How Drug Abuse Effects The Home- From A Dad's Perspective

The following post is from my husband, Richard. I'm getting many e-mail responses from people hurting all over the globe and he wanted to share a little piece of his heart to you as well.... Thanks for all your responses. I haven't figured out my comments button on here yet. It's not working.. I do appreciate all of your e-mails. Keep them coming...

From a Dads perspective…

I have neglected to post on this as I have neglected to understand the value of a blog until I have seen the email responses from around the world of families who have been hurting like ours and we are farther down this path and our experiences and emotions can offer a source of hope and encouragement.

First of all, let me say that if our situation was with girl vs ours with our son, all bets are off. I do believe my entire experience would have been different due to my heart being SOFT to girls and somewhat tougher towards boys. Just how I’m wired.. Also, I must say that Stephan is our biological son, if we would have been in a blended family, we would have had OTHER issues to overcome. Christel and I did not always agree on the methods of LOVE and DISCIPLINE and IF Stephan wasn’t ONE of ours, we would have instantly BLAMED the other of being indifferent or not loving due to this fact. My heart goes out to blended families as this is ALWAYS in the back of your minds (I suspect).

As a father, I am 10 foot tall and bullet proof…or at least I used to be. The older my boys got the less important their super hero became…that’s life to some degree. My boys always loved me through these years, which served as an element of strength to continue to “be there” for them.

What started out as pot, spilled over into alcohol abuse, cocaine, Roxy’s, Dramamine, heroine (once I think), acid, mushrooms, meth, and maybe some car battery acid...how many stupid things can you run through your body. Stephan is now 21, works with me at my company as a machine operator (arriving at work by 5:30am everyday), is working on starting to save for his $1,000 emergency fund, has a car payment to build credit, and has shown signs of growing up in this confusing ole’ world.

Looking back we simply lost 5 years of Stephan’s life. I am a strong willed individual; plant manager; have been a Bible study teacher for 15+ years (at that time); served as deacon, vice chairman of deacons, and as chairman of deacons. I have visited/served inside of a federal penitentiary with Chuck Colin’s Prison Fellowship Ministries  bla bla bla…basically I have served in almost every capacity at our local church and have spoken from the pulpit Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have humbly watched people surrender to the Lord after those services. God has given me the privilege to serve Him. I baptized both of my sons following professions of faith and NOW I find my youngest in an absolute whirlwind with no end in sight.

What would I suggest you to do in your whirlwind? Magic potion... I have none BUT God did give me a message about it that I will share BUT before I do let me tell you that I TRIED everything I could think of; grounding from friends, cell phone, car etc. We got into physical altercations (I am sorry to say). We got into verbal altercations ( I am sorry to say). I intercepted texts, emails, phone calls, created phony facebook characters and had my son to accept me (I guess the girls picture off of google images looked cool) [this one I am pretty proud of actually!] All of this did nothing except to expose the UGLY and my sweet bride always wanted to know what I found out so I then spread the UGLY around our home and we hurt….really bad. Christel and I have been married now 25 wonder years and there was an 18 month period that we experienced turbulence in our marriage that was foreign and dangerous to survive. I was completely shocked that we were on different pages as often as we were. We both were desperate to some degree.

I suspect that most people do NOT enjoy being out of control in any area of life, especially if it seems to be at the expense of the safety and wellbeing of a child you dearly love. Man, these were excruciating times. Sometimes I felt entirely too close to the situation. Our family is tight and I wondered if we were TOO tight. Maybe not knowing would help, especially since we were unable to deter any negative actions. The sleepness nights, edgy days, and uncertainty raged in and out of our lives. If you are there, I really hurt and sympathize with you. I would hold you and pray with you right now. I know that is something tangible I could do to “be there”.

What did GOD tell me to do?

I am not sure if you call this a revelation but it felt like one to me. It was short and easily spoken but proved to be impossible to do (to some degree). “Richard you are the one to administer the primary discipline and Christel is the one to administer the primary love (no matter the circumstance).” We both could cross the boundary of the other BUT the instruction seemed clear to me. Christel and I did NOT agree on what I thought I heard from GOD, which did not allow us to implement it well. Keep in mind again, we were desperate to some degree.

Here is a golden nugget I can pass along and I FULLY believe will work for you, IF you are able to follow what you hear. God gave you this child. That childs DNA and your DNA is God matched for each other. NO ONE can discipline or love this child like you can. Do NOT under estimate your position or your place during this time. You can do it WITH Gods help. Pray earnestly that the holy spirit would give you the DAILY instruction as what you should do AS it is possible that it will changed DAILY. I am afraid the tactics of war often change during the battle. Listen and implement as best you can.

Keep in mind: It is vitally important that you focus on ministering IN your HOME before sending resources outside of it. Keep the home front strong. It was so important for Christel and I to love each other during this time. We both know the other loved Stephan that was undeniable. We also know that God has plainly instructed us to love one another. Your child NEEDS and WANTS to see you loving each other.

Dads I know you hurt too. Don’t give up. Bow your head and tell our Father your current position on this battle field and REQUEST back up. Stand secure…it’s coming.

Richard

King Lemuel's Mother- The True Proverb's 31 Woman

 Richard and I have started writing family/marriage devotions for Brandon and Ellie. We will send them one a month. Richard is writing Brandon's and I am writing Ellie's!! They both sent us a list of struggles they both have and answered a questionnaire that Richard sent them! What married couple doesn't have struggles? I hope that God will use these to bless and encourage : )  I began Ellie's devotions with being a woman/motherhood...  Enjoy!

King Lemuel’s Mother- The True Proverb’s 31 Woman

When Christian women talk about the Proverbs 31 Woman it’s usually in an idolized fashion and out of utmost respect. After all, you’re speaking of the ideal Christian woman, right? She’s the pure, picture perfect inspiration for all of us who want to be “godly” women, wives and mothers. She is the standard role model, mentor and example of how Christian women should be. Sadly, after a few moments of boasting about how wonderful she is, most women’s pleasant conversations turn into discouraging comments about themselves and then comes the suffering and painful discontentment of knowing that they really- just- don’t- measure- up- to this lady!

We have this imaginary vision that the Proverbs 31 Woman can do it all!! If we apply the 31^st chapter of Proverbs to women of today we come up with something like this: She’s skinny because she teaches Cycle Fit down at the gym. She’s a chef- and writes her own cookbooks! She leads amazing ladies Bible Studies at church and has quite the following. Her husband is chairman of Deacons. Her children never have a hair out of place or have dirty, snotty faces! She sews and then monograms all her girl’s dresses! Her hair is always salon perfect and her make-up flawless. Her nails are always beautifully manicured. She’s the epitome of fashion and everyone looks to her for what to buy each season. Her house is always clean. She volunteer’s in the community through several different charitable organizations. She’s Homeroom Mom! She’s a Girl Scout leader and assistant dance coach! She’s also team soccer mom and she’s president of the P.T.A. for goodness sake! Her husband is always bragging on her in public…they’re so in love! She’s the person that everybody wants to be friends with on Facebook! Anyone who’s anyone follows ALL of her boards on Pinterest! If you’re not following her on Twitter, you’re really missing out! Can I get a witness?  

What if I told you the Proverbs 31 Woman wasn’t real? Do I hear gasping? When most women read Proverbs 31, they usually skip down to about verse 10 which reads, “A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life……… etc, etc…” It’s true that these words of scripture are words to genuinely treasure. They’re precious gems of wisdom and skill to be sought after. They are things to strive toward and to admire. These words shouldn’t be taken lightly at all, but are qualities meant to inspire!  But, before we miss it, let’s back up just a little to Proverbs Chapter 31:1- which says, “The words of king Lemuel; the oracle which his mother taught him.”  Let’s repeat that: The oracle which his mother taught him…

The first nine verses of Proverbs 31 aren’t about a woman at all; they’re about a mother instructing her son and teaching him about chastity, justice, mercy and temperance. She was warning him of behaviors that destroy rulers. She advised him to avoid alcohol and loose women, so that he could always have a clear head to rule justly. She reminded him of the duties of a King, which were to defend the weak and uphold the helpless.

² What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
    What are you doing, son of my vows?
³ Do not give your strength to women,
    your ways to those who destroy kings.
⁴ It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    or for rulers to take strong drink,
⁵ lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
    and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
⁶ Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
    and wine to those in bitter distress;
⁷ let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.
⁸ Open your mouth for the mute,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
⁹ Open your mouth, judge righteously,
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Stop and continue to read verses 10-31 in your Bible… In these verses, King Lemuel’s Mother begins advising her adult son on marriage! Beginning in verse 10 and ending with verse 31, she describes a noble woman, a woman of excellence, determination and who is hard working. She speaks of this woman being of great character, having concern for others and independent enough to be resourceful in her daily tasks. She describes a woman that gives to the poor and provides food and clothing for her family, a woman who is faithful to her husband and does him good, not evil. She’s a woman of strength and honor. She is clearly describing a woman who is a blessing to her husband and her family. 

Proverbs 31 isn’t what we think! It’s not a chapter for women to measure themselves against; it’s perhaps a song about a virtuous woman that King Lemuel’s mother used as an example to teach her son about what kind of qualities or characteristics to look for in a wife. King Lemuel’s mother is the real Proverbs 31 Woman here! She’s the example for women to follow! Even in her son’s adulthood, she was still pouring her life into her son and giving him the wisdom that he needed to succeed as a King and in his future as a father and husband. You may say, the scriptures didn’t mention anything about fathers or husbands in these verses!! You would be right… but think about it, she was instructing him in finding this “virtuous woman,” a helpmeet, a wife- who would one day take her place to love her son and to help him succeed as she had. That would then make him a husband and eventually, hopefully a father.

In verse 2, she mentioned him being “son of her vows.”  The name Lemuel also means (“for God” or consecrated to Him.)  When she said, “Son of my vows,” commentary says that it is probably an expression of dedication she had to the Lord in the raising her son. I would have to assume that King Lemuel’s mother saw her son as a gift from God and a heritage not to be ignored. She honored God by pouring herself into her son, instructing him and passing along wisdom that had probably been given to her by her mother.  I would also personally love to think that her mindset was also thinking of the future. She was “creating and leaving” a legacy through her son that would carry on for generations to come! Wow, what a thought…. That suddenly makes our jobs as mothers take on a whole new meaning!!! What we teach our children now will affect our children’s, children hundreds of years from now… people that we will never even meet! That kind of thought process changes the way we think of parenting! That kind of parenting changes the world! Building the Kingdom of God changes the world one child at a time. Through one itty, bitty little limb on your family tree; that little limb will grow into a strong branch one day and bear much fruit when the legacy you leave lives on…

There’s a lot to ponder and to be learned from the true Proverbs 31 Woman….  She’s sacrificial. She’s proactive. She’s genuine. She’s selfless. She puts her children before herself. She cares about honoring God with how she instructs her children and prepares them for the future.  When we come to the end of our life one day we need to remember that a true Proverbs 31 Woman is not a woman to be admired for the things she “could” do that allowed her to gain the praises of man. She’s a woman to be admired because of the things she “did” do that earned her no earthly praises at all…. 

 A poem by Forrest Whitcraft:

 “It will not matter
What kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank
Nor what my clothes looked like.
One hundred years from now
It will not matter
What kind of school I attended,
What kind of typewriter I used,
How large or small my church,
But the world may be ...
a little better because...
I was important in the life of a child………...” 

** As a little side note, I posted this on facebook and a lady at my church in Alabama called wanting to know if she could put it in the next WOW's (Women on the Way) next newsletter! I was humbled and honored...


   

Motherhood

February is the month I became a mother- twice! My boys birthdays are coming up! Brandon was born on Feb. 14th and Stephan was born Feb. 9th! They will turn 21 and 23 years old this month : ) I was reading over some things I've wrote in the past and wanted to share this today in honor of my boys. There may be more to come as this month goes by who knows... It's Motherhood month for me : ) LOL ------- enjoy : ) 

In my quiet time this morning, I was pondering over motherhood…  Oh how I miss it!!!! I was thinking back on times spent with my boys. One special memory that came to mind this morning was that I taught Brandon and Stephan how to build a fort in the woods! I taught them how to gather sticks and twigs for walls and roofs and moss for their beds inside! Such fun times…  These little forts (and the fact that their aunt was in the Military) became the inspiration for them to become “Army Men,” which eventually led to a Club called W.A.C.T.A.C . (We are Christ’s Team Army Club)  The “club” became the inspiration for a Club HOUSE, which we painted Green and had the letters W.A.C.T.A.C.  written across on the front! I even made the boys and their friends W.A.C.T.A.C.  T-shirts and hats- We went through 2 sets of these!  

Soon the T-shirts were set aside and their wardrobe became full Camouflage gear! All dressed up from head to toe, no matter the temperature- Brandon would have his Walkie Talkie tucked inside his little shirt pocket. If he needed me I would hear, “Scrrrrrrr--Mama bird, Mama Bird, come in Mama bird, this is Baby Bird, -come in!”  I would reply, “Scrrrrrrr- Hey Baby Bird, this is Mama Bird, What do you need Baby Bird, -come in!”  Well, ...It usually had something to do with peanut butter and jelly!! : )

I was very proud that Brandon named his club after our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. It was at least one little sign that Richard and I were doing “something” right in the midst of all the mistakes!! Can I get a witness?? 

As I pondered all these thoughts today, I was also taken back to the days that I struggled as a mom! Every day wasn’t all about forts and making little shirts.  Some days, I had moments that I would escape to the bathroom, because it was the only place I could be by myself!  Still.. little fingers and toes were poking from underneath with little voices repeating over and over saying, “Mommy, whea  ah you, wet me in!”  Maybe you’re a stay at home mom right now and you feel just plain worn out -and you haven’t even cleaned the house yet!!!  You’re overwhelmed with piles of laundry, dirty dishes, temper tantrums- and you haven’t shaved your legs in a week! Maybe you also feel like your ministry has been put on hold during these child rearing years… 

You’ve heard the old saying- “If I knew then what I know now, I’d change some things.”  I didn’t learn this lesson myself until later on…  My boys were 5 and 7… Richard and I had only known the Lord for a few years. We were – and still are- a work in progress!  But back to then- --I began to homeschool.  I became my boy’s teacher! I was a kindergarten and second grade teacher! My curriculum was Christian based and incorporated Christ, His Word and His Teachings in every subject!  As I homeschooled my boys over the next 5 years, I realized during those years that I didn’t have to Homeschool to become my children’s teacher- I already WAS and I didn’t even realize it! I had been their teacher since the very beginning and it took me 7 years to figure it out! There were a few years I needed to make up for!!  On a side note, I loved homeschooling…  It was awesome for our family! I also understand that it’s not for everyone… but it was THIS experience that God taught ME a valuable lesson.  : ) 

If you’re a mother, YOU are a teacher.  In the hustle and bustle of each day that went by, I also realized that Motherhood is not a DUTY --it’s a CALLING! It’s not about getting things done… it’s about being of the Lord’s business!  My relationship with God, My husband, My children and My home WERE my greatest ministries… and in that order!  I had put nothing on HOLD!!  “I” was in the midst of the greatest ministry I would ever have in my LIFE! A calling from God to help mold, shape and equip my children to be future “soldiers” for Christ -and for that moment, they were WACTAC members!  
We are called to teach and to train our little ones in the way they should go, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it –Proverbs 22:6  

Motherhood is a calling from God “for Him” to use “us” as His vessel to build a solid foundation for these little ones we tuck in at night. A solid foundation never means our little ones won’t wander... Just as God is our great shepherd, He is the example for us as parents to always go after the one who strays and bring him in.  And when they do come back, they WILL ALWAYS have something solid to hold on too! 

Mothers are the model of grace for their children…  We instill grace into our children by choosing encouraging words, words that build up, never tear down…  Words that inspire a repentant little heart and words that teach to give and receive forgiveness.

Mothers inspire purpose and a sense of God’s presence and Love in a child’s life.

Mothers inspire faith in God and His Word.

Mother’s teach their children to have a kind and compassionate heart toward those in need.

So, if you feel down trodden today…  Smile sista! You are involved in the most powerful ministries you may ever see fulfilled, which is following Christ’s example in reaching and teaching your children. A mother and child is a discipleship relationship that involves training your children to become passionate followers of Jesus Christ! -Don’t get any better than that! 

Dishes? …What Dishes?  “Dishes” will always be waiting on you tomorrow… an opportunity to impact your child’s life may only last for a moment… 

If your children are 5 and 7 like mine were… or whether you have a new born, or your child is grown… It’s never, ever too late to realize your calling! Your children will always need you, your prayers, your advice or a listening ear. 

Thought for you to ponder:  Can you imagine what your children may do for the Kingdom of God one day that may become a beautiful result of your sacrificial living, loving and giving now?  Possibilities are endless……. Because all things are possible with God.

Little Updates

Well, things didn't work out with Samantha for Stephan. I really don't even think he wanted it to work out. After all this time, I think he still loves Rainey. She came to visit a few weeks ago! She and Stephan stayed in a hotel... Not exactly what I would have wanted of course. They made all the arrangements, she flew here and they were together for several days until she returned to Alabama. Rainey is going to college and is working in a restaurant. I am proud of her for going to college. That's definitely a step in a good direction. She wants to become a nurse. She's really smart- I have no doubts that she will become one if she continues and doesn't change her mind.

Some other things that have happened lately is that Richard and Stephan are in Alabama even as I write this. A long, long... long time ago, I wrote about Stephan's wreck...  The one that involved two other kids. They were all drunk and Stephan wrecked the car... The one boy's mother is trying to sue our insurance company for gazzilions of dollars because her son fractured his hip and had to be on pain meds. I will have to note just out of plain frustration that this kid admitted to Stephan afterward that he was really enjoying the meds! Richard and I even took this kid out to dinner after the wreck. You see, at the time he didn't have a father figure in his life. He was making bad choices just as Stephan was and Richard was trying to talk to him to help him along in his life. This boy's mother knew that Richard was "mentoring" him in a sense- or trying too what little time we seen the boy. So- in return for our kindness, she tries to sue. It's been like four years since this wreck!!! I had thought by now that she'd just dropped it! Kids will be kids and make stupid decisions... but no!

I completely understand that Stephan was driving! It takes an irresponsible, immature teenager to drive drunk! It also takes an irresponsible, immature teenager to get in the car drunk with someone else who's drunk! They were both equally stupid at the time.... so was the other girl.. she was drunk too!

Richard just said that they're choosing the jury... I really hope this can be over with soon. Stephan's doing really well. Compared to where we were years ago and where we are now--- it's night and day! He's working 40 hours a week! I look at him sometimes and just can't believe that God loved us so much to move us when he did to get Stephan away from all the people he was with and stuff he was doing.

I knew when we moved here that God had plans in this Wisconsin move. We've been here for almost a year. Hard to believe! The president of the company Richard works for is now looking for another location. They have made an offer on one! I have to laugh... You'll never, ever guess where! As you know, our other son, his wife and baby, Jeremiah live in Alabama. You may also remember how difficult this move was for me leaving them. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... Are you ready? This facility is in Tennessee!!!! It's a two hour drive from Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah! If God works this out.... oh my gracious... it will be a miracle! A miracle that our trust and faith would lead us to WI, save Stephan's life, then take us back near our family, but still far enough away that Stephan can continue living and growing as a young man. Since Stephan works for the same company as my husband, he would transfer too! If this came to pass- how awesome a God we have for orchestrating such a thing? Unbelievable... just crazy awesome!!! If God chooses a different road. If this facility falls though- I know that God is in control. I've seen Him do too much to even think that He has left my side!

We also discontinued going to the small church. We are back to the big one we really liked. I just won't go into it all... just wasn't where we were supposed to be, although I thought maybe it was. We are learning and growing here. Stephan is still going with us, although he missed a Sunday a few weeks ago. He stayed over night with a friend from work and his kids. They were probably drinking.... Although I really, really wish he wasn't from time to time... I am so very thankful that he is where he is. He's made so much progress. This journey is a process for Stephan. Just as we all go through "processes" at times, this is his.... I continue praying for my beautiful boy. He's got so much to offer this world. He has a good heart, he's kind, he helps people...

The guy he spends time with sometimes is having it pretty hard financially. He and his girlfriend have four kids, which Stephan adores... Stephan's helped him a few times. Stephan has a giving heart.

I'm very thankful today as my son is healthy and with us. He's probably being reminded of past wrongs even as we speak. I hope it's a stepping stone. I hope it teaches him something good. Something that will further cast him into being the man God created him to be.

Dear Lord God, keep your hands on all my children. For Stephan, speak to him and teach him. Comfort him and hold him. For Brandon, give him eyes to see his wife's needs. To seek out ways to support her and bring her joy. For Eliana, give her a heart to except Brandon for his wonderful qualities and focus on those alone. For my little Jeremiah, Lord watch over him and keep him safe. Protect his little heart. Make him strong, wise and gentle in spirit. May Brandon and Ellie see him as you do and love him unconditionally.

Always a First Time for Everything!

I wouldn't say that Stephan went on a date with Sam (Samantha) from church, but they did meet... and they did go to the movies! Stephan's never "been to the movies" with a girl! He's never been on a real date. He told me that all the girls he's ever dated he met at a party and they just got together. It's never been like an "introduction, a getting to know one another, then getting to the point of asking a girl out and actually going somewhere nice!" He's never dressed up, picked up a girl and gone on... a date!

I was so happy for him! He did dress up. He didn't pick her up. He didn't pay for her ticket. She insisted she pay her own way. So... it wasn't a date, just a movie with a friend and that's so great! Sam seems like a very nice girl. Stephan said that she's a little shy or it seemed that way! He said maybe it was awkward for her. She's 19, but he's not sure how many guys she's been out with.

Stephan said that he wasn't nervous at all! Their movie started thirty minutes later than expected, so they had time to talk. He said that she answered his questions, but didn't really ask him any! He thought that was funny... but I also think that because she was the way she was, it gave Stephan a little more confidence in himself, in a good way.

I told Stephan that he should get to know her! Even if he finds a good friend... that's a very wonderful thing! You can't have too many good friends! Plus, you never know... she may be "the one!"

Time will tell..............

Are You Protecting Your Child From GOD?

Now that's a shocker of a title, right? Let me explain! So, Stephan has been working for the company my husband works for since the first of August, so almost four months! He's working hard and doing a great job! I'm very proud of him! I'd like to say that everything has been smooth since he began work, but we've had a few mountains to cross. I knew that Stephan would begin meeting people and making friends. This can be a good thing- or not! If any of you have a child that is on drugs, or been on drugs, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not stereotyping people/ people groups at all! I love people. Don't mishear me... I'm talking about individuals on this earth that may be in the same kind of trouble Stephan has been in -and those individuals being good for him to hang around or vice versa for that matter! Over the past several months since Stephan came to live with us, we have stressed the importance of surrounding himself with individuals that would encourage him to grow, not people that might potentially pull him down. We encourage him to learn from the people that he gains inspiration from! I believe that rule could apply to all of us!

Sometimes, I let my anxieties rule me and my moods when it comes obstacles I know Stephan is getting ready to face. I then take on the responsibility of trying to prepare him for whatever these obstacles may be, then... when things don't go as planned as I've set in "my" heart and "his" mind- I crash internally! This "crashing" of sorts causes me to feel like I need to somehow re-train him, because it's obvious I missed something! I believe this may be classified as co-dependent! My moods are sometimes dependent on his success! It can also be classified as a mother with her hopes so high, she can't allow her son to make choices on his own for fear that he may fail. Not "fail" as in he's a failure... "Fail" in a sense that I somehow failed him, because if he was knowledgeable enough- he would have all the tools to make good friends and good choices and life would be perfect with whipped cream and a cherry on top!! He wouldn't have to struggle so... and he would begin to succeed in every area that he wants to succeed in, because I'm ready for his success. He should be too right?

Let me say--- I've been through this over and over! If you've read prior posts, you'll read all about how we had to let Stephan go when we lived in Alabama. We had to let him go to make his own choices and let the consequences teach him, because there comes a time in every child's life where this must happen in order for them go grow! It's true- we can't protect them from everything and experience is sometimes the best teacher!

Let me put it into perspective again- for myself... and for anyone reading that may war with this too. I tell you, why is this such a struggle? It's like tug of war with your own heart! Ok, here goes my short version of the sermon I heard a sermon recently on the Prodigal Son. (Luke Ch. 15:11-32) :  --The son wanted to leave the home of his father and take along with him all of his inheritance! The father let him! The son went on his merry way... he squandered all his money on loose living and prostitutes! He was reduced to a state of hunger and despair and he had to eat with the pigs! It was only when he came to the end of his rope with no resources left that he began to realize what he had done. His heart grew weary and I believe, repentant! He had admitted he sinned against his father and against Heaven. He admitted he was no longer worthy to be called his father's son. He wanted to come home, but only as a hired servant. The story goes on... but the point I'm making is: "The Father Let Him Go." He didn't chase after him. He didn't send him letters to remind him to spend his money wisely and not to lay with prostitutes or he'll loose all his money and be broke! He let the son make the mistakes, so that the son would learn valuable life lessons through experience.

This same sermon was about The Prodigal Son, but it was also a message to us parents. I believe the heart of it would be this: If you continually go before your child padding their every fall they will continue... to "fall!"
The sentence that the pastor said that struck me most was: "How do you know that this "FALL" is not God's plan for your child's life so that God can TEACH them something through the experience?" OH Wow! Right through the heart!

Parents, often too much, try to protect their children from falling and IF God IS trying to work in our child's life then yes, we could be protecting our child from the chastening hand GOD! Ouch! Protecting our children is a good thing, but when our children are ADULT children... sometimes protection doesn't allow for mistakes that our adult children need to make in order to learn and grow. It doesn't allow them to know and come to a realization that they've turned their backs on God and are therefore now suffering the consequences of sin. It doesn't allow them to learn where sin can lead! It doesn't allow them to take responsibility for their own lives.

What I'm saying in a nutshell is that we should guide our adult children with advice and wisdom if they'll take it! Have great conversations with them and take opportunities to mentor them. Spend time with them doing things they enjoy. Be a parent! But... when they won't hear... when they don't want your well thought out wisdom and they want to run and do their own thing... Well, sometimes you have to let them go learn the hard way.

Like I said, since he's moved here we've faced some trials. This happened several months ago.... Aside from work relationships, he did get mixed up with some other people here that, well, actually a guy from work introduced Stephan too. We had not idea that this was even going on, but this relationship lasted for three days and because of this relationship and bad choices on Stephan's part, his choices could have potentially landed him in jail! But- those three days taught him A WHOLE LOT! It taught him that it wasn't worth it. Maybe he needed a reminder. He hasn't been back! Praise God!

I'd also like to say that Stephan is making all kinds of good choices right now too! I have sooooo much to be grateful for. He's not where he was... As a matter of fact, he's NOWHERE around where he "was!" This is what my heart should be focused on! It's a journey that we're walking with our son and he's walking in a new direction. The friends he chooses at work might not be exactly who I'd choose for him according to things they do on their own time.... but---- over the past week Stephan has chose to come home from work and not "hang" with any of them! He does speak of choices they are making: some involving alcohol, absentee parents, adultery, pain killers, and one woman who is almost twice Stephan's age hitting on him! He is learning from these people... He's learning who he doesn't want to be... He's seeing a marriage that just started in the first stages of divorce! He says he wants to be a faithful husband.... He's learning what he "is" looking for in a wife and what he's not!  He is seeing the repercussions of adults living as children in their 30's and 40's and the struggles that come along with it! He says that it's sad and he definitely doesn't want to be there at that age! He knows he has a lot of growing to do. He's 20!!

Stephan has also been going to church with us every Sunday! My heart is over joyed! He has even been involved in a few ministry opportunities where he helped pastor Jason. He "hung out" with pastor Jason one entire day helping with the Christmas Parade!

There's a verse of scripture that I like to recall often: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it! Proverbs 22:6. I know that Richard and I did our best as our boys were growing up.. even with all the mistakes I know we made! We did have a mindset to "train" them as we felt the Lord would want us too in the midst of the mistakes and doubting our parenting abilities!! We tried our best to teach them to love Him, honor Him and be obedient to Him. Many days I prayed for patience and many days were spent wondering what in the world I was doing -or if I was doing anything right at all! Ultimately, I believe we instilled the love of God in them and salvation through Christ Jesus. I believe our boys have a foundation although it may not be perfect- it's strong- not because of us, but because of Christ! I believe this foundation is the rock that Stephan is returning too. Praise God he has this rock of Christ Jesus that he trusted in so many years ago!

You know, God is over joyed when we return to Him! God loves unconditionally, yet He allows us to wander and wandering always causes growth, because we're left to figure things out for ourselves! Every trial that we face causes us to grow and we're also strengthened in many ways! Our faith is made stronger... If we were never allowed to wander and we were always protected from trial, where would our faith be today?

I saw something on facebook today that said: "Guide with kindness."  Too often, I want Stephan to read scriptures where it speaks of drunkenness and loose living, so that he can know what he's doing is wrong. Fact is, he already knows. He has that foundation beneath him since childhood. What he needs is "Words of LIFE" not death! He needs to know that God loves him, God is for him, God believes in Him and God has a plan for his life! Stephan needs to know we feel this way too as his parents... and I think he does. It's just that many days I fail to remind him of it.

Stephan is struggling right now in his relationship with Rainey. He broke it off, but he still loves her. Last Sunday in church I caught myself looking down reading in Proverbs. It was concerning women. I thought to myself that I wished Stephan could read it, but then again- "Words of Life" right? I glanced over to him and he WAS reading Proverbs chapter five! I couldn't believe my eyes! He even made a face as if he'd never read that before and he was shocked! I asked him after church what that reaction was all about as he was reading. He he said he'd made his mind up that he was telling Rainey that it was over! He did call her last Sunday. He did tell her it was over. He also ended their conversation by telling HER she needed to read Proverbs Chapter 5! (Well, maybe not the best thing he should've said... but that's what happened.)

That was last Sunday... Stephan just last night told me he still loved her and was getting ready to call her to discuss their relationship and that he was putting his foot down! I hate to see him go through this again and again! He's done that many times... many, many times. She is not willing to follow and the cycle continues.

There is a girl at church (Samantha) that is interested in Stephan and he's talked to her. She is beautiful. She's been home-schooled all her life. Stephan was home-schooled for five years, so they have something in common. Her facebook page reveals that she is probably a very nice, God seeking girl, but this scares Stephan to death. He admitted that he's never dated a "girl like that." He was purely flushed after talking to her Sunday! I've never seen him that way! It was quite funny in a sweet kind of way.

Who knows? I just keep praying for my son to find his way in life. I try to love him the best ways I can. I love both my boys beyond anything they'll ever know! Well, Brandon has a son now... I'm sure he has experienced that kind of love!!  : )  I want that for Stephan too...

Lord, may you always go before us in every way. Protect my children and our family. Please help us to love them in ways they need to be loved and speak life into them every single day...

Amen

What's God Got Up His Sleeve Anyway?

Hi friends! Sorry I haven't posted in so long...  It's been almost three months! I've been very, very busy still, finishing up the painting/remodel of our new home! We're all moved in and settled. I think the other part of not posting is just mere depression on my part. If you've read prior posts of our move to WI you know how difficult this has been for me. BUT... if you've read prior posts, you also know that I've realized reasons behind the move. One huge reason is Stephan! I never imagined God would love us so much to answer prayers for him in this manner, but God works in ways we cannot see most of the time! Although I know this, the human side of me hates being away from my other son, his wife and now 10 month old Jeremiah. Oh gracious- all my life I imagined how wonderful it would be having babies. I love children and my career of choice since I was knee high to a grasshopper was to be a wife and mom! As my boys grew, each day I lived life with the mentality of preparing them for the future physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was on a mission! I knew that one day I'd be a grandmother and I became one 10 months ago at the ripe old age of 41! I know that God knew the internal desires of my heart... (You know, to have both my boys, my grandchildren and daughter-in-laws living just a few minutes away and every weekend having little children surrounding me and running through the house playing, because after all it was their favorite place to be, right?) Christmas's, Easters and Thanksgivings would be filled with lots of laughter and food around my table. Well, now we are traveling a lot! My heart breaks... I see Jeremiah on facetime (which I love) but... just isn't the same. I can't snuggle him. I struggle daily not having them in my life, but when I snap back into reality, I know that God's plans are higher than mine!

I have to say- There's been some talk! Yes... "talk." My son, Brandon works for the same company my husband works for, but in Alabama. When we moved to WI one thing God did was allow my son to get a customer service job (that he couldn't have gotten if his dad still worked there, because my husband was the boss!) Brandon couldn't work under his dad.. company policy! Anyhow--- There's been "talk" of my son moving to the NC facility, so that customer service can be in one place serving all three locations. NC is where we started with my husband working in that facility. Then he took the job in AL... now we're in WI and he's running this facility! Hope I'm making sense as to how this all came about. The other thing is: I know that Richard will not be here (WI) forever... The plan is to get this facility up and going and to find a replacement for his job, so that Richard can open up a new plant somewhere else-- or he may be taking the presidents job one day. That's an option too. The president/owner works out of the NC location! SO.... how awesome would it be for God to allow such a thing to happen in our weak abilities to try to be faithful and follow His leading? How cool would it be for us to all be together again in NC one day? I can't say this is God's plan, but I do like thinking about it!

Lord, help us to remain faithful even in the midst of confusion of why we're here. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. One, being Stephan... and I know that! I'm so thankful for him and all my children. I know you have plans and purposes for all our lives here on Earth. Lord, guide and protect us. Pick us up when we fall and fail You in so many ways. Help us to find our individual purposes for being where we are.

In Jesus Name.....

Answered Prayer Comes In the Most Unsuspecting Ways....

I should really update more.. I've had so much going on here.. I'm still unpacking! Stephan's been here for seven weeks and he's growing in so many ways. There's lots of things I notice every day that are definite changes! He doesn't really talk to any of his old friends besides Caleb and Rainey. He's made only a few comments to others on facebook, but for the most part, that seems to be fading away. He's separating himself from his old life. I feel so sorry for him when it comes to Rainey.... Stephan's such a romantic. He really cares for her and still sends her messages and talks to her. She may or may not respond and when she does it's quick and possibly an "I'll get back to you later." Stephan's preparing himself for her or himself to find another special person in their life. He just seems to think about it more than she does. He's going to make such a good husband one day when he finds that one person who truly completes him in every way. That one person who he really connects with- on a friendship basis and emotionally. Then later- on every level! True love....

Stephan's not really looking for true love right now and I think that's really mature of him. He's still going to church with us, he's still working- very hard I might add! He even volunteers for Saturdays and works over time! These Saturdays are offering him very nice paychecks! : ) Stephan's opened up a checking account and savings and is working toward buying a car he really likes. He is establishing an emergency fund- he's tithing! He is being very responsible. I am very proud of him.

One thing that's bothering him is turning 21. I'm so glad that he's open and honest with us about it. We had a discussion last night about his concerns and I hope he was encouraged. We talked about Satan, temptation, and hiding God's Word in our hearts. We talked about Jesus being tempted by Satan and how he used the Word of God to fight him off!

Everyday, Stephan is growing and changing. He's growing up... He even talks about how he thinks he's changed. He met someone the other day that's probably 45 years old and they have not grown up yet!!! Stephan marveled at the fact of how someone could be that old and still act like a teenager.... He said he did NOT want to be him in 25 years! Stephan wants a home, a wife and children one day : ) I want that for him too.

Everyday we try to encourage him and let him know we're here for him. Yesterday, Stephan wanted to go to the driving range and even though Richard was going, he wanted me to go to! I really wasn't feeling well, but I went anyway, because he acted so disappointed that I may stay here. That really made me feel special. --That he really wanted me to be there. We wound up having a blast! It was a good day...

On another note: I went to Alabama last week to see my other babies! Brandon, Ellie and little Jeremiah... Oh, it was so good to see them! I may not have put Jeremiah down all week!! He's seven months old now and sweet as ever. We had a good time of worship that week, good food and good shopping : ) The best part was kissing and snuggling on my baby... and the talks we all had together. In about eight weeks, Brandon and Ellie are going to El Salvador on a missions trip. "I" get to keep Jeremiah!!! They're driving up for a visit, then leaving him with us. We will be driving him back home--- maybe! : ) I might just keep him- haha! I can't wait, because leaving that baby every time we leave Alabama rips me to shreds.

I never, ever in a million years would dream that God loved us so much to answer our prayers for Stephan like he has. He moved us all the way to WI for Stephan to start over. I didn't see it coming! It was devastating news at the time and I suffered greatly moving away from Brandon and his family... but God knows the plans He has for us... plans to give us hope and a future. He sees the big picture! All we have to do is be faithful... even in the depths of despair and when we don't understand!

I love you Lord... I lift my voice to give you praise.............

The Day Stephan Moved to Wisconsin!

Wow, it's been exactly a month since I've been on here! Time sure does fly!! SOOooo much has gone on since Stephan said he was moving here. I have a surprise! Are you ready? Stephan "is" here! He's been here for three weeks and three days. He said he was coming.... and he did!

He finally asked his brother to help him move his things from Travis' house, so everything Stephan owned, except for his car, clothes and his toothbrush is in our storage facility in Alabama. The day Stephan said he was driving here was probably one of the MOST stressful days I'd ever experienced. It was a different type of stress, but stress none the less! Before he left, he had spent the night before in his car. He was drunk, so his brother wouldn't let him stay there. Brandon also had to call the police, so they were involved. We were all up till 2:00 in the morning. The policeman got Stephan's keys and he slept in his car in front of Brandon's house. Brandon returned the keys the next morning. Stephan was pretty much drunk the entire week before he left Alabama!

Stephan called us around eleven on a Sunday and said he was headed north. He was determined to leave. He was already in route. I actually told him to stay until he was in a better frame of mine. He said he was DONE and needed a new life and wanted to start over. As parents, our concerns were: If he wanted a new life, then why go get drunk and cause all the chaos one week before starting your new life? It was confusing to us- and very concerning- that if he wanted this new life, why not start now? We tried to get him to calm down and stay for a few more days... you know, think things through, but he wouldn't hear of it. He was after all, homeless.. I even asked him if he could consider staying with Travis a little longer. He said, I'm leaving now and I AM on the interstate!! It was a blessing to hear that he said he was done.... It's what I've been wanting to hear for so long.

His reasoning for the chaos that he put us all through while staying with Brandon was because the change he was getting ready to experience. He was nervous not knowing what to expect. He was afraid of the drive... it was 750 miles! He was also leaving his best friend and his girlfriend, well, x-girlfriend... I'm sure all his reason's are accurate, but what I wanted to talk about was him handling his stress with substances! I told him- it just never ends well and there are always, always negative consequences to it.

At this point, we couldn't stop him. Was this God's plan? Did God move us all the way here for Stephan to join us later? Was this the answer to my last four-five years of prayer? I don't know....

The day Stephan came- oh my gracious, I was so concerned with him driving. I was worried about his car. I was worried that he'd get lost! He had NEVER driven on the road (interstate) for that long of a distance in his life! I had to give him a crash course in road signs and with no GPS to guide him I talked to him periodically in the phone (with 120 minutes on it!) He has lost his phone that week prior to the drive and he had to get a pre-paid phone with -again-only 120 minutes on it! I was forced to guide him in the blind only when he called, me looking at Google Maps with time ticking away on his phone! I was sick to my stomach that day. We went to Boston Market and I couldn't hardly eat... I couldn't take a nap earlier that day while he was on 65 for hours... I sat looking at Google maps imagining where he was. Stephan went through a humongous storm... he called and said he couldn't see! I told him to pull over... I just kept thinking to myself, "I'll be so GLAD when he is finally here and this drive is OVER!!! The next thing was--- get ready for it. He didn't have enough money to get himself here and he was a quarter of the way here already. I had to go online and find a Western Union about an hour north of him not far from 65 to wire him money! I now understand how people's nerves can literally make them throw up. I told him where to exit and had to guide him all the way there, street by street. His minutes were running low from being on the phone with me and Rainey calling! (Shaking my head..) Once he got to the Western Union he bought more minutes and something to eat. I was NOT looking forward to Chicago. I've driven through Chicago by myself and it's easy to get confused! He had NEVER been through a place like this. My stomach churned the closer he got. Every road change, he called. I told him what was ahead and which lane to be in. Satellite imaging is great! I managed to get him across the Wisconsin state line and all the way to the city we live in.

Around 12:00 midnight, I was on the phone guiding him to our apartment. The closer he got, I could hear the rumble of his motor. I have never, ever in my whole life been so relieved! My baby arrived on my doorstep. He looked bad. He is so handsome... but he looked thin and dirty. I had made him a bed. He showered and we all went to bed. That night, something strange happened. As I layed down.... I could have sworn I saw a man stooped down peering into Stephan's room from ours.... I drifted off to sleep.

The next day, the sun was shining bright!! Stephan and I ate.. he told me "thank you" for his breakfast. We began talking and Stephan told me that he saw a man in the hall way right before he went to sleep!! Chills ran over me!!! He freaked out when I told him what I saw... and it was the same man. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 

Oh for goodness sake... this battle is very real. Stephan and I had a long talk about his plans and about God's plans for his life. He said he was really looking forward to church the following Sunday! He actually asked me about church first! : )

Stephan and I had a great first week together. We laughed, we shopped for groceries. He never left my side, nor did he ask to leave our house during the day. That had been one of my concerns...

Sunday came- he wanted to sit on the front row! We told him to lead the way... He did, and we all sat front and center! He even dressed so nice!

The second week, I began to see even more changes. He gave up rap music... He has had NO emotional outbursts!! I've gave him cash twice to run in a store to grab something for me and he has given me back my change! I haven't had to worry with hiding my purse. He's been pleasant, fun.... a pure joy!

I've noticed that he's put positive things on his facebook. He even put the Bible as one of his favorite books. He changed his location... he removed some things! He made a comment to one of his friends that we had always been behind him and now he's moved to WI to be with us. One day he updated his status to say that he had moved and wanted to change his life for the better. He wanted to make something of himself. He also said that he gave God all the glory for taking care of him and keeping him alive during these last several years! He tells us he loves us all the time.

Stephan doesn't know about my blog... but I did tell him that I had been praying for God to protect him all this time... for God to protect him even from himself!! He said, "you know... He has! There were so many times I could have died!" I told him that perhaps God was giving him a chance to make something different of himself. I reminded Stephan of all his great qualities and that with God all things were possible!

Stephan took up golf again! He never ceases to amaze me! He is so talented in all he does. When he puts his mind to something... he gives it 250% and he does it well... We have a driving range near our house.

Stephan told Richard that he wanted to try to get on where Richard works. Richard is the manager there... but the decision is also up to the owner/president. Chuck came to WI to visit the company here and wanted to have lunch with Stephan. They did... and had a great talk. This is not the first time Chuck has taken time to eat lunch with Stephan. He also did when we lived in AL. He's a great guy! Stephan did tell us sometime back that he would never work for "this company" until he felt he could do so without disappointing his dad or Chuck. I really admired and respected Stephan for that decision. Stephan's an all in or all out kinda guy! Stephan asking Chuck for a job is a huge deal. It means Stephan is wanting things to be different! Chuck had dinner with us one day last week and talked to all of us. He said, "We're only going to discuss this once... I never want to talk of it again... but I am excited about Stephan coming on board, but also in protection of our company will require Stephan to be drug tested once a month. It will be on company expense and reported to me and our company lawyer!" He said, "There could also be random tests... and this will last for one year, then we will assess how you are doing and go from there. Fair?" He also told Stephan in all candidness... that he didn't want his decision to hire Stephan to make him look like an idiot... I respect that! After the hard conversation, we ended with Stephan's ability to learn quickly and his efficiency. It's true... Whatever Stephan wants to do, he learns it from front to back and side to side and does it well. Chuck's comment was, "Now if you can use that talent toward good things... you are gonna be very valuable in this company!

Stephan started his new job yesterday!! He's working 40+ hours a week!! Richard came home last night and told me that Stephan had learned more in one day than most anyone he had ever known! He said Stephan was smarter than most of his lead people!!! Wow... what a compliment!

Stephan will get to start a retirement plan... and as he says... make a lot of money to buy a car he would like to have. He said he's going to save for a year, then buy it only financing a little to start building his credit!! Wow... I'm so proud that he's thinking about these things : )

Stephan has also gained 15 pounds these last three weeks! He looks so good... He seems happy! He does talk to Rainey on occasion and Caleb maybe once a week... but you know, I caught Stephan giving Caleb really good advice the other day. (Caleb just had a baby with his girlfriend.) They are not getting along... Stephan told him that "once you involve yourself in a sexual relationship with a girl, it just complicates things- it takes the relationship to a different level.. now she got pregnant and had a baby and you don't even know if you love her." You need to find love before all the sexual stuff!"   I wanted to jump in and say, "love and Marriage" before the sexual stuff, but I didn't! Stephan's growing.... he really is. He also said that prayer has made the biggest difference in his life. He says he prays every morning and every night. He said that he knows that God is going before him.

For now, my fears have been subsided... life is good! My son is doing so well....  We have conversations about temptations and future relationships and how to always be on guard... I pray for him everyday.... I pray he continues allowing God to determine his footsteps and trusts God as he walks....

Thank you God for your many blessings!!!! I know for sure that our move here involves answers to my many prayers... thank you God for going before us all- even when we don't understand where or why You're leading us where You are...  I love you Lord..................

 

Seeking Wisdom!

Stephan's been staying with his brother and wife for the last few days. Well, let me say "when" he's there he's staying with them. Right now Stephan's homeless... if it weren't for his brother, I don't know where he'd stay.. In his car I guess! He's almost out of options!

Stephan being in their home has reeked havoc on their marriage in just a short time- one week to be specific! He say's he'll be home at 10:00- then he doesn't show, or he'll come in at 12:00 knowing they have a baby and that Brandon has to work the next day! He says he's going to church with them- they save him a seat- he stands them up! He comes in drunk... He really embarrassed them in front of Ellie's friend Hannah the other night... the list goes on.

Part of a "sorta planned out plan" for the near future is Stephan moving here!!! You'll have to re-read some posts to catch up.... In the mean time, he's staying there to pay off a ticket. He still has a job... He's wanting to get a few pay checks under his belt, etc.

Richard and I bought a new place here. We're moving in two weeks! Yep..... two weeks! I've been up there for the last three weeks painting, scraping, putting in new this and new that! You know the drill! Since hearing of Stephan coming here, I can say it's put a damper on my excitement. I love him! Oh, gosh I love him!!! But he lies... he steals... he comes home drunk... he's loud... he makes our life pretty miserable at times! Since moving to WI, Richard and I have been pals. We go on dates, we go get coffee, we eat ice cream! Am I about to relive the last three years all over again???  OR- has this time apart from us done Stephan some good? He's lived on his own, he's paid his car insurance and his rent. Well, for as long as he had the apartment anyway. He didn't get to live with Travis long enough to pay rent or split rent... whatever they were gonna do...

I don't understand the Travis situation very well. Stephan says he's afraid of him now... Stephan's stuff is still in his apartment and he won't go get it. I duhh no....

Stephan has mentioned coming here, getting a good job, starting school. That all sounds really great. Stephan's said a lot of good things! I'm really believing Stephan says what we want to hear. Richard and I were talking last night on our way home. I said, "How long did it take Stephan to find "Caleb?" How long did it take him to find "Justin?" How long did it take for him to find "Antonio?" You know, it won't take him long to find another "friend" here that drinks and does drugs too! I told Richard that my time of being hopeful is almost over. I'm bracing myself for another episode of  "Days of my Life!" I don't want it to be this way.
I wish I trusted his word more, but I can't.

I can't cure him.... I can't do anything for him! All I can do is let him destroy my demeanor all over again to where I don't want to even face my neighbors out of embarrassment! Now, we're moving into a Condo community, which makes having neighbors even worse!!!! Richard and I don't plan on living here too long, so we went the condo route, now I wish we'd bought a house!

If he gets here and starts it all over again, we will have to tell him to leave... We've done it before. We want to assist him in moving forward, yet he has to help us help him!!! If he won't, we can't do it again....
I can't! Things like this destroy lives and those lives around the addict. It destroys marriages and homes... it's ugly.

God give us wisdom...

Son, Draw Your Sword!

Gheezey weezey...  Poor Stephan, he's been up and down these last few days! My emotions haven't been spared any either! It seems that there was a Building 429 concert at our church we attended in Alabama and I had heard that Stephan was going! Wow! I thought to myself, "I can't believe he's going.. on his own!" This was a major step in the right direction! I was so excited... until a few hours later....

It appears that Stephan and Travis did go to the concert. They were asked to enter the building from the parking lot, because they were caught harassing girls for their phone numbers... Once inside the building, two younger boys were impressing their girlfriends by throwing spit wads at the back of Stephan and Travis' head. Stephan punched on guy in the face then left the sanctuary and headed to the church play ground. During their visit to the church play ground- they were asked to leave church premises! Another issue is that my oldest son, Brandon was on security staff... Brandon was involved in the removal of Stephan and his friend, Travis.

Stephan didn't know that Brandon was on the security staff until the next day when he called "telling on himself" as Stephan always does! I told him that Brandon was on staff- Stephan kept repeating, "OH my gosh, Brandon was on the security staff? OH my gosh... Brandon's on security! OH My GOSH!!" I think for some reason, Stephan was humbly embarrassed. Not sure why... but he was! He even texted (to my surprise) Brandon the next day apologizing! I guess at the church, he just thought Brandon was being "bossy big brother!" Nope... not this time!

As Stephan was telling on himself- I could tell he was also drunk! He and Travis had been doing so well! Long story short- my phone conversation with Stephan ended with one frustrated mom- me.. and one drunk totally frustrated Stephan (because) Travis don't drink... or he didn't until Stephan came along. Of course Stephan and I talked about all this, me, trying my best not to loose it! It seemed that as Stephan and I were talking, Travis left their apartment on foot, drunk, in his underwear! Stephan was mortified! He was really panicked not knowing WHERE he was, WHERE he was going, OR if he would get arrested for public indecency and drunkenness! Stephan said Travis didn't have his phone... and he didn't know weather to go looking for him or not! I told Stephan to stay put!!! I told him HE didn't need to be driving drunk! He said, "oh I never do that!!" I said, "then how did you get home from the church??" He said, "OH yeah!!!" I know I shouldn't have said this... but I did... I said, "Well, you are experiencing a little of what I've been through- through the years with you- it's not fun is it?" He said, "No.. it's not!"  Then he went on to explain how it's easier to pull someone down than to pull someone up and how he know's he a leader and this was all his fault! I DID tell him that Travis "was" also a big boy and he didn't have to drink it!

Well, needless to say... here we go again. Poor Stephan trying his best to learn from the terrible mistakes he makes. One after another... When will he begin to see that all this is an unending battle unless he draws his sword and puts an end to the enemies charge? What will finally be "enough" to make him see that all this never ends well?

Richard and I were walking along Lake Michigan yesterday when we received a call from Stephan. He said that he could now pass a drug test! (No pot in his system!) That's something to praise him for!! And we are very proud of him for that! But... then he told us that Travis is kicking him out! When we asked why, he told us that he had invited Rainey over. (The girl that he broke up with recently.)  Travis told Stephan it was a mistake! I believe Travis' life was a little less eventful before Stephan came along and Travis is wanting him out! Stephan mentioned moving in with Caleb and his parents- but Caleb just had a terrible motorcycle accident and is in a wheelchair AND Caleb just had a baby- AND Caleb's girlfriend lives there too! Stephan lived with Caleb a while back and felt in the way- plus Stephan doesn't need to be there anyway! Lot's of drinking goin' on in that house!!!

I heard Richard tell Stephan that we're always there for him and that we love him! I heard him say that our door is always open! Stephan had mentioned moving up here again. I love Stephan so much! I mean, I'm his mother! I love that boy with all my heart, then some! I see the goodness in him. I see his potential... I constantly remind him of it! Trouble is, Stephan's got to believe it! He's got to start trusting in God and trusting that God can bring out the best in him. I tell you, him moving here and things going topsy-turvy again... Well, my emotions may not be able to handle it! I'm still struggling with this move to WI in so many ways. We just bought a new place, which I'm already ready to move from and we haven't even moved in! The little girl in me wants to "do a Dorothy" from the Wizard of Oz, tap my heels and say, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home..."  I miss Alabama. I miss familiarity. I miss my church. I most especially miss my kids, my little Jeremiah and my home there... I've gotta snap out of it! I know in my heart that God moved us here. There was too much that happened for me not to see it! Stephan's in "boot camp" in a way with us being here! He's having to support himself and his accomplishing that is more than we could have ever imagined 6 months ago!

I guess I'm scared... I don't know if I feel that Stephan is ready yet. I feel he hasn't graduated from the school of hard knocks quite yet. I know he could move here, get a job, maybe start Celebrate Recovery at church... the one we're visiting has one too! He could take classes... but would that happen?
Oh gracious... to fear is to not trust God! I know God is in control...

Let's just see what He does! I am praying..................... that's where my strength and power lies.

On a very positive- Stephan texted Richard the other day ( a long text) with scripture!!! It said that he has got to study to show himself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed.. He said that he can't simply have godly friends to become like Christ, but has to be like Christ to be Christ like! He has to rely on God and His Word before his life can change!  That was good stuff! Sometimes it's like Stephan's on the fence. Well, he is. BUT when Stephan jumps off to God's side- it will be for real! Stephan's not one to make a commitment halfheartedly. He's also not a faker... Praying for my baby today...

Undeniable Praises

For many of you who have been following my blog- Caleb (Stephan's friend) is home and in recovery from his near fatal motorcycle accident. It may take six months before he is walking again... Richard texted him back and forth the other day and as you know- Caleb just became a dad. Life has really taken a new twist for him. He and his girlfriend are living with his parents... Caleb told Richard to pray for them. He said," I didn't think we were gonna make it for a while. Maybe it was the hormones, but she is taking care of me and she's such a good mom. All I am concerned with right now is providing for my family..."

I was like: Wow! Caleb and Stephan both have a foundation and both know what it means to let God guide their life, but through these past few years they have both been to the school of hard knocks by choice!!! For Caleb to care about providing for his family is an ultimate praise! Perhaps this is what God sent Caleb's way to shake him up a bit. His life was spared....!!!!  I told Caleb in a text that God was watching over him that night. I also reminded Caleb that God has plans for his life. Caleb responded with, " I know...thank you, Love you mom!"  Yes, he calls me mom : )

Stephan is continuing to do well living with Travis- He seems upbeat and happier than I've seen him in a really long while... They are still running and working out! Stephan's still working... Since he opted out of his lease with the apartment he was living in with Rainey, he does have a fine to pay and a utility bill to take care of, but he really seems to be doing well. OH-- and I think I mentioned in a previous post that I suggested that Stephan go to a church that his former youth pastor, Joey is now pastor of! Stephan didn't really want to go to the church we were going to when we left Alabama. I guess for Stephan it was difficult... people knowing his past. I understand that. Well, since moving in with Travis.... (They live right across the street from Pastor Joey's church!!!) I mean... right across the STREET!!!!!!  I just smile at how good God is sometimes!!!!!!!

God, continue to protect Stephan with your mighty hand. Provide for his needs... As I've prayed before- send people his way to speak to him and let it be undeniable that it's You.... Draw him close to You and guide him... Thank you for being a patient God and loving us all right where we are....

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Getting Rid of the Past- Pruning Our Tree Many Years Ago....

A letter I sent my oldest son, Brandon and his wife Ellie today. I pray for them as young parents.  They are both so grounded in the Lord and are such a good mommy and daddy to now 5 month old little Jeremiah. I'm so grateful that Richard and I met the Lord and spared Brandon and Stephan a life they never new. When Jesus Christ steps in- the old pass away and all things become new! I am so thankful today... for my life in Him! He took all my junk and made something beautiful out of it. While still not perfect... I strive and struggle to be a little more like Him each day. Parenting never stops... It just takes on a different role. I hope this was encouragement to them today : ) 

From Mom:

A good parent takes all the good stuff that he/she's learned from their parents and writes them down on their "to do" list when they become parents themselves! They also cross out everything that he/she feels that were mistakes made by their parents and claim to never do themselves.... This way, every generation becomes better and better and the children are more and more emotionally healthy and stable. Remember that our children will not go through life without making mistakes... but it's how you handle the mistakes that makes all the difference. It's that solid, Biblical foundation you build that will always give them something firm to stand on.

Dad and I were not perfect at all- we made lots of mistakes!  - We did cross out a bunch of stuff that would hopefully never be passed on... Stuff you guys never even knew about. Sometimes I think back to that time and wonder what you and Stephan would have become if you had been raised in a different environment by a "different" Richard and Christel. That thought is a scary one!  I'm so thankful for the day we and the Lord God wrote out our pros and cons list of married couples in our family tree that we wanted to model our marriage after...  I'm also so thankful that we made our list of pros and cons of things we wanted to pass along to our children......  So... with the Lords help we cut ourselves out of the tree we were planted in and asked the Lord for a new seed! It grew and grew.... I only hope you guys "now" have a little more to work with in your tree than we did. : )  You are already off to a much better start- praise God! And... so much farther ahead than we were at your age. 

I hope that Dad and I can be of great encouragement to you both on your journey. When Jeremiah was born- a new "branch" was started. Now is a good time to start thinking about pruning "your" tree, but--- you don't have to tell us what you cut out! Ha ha!!  I know he will grow into a Godly young man and do great things for our God one day! You guys are already wonderful parents!! Enjoy the journey.... : )  

 

For future reference:       

http://thematernallens.blogspot.com/2010/01/they-are-listening.html

Having Simple Faith

These last few days have been very hard for Stephan. He and Rainey officially broke up. This time may be different. She moved all her belongings out of her and Stephan's apartment one night when Stephan was at work.

I bought Stephan a book on dating. Actually, I bought him two books- the other one was on what to look for in a spouse. He has been reading one of the books! I just about fell out of my seat when he told me he had!! I really was quite certain that the books were a waste of money... but just in case... I purchased them! I should have had more faith... He did tell me that he's only reading the one book. He said he couldn't read two books at once. I was one happy Mama!

Stephan called me one day before they broke up to tell me that he and Rainey were not compatible! He listed several reasons: She was not saved. He was not perfect. He needed to get himself right with God before trying to change her... I also stated in my last post that I reminded Stephan that no one could change Rainey but God. Stephan's searching and still reading the book even though she's gone.

Stephan's rent was due three days ago and he can't pay it. Rainey would have paid the other half if she were still there, but she's not, so Stephan has had to make some decisions. Stephan has become friends with Travis... Travis works with Stephan, lives on his own, is trying to become more responsible (per Stephan.) Stephan said that Travis has done drugs, but doesn't any longer. He did drink some.. but doesn't any more... and he stopped smoking pot, so he could get a higher paying job! Travis has an interview coming up soon and I really hope it works out for him.

Last night, Stephan called us again. I could hear hurt, anger and despair in his voice... He said that Travis had helped him pack up all his stuff in the apartment and it was all waiting to be loaded onto a truck. He said he was moving in with Travis. I really wish- and suggested- that Travis move in with Stephan, because Stephan's apartment was in a much better location! Stephan informed me that Travis just paid his rent and didn't have the money for half of Stephan's, so they could stay there. The thought crossed my mind to pay the other half of Stephan's rent so this could happen, but I stopped the thought before I could even make the decision not to! I can tell that God is really working in Stephan's life right now and I can't get in the way....

He was talking to Richard and I about his drinking and pot again. He said, "I can't drink because it makes me so angry and crazy and I can't smoke pot because it makes me lazy AND I can't get a real job! That's just shot out... I'd rather smoke pot cause I can still drive... but pot is illegal and alcohol is LEGAL!!  It's all a dead end street anyway. I've had so much energy since I quit smoking pot- but gosh, I want some real bad!"
He and Richard went over the benefits of stopping it all. Stephan agreed...

The conversation then turned to girls. It appears that Stephan said some pretty horrible things to Rainey before they broke up. She also had a few choice things to say herself according to Stephan, but Stephan said, "everything I said was true and everything she said was a lie!"  Oh my goodness...
Richard talked to him about building a non-sexual dating relationship with someone. He told Stephan that he needed someone to "date," someone to go get ice cream with, someone to get to know for who they are inside. He reminded him when you throw the sex into a relationship- it's doomed before it's started, because it's based on sex, not who the other person really is and eliminates all the things you need to be considering- like IF you ARE compatible!

Stephan also told us that he and Travis went to church last Wed. night! I was really proud of him. Stephan's searching... He's finding out what he's made of. He's finding out that he can do this...  We asked Stephan if he was praying and he told us no...  He said, " I can't! If I do, -then I mess up, I'll let God down!"
We had Stephan on speaker phone... We gently reminded him that we all mess up and God knows our hearts. Richard told him all he needed to do was pray four words...  I'm. Sorry. Help. Me.
He told Stephan that if he wasn't praying, God couldn't help! He said that these four words was a start and that God hears the prayers of a sincere heart.

I sent Stephan a text this morning...  "God inhabits the prayers of those He loves. When you fall, ask him to pick you up. When you're afraid, ask for His help. When you're scared, ask for His arms to protect you. GOD doesn't want you to abandon Him because of your guilt... He wants your heart and just simple trust. Satan will continually remind you of stuff you feel guilty for, so that you stay away from God. Always remember that faith and "feelings" are not the same thing. FAITH is trusting- although you might be afraid... It's trusting God's direction for your life- more than your own direction for yourself!!"

I hope that as Stephan makes this transition in his life that God shows up more than ever! I pray that God would bring a girl into Stephan's life that he is compatible with... a girl that Loves God more than she loves Stephan! - That's who I pray for.... Maybe it's Rainey... Maybe it's not...