in the morning- at least bits and pieces!

Stephan has also wrecked and totaled another car during this time of absence from blogging. Stephan has a court date now and has lost his license for 6 months... So now, Rainey is having to take him to work or he has to get a ride.

He and Rainey were also in another altercation where the neighbors were involved, called the police... blah, blah... end of story- Stephan was charged with a domestic dispute, not by Rainey, but by a neighbor. He's awaiting a court date for that! Alcohol makes him a different person. Tangled webs..............

Positive!! --He is paying his bills on time and never asks for anything. I am really proud of him in this area! I think it took wrecking his car (again) and going to jail (again) to make him realize he needed to make some changes (again!) Stephan is just the kind of guy who has to learn from his mistakes, he can't do anything the easy way.

I see little changes daily... better decisions made at times and caring a little more about his health as time goes by. I see Rainey trying to keep house, decorate and make weekly menu's. I gave her a print out that I use that helps me a lot! She shops with it now. I see her becoming more established here and enjoying spending time with us. She laughs and jokes with us. Sometimes I can't believe they like hanging out with us so much! Again- it may be the food! Ha Ha! Where we are now at this moment in time and even after all the above has happened, it's definitely better than where we were when I started this blog. We try to love Stephan with the love that God bestows on us ourselves. He's a great kid! He's come a long way.

Pointing Our Children To The Scriptures....

Stephan and Rainey are arguing again. In a nut shell, her pot habit angers Stephan. His alcohol habit angers her. Neither one of them practice protecting their relationship and only one of them has the key to unlock the door to a new future. Now, this "new future" wouldn't be free from stress, but this "new future" would involve relying on a greater power than themselves (God) to be able to navigate through life at a stronger pace. Everything would have a purpose and there would be goals that they are both working toward obtaining.

Yesterday, Stephan went to church with us. OH, how grateful I am to see him sitting beside me there. He listens... He makes it a point to go. I'm so proud of him for making the choice to go. After church was over, he said he was going to go hang out with Dan from work and eat lunch with him. I also felt in my heart that he was going to go to Dan's to drink. Stephan still deals with problems by drinking occasionally.

Last night, Stephan came in around 10:00 and he didn't appear to have been drinking. There's a possibility he drank a few beers. Stephan drinking a few beers is like me drinking a sweet tea. I'm sad that his tolerance is so high, but it is. He's not drinking vodka anymore.... that's a positive change!!! There was a period of time in-between my blogging absences that he started on some hard stuff! I was pretty upset going down that road with him after gaining so much ground.

However, we continue to see positive changes.... the fact he's gained 40 pounds, he's working out and trying to eat healthy and he gave up the hard stuff as far as alcohol is involved. Another positive change recently is that he bought an electronic cigarette. He's been puffing away on that and hasn't had a real cigarette in a few days. He tells us he may not quit smoking... he doesn't know for sure yet, but I'm excited about the thought of it. Stephan is also the kind of guy that doesn't want to set himself up for failure. He won't tell us he's GOING to quit- in case he fails at trying. I did warn him of the dangers of even electronic cigarettes. I had just read something about it right before he brought one home. While I don't want to discourage, I also don't want him to think it's a healthy alternative, but a means of quitting...

With Stephan giving up "the hard stuff" and the thought's of him stopping smoking excites me! It's still progress... Even if he doesn't quit smoking- He thought about it and is trying. I pray the Lord gives him strength to over come.

One of the major problems he and Rainey are having is:

TRUST.

She goes places and does things with people that Stephan doesn't like. Just last night, Stephan went with Dan to a college where he and Stephan found themselves in a Dorm Room with two girls they met.

Stephan told me about this when he got home and of course I got angry. I reminded Stephan of how he should protect his relationship with Rainey if he cares about her and being alone in a dorm room with two girls you just met is not a good place to start!

In his infinite wisdom, he told me that both girls told he and Dan that they were dating someone. I said, "so even though these girls are in a relationship, they invite two total strangers back to their room?"

Geezzzz....

 I also said, "And... you're in a relationship with Rainey and you GO to these girls rooms?"

He said, "Mom, we are all just friends...."

I gave him the analogy of Rainey doing the same exact thing in Alabama.... He didn't like that too much! He actually got angry just thinking about it!

I gave him advise.... I said, "You and Rainey will never get along without TRUST in your relationship. You both have to work hard to protect your relationship. I can't blame her for getting mad at you over this! How can she trust you? God has appointed you to be the leader. She needs to stop smoking pot and you need to stop handling stress with alcohol and you both need to get on the same page with God. It's only then that you both will begin to grow spiritually and your relationship will take on new meaning!"

I asked Stephan a few weeks ago about Rainey's salvation. He said she was saved. I said, "How do you know" His reply was: "She said she was."  I asked him about evidence in her life by a walk with God... He didn't have anything so say.

Rainey has recently been studying palm reading which sent Stephan on a RAMPAGE!!! He was so angry!!! I was really happy with all the "reasons" he was angry! He told me he couldn't believe she would do this!!! He said it was of the devil and not even close to being Christian!!!! I was glad that he was thinking about the spiritual realm of good and evil, honoring God and knowing about the dark side of things like that. He even said that things like this is a tool that Satan uses to influence people's lives.

Stephan was giving me reasons why people shouldn't do this and he couldn't convince Rainey otherwise- she saw no harm in it! I took the opportunity to point Stephan to the scriptures. I told him that God's Word is the only thing that will speak to Rainey's heart. I told him God's Word is alive and reaches into the depths of one's soul. Stephan's words would be able to reach her heart, but God's Words would. I pointed him to Hebrews 4:12  For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart..."

I told Stephan that the best way to reach Rainey was to dig in God's Word and find proof that these things are harmful! He did...............  My son was researching scripture. Amen! Stephan's always been told to use the Bible as the authority of his life, but it's as the old saying goes, "You can drag a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink!" I want Stephan to see God's Word as a fountain of blessing... a life source... not to be used on an as-needed basis, but a daily dose of nourishment!

Before I left, I told Stephan that he needed to continue reading his book on relationships. He had been reading it before bed. I was actually a bit surprised he was, but so glad! It's a step in the right direction. It has a lot of scripture in it! In my heart, I imagine my son being influenced by the pages of this book, which lead him on a journey to read THE BOOK! The Bible is the only real place to find refuge, strength, wisdom, guidance....I hope that he will get there too.

I decided that if Rainey is going to be part of Stephan's life in the future that I need to be more of a part of her life too. She may move here one day- or move to be where we are! She may be his future wife. Christ can make her even more beautiful than she already is. She's His creation. She's loved by Him. Rainey has no Christian influence in her present life. Her mother is on drugs. Her father has another family. She lives with her grandmother, who I don't know.

I sent Rainey a text today to see if I have the right number for starters. I haven't heard back from her. I do not want to be in the middle of her and Stephan's relationship... I only want to be her friend. I hope to encourage her and to let her know she's important to God and to me.
 

Motherhood Is A Calling Even When You Feel "Restless"

I'm reading a book called, Restless, by Jennie Allen. A friend, recommended it to me who read it herself. She felt stuck.... My friend, Amanda who's husband was a major league baseball player for several years suddenly fell slave to a torn rotator cuff, which led to surgery, which led to major physical therapy, which led back to baseball- only... never in the major leagues again. One of my friend's ministries was leading the baseball wives in Bible Studies or just being a good mentor. When all that ended, she wondered what purpose God had for her life. Two children later and with the expectation of two twin boys that they are in the process of adopting, she felt a little abandoned and ached for even more purpose. You may wonder how in the world anyone could want more their purpose in life with so much responsibility- but it's there... there must be something more... a grander purpose than just changing diapers.

I believe we all are stuck somewhere at times when we forget that "no unique purpose for our life will fill our soul. The only thing that will fulfill and settle our soul's is God Himself!" As I long to claim that statement and adhere it to my soul; even in the midst of knowing it's true-I have found myself between a rock and a hard place and...

I am stuck....

My friend recommending this book couldn't have come at a better time. In Alabama, Richard and I had a powerful ministry. We went to a very large church. We had a Sunday School class of about 80 called Family Ties. We mainly focused on marriage, family and parenting in our studies and people were soaking it up as if they were bone dry sponges outside in the pouring rain! It was the life stage we were all in! Christian families aren't immune to hardship, financial troubles, the loss of a job, sickness, a wayward child, a run away child, an adult child on drugs, adultery, marital discord, blended-family discord, parenting issues, divorce, substance abuse, pornography, terrible two's, terrible three's, terrible tween's, terrible teens.... I'll stop now, 'cause I could just keep going! We addressed all these issues and more and people NEEDED it like they need food, water and air.

I also was involved in the music ministry. I led worship with the worship team, plus I was in our choir and I sang solo. I was used a lot. I was appreciated. I loved it... it was my passion. When we go back home and we walk in you would think that we were someone sort of important by the way people flock to greet us, but we're just us! We are just loved... It feels so good to be loved.

We moved to Wisconsin about a year ago and I'm just stuck! We found a church here- a larger one- if you can imagine that feels like home, but this particular church has life groups that meet in homes. No Sunday School Bible Study like we're used too... it's just different and frankly, we just don't want to be part of it. It sounds awful to say it, but deep down, Richard and I both know we're supposed to be here, but we also know that when the company buys another facility, we may be moving again. I don't want roots. Isn't that awful?? I want to protect myself from loving anything here. I just can't explain it and I feel selfish for feeling that way. I can't bear to leave church family again like we did in Alabama.

Another issue is there is no choir and there is a praise band, but it's all the same people every Sunday. Could I join? Possibly... Do I want too... no. Why? Are our hearts hard? Are we in a season of life we just don't understand quite yet? Are we backsliding?

What does it mean to run after God? I feel like I'm not. Part of me does with Stephan. I feel like God moved us for several reasons. Actually, I know it.

1) He moved us so that Stephan would eventually move to be with us, taking him away from his environment, giving him a chance to have a new life!
2) He moved us so that our other son (who works for the same company as my husband) could be promoted! Of course this wasn't even an option when we moved. It wasn't even on the radar. It was an act of God and true blessing that happened a few months after we were in WI. My son can't work under my husband, so with Richard gone- Brandon had new opportunity.
3) God moved us so Brandon could be promoted, so that Ellie could stay home with Jeremiah!
4) God moved us so that Brandon and Ellie could find their way on their own as a married couple and we could mentor from a distance.
5) He moved us to strengthen us.
6) He moved us to deepen our faith and trust in Him.

Perhaps right now, God has given me an opportunity to re-fuel in a sense. I'm having to trust Him more than EVER! Perhaps I've been given an opportunity to focus "just on my main ministries" my family... Maybe this is God's plan for now.

Richard and I have been given a gift for sure. I sit at dinner every night and I can't believe my Stephan is sitting right across from me. It still feels surreal...

I asked Stephan what something in my book meant night before last. I asked him what does, "The kind of life I want so badly lies on the other side of death" mean?  He looked at me funny... : ) Eventually, he gave me the right answer. The kind of life that we struggle obtaining when we're struggling with something like drugs or alcohol lies right in front of you when you die to yourself. Only in dying to yourself will you be able to find what you're looking for. It's only then when you can overcome sin. Through the power of Christ...
It was a good discussion.

Maybe- that's where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm supposed to be reading this book trying to find my purpose only to find that I'm living my purpose and although I see it mundane at times, God has given me this gift of time for a greater good!

C.S. Lewis said it best: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world..."

Heaven is our home- not here- not Alabama-not Wisconsin! My job here is to fulfill my calling. Right now, my calling is blogging, cleaning and exploring healthy Paleo recipes and cooking meals for my family of three. It's grocery shopping and finding things like grass fed beef at a nearby market. It's mentoring my daughter-in-law Ellie and saving her a trip to the laundromat when she had no idea her washer was a King capacity and she could wash a comforter in it.  It's scheduling a trip to Alabama so that we can help Brandon put up a fence and other things around their house they can't do by themselves or maybe don't know how to do. It's loving my husband and trying my best to meet his love languages. It's asking my son, Stephan questions. It's even telling Stephan things that he doesn't want to hear at times.... to only later overhear him giving the same advice to others. It's knowing he's listening when he's not! It's loving Stephan through girlfriend troubles and trusting that God will grow him and teach him. It's letting go.... and letting life experience be the best teacher. It's helping him set up on line banking and other things that are gradually becoming part of his life and seeing him become more responsible every day. It's mentoring my niece, Jade and having two hour long conversations about hair and makeup and trying to deal with the fact that she doesn't have simple things she needs... It's buying a birthday present for a little girl here. It's buying a bike for someone who walks to work everyday because he has no drivers license. It's buying another bike for a guy who just got out of prison and cant afford a car, so he can get to work everyday. It's buying baby items for a new mother in need and supporting our friends in Alabama when they go on mission trips. It's Richard's willingness to lead a Bible Study at work for anyone who's interested.

God has us right where He wants us and I have to be satisfied. I, alone have a purpose and because I'm not doing what I "feel" like I should be doing doesn't mean I'm not doing what God has called me too for such a time as this.........

My friend, Amanda is now homeschooling her oldest daughter. Amanda always knew part of her calling was motherhood, but I believe she discovered her calling right inside her home. It was all she was supposed to be doing during this particular season of her life. Sure what she did was awesome in baseball and our ministry in Alabama was awesome, but sometimes we discover that our greatest ministry is within our own four walls and may be the greatest ministry ever given to us. God has a plan for my son's life.... and I have a feeling I'm a itty bitty part of it. : )

Amanda has started mentoring a young lady and having her over for tea once a week. I think this is amazing. She knows her calling, but is also reaching out to others, inviting them inside her home, still giving pieces of herself away.

If we don't change our children's diapers, they won't be able to change the world....What ever we do- do it as unto the Lord.

I can't help but feel like God has a plan for our entire family. I don't feel as if we're supposed to make WI our home forever. I guess that's my unsettling feeling or why I feel stuck at times and perhaps why I'm reluctant to sprout roots here. This is true too: I can be there for my family and my calling and minister outside my home, but maybe I'm in a "waiting" period that I don't understand yet. I'm in a season... a sabbatical. Maybe we needed one. The one thing I am sure of is that I have to leave the stuff "I don't know" to God and believe He has it all worked out for our good. God is moving... He has plans.... My only job is trust.

For now, I'm going shopping today! I haven't bought any new clothes in some time!! Richard told me to go.... hey, so I'm going! I have a dinner in the crockpot. My day is set.............

See you later! 

Overcoming Drug Abuse "Guidance Equals Growth"... It's In The Little Things

If you read "Little Updates" on February 4th, you may be wondering about the judges decision in the trial that Stephan had to go for in Alabama. You may also be wondering if we are moving to Tennessee...

First of all, the Tennessee location did not work out. My husband's company made an offer... evidently someone made a higher one or it's most likely that investors jumped on it and made them on offer they couldn't refuse. You'd have to read back into my blog to even understand if you're clueless right now.

I was really hoping with all my heart that the company my husband works for would purchase this location so we could be closer to Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah in Alabama. It would put us living only an hour and a half away! I fantasized about being able to spend much more time with my oldest son and his family. The news of it not happening broke me to the very end for three days. I mourned over it. I had gotten my hopes up too high. I had imagined driving to Alabama and getting my grandson as often as I'd liked. I imagined the things we would do together- all the snuggling we would do. Brandon and Ellie could come up every other weekend or so. I was sure this was God's plan. God does have a plan.... but this is not it. I was heartbroken...

Secondly, the trial went as smooth as peanut butter! Richard and Stephan had flown to Alabama a day before the trial and Richard said that Stephan did great. He got up on the stand, was honest about what happened the day of the wreck, had a candid sense of humor at appropriate times... He was level headed and remembered everything as if it happened yesterday. I believe the jury could see a "more grown up" young man today that made some terrible choices three years ago! On the other hand.... Blake and his mother were not honest. Blake (the other kid that Stephan was in the wreck with) contradicted himself many times and couldn't seem to remember anything! It was horrible. Richard said that Blake looked bad and just wasn't all there. I believe it was evident to the jury that Blake's mother was just out for some money too. They lost... Our insurance company paid for Richard and Stephan's expenses to fly down, so it was no expense to us. In the end, Stephan and Blake both made mistakes and I know Stephan learned a lot from this experience. I can't help but feel sorry for Blake.... it doesn't seem that his life is any different.

On to a different subject, the last two months have been a little surreal. The things that have happened have impacted Stephan's life for good, although these circumstances are really terrible for the family involved. The first thing that happened is Matt, a guy Stephan hung out with -who was the biggest acid dealer in Northern Alabama died. It was said that he committed suicide by heroin overdose. Stephan described Matt as a really great guy, a musician and a chemistry genius with a really big problem.... drugs and the love of money. I believe that his death made Stephan feel grateful that he had been given another chance at life. If Stephan hadn't made the choice to move to Wisconsin.... Well, I don't even want to think about where he might have wound up. Drugs make people do horrible things. Things they don't realize they're doing until it's over- "if" they make it till it's over.

Another thing that happened is that four of Stephan's friends who he hung out with were arrested for drug possession. One of these kids may go to prison for a very long time! I think Stephan is internally glad and relieved that he made the decision he made to come be with us and away from the playground he had been playing on.... He told me that he knows this could have been him. I agreed! I said, "if you were still living in Alabama you may not be here, or you may be in jail!" Stephan said, "yep!"

Stephan and Rainey are still trying to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't even remember what was happening last time I spoke of her. They are supposed to go to the beach in a few months. Heather, Rainey's friend is also going.

Richard and I both had a profound conversation the other night. We were discussing the fact that "if Stephan loved Rainey so much and wanted to be with her.... under normal circumstances he should have moved back to Alabama a long time ago!!" He hasn't.... He does have a job here with my husband's company, which is the only thing holding him here. He "could" find a job in Alabama as good as the one he has making about the same money, but he remains here with us. Richard and I both found ourselves in awe of God's miraculous power. Stephan's here because he wants to be here. He does love Rainey and wants her to move here! Actually, they have discussed her moving here first of next year.

I know that Rainey has problems of her own. She's 18 and her mother is strung out on drugs. Her mother is a terrible influence and abuses Rainey by making Rainey feel responsible for her unhappiness and health problems if Rainey doesn't do what she asks! What she asks of Rainey---is to sell prescription pills for her for money, then at the end of the month, buy more because she's out! It's a ridiculous circle of crap that my mind can't even begin to understand! Rainey's mother will whine and cry "oh I'm in pain" until Rainey does what she wants. It's sad.... Stephan get's SOOOO mad at Rainey for doing this for her mother! I have also told Stephan that the best way for Rainey to help her mother is to stop this cycle and to tell her no! Like I said, Rainey is 18. I am not making excuses for her, but Rainey is the child and her mother is the mother... not the other way around. I can't imagine being her age and feeling responsible. I know she's NOT responsible for her mother's habit or pain, but an abusive situation like this can sure make a young girl think she is.

I have no idea what God has in store for Stephan as far as Rainey is involved. Rainey needs Jesus Christ. That is the one thing I keep telling Stephan. I also keep reminding Stephan that he's the leader. I tell him that God has appointed him as leader of his future home and family and that he needs to be the example that Rainey needs even now. He's growing.... He's learning.

I'm very proud of Stephan for many reason's lately. Sometimes it seems that even though some days are rough, I'm reminded that we've been given a second chance with him. Stephan took our first one away, but he's come home and he's allowing us to guide him.

1) I helped Stephan set up an online banking account where he can check his statement and see where his money is going. I keep telling him that he should check it often. He checked it the other day by himself for the first time! He also found that Subway had charged him twice for a foot long sub! Go Stephan!
2) We know that Stephan needs credit to be able to get his own apartment or buy a home one day. I helped him get a small limit credit card where he made two purchases and is paying on it monthly. I instructed him to make his payments on time! It's imperative to building his credit score! He also bought a little car. Richard had to co-sign on the loan, but of course, Stephan is making the payments on it. If he don't, it will be someone else's car! Thankfully, it's never been even remotely an issue! In 3 more months we are going to try to see if Stephan can get the car in his name alone... even if he has to refinance.
3) I helped Stephan set up Bill Pay. We made a calendar that he keeps in his room to remind him of when things are due. He also set up reminders on his phone to send him a text when things are due. He schedules everything on the 19th of the month through Bill Pay. This last month- Stephan sat down and did it himself without my help! He even found out yesterday that he made a mistake! He scheduled his car payment to be made in May.... He clicked on the wrong calendar!!! Should have been April!! But... he caught it! Progress!!
4) Stephan filed his taxes!
5) I have stopped doing things for him like make calls for him during the day. Example: He got a letter in the mail from the IRS wanting him to give them information to protect him from identity theft. I told him that before he sends them anything, he needs to make sure things like this are legitimate! I told him he needed to call them- not the number on the letter- but the number that he finds on line to make sure it's the real IRS! He called me the next day from work... ( I really think he hoped I'd call for him) but I looked up the number online and gave it to him. He never asked me to call for him and I never offered. He called them and called me back. It was legitimate!! When he got home he asked me how to run our copy machine. We made the copies and he put the information in the mail!
6) Stephan is also paying us rent! We let him choose the amount. He chose $400.00 per month. We told him we would put that in an account for him as a sort of savings account for when he does move out. We don't pay any of his expenses unless you count what little he adds to our power bill and what he eats. Those two things I could care less about! Mama's gonna feed her baby! Haha... If he were going to college and still living at home- which is what life stage we would be in under normal circumstances, we probably wouldn't charge him anything at all! But since we are where we are and we are trying to guide him into helping himself- perhaps in the future, we'll step it up another notch and keep a portion or charge him more for mundane things. For right now, he's taking one baby step at a time and he's putting one foot in front of the other. That's the goal!
7) Stephan has gained 40 pounds since he moved here last June! Yes, you heard me right! He really needed too. He's 6 feet tall and he weighed approximately 132 pounds when he moved here. Now, he's right at 172!! He's also trying to eat right... He cracks me up talking about fatty foods!! : ) He's also working out in our mini gym in the basement. It's the little things like this that I call progress..

With all the wonderful things going on in my son's life right now, I hope you're not feeling down or depressed because you want your son or daughter to be there too- right now! I understand where you are. If you look back to our "not so bright" days, you know that it has taken years. Years of love and patience. Years that added more gray hair to my head. Years I thought I'd loose my mind or wind up in a divorce! Oh my word, hang in there. I do want you to understand too- You can't guide someone who doesn't want to be led. For a long time, this was the case for us. I am so grateful to God that Stephan is in a place now where he sees the benefit of being loved by us and allowing us to be part of his growth! We have lots to be thankful for... We're still on the journey. He's still drinking occasionally. I pray that soon even this will be a distant part of his life....but again, we have much MUCH to be thankful for. Stephan's a joy- everyday!

Lord God, continue to guide and protect our family. Show us Your Will for our daily lives. Help us to trust you in every situation knowing you have our best interests in mind...

How Drug Abuse Effects The Home- From A Dad's Perspective

The following post is from my husband, Richard. I'm getting many e-mail responses from people hurting all over the globe and he wanted to share a little piece of his heart to you as well.... Thanks for all your responses. I haven't figured out my comments button on here yet. It's not working.. I do appreciate all of your e-mails. Keep them coming...

From a Dads perspective…

I have neglected to post on this as I have neglected to understand the value of a blog until I have seen the email responses from around the world of families who have been hurting like ours and we are farther down this path and our experiences and emotions can offer a source of hope and encouragement.

First of all, let me say that if our situation was with girl vs ours with our son, all bets are off. I do believe my entire experience would have been different due to my heart being SOFT to girls and somewhat tougher towards boys. Just how I’m wired.. Also, I must say that Stephan is our biological son, if we would have been in a blended family, we would have had OTHER issues to overcome. Christel and I did not always agree on the methods of LOVE and DISCIPLINE and IF Stephan wasn’t ONE of ours, we would have instantly BLAMED the other of being indifferent or not loving due to this fact. My heart goes out to blended families as this is ALWAYS in the back of your minds (I suspect).

As a father, I am 10 foot tall and bullet proof…or at least I used to be. The older my boys got the less important their super hero became…that’s life to some degree. My boys always loved me through these years, which served as an element of strength to continue to “be there” for them.

What started out as pot, spilled over into alcohol abuse, cocaine, Roxy’s, Dramamine, heroine (once I think), acid, mushrooms, meth, and maybe some car battery acid...how many stupid things can you run through your body. Stephan is now 21, works with me at my company as a machine operator (arriving at work by 5:30am everyday), is working on starting to save for his $1,000 emergency fund, has a car payment to build credit, and has shown signs of growing up in this confusing ole’ world.

Looking back we simply lost 5 years of Stephan’s life. I am a strong willed individual; plant manager; have been a Bible study teacher for 15+ years (at that time); served as deacon, vice chairman of deacons, and as chairman of deacons. I have visited/served inside of a federal penitentiary with Chuck Colin’s Prison Fellowship Ministries  bla bla bla…basically I have served in almost every capacity at our local church and have spoken from the pulpit Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have humbly watched people surrender to the Lord after those services. God has given me the privilege to serve Him. I baptized both of my sons following professions of faith and NOW I find my youngest in an absolute whirlwind with no end in sight.

What would I suggest you to do in your whirlwind? Magic potion... I have none BUT God did give me a message about it that I will share BUT before I do let me tell you that I TRIED everything I could think of; grounding from friends, cell phone, car etc. We got into physical altercations (I am sorry to say). We got into verbal altercations ( I am sorry to say). I intercepted texts, emails, phone calls, created phony facebook characters and had my son to accept me (I guess the girls picture off of google images looked cool) [this one I am pretty proud of actually!] All of this did nothing except to expose the UGLY and my sweet bride always wanted to know what I found out so I then spread the UGLY around our home and we hurt….really bad. Christel and I have been married now 25 wonder years and there was an 18 month period that we experienced turbulence in our marriage that was foreign and dangerous to survive. I was completely shocked that we were on different pages as often as we were. We both were desperate to some degree.

I suspect that most people do NOT enjoy being out of control in any area of life, especially if it seems to be at the expense of the safety and wellbeing of a child you dearly love. Man, these were excruciating times. Sometimes I felt entirely too close to the situation. Our family is tight and I wondered if we were TOO tight. Maybe not knowing would help, especially since we were unable to deter any negative actions. The sleepness nights, edgy days, and uncertainty raged in and out of our lives. If you are there, I really hurt and sympathize with you. I would hold you and pray with you right now. I know that is something tangible I could do to “be there”.

What did GOD tell me to do?

I am not sure if you call this a revelation but it felt like one to me. It was short and easily spoken but proved to be impossible to do (to some degree). “Richard you are the one to administer the primary discipline and Christel is the one to administer the primary love (no matter the circumstance).” We both could cross the boundary of the other BUT the instruction seemed clear to me. Christel and I did NOT agree on what I thought I heard from GOD, which did not allow us to implement it well. Keep in mind again, we were desperate to some degree.

Here is a golden nugget I can pass along and I FULLY believe will work for you, IF you are able to follow what you hear. God gave you this child. That childs DNA and your DNA is God matched for each other. NO ONE can discipline or love this child like you can. Do NOT under estimate your position or your place during this time. You can do it WITH Gods help. Pray earnestly that the holy spirit would give you the DAILY instruction as what you should do AS it is possible that it will changed DAILY. I am afraid the tactics of war often change during the battle. Listen and implement as best you can.

Keep in mind: It is vitally important that you focus on ministering IN your HOME before sending resources outside of it. Keep the home front strong. It was so important for Christel and I to love each other during this time. We both know the other loved Stephan that was undeniable. We also know that God has plainly instructed us to love one another. Your child NEEDS and WANTS to see you loving each other.

Dads I know you hurt too. Don’t give up. Bow your head and tell our Father your current position on this battle field and REQUEST back up. Stand secure…it’s coming.

Richard

King Lemuel's Mother- The True Proverb's 31 Woman

 Richard and I have started writing family/marriage devotions for Brandon and Ellie. We will send them one a month. Richard is writing Brandon's and I am writing Ellie's!! They both sent us a list of struggles they both have and answered a questionnaire that Richard sent them! What married couple doesn't have struggles? I hope that God will use these to bless and encourage : )  I began Ellie's devotions with being a woman/motherhood...  Enjoy!

King Lemuel’s Mother- The True Proverb’s 31 Woman

When Christian women talk about the Proverbs 31 Woman it’s usually in an idolized fashion and out of utmost respect. After all, you’re speaking of the ideal Christian woman, right? She’s the pure, picture perfect inspiration for all of us who want to be “godly” women, wives and mothers. She is the standard role model, mentor and example of how Christian women should be. Sadly, after a few moments of boasting about how wonderful she is, most women’s pleasant conversations turn into discouraging comments about themselves and then comes the suffering and painful discontentment of knowing that they really- just- don’t- measure- up- to this lady!

We have this imaginary vision that the Proverbs 31 Woman can do it all!! If we apply the 31^st chapter of Proverbs to women of today we come up with something like this: She’s skinny because she teaches Cycle Fit down at the gym. She’s a chef- and writes her own cookbooks! She leads amazing ladies Bible Studies at church and has quite the following. Her husband is chairman of Deacons. Her children never have a hair out of place or have dirty, snotty faces! She sews and then monograms all her girl’s dresses! Her hair is always salon perfect and her make-up flawless. Her nails are always beautifully manicured. She’s the epitome of fashion and everyone looks to her for what to buy each season. Her house is always clean. She volunteer’s in the community through several different charitable organizations. She’s Homeroom Mom! She’s a Girl Scout leader and assistant dance coach! She’s also team soccer mom and she’s president of the P.T.A. for goodness sake! Her husband is always bragging on her in public…they’re so in love! She’s the person that everybody wants to be friends with on Facebook! Anyone who’s anyone follows ALL of her boards on Pinterest! If you’re not following her on Twitter, you’re really missing out! Can I get a witness?  

What if I told you the Proverbs 31 Woman wasn’t real? Do I hear gasping? When most women read Proverbs 31, they usually skip down to about verse 10 which reads, “A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life……… etc, etc…” It’s true that these words of scripture are words to genuinely treasure. They’re precious gems of wisdom and skill to be sought after. They are things to strive toward and to admire. These words shouldn’t be taken lightly at all, but are qualities meant to inspire!  But, before we miss it, let’s back up just a little to Proverbs Chapter 31:1- which says, “The words of king Lemuel; the oracle which his mother taught him.”  Let’s repeat that: The oracle which his mother taught him…

The first nine verses of Proverbs 31 aren’t about a woman at all; they’re about a mother instructing her son and teaching him about chastity, justice, mercy and temperance. She was warning him of behaviors that destroy rulers. She advised him to avoid alcohol and loose women, so that he could always have a clear head to rule justly. She reminded him of the duties of a King, which were to defend the weak and uphold the helpless.

² What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
    What are you doing, son of my vows?
³ Do not give your strength to women,
    your ways to those who destroy kings.
⁴ It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    or for rulers to take strong drink,
⁵ lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
    and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
⁶ Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
    and wine to those in bitter distress;
⁷ let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.
⁸ Open your mouth for the mute,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
⁹ Open your mouth, judge righteously,
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Stop and continue to read verses 10-31 in your Bible… In these verses, King Lemuel’s Mother begins advising her adult son on marriage! Beginning in verse 10 and ending with verse 31, she describes a noble woman, a woman of excellence, determination and who is hard working. She speaks of this woman being of great character, having concern for others and independent enough to be resourceful in her daily tasks. She describes a woman that gives to the poor and provides food and clothing for her family, a woman who is faithful to her husband and does him good, not evil. She’s a woman of strength and honor. She is clearly describing a woman who is a blessing to her husband and her family. 

Proverbs 31 isn’t what we think! It’s not a chapter for women to measure themselves against; it’s perhaps a song about a virtuous woman that King Lemuel’s mother used as an example to teach her son about what kind of qualities or characteristics to look for in a wife. King Lemuel’s mother is the real Proverbs 31 Woman here! She’s the example for women to follow! Even in her son’s adulthood, she was still pouring her life into her son and giving him the wisdom that he needed to succeed as a King and in his future as a father and husband. You may say, the scriptures didn’t mention anything about fathers or husbands in these verses!! You would be right… but think about it, she was instructing him in finding this “virtuous woman,” a helpmeet, a wife- who would one day take her place to love her son and to help him succeed as she had. That would then make him a husband and eventually, hopefully a father.

In verse 2, she mentioned him being “son of her vows.”  The name Lemuel also means (“for God” or consecrated to Him.)  When she said, “Son of my vows,” commentary says that it is probably an expression of dedication she had to the Lord in the raising her son. I would have to assume that King Lemuel’s mother saw her son as a gift from God and a heritage not to be ignored. She honored God by pouring herself into her son, instructing him and passing along wisdom that had probably been given to her by her mother.  I would also personally love to think that her mindset was also thinking of the future. She was “creating and leaving” a legacy through her son that would carry on for generations to come! Wow, what a thought…. That suddenly makes our jobs as mothers take on a whole new meaning!!! What we teach our children now will affect our children’s, children hundreds of years from now… people that we will never even meet! That kind of thought process changes the way we think of parenting! That kind of parenting changes the world! Building the Kingdom of God changes the world one child at a time. Through one itty, bitty little limb on your family tree; that little limb will grow into a strong branch one day and bear much fruit when the legacy you leave lives on…

There’s a lot to ponder and to be learned from the true Proverbs 31 Woman….  She’s sacrificial. She’s proactive. She’s genuine. She’s selfless. She puts her children before herself. She cares about honoring God with how she instructs her children and prepares them for the future.  When we come to the end of our life one day we need to remember that a true Proverbs 31 Woman is not a woman to be admired for the things she “could” do that allowed her to gain the praises of man. She’s a woman to be admired because of the things she “did” do that earned her no earthly praises at all…. 

 A poem by Forrest Whitcraft:

 “It will not matter
What kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank
Nor what my clothes looked like.
One hundred years from now
It will not matter
What kind of school I attended,
What kind of typewriter I used,
How large or small my church,
But the world may be ...
a little better because...
I was important in the life of a child………...” 

** As a little side note, I posted this on facebook and a lady at my church in Alabama called wanting to know if she could put it in the next WOW's (Women on the Way) next newsletter! I was humbled and honored...


   

Motherhood

February is the month I became a mother- twice! My boys birthdays are coming up! Brandon was born on Feb. 14th and Stephan was born Feb. 9th! They will turn 21 and 23 years old this month : ) I was reading over some things I've wrote in the past and wanted to share this today in honor of my boys. There may be more to come as this month goes by who knows... It's Motherhood month for me : ) LOL ------- enjoy : ) 

In my quiet time this morning, I was pondering over motherhood…  Oh how I miss it!!!! I was thinking back on times spent with my boys. One special memory that came to mind this morning was that I taught Brandon and Stephan how to build a fort in the woods! I taught them how to gather sticks and twigs for walls and roofs and moss for their beds inside! Such fun times…  These little forts (and the fact that their aunt was in the Military) became the inspiration for them to become “Army Men,” which eventually led to a Club called W.A.C.T.A.C . (We are Christ’s Team Army Club)  The “club” became the inspiration for a Club HOUSE, which we painted Green and had the letters W.A.C.T.A.C.  written across on the front! I even made the boys and their friends W.A.C.T.A.C.  T-shirts and hats- We went through 2 sets of these!  

Soon the T-shirts were set aside and their wardrobe became full Camouflage gear! All dressed up from head to toe, no matter the temperature- Brandon would have his Walkie Talkie tucked inside his little shirt pocket. If he needed me I would hear, “Scrrrrrrr--Mama bird, Mama Bird, come in Mama bird, this is Baby Bird, -come in!”  I would reply, “Scrrrrrrr- Hey Baby Bird, this is Mama Bird, What do you need Baby Bird, -come in!”  Well, ...It usually had something to do with peanut butter and jelly!! : )

I was very proud that Brandon named his club after our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. It was at least one little sign that Richard and I were doing “something” right in the midst of all the mistakes!! Can I get a witness?? 

As I pondered all these thoughts today, I was also taken back to the days that I struggled as a mom! Every day wasn’t all about forts and making little shirts.  Some days, I had moments that I would escape to the bathroom, because it was the only place I could be by myself!  Still.. little fingers and toes were poking from underneath with little voices repeating over and over saying, “Mommy, whea  ah you, wet me in!”  Maybe you’re a stay at home mom right now and you feel just plain worn out -and you haven’t even cleaned the house yet!!!  You’re overwhelmed with piles of laundry, dirty dishes, temper tantrums- and you haven’t shaved your legs in a week! Maybe you also feel like your ministry has been put on hold during these child rearing years… 

You’ve heard the old saying- “If I knew then what I know now, I’d change some things.”  I didn’t learn this lesson myself until later on…  My boys were 5 and 7… Richard and I had only known the Lord for a few years. We were – and still are- a work in progress!  But back to then- --I began to homeschool.  I became my boy’s teacher! I was a kindergarten and second grade teacher! My curriculum was Christian based and incorporated Christ, His Word and His Teachings in every subject!  As I homeschooled my boys over the next 5 years, I realized during those years that I didn’t have to Homeschool to become my children’s teacher- I already WAS and I didn’t even realize it! I had been their teacher since the very beginning and it took me 7 years to figure it out! There were a few years I needed to make up for!!  On a side note, I loved homeschooling…  It was awesome for our family! I also understand that it’s not for everyone… but it was THIS experience that God taught ME a valuable lesson.  : ) 

If you’re a mother, YOU are a teacher.  In the hustle and bustle of each day that went by, I also realized that Motherhood is not a DUTY --it’s a CALLING! It’s not about getting things done… it’s about being of the Lord’s business!  My relationship with God, My husband, My children and My home WERE my greatest ministries… and in that order!  I had put nothing on HOLD!!  “I” was in the midst of the greatest ministry I would ever have in my LIFE! A calling from God to help mold, shape and equip my children to be future “soldiers” for Christ -and for that moment, they were WACTAC members!  
We are called to teach and to train our little ones in the way they should go, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it –Proverbs 22:6  

Motherhood is a calling from God “for Him” to use “us” as His vessel to build a solid foundation for these little ones we tuck in at night. A solid foundation never means our little ones won’t wander... Just as God is our great shepherd, He is the example for us as parents to always go after the one who strays and bring him in.  And when they do come back, they WILL ALWAYS have something solid to hold on too! 

Mothers are the model of grace for their children…  We instill grace into our children by choosing encouraging words, words that build up, never tear down…  Words that inspire a repentant little heart and words that teach to give and receive forgiveness.

Mothers inspire purpose and a sense of God’s presence and Love in a child’s life.

Mothers inspire faith in God and His Word.

Mother’s teach their children to have a kind and compassionate heart toward those in need.

So, if you feel down trodden today…  Smile sista! You are involved in the most powerful ministries you may ever see fulfilled, which is following Christ’s example in reaching and teaching your children. A mother and child is a discipleship relationship that involves training your children to become passionate followers of Jesus Christ! -Don’t get any better than that! 

Dishes? …What Dishes?  “Dishes” will always be waiting on you tomorrow… an opportunity to impact your child’s life may only last for a moment… 

If your children are 5 and 7 like mine were… or whether you have a new born, or your child is grown… It’s never, ever too late to realize your calling! Your children will always need you, your prayers, your advice or a listening ear. 

Thought for you to ponder:  Can you imagine what your children may do for the Kingdom of God one day that may become a beautiful result of your sacrificial living, loving and giving now?  Possibilities are endless……. Because all things are possible with God.

Little Updates

Well, things didn't work out with Samantha for Stephan. I really don't even think he wanted it to work out. After all this time, I think he still loves Rainey. She came to visit a few weeks ago! She and Stephan stayed in a hotel... Not exactly what I would have wanted of course. They made all the arrangements, she flew here and they were together for several days until she returned to Alabama. Rainey is going to college and is working in a restaurant. I am proud of her for going to college. That's definitely a step in a good direction. She wants to become a nurse. She's really smart- I have no doubts that she will become one if she continues and doesn't change her mind.

Some other things that have happened lately is that Richard and Stephan are in Alabama even as I write this. A long, long... long time ago, I wrote about Stephan's wreck...  The one that involved two other kids. They were all drunk and Stephan wrecked the car... The one boy's mother is trying to sue our insurance company for gazzilions of dollars because her son fractured his hip and had to be on pain meds. I will have to note just out of plain frustration that this kid admitted to Stephan afterward that he was really enjoying the meds! Richard and I even took this kid out to dinner after the wreck. You see, at the time he didn't have a father figure in his life. He was making bad choices just as Stephan was and Richard was trying to talk to him to help him along in his life. This boy's mother knew that Richard was "mentoring" him in a sense- or trying too what little time we seen the boy. So- in return for our kindness, she tries to sue. It's been like four years since this wreck!!! I had thought by now that she'd just dropped it! Kids will be kids and make stupid decisions... but no!

I completely understand that Stephan was driving! It takes an irresponsible, immature teenager to drive drunk! It also takes an irresponsible, immature teenager to get in the car drunk with someone else who's drunk! They were both equally stupid at the time.... so was the other girl.. she was drunk too!

Richard just said that they're choosing the jury... I really hope this can be over with soon. Stephan's doing really well. Compared to where we were years ago and where we are now--- it's night and day! He's working 40 hours a week! I look at him sometimes and just can't believe that God loved us so much to move us when he did to get Stephan away from all the people he was with and stuff he was doing.

I knew when we moved here that God had plans in this Wisconsin move. We've been here for almost a year. Hard to believe! The president of the company Richard works for is now looking for another location. They have made an offer on one! I have to laugh... You'll never, ever guess where! As you know, our other son, his wife and baby, Jeremiah live in Alabama. You may also remember how difficult this move was for me leaving them. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... Are you ready? This facility is in Tennessee!!!! It's a two hour drive from Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah! If God works this out.... oh my gracious... it will be a miracle! A miracle that our trust and faith would lead us to WI, save Stephan's life, then take us back near our family, but still far enough away that Stephan can continue living and growing as a young man. Since Stephan works for the same company as my husband, he would transfer too! If this came to pass- how awesome a God we have for orchestrating such a thing? Unbelievable... just crazy awesome!!! If God chooses a different road. If this facility falls though- I know that God is in control. I've seen Him do too much to even think that He has left my side!

We also discontinued going to the small church. We are back to the big one we really liked. I just won't go into it all... just wasn't where we were supposed to be, although I thought maybe it was. We are learning and growing here. Stephan is still going with us, although he missed a Sunday a few weeks ago. He stayed over night with a friend from work and his kids. They were probably drinking.... Although I really, really wish he wasn't from time to time... I am so very thankful that he is where he is. He's made so much progress. This journey is a process for Stephan. Just as we all go through "processes" at times, this is his.... I continue praying for my beautiful boy. He's got so much to offer this world. He has a good heart, he's kind, he helps people...

The guy he spends time with sometimes is having it pretty hard financially. He and his girlfriend have four kids, which Stephan adores... Stephan's helped him a few times. Stephan has a giving heart.

I'm very thankful today as my son is healthy and with us. He's probably being reminded of past wrongs even as we speak. I hope it's a stepping stone. I hope it teaches him something good. Something that will further cast him into being the man God created him to be.

Dear Lord God, keep your hands on all my children. For Stephan, speak to him and teach him. Comfort him and hold him. For Brandon, give him eyes to see his wife's needs. To seek out ways to support her and bring her joy. For Eliana, give her a heart to except Brandon for his wonderful qualities and focus on those alone. For my little Jeremiah, Lord watch over him and keep him safe. Protect his little heart. Make him strong, wise and gentle in spirit. May Brandon and Ellie see him as you do and love him unconditionally.

Always a First Time for Everything!

I wouldn't say that Stephan went on a date with Sam (Samantha) from church, but they did meet... and they did go to the movies! Stephan's never "been to the movies" with a girl! He's never been on a real date. He told me that all the girls he's ever dated he met at a party and they just got together. It's never been like an "introduction, a getting to know one another, then getting to the point of asking a girl out and actually going somewhere nice!" He's never dressed up, picked up a girl and gone on... a date!

I was so happy for him! He did dress up. He didn't pick her up. He didn't pay for her ticket. She insisted she pay her own way. So... it wasn't a date, just a movie with a friend and that's so great! Sam seems like a very nice girl. Stephan said that she's a little shy or it seemed that way! He said maybe it was awkward for her. She's 19, but he's not sure how many guys she's been out with.

Stephan said that he wasn't nervous at all! Their movie started thirty minutes later than expected, so they had time to talk. He said that she answered his questions, but didn't really ask him any! He thought that was funny... but I also think that because she was the way she was, it gave Stephan a little more confidence in himself, in a good way.

I told Stephan that he should get to know her! Even if he finds a good friend... that's a very wonderful thing! You can't have too many good friends! Plus, you never know... she may be "the one!"

Time will tell..............

Are You Protecting Your Child From GOD?

Now that's a shocker of a title, right? Let me explain! So, Stephan has been working for the company my husband works for since the first of August, so almost four months! He's working hard and doing a great job! I'm very proud of him! I'd like to say that everything has been smooth since he began work, but we've had a few mountains to cross. I knew that Stephan would begin meeting people and making friends. This can be a good thing- or not! If any of you have a child that is on drugs, or been on drugs, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not stereotyping people/ people groups at all! I love people. Don't mishear me... I'm talking about individuals on this earth that may be in the same kind of trouble Stephan has been in -and those individuals being good for him to hang around or vice versa for that matter! Over the past several months since Stephan came to live with us, we have stressed the importance of surrounding himself with individuals that would encourage him to grow, not people that might potentially pull him down. We encourage him to learn from the people that he gains inspiration from! I believe that rule could apply to all of us!

Sometimes, I let my anxieties rule me and my moods when it comes obstacles I know Stephan is getting ready to face. I then take on the responsibility of trying to prepare him for whatever these obstacles may be, then... when things don't go as planned as I've set in "my" heart and "his" mind- I crash internally! This "crashing" of sorts causes me to feel like I need to somehow re-train him, because it's obvious I missed something! I believe this may be classified as co-dependent! My moods are sometimes dependent on his success! It can also be classified as a mother with her hopes so high, she can't allow her son to make choices on his own for fear that he may fail. Not "fail" as in he's a failure... "Fail" in a sense that I somehow failed him, because if he was knowledgeable enough- he would have all the tools to make good friends and good choices and life would be perfect with whipped cream and a cherry on top!! He wouldn't have to struggle so... and he would begin to succeed in every area that he wants to succeed in, because I'm ready for his success. He should be too right?

Let me say--- I've been through this over and over! If you've read prior posts, you'll read all about how we had to let Stephan go when we lived in Alabama. We had to let him go to make his own choices and let the consequences teach him, because there comes a time in every child's life where this must happen in order for them go grow! It's true- we can't protect them from everything and experience is sometimes the best teacher!

Let me put it into perspective again- for myself... and for anyone reading that may war with this too. I tell you, why is this such a struggle? It's like tug of war with your own heart! Ok, here goes my short version of the sermon I heard a sermon recently on the Prodigal Son. (Luke Ch. 15:11-32) :  --The son wanted to leave the home of his father and take along with him all of his inheritance! The father let him! The son went on his merry way... he squandered all his money on loose living and prostitutes! He was reduced to a state of hunger and despair and he had to eat with the pigs! It was only when he came to the end of his rope with no resources left that he began to realize what he had done. His heart grew weary and I believe, repentant! He had admitted he sinned against his father and against Heaven. He admitted he was no longer worthy to be called his father's son. He wanted to come home, but only as a hired servant. The story goes on... but the point I'm making is: "The Father Let Him Go." He didn't chase after him. He didn't send him letters to remind him to spend his money wisely and not to lay with prostitutes or he'll loose all his money and be broke! He let the son make the mistakes, so that the son would learn valuable life lessons through experience.

This same sermon was about The Prodigal Son, but it was also a message to us parents. I believe the heart of it would be this: If you continually go before your child padding their every fall they will continue... to "fall!"
The sentence that the pastor said that struck me most was: "How do you know that this "FALL" is not God's plan for your child's life so that God can TEACH them something through the experience?" OH Wow! Right through the heart!

Parents, often too much, try to protect their children from falling and IF God IS trying to work in our child's life then yes, we could be protecting our child from the chastening hand GOD! Ouch! Protecting our children is a good thing, but when our children are ADULT children... sometimes protection doesn't allow for mistakes that our adult children need to make in order to learn and grow. It doesn't allow them to know and come to a realization that they've turned their backs on God and are therefore now suffering the consequences of sin. It doesn't allow them to learn where sin can lead! It doesn't allow them to take responsibility for their own lives.

What I'm saying in a nutshell is that we should guide our adult children with advice and wisdom if they'll take it! Have great conversations with them and take opportunities to mentor them. Spend time with them doing things they enjoy. Be a parent! But... when they won't hear... when they don't want your well thought out wisdom and they want to run and do their own thing... Well, sometimes you have to let them go learn the hard way.

Like I said, since he's moved here we've faced some trials. This happened several months ago.... Aside from work relationships, he did get mixed up with some other people here that, well, actually a guy from work introduced Stephan too. We had not idea that this was even going on, but this relationship lasted for three days and because of this relationship and bad choices on Stephan's part, his choices could have potentially landed him in jail! But- those three days taught him A WHOLE LOT! It taught him that it wasn't worth it. Maybe he needed a reminder. He hasn't been back! Praise God!

I'd also like to say that Stephan is making all kinds of good choices right now too! I have sooooo much to be grateful for. He's not where he was... As a matter of fact, he's NOWHERE around where he "was!" This is what my heart should be focused on! It's a journey that we're walking with our son and he's walking in a new direction. The friends he chooses at work might not be exactly who I'd choose for him according to things they do on their own time.... but---- over the past week Stephan has chose to come home from work and not "hang" with any of them! He does speak of choices they are making: some involving alcohol, absentee parents, adultery, pain killers, and one woman who is almost twice Stephan's age hitting on him! He is learning from these people... He's learning who he doesn't want to be... He's seeing a marriage that just started in the first stages of divorce! He says he wants to be a faithful husband.... He's learning what he "is" looking for in a wife and what he's not!  He is seeing the repercussions of adults living as children in their 30's and 40's and the struggles that come along with it! He says that it's sad and he definitely doesn't want to be there at that age! He knows he has a lot of growing to do. He's 20!!

Stephan has also been going to church with us every Sunday! My heart is over joyed! He has even been involved in a few ministry opportunities where he helped pastor Jason. He "hung out" with pastor Jason one entire day helping with the Christmas Parade!

There's a verse of scripture that I like to recall often: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it! Proverbs 22:6. I know that Richard and I did our best as our boys were growing up.. even with all the mistakes I know we made! We did have a mindset to "train" them as we felt the Lord would want us too in the midst of the mistakes and doubting our parenting abilities!! We tried our best to teach them to love Him, honor Him and be obedient to Him. Many days I prayed for patience and many days were spent wondering what in the world I was doing -or if I was doing anything right at all! Ultimately, I believe we instilled the love of God in them and salvation through Christ Jesus. I believe our boys have a foundation although it may not be perfect- it's strong- not because of us, but because of Christ! I believe this foundation is the rock that Stephan is returning too. Praise God he has this rock of Christ Jesus that he trusted in so many years ago!

You know, God is over joyed when we return to Him! God loves unconditionally, yet He allows us to wander and wandering always causes growth, because we're left to figure things out for ourselves! Every trial that we face causes us to grow and we're also strengthened in many ways! Our faith is made stronger... If we were never allowed to wander and we were always protected from trial, where would our faith be today?

I saw something on facebook today that said: "Guide with kindness."  Too often, I want Stephan to read scriptures where it speaks of drunkenness and loose living, so that he can know what he's doing is wrong. Fact is, he already knows. He has that foundation beneath him since childhood. What he needs is "Words of LIFE" not death! He needs to know that God loves him, God is for him, God believes in Him and God has a plan for his life! Stephan needs to know we feel this way too as his parents... and I think he does. It's just that many days I fail to remind him of it.

Stephan is struggling right now in his relationship with Rainey. He broke it off, but he still loves her. Last Sunday in church I caught myself looking down reading in Proverbs. It was concerning women. I thought to myself that I wished Stephan could read it, but then again- "Words of Life" right? I glanced over to him and he WAS reading Proverbs chapter five! I couldn't believe my eyes! He even made a face as if he'd never read that before and he was shocked! I asked him after church what that reaction was all about as he was reading. He he said he'd made his mind up that he was telling Rainey that it was over! He did call her last Sunday. He did tell her it was over. He also ended their conversation by telling HER she needed to read Proverbs Chapter 5! (Well, maybe not the best thing he should've said... but that's what happened.)

That was last Sunday... Stephan just last night told me he still loved her and was getting ready to call her to discuss their relationship and that he was putting his foot down! I hate to see him go through this again and again! He's done that many times... many, many times. She is not willing to follow and the cycle continues.

There is a girl at church (Samantha) that is interested in Stephan and he's talked to her. She is beautiful. She's been home-schooled all her life. Stephan was home-schooled for five years, so they have something in common. Her facebook page reveals that she is probably a very nice, God seeking girl, but this scares Stephan to death. He admitted that he's never dated a "girl like that." He was purely flushed after talking to her Sunday! I've never seen him that way! It was quite funny in a sweet kind of way.

Who knows? I just keep praying for my son to find his way in life. I try to love him the best ways I can. I love both my boys beyond anything they'll ever know! Well, Brandon has a son now... I'm sure he has experienced that kind of love!!  : )  I want that for Stephan too...

Lord, may you always go before us in every way. Protect my children and our family. Please help us to love them in ways they need to be loved and speak life into them every single day...

Amen

What's God Got Up His Sleeve Anyway?

Hi friends! Sorry I haven't posted in so long...  It's been almost three months! I've been very, very busy still, finishing up the painting/remodel of our new home! We're all moved in and settled. I think the other part of not posting is just mere depression on my part. If you've read prior posts of our move to WI you know how difficult this has been for me. BUT... if you've read prior posts, you also know that I've realized reasons behind the move. One huge reason is Stephan! I never imagined God would love us so much to answer prayers for him in this manner, but God works in ways we cannot see most of the time! Although I know this, the human side of me hates being away from my other son, his wife and now 10 month old Jeremiah. Oh gracious- all my life I imagined how wonderful it would be having babies. I love children and my career of choice since I was knee high to a grasshopper was to be a wife and mom! As my boys grew, each day I lived life with the mentality of preparing them for the future physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was on a mission! I knew that one day I'd be a grandmother and I became one 10 months ago at the ripe old age of 41! I know that God knew the internal desires of my heart... (You know, to have both my boys, my grandchildren and daughter-in-laws living just a few minutes away and every weekend having little children surrounding me and running through the house playing, because after all it was their favorite place to be, right?) Christmas's, Easters and Thanksgivings would be filled with lots of laughter and food around my table. Well, now we are traveling a lot! My heart breaks... I see Jeremiah on facetime (which I love) but... just isn't the same. I can't snuggle him. I struggle daily not having them in my life, but when I snap back into reality, I know that God's plans are higher than mine!

I have to say- There's been some talk! Yes... "talk." My son, Brandon works for the same company my husband works for, but in Alabama. When we moved to WI one thing God did was allow my son to get a customer service job (that he couldn't have gotten if his dad still worked there, because my husband was the boss!) Brandon couldn't work under his dad.. company policy! Anyhow--- There's been "talk" of my son moving to the NC facility, so that customer service can be in one place serving all three locations. NC is where we started with my husband working in that facility. Then he took the job in AL... now we're in WI and he's running this facility! Hope I'm making sense as to how this all came about. The other thing is: I know that Richard will not be here (WI) forever... The plan is to get this facility up and going and to find a replacement for his job, so that Richard can open up a new plant somewhere else-- or he may be taking the presidents job one day. That's an option too. The president/owner works out of the NC location! SO.... how awesome would it be for God to allow such a thing to happen in our weak abilities to try to be faithful and follow His leading? How cool would it be for us to all be together again in NC one day? I can't say this is God's plan, but I do like thinking about it!

Lord, help us to remain faithful even in the midst of confusion of why we're here. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. One, being Stephan... and I know that! I'm so thankful for him and all my children. I know you have plans and purposes for all our lives here on Earth. Lord, guide and protect us. Pick us up when we fall and fail You in so many ways. Help us to find our individual purposes for being where we are.

In Jesus Name.....

Answered Prayer Comes In the Most Unsuspecting Ways....

I should really update more.. I've had so much going on here.. I'm still unpacking! Stephan's been here for seven weeks and he's growing in so many ways. There's lots of things I notice every day that are definite changes! He doesn't really talk to any of his old friends besides Caleb and Rainey. He's made only a few comments to others on facebook, but for the most part, that seems to be fading away. He's separating himself from his old life. I feel so sorry for him when it comes to Rainey.... Stephan's such a romantic. He really cares for her and still sends her messages and talks to her. She may or may not respond and when she does it's quick and possibly an "I'll get back to you later." Stephan's preparing himself for her or himself to find another special person in their life. He just seems to think about it more than she does. He's going to make such a good husband one day when he finds that one person who truly completes him in every way. That one person who he really connects with- on a friendship basis and emotionally. Then later- on every level! True love....

Stephan's not really looking for true love right now and I think that's really mature of him. He's still going to church with us, he's still working- very hard I might add! He even volunteers for Saturdays and works over time! These Saturdays are offering him very nice paychecks! : ) Stephan's opened up a checking account and savings and is working toward buying a car he really likes. He is establishing an emergency fund- he's tithing! He is being very responsible. I am very proud of him.

One thing that's bothering him is turning 21. I'm so glad that he's open and honest with us about it. We had a discussion last night about his concerns and I hope he was encouraged. We talked about Satan, temptation, and hiding God's Word in our hearts. We talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan and how he used the Word of God to fight him off!

Everyday, Stephan is growing and changing. He's growing up... He even talks about how he thinks he's changed. He met someone the other day that's probably 45 years old and they have not grown up yet!!! Stephan marveled at the fact of how someone could be that old and still act like a teenager.... He said he did NOT want to be him in 25 years! Stephan wants a home, a wife and children one day : ) I want that for him too.

Everyday we try to encourage him and let him know we're here for him. Yesterday, Stephan wanted to go to the driving range and even though Richard was going, he wanted me to go to! I really wasn't feeling well, but I went anyway, because he acted so disappointed that I may stay here. That really made me feel special. --That he really wanted me to be there. We wound up having a blast! It was a good day...

On another note: I went to Alabama last week to see my other babies! Brandon, Ellie and little Jeremiah... Oh, it was so good to see them! I may not have put Jeremiah down all week!! He's seven months old now and sweet as ever. We had a good time of worship that week, good food and good shopping : ) The best part was kissing and snuggling on my baby... and the talks we all had together. In about eight weeks, Brandon and Ellie are going to El Salvador on a missions trip. "I" get to keep Jeremiah!!! They're driving up for a visit, then leaving him with us. We will be driving him back home--- maybe! : ) I might just keep him- haha! I can't wait, because leaving that baby every time we leave Alabama rips me to shreds.

I never, ever in a million years would dream that God loved us so much to answer our prayers for Stephan like he has. He moved us all the way to WI for Stephan to start over. I didn't see it coming! It was devastating news at the time and I suffered greatly moving away from Brandon and his family... but God knows the plans He has for us... plans to give us hope and a future. He sees the big picture! All we have to do is be faithful... even in the depths of despair and when we don't understand!

I love you Lord... I lift my voice to give you praise.............