Getting Your Focus Right

Two weeks ago Richard called me from work and said that he and Stephan had talked during lunch and that he had told Rainey to leave! For a few seconds, I couldn't speak. It was like a dream or something- I was stunned! Of course, this had happened like two other times, but for some reason, I believed it this time.

Rainey moved up here three years ago. We had been here a little over a year. They were usually ok and fun to be around, but boy did they have their fights! The worst fights they had were when they were both drinking. Neither one of them are fun when they were drinking. We were never around them during these times except the one night I went to get Stephan from jail many months ago... A few other times over the phone talking to us. They were both on the other end of the phone tattling on the other one to us... I was quite a big drama! Thing is... you can't talk any sense into drunk people.

Many days out of the week they both would come over. We would eat dinner and hang out! Richard and Stephan started working out in our basement. They would play chess or corn hole outside. We went down to Lake Michigan many Saturdays. We took a picnic down once and it was so much fun having sandwiches and watermelon by the Lake. It was cool, but sunny... Just enough for a sweater. I have to say, it was a perfect day.

Rainey and I walked some here and talked. We went shopping together. She had really been my closest friend in Wisconsin since moving here. It was great having another girl in my life. They were here almost every single Saturday and went with us to church. I had made her my mission field...

I shared the gospel with Rainey three different times. She just wouldn't totally surrender. There was a side to Rainey that I loved. She was gentle, kind, loving, generous.. She was always thinking of others. She would have made a terrific Christian if she would have allowed herself to follow Christ. I had even gotten to the point in my life that I let her totally "in." I told her I loved her... I tell Ellie I love her all the time! I didn't know if I could do that with Rainey until I was sure, but of what, I don't really know... Maybe it was a defense mechanism of not wanting to loose her one day and having to deal with the hurt later. Maybe it was the fear of her and Stephan's relationship not working out. Maybe I wasn't sure she was the one for him! I don't know what held me back. I wanted to love her and I finally did!

The other side of Rainey scared me a little. She was introduced to marijuana by her own mother at the tender age of 14. Even still today, Rainey's mom is a drug addict. She's on pills (hundreds a month.) She sells her prescriptions only to turn around and buy later when she doesn't have enough to take by the end of the month. She was making Rainey sell and buy for her while Rainey was still under age in Alabama. Her uncle introduced her to margarita's during those young, impressionable years too. I was sad to hear all of this coming from Rainey. Rainey didn't seem as upset about it as I did. I guess that concerned me. She had grown so accustomed to that way of life, that it was her "normal."  She loved her mom, but lived with her grandmother while she lived in Alabama. Her father was nearby, but was remarried with another child. I know he would have let Rainey live with him, but it was Rainey who chose not to live there. With all that Rainey had been through, I felt that maybe- being here in Wisconsin would allow her to have some freedom to make wise choices all on her own and get away from the destructive path she was on.

Rainey told Richard and I several times during these three years that she'd never really ever known what it was like to be part of a real family. She'd ask me to pray about things for her. She asked me to pray for her mom! I really felt like we were making a small difference in her life. There were times I wondered if we were making a difference at all. Sometimes life with Stephan and Rainey could be like riding a roller coaster. Up hill one day and down hill another.

Rainey didn't have a foundation like Stephan did. In the eyes of God, they were totally unequally yoked! Stephan wasn't walking with God, but he knew all about God. Rainey knew nothing about God and had experimented in the "spiritual world." She knew a lot about the darker side of things, not realizing that it "was" dark.. very dark. Once we found out about the spirit box she had- we told them that it must go! It made for a very good conversation about light and dark, good and evil, God and how Satan works. Stephan was very convinced it must go... Rainey was not, according to Stephan, but they both did finally decide to get rid of it anyway.

Over the last several months their fighting got worse. Stephan told Rainey that they were not drinking any more during the week. I was really glad to hear this news! Alcohol was what was causing a lot of their problems anyway. Stephan also decided to join a the gym and get a membership. Rainey got one too, but she only went once. I tried to encourage her to go- that it might be fun both of them working out together. I know it's intimidating, but basically told her that after she'd been there a few times, she'd get the hang of it! Stephan was not a lot of help. He kept reminding her that she "needed" to go because of how much weight she had gained! I privately scolded him and told him that his words would never encourage, but discourage her! Rainey needed to gain some weight too. She was way to thin when she first arrived in Wisconsin!

I believe they were growing apart... They weren't on the same page about a lot of things. Stephan grew more and more snappy. She grew more stubborn, which she admitted to me later on. Stephan didn't want to drink during the week, but she'd go buy alcohol and was drinking it when he came in from the gym. His anger grew... Her stubbornness grew... It was a cycle that was destined to fail. She also started smoking pot again... that alone topped it off for Stephan. He started coming over without her. He would go to the gym then come here. He wouldn't go home until bed time.

The day I heard she was leaving, I was shocked... but not surprised. I ain't gonna lie, it was a hard day. She was at home packing. Stephan was here. He told her she needed to pack and leave, but she didn't want to drive at night. She wanted to stay one more night, but he wouldn't let her stay there. I offered for her to come here, but she didn't want too. She stayed with a friend. Stephan wasn't even going to tell her bye. I told him that if she was leaving that they at least needed to end things on good terms.

It was snowing like crazy the next morning and Rainey and I were texting back and forth. She had to get something fixed on her car before she left. I wanted to see her before she left, so I went to pick her up at the Tires Plus while her car was in the shop. We drove back to the apartment, so she could tell Kitty bye one last time. She and I both wept. We talked some about the move, but not much. I could tell she didn't want too. I gave her a necklace and earings that I bought for her while we were at the Fireside Dinner Theater last Christmas. She spotted them and told me she loved them! I was saving them for her birthday, but decided to give them to her as something to remember me by. She said they were perfect. She actually drove by the plant where Stephan works and he came outside to see her. They said their goodbyes.

Rainey texted me off and on, on her way to Alabama. She got there safely around midnight that night. I didn't really know what to expect from Stephan with her not being here. I didn't know if he'd fall of the deep end again or continue working out at the gym... So far, he's doing GREAT! He said with her being gone it has been like a weight lifted from his shoulders. I don't know what he means by it exactly, but that's what he said. There is an empty space at my table. I miss her, but I really think that this is for the best for both of them.

Stephan's still working out, eating a lot of protein, drinking even less beer and he's loosing weight instead of gaining! That is his biggest concern right now!!! : )  He bought some Mass Gainer, hoping that will help him bulk up some. I told him he may be overdoing it at the gym and burning too many calories! Imagine that? Overdoing it at the GYM!! He works out with Drake from work and was approached by an Advocare Rep the other day at the gym. Stephan's going to one of his meetings Saturday! I don't know if Stephan will get involved, but if he did--- You can't go wrong trying to help people be more healthy!

He took a look at his finances the other day and told me that he thought he'd be fine paying all of his bills with Rainey not there. He said that he'd have to put so much more cash back every pay period! He has a thousand dollars saved in his emergency fund. He just paid his Best Buy card off. He paid his credit card off a few months ago. -He purchased something to make payments to build credit. He also has a car payment in his name... which is also helping him build his credit. He hasn't missed any payments, so I told him that when we ever move from Wisconsin back to the "south" HOPEFULLY that because he has such a good credit score that he may can purchase his first little home! Owning a home and not renting sounded really good to him! Stephan is paying almost three hundred more dollars per month in rent than his brother Brandon is on his own home in Alabama! Brandon has a really nice house!

Stephan has Kitty to keep him company on the nights he's not here. He's working late today, then going to the gym, so he said he won't be coming by tonight. I'm really proud of Stephan for knowing what he wants and he's setting out to achieve it. He said that he wasn't going to date for at least a year. I guess we will see on that one. He said he needs to work on himself. I really feel that this is a huge sign of maturity on his part! He said that there is also a tattoo that needs removing from his butt as well. Gotta laugh at that one... I didn't know he had one there! It seems that Caleb drew it on there way back when.... Glad he's getting it removed though! My my...

Stephan looks as healthy as he ever has. He's happy! He's talking college... Time will tell. I am just really proud of where he is right now. He's so smart... There's no telling where God will lead that boy one day!