Causes For His Feelings of Dependancy For Drugs

About a month before home school ended, Stephan refused to do any of his work! I want to say that home school was coming between us, but really it was him. His attitude stunk! He was terribly disobedient and rebellious in many ways. We found out that he had been sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and also started smoking cigarettes. There was a girl that he really liked that broke his heart. Many factors played into the attitude and drug problem.

Things I began to notice was that before drugs, Stephan has always been a "neat freak." His room was always spic-n-span! It was really odd to walk into his room and find a book out of place or something laying in the floor! His shoes lined his closet, sitting atop the boxes we bought them in.. His clothes all hung up in a row and neatly organized. His bed was always neatly made every morning. In his bathroom, you would never find anything out of place or splatters of toothpaste on the mirror or the faucet!

One day I noticed that he wasn't picking up after himself. For this to happen means that he doesn't care. For him not to care means that there are deeper issues lying around, which is causing his feelings of dependency for drugs. He needed his mind to be "taken away."

In talking to Stephan, I really feel that he felt he loved this girl that broke his heart. They never really dated, but had known each other for quite sometime. He knew her from public school and from church. They also evidently spent time together that we didn't know about. She came to our house a couple of times. I have to admit that I didn't like her. Well, maybe I should say that I didn't like her for him! Before she ever came to our home or I knew that Stephan was interested in her, he told me that she had a string of problems of her own and was pretty "friendly" with the boys. When he shared this with me, he was being very negative, so I took it that he wasn't interested in her and from what he was describing; I felt that he was describing a type of girl that he wouldn't date! I was kind of perplexed that he wanted to know if she could come over after what he shared with me! It was quite a shock. I also didn't think it was a good idea to mix his problems with her problems. As I said, she came over a few times and I will have to say that I made myself be nice toward her. I know this isn't the attitude that I should have. I guess it was out of protection for my son, being we were going through these other issues already. I didn't need any more... I really had my guard up!

They wound up breaking things off after a short while. Weeks afterward, I found out that they did have sex. "That" broke my heart.... I have taught my children since they were old enough to understand that sexual intimacy is honoring to God and to be saved for marriage. I talked about how special it would be. We've been praying for the boys wives since they were small and they know that.

He and she shared the most intimate thing that people have to share... I'm sure that it was hard when she broke things off with him. I can't help but think that if he'd listened and honored God with his body, things wouldn't be so hard, but that's not where we are. He is struggling with the consequences of his own actions and drowning these consequences with drugs.... therefore suffering consequence after consequence...
He can't see that he is bringing even more hurt upon himself and others around him.

Lord, help me be the mother that I need to be to my son. You loved the whole world that you gave your only begotten Son. Those who believe in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. I know that Jesus came into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. You love us unconditionally... Help me not to condemn, but help me love as you love...

Sometimes I struggle with my use of words toward him. I want so much to see him repent and restored. Sometimes, I need to realize that you must complete your perfect work in him whatever that is.

Help me to uplift and encourage, not to remind him of the wrong he has done...

Help me Lord to allow you to love him through me...

I love him so much...

In Jesus name, Amen

Waiting Patiently

After a year of homeschool, things didn't seem any better. During school, Stephan was able to take Bible Doctrines as one of his electives. I thought that this was a "god-send." During school, we would go through the book together, as we would all of his subjects until he became increasingly frustrated at me, school and everything else around him. I knew in my heart that he wasn't ready for soteriology, eschatology, theology, or any other "ology" out there, he just needed Jesus.

I began making up my own studies for him. I'd spend about 45 minutes making him a question/answer sheet to answer after reading passages of scripture that I chose. I'd always choose scripture that seemed fitting to his situation. Scripture about choices, sin, the rewards of living an obedient life before God and how much God loves us and offers forgiveness. He told me once, and only once that my Bible studies were good and that they meant something to him. It wasn't the studies... It was being in the Word that was speaking to him.

There were also "those" days that I was left with nothing else to give from inside me, except relenting myself to the floor of my laundry room, crying and screaming out to God during our bad homeschool days. The feel of the rug on the floor are etched deep into my memory. Many tears fell upon it. I was in such despair I couldn't stand...weakness had over taken me.

There were many days that Stephan didn't want to be in the house with me! He wanted to be at school with his "friends." We made the decision to take him out. It was a act of protection on our parts. It was during the times of crying and screaming out to God that He held me. I felt numb and helpless as if my hands were tied. I saw my son sinking deeper and deeper into a dark pit that didn't appear to have a bottom and there was nothing that I could do to pull him out.

We found out that he was getting drugs during homeschool! So, then the question arose," is homeschool really any better?" Like I said before, for things to be any better, he just needed Jesus... He needed to come to a place in his life to where he understood that he was hurting himself and his body! He needed to realize that this was sin. There is a old saying that goes, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!" Well, yes, my son needed Jesus, he needed to turn to Him and ask Him to lead and guide him, but he didn't want it...

I truly believe that God will use all that we have poured -and are still trying to pour into him. I believe that God has a plan for his life and it will unfold. I think that all his struggles will be part of his testimony one day. In the mean time, we have to love him and guide him in the best ways that we can... Most of all pray! Prayer is the key. Let God hear my cries, let Him hear my pain, let Him hear my concerns. I've asked Him so many questions! I guess the first question was: "Why my child?" I think that it's ok to ask God these questions... We are feeble-minded, He is the Alpha and Omega. His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. Many years ago, I gave my children to Him. I have to trust that He knows what He's doing, because He will never leave or forsake us in any way.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

Psalm 40:1-2

Spiritual Battles

As I said in a previous post, I was fighting a battle for my son. But let me say that on another front, I was fighting another battle within. Yes, our son was raised in a Christian home, but we must have gone wrong... Where did we go wrong? For weeks I felt lonely, abandoned and deserted as I pondered these thoughts within myself. Slowly but surely, God began showing me that I had been lied to by the deceiver himself years prior to the events that were currently plaguing my life!

When my boys were at the innocent ages of two and four we had trials... temper tantrums, hitting, biting, tattling, even sassy little mouths and just plain disobedience, which was always corrected with time outs or yes, spankings!! When they were young I read numerous books on raising children and obedience and felt that if I followed these rule books of instruction that everything would turn out right! Right??

Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

I truly felt that like a delicious cake- if we pour all the right ingredients into our children that everything would turn out perfect in the end... with icing on top! At this time in my life when the boys were small, I would hear of older parents going through struggles with their teens and seriously, the first thought I would have is I would wonder what went wrong in parenting!! I felt that maybe they missed out on all of Dr. James Dobson's parenting books! I'm telling you, I have been humbled beyond words in my beliefs!

If you are a mother who is questioning these things like "What did you do wrong? Are you a bad parent?"... Dear One, you haven't done anything wrong! If you and your husband have raised your son or daughter to trust in God, to make Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior, to follow Him in all their ways.. You have done everything right! That IS the most you can do.

Reading the story of the Prodigal Son has made Proverbs 22:6 become clearer and clearer to me. We train our children up in the loving admonition of the Lord and "if" they do wander... if they run through all their inheritance, so to speak, if they make a real mess of things.. God promises that one day they will remember and they will return to the foundations set before them. They will return...

I am clinging to that promise.. I claim that promise!

I Was Devastated

I don't remember what day of the week it was, but I do remember getting a call from the school telling me that my son wasn't in a certain class. I remember the empty feeling I had, wondering what could have happened to cause him not to go to class! I also remember that afternoon the words that my oldest son, Brandon spoke to me.. words that he had overheard Stephan say on the way to the car leaving school. He had overheard him telling another kid that he had smoked catnip laced with marijuana in the bathroom with another boy earlier that day. When I heard this other boys name my heart sank, because I knew that this kid was on drugs! Stephan had come home telling me tales about this kid. Because of these horrible tales, I felt certain that he was telling me this out of sorrow for this young man. I thought by him sharing this that surely he wouldn't want to involve himself in this type of thing. Well, that day I felt like I had been hit by a huge ocean wave and completely knocked off my feet. I was in utter despair... My husband and I talked to Stephan hoping to hear that it was all a farce... that he was joking or some such thing! Even joking about something like this at this point would have been fine with me as long as "this" information was false!! To my horror... it was true!

Months prior to this event ever taking place, Stephan had got into skateboarding. As a mom, I never liked, nor did I approve of what seemed to go along with the skateboarding fad... I hated skulls! That all represented demonic darkness to me. I didn't like long hair, black clothing, loud non-Christian music... skinny jeans... etc! Stephan was skating to Christian music, wore t-shirts and hoodies with skateboards on them or a "brand" name of skateboarding equipment! I told him and warned him of the potential dangers, not just physically, but spiritually and socially. We talked about friends and choosing friends that will build him up, not tear him down. I never cared if he learned all the different tricks you do on a skateboard as long as he stayed away from all the junk associated with the sport.
As with anything, Stephan gave skateboarding one hundred and fifty percent! He was good!! He could jump, kick, flip and do all that stuff that makes you "somebody" in the skateboarding world!
I also remember that he would watch a particular skateboarder on youtube, who was also a Christian skateboarder... so I thought that things were going well for him and I was proud that he was having fun and keeping in mind the things we had discussed.

He had a friend over one day and I began to notice differences... The radio in the garage was NOT playing Christian music and Stephan began having anger issues... Of course he and his dad would have long talks about the choice of music and fits of rage... and everything would seem fine again.

A few other things happened in our lives during this time. Things that from the beginning were against my better judgement... Stephan was almost sixteen and a friend of his who was a little younger than him was spending time at the mall during the summer and at a waterpark. This kids parents were dear friends of ours from church and we fully trusted them and their judgement for their child. I wasn't very comfortable with Stephan joining him at the mall or the waterpark at all, only because I didn't trust Stephan! After wavering back and forth over the matter, I struck it up as me not being able to let go as a mother...I had to let him grow up! After all, Stephan was almost sixteen for goodness sake and learning to "drive" for that matter! Maybe I should let him have a little freedom. Even with this little bout of freedom that I thought I'd let him have, I still held on and didn't allow him to be at the mall or the water park, but maybe three times.. maybe four times the entire summer!Stephan was immature for his age and I knew it... I know my child! I also shared this with the mother of his friend. Maybe I was being a little over protective or overbearing!!

Now back to the present... For all you mothers out there... Being through what we've been through this past year and a half..things that I haven't even wrote about yet... let me tell you, it's ok to be protective! Trust the Holy Spirit trying to warn you of things that may not be good for your child. What's good for one, may not necessarily be good for another. He, even at fifteen and a half was not ready for this freedom!!! To me, it was the beginning of our journey down this troublesome road. Now, I do and am aware of knowing that no matter how old they are, they all have the power to choose right from wrong and make their own decisions! You may have a fourteen year old that hangs with his friends at the mall and everything may be rosy! I really hope so... As mothers, I think God gives us a special intuition when it comes to our children. I have learned that when something just doesn't "seem" right.. when there's doubt or confusion, I need to stand back and refocus on the situation! God may just be trying to tell me something!!

When we found out about the catnip laced with marijuana we knew that something major had to be done! How could we send our child back into this lions den? What do we do? We had found out also that during these three short trips to the mall, he had bought drugs from a stranger!
Stephan was being very disrespectful to me in the car one day, so I immediately took his cell phone! I dropped him off at my husbands work and went on about my business... I had put his phone in my purse and heard it ring.. it was a text wanting to know if he was still interested in buying it. I texted this guy called, "The Man" back and forth trying to secretly find out what it was that my son was wanting to buy. He thought I was Stephan you see... Again, it was drugs!

My husband and I made the decision to remove him from school completely. We didn't know who to turn to or what to do! I had homeschooled when my boys were small for five years, so we felt that homeschooling and time to refocus would be beneficial to him. Honestly, I didn't want to homeschool again.. not it the tenth grade, but we decided to do the Abeka Video School, which was wonderful! So that's what we did, we took him out of public school. We also got rid of his skateboard, his clothing and anything associated with the sport. If there were any forms of darkness trying to work it's way into our son's life or our home through this, we wanted it removed! We gave Stephan the choice to choose another sport. He was very angry at us as you can imagine! He threw tantrums and pretty much hated us, because he truly didn't understand why we were doing this! He just didn't "get" it as most teens don't! My husband took him golfing one day and ever since that day he hasn't really gave us any more grief over taking his things away. He bought himself some clubs, shoes etc. and absolutely loves golfing.

Lord, I'm learning more and more each day to listen to your voice. You love my son more than I do! You give me the Holy Spirit who bring me to all truths... I trust in you. Help me to stand firm and strong when things don't seem right. Help me to have ears to hear and a heart fully devoted to You! I love you so much Father... You are an ever-present help in time of need...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths....

Proverbs 3:5-6

A Testimonial About Us...

My husband, Richard and I became Christians at different times in our lives. Neither one of us grew up in a "Mother and Father both sold out" Christian home. My mother sent my sisters and I to Vacation Bible School and we attended church for a brief time, but I did not learn what it meant to surrender my life fully to God. I gave my heart to Jesus Christ at the age of fourteen through the witness of a friend at school, but because I didn't have any strong Christian friends, a church home or youth group; I never grew past my commitment. I met Richard when I was fourteen and he was sixteen at a high school basketball game. Except for a six month period of time we were inseparable! When I was seventeen, my parents began the process of a very painful divorce, in which court battles lasted for more than seven years! Richard's parents also began the process of divorce at nearly the same time. In all that chaos, we figured that the best thing we could do was "get" married!

The first five years of our marriage was extremely rocky! We just didn't know how to "do" marriage! We had no skills! Communication, what's that? We didn't know how to do that either! We loved one another, but didn't know "how" to love one another if that makes sense!

Richard was saved at the age of twenty-four through the witness of two men that he worked with and his sister who was saved in college and was, at the time, serving God through Campus Crusade for Christ. I rededicated my life to Christ and at that point in our lives, we were changed. We knew that God had a purpose for our lives and for our children's lives, who were about one and three years of age. We knew that we had a lot of work to do and gracious, so much to learn! I can remember Richard and I sitting at our kitchen table making a list of people/friends we knew who we would want to model our marriage after. We came up empty... We tried to list couples characterised as being an example of godly parents that we wanted our lives to resemble. We came up with two!.. Well, it was a start!

At that time in our lives, we "mentally" cut the chains of bondage from our family tree including anything or anyone that could hold us back from living our lives fully for Christ. When I mean mentally, I mean the negative things that we learn growing up that just become second nature to us all. We inherit these family characteristics, "ways of thinking"... or mannerisms and pass them on to innocent by-standards generation to generation! The Bible refers to it as Generational Sin... Sometimes people never stop and wonder how all of the chaos worked out for those who passed it on to them! Of course, most people don't contribute their own problems to generational sin either. However, negative consequences are not very good! We wanted a new start! We wanted to take the positive, get rid of the negative, search the scriptures and let God guide us in replacing the negatives with positives! We wanted all the old to pass away and all things to become new! God transformed our hearts and lives... Oh, the stories that I could tell of the things God has done in our lives through the years!

I have to say that we are still in the process of building. A marriage is a work in progress! We haven't "arrived," by no means, but we are walking hand in hand! : ) We struggle with the flesh many days...
All of us have issues- some private- some public... There's this sin nature in us all that even through redemption- still finds sin. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy covenant relationships and a marriage is a covenant relationship between husband, wife and God. His targets are marriages and family! Marriage is work and when two people are truly committed to God is when success rates are at their highest! Richard has quoted this many times to people we speak with: He begins with- "Making a marriage work is not a "he gives 50% and she gives 50%."  That's not the deal, it's a 100/100 percent deal! You can't get stuck in the 50/50 way of thinking- "I'll do my part as long as they do theirs! That's setting yourself and your marriage up for failure because we all are going to disappoint at one time or another!! When one of us having a bad day, the other one is supposed to be there for support to pull the other one along... and vice versa, because we 'are' gonna have bad days!" And this is my favorite: Richard says, "Christel and I are trying our best to "out love" one another... and guess what- We're both winning!" I think my all time favorite quote from my husband is what he said to me on one- very- hot- Alabama summer day... "You and me are like two Hershey kisses on the dash of a hot car!" I do have to admit-- that one "melted" my heart! Ha Ha!

Richard and I celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary last March and like I said, we are not who we were in the beginning. Reading the Word and putting the knowledge and wisdom that God has given us into practice has totally transformed us and is continuing to transform us more and more each and every day! I still say that we have a long way to go.. and we do! But I look back at all that God has done and think, "wow, look how far we've come!" Praise God!

We have two son's, both that we are very proud of... My oldest, Brandon is nineteen. He is a freshman in college. He wants to become a Nurse Practitioner. He works and pays his own tuition. He's a mild-tempered, easy going guy. He's nineteen going on thirty and has always been years ahead of himself! His heart belongs to Spanish speaking people! He's fluent in Spanish and has been on three mission trips which include Canada, Costa Rica and Nicaragua. He's currently the Spanish music minister at church and wants to be a long term missionary one day in a Spanish speaking country.

Our youngest, Stephan is seventeen. He's a junior in high school. He has spoken of owning his own business one day. He is strong tempered and strong willed, but has such a sense of compassion for those who are hurting. He especially loves children! His favorite thing to do is golf for the time being... whatever he does he gives it one hundred and fifty percent!! He's only been golfing about a year now and has really impressed many grown men who have been golfing for years!

Currently, my husband and I have had a Bible Study Department at church seemingly laid at our feet.. such a God thing.. It's called Family Ties. We started out with 9 people and now have a little over 80 people in our class. My husband teaches from his heart -things that the Lord has spoken to him about. We are able, because of the environment of our class being geared toward family, marriage and parenting, to use so "many" examples of trials and victories that God has brought us through to minister to the couples in our class. We usually always end class with a marriage minute.
Praise be to God... we have seen so many couples become closer to one another and more committed to their own marriages. They've grown to a deeper understanding of one anothers thoughts, feelings and emotions! It's so awesome to witness God doing such a work! We have also counseled many couples through the years that God has brought to us as well. There have been many people at our kitchen table or on our living room couch just seeking someone who can understand a little of what they may be going through. I think that Richard and I can only share our hearts because of experience and if that helps someone along in their journey we are most glad to share... I really believe that looking back, God allowed us to go through the struggles we went though to be "able" to minister to others today! We can now be a living example of God using these trials that we have gone through for His glory! It's only by his grace that we have a non-perfect, but healthy marriage! Did I say "non-perfect?" Oh- yes.. I did!

Richard and I began discipleship two years ago. We had the privilege of being discipled by our pastor and his wife. We have turned around and are now discipling others. The process of discipleship takes almost a year. We have just started our second discipleship relationship with another couple! It is so neat to see relationships grow and people feast upon the Word of God, making it the authority of their lives...

As for me, I am also a singer. It's my passion and one place of ministry that God has me in. He's privileged me to be able to be a soloist, but also part of a praise and worship team and band who's heart are totally sold out to Him! My other ministry is women's mentorship and being able to pour my life into encouraging women.. wherever they are in their lives...

I'm going to tell you, the day I found out that my son had tried marijuana I was devastated beyond belief! I was blindsided! My heart grieved, ached, felt that it had been spat upon... I was so angry and hurt! I had so many questions and felt bewildered and confused! Why..... Why my son? I don't understand... How could a child that had been reared in a loving, Christian home make such horrible choices? We're not perfect, but look at all the things that we've tried to pour into him.. Is it lost? What did we do wrong? Am I a bad mother? Are other people going to think I am? Through the tears God began working. He began showing me and teaching me things about myself as mother and about sin... He began showing me that this is not my fault, it's my son's choice. But how do I help him? What do I do? What can I do? I had just began the most serious spiritual battle of my life!

A battle for my son's life.....

I have just began this blog... I hope to begin sharing my story soon!

God Bless