How to Help Your Addicted Adult Child

I saw this the other day and it hit's home in my heart. Drug addiction is one of the most painful things you will ever face with a child that you love so much! The first thing Christian parents have to remember is that you didn't cause your child's addiction, you can't change it, and you can't cure it. Knowing this, and understanding the message in the Prodigal, weather that be an adolescent child or an adult child, you can rest assured you are on track in doing everything you can to help assist them by practicing the things listed below. The lesson that I have learned to be most valuable in my own son's life would be: Learning how to help him- help himself... 

 

“How to Help Your Addicted ADULT Child”

(Taken from The Most Excellent Way) - tmewcf.org

 

 

THE PRODIGAL

Read: Luke 15:11-24 NIV 
In Christ’s parable of the rebellious son, the father gives his son his inheritance and allows the young man to leave home...

 

THE PROBLEM 
Parents often ask what they should do to help their child who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The child is an adult, is unemployed and is still living at home with his parents. The parents are paying all or part of his or her living expenses. Parents who  provide a “safe house” where their children may eat, “sleep it off,” and come and go as they please, are actually forestalling their children experiencing the natural consequences of their destructive addiction. 

 
Parents are usually motivated to help their addicted children because of their love and sense of duty. Perhaps they believe they are somehow responsible for their child’s addiction. And they hope and pray their child will “wake up” to their problem and seek help. The guilt and shame parents feel are emotions that help keep their adult children at home and addicted.  

LET GO AND TRUST GOD! 

 
Let go of your child, and let God work His perfect will for him or her. Allow God to cause your child to reap the consequences of his/her selfish, self-destructive behavior. 

  
We parents forget that the lessons we learn best are those resulting from difficult times. When we interfere with God’s plan, we are being selfish. We are playing God.

The following Scripture applies to the parent as well as the child: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.”  Galatians 6:7 KJV 

As adult parents, with our own pasts, we can identify with both the son and father in Jesus’ parable.  In our youth, didn’t we want to live life on our own terms?  Didn’t we respond selfishly to that rebellious nature within and try to prove ourselves?  Just as the prodigal son indulged in the pleasures of the world, so did we.  It is human nature.  Our sinful nature.   The degree to which we choose to indulge ourselves isn’t what is important—Christ shows us in His Sermon on the Mount that it is a heart issue. To think of doing sinful behavior in the heart is equal to commission of sin.  

 

We all have war stories from our pasts, and our children experience their own wars.  We cannot change our child any more than another human being could have changed us.  When we suffered enough shame, humiliation and degradation, we decided to change.  Some of us despaired and threw ourselves on the mercy of someone who cared about us, someone who could lead us in the right way. 

 
When Jesus is that Someone, we experience a welcome home that cannot be expressed fully in human terms.  It is Jesus’ love, acceptance, and forgiveness we need.  Our parents could not satisfy that need. And we cannot satisfy that need for our children—no matter how much we want to. 
The prodigal’s father released the son and continued his own life, taking care of  his own responsibilities.  His joy at the return of his son shows us that he had missed his child very much, he did not withhold forgiveness, and he felt compassion for what the boy had experienced. The father never stopped loving his son!  

 
Our Father in heaven welcomes us into His home—His eternal kingdom—when we repent and humble ourselves to be His children.  What a homecoming!  

THE ADDICTED ADULT CHILD  

Drunkards and addicts do not and cannot understand the full effects of their behavior in their own lives or the lives of others because:

   
• They cannot clearly discern between good and bad.   
“The man without the Spirit does not  accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness  to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

 

I Corinthians 2:14 NIV “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12 NKJV 

• They are focused on gratifying their own self-centered desires.   “... but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”  James 1:14-15 NIV 

• They are spiritually deluded and do not know the kind of person they are. 
 
“Do not merely listen to the word,  and  so deceive  yourselves.  Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what  it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and   immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:22-24 NIV

 
• The chemically dependent person is enslaved (in bondage) to his addiction, and will make excuses for his behavior.  As long as he is prevented by over-indulgent family and friends from seeing the reality of  his hopelessness, he will remain deluded.  However, the excuses can -not block out the obvious, observable facts:  lying, stealing, laziness, abusive language, driving under the influence, violence, general lawlessness, missing school or work, etc. 

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? 

• FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM SOLVER!  Release your adult child totally to God’s care.  Acknowledge that He loves your child and sacrificed His own Son because of His great love. 
• Trust God for your child.  Though he or  she needs to be humbled by experiencing the consequences of destructive behavior, which will include physical, emotional and spiritual pain, God is in control. 

              
• Be prepared to allow your child to face  the consequences of his/her choices — poverty, hunger, homelessness and jail — without your intervention.   
“No temptation has seized you except what  is  common to man, and God is faithful;  He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide  a way  out so that you can stand under it.”  I Corinthians 10:13 NIV

 

This is God’s assurance for parent and child.  

    
• If you child becomes uncooperative, ask him/ her to leave your home, and not return until he/ she has been clean and sober for a specific amount of time. Assure him of your love and concern, yet firmly stress that you will no longer be a party to his self-destruction. Be prepared to obtain a restraining order from local authorities if you believe your child may retaliate with violence.

 
• When your child has reached his/her “bottom,” encourage him/her to seek help from Christian resources, i.e., “The Most Excellent Way,” residential facilities and programs. Encourage your child to seek resources without your help to prove he/she is resolved to become clean and  sober.  Of course you could attend support meetings with your child , or visit you child in a residential facility, to demonstrate your love and concern. 

• Expect angry accusations from your child: “You don’t love me,” “it’s your fault I’m this way,” etc.  If you believe there is some truth to the accusations, ask your child to forgive you, as God has forgiven you.  You cannot change the past, and God is in control of your future  and  your child’s.

 
• Make a list of the many effects and consequences of the dependent’s behavior  in order to present him with the evidence of his own bondage.  This list is not a “club” used to remember wrongs suffered against you, but rather a record of facts to refute your child’s excuses.

 
• Pray, pray, and pray some more.  Seek God’s will for your life and as well as your child’s.   
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all  understanding, will guard your hearts  and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7 NIV 

•Cultivate Biblical Love.  When God delivers your child from chemical bondage, you will have the opportunity to renew your relationship. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.   It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,  it is not easily angered,  it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  I Corinthians 13:4-8A NIV  

  
• Seek God — one day at a time — in His Word, at home, church, discipleship and fellowship groups to strengthen your walk with your Lord.  
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”   Matthew 6:33 KJV

 
“You will keep him in perfect peace , Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.  Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”   Isaiah 26:3-4 NKJV 

• Finally, forgive and forget.  When the lost relationship is found, when apology is genuine, when reconciliation is sought — forgive and forget, absorb the losses and the cost, and rejoice and let the party begin.

 

The Prodigal’s father restored his wayward son and celebrated his return.  In this reconciliation, the father absorbed the hurt and financial loss, and was willing to adjust his hopes and dreams for his child. People are not perfect — your life will not unfold according to your blueprints.  Your children will not develop according to your specifications. You can harbor resentment if you choose, but when it comes to relationships, that choice is always self-defeating. Joy embraces others — stubbornness shuns them.  Peace forgives others — pride prolongs the separation.  Self-pity smudges the record until one remembers who is at fault or why. 

 

Love cleans the slate of hurts recorded...



It's Christmas!!

On Christmas Eve, Stephan and Rainey spent the night with us per my request! I had asked each of my children before Christmas this question: "What makes Christmas special to you..?" Each of them gave me different answers, so when we were in Alabama for Christmas we did those special things that Brandon and Ellie requested. We exchanged ornaments that meant something special and we read the Christmas story. We played Christmas music. We also read A Charlie Brown's Christmas. That one was Ellie's request.

Stephan had said that he loved candles, Christmas music, breakfast on Christmas morning, then opening gifts in our pajama's! The only way to open gifts in our PJ's was to be here when he woke up, so I made it all happen.I made a big, special dinner that night as well. Since everything is closed on Christmas Day, we settled in, watched movies and made a day of it!  It was a wonderful day. We had also bought tickets to go see It's a Wonderful Life at the Fireside Dinner Theater the day after Christmas. Rainey and Stephan met us here and we drove down to the Fireside. The performance was was absolutely amazing. The food was great as always... It was just a good day and a really wonderful Christmas...

I am so thankful for such a wonderful family. I am especially thankful that I got to see all of my children this Holiday season.

Visit to Alabama in November/December

During the month of November we visited our son, his wife and our two precious little pumpkins! It was Thanksgiving... Richard and I drove down. I had so much to look forward too on this trip, because I was going to be bringing my two babies back with me to Wisconsin for eleven days, then return December 9th. I had cleaned my heart out preparing for my sweeties! I bought more toys, a high chair and a pack-n-play to have here for them. I was soooo excited! I could hardly contain my excitement!!!

The trip down was great! When we arrived, Jeremiah and Andrew were waiting for us at the door. When I see them, the rest of the world doesn't exist until I get my hands on them! I love Jeremiah's "littleness" and his wee voice yelling, "Miiii Miiiiii --- BIG DADDY!!! He jumps up and down, then runs to hug us! Andrew is usually smiling, taking it all in, trying to figure out why big brother is so excited- THEN- he starts reaching, because he all of a sudden recognizes us from facetime!!! It's simply the best moment of my life and only gets better as the days go by. They go by way too fast... However, this time, it didn't have to end, because they were coming home with ME!

We had such a good Thanksgiving. Ellie and I cooked. When I wasn't cooking, I was in the floor playing with the babies... We also celebrated Andrew's first birthday while we were there. I can't believe he's getting so big. Jeremiah's birthday is at the first of January, so we had his birthday party too. Their birthdays are actually only weeks apart and since we would be coming back for Christmas early, we wouldn't be coming back for Jeremiah's party. It all worked out and the boys had a fun filled Mickey Mouse clubhouse birthday!

The day we left with the babies, traffic did not cooperate at all. What was normally an eleven and a half hour drive turned into thirteen! They did great though... I had everything set up when we got home, so I put them straight to bed. Jeremiah had no problem sleeping in his little bed and Andrew drank his milk and slept in the bedroom with me.

In the morning, I heard Jeremiah open the door to his bedroom. I didn't hear footsteps... He wasn't moving at all. I imagined he might be confused as to where he was. All of a sudden I hear, "Eeellllooooo??" I whispered his name, trying not to wake Andrew, who was still sleeping in the pack-in-play at the foot of my bed. I heard his sweet little footsteps heading for the sound of my voice. He climbed up into the bed with me and we snuggled for a while until he thought playing with my iPad might be a little more fun...

The next eleven days were like a dream. We played, snuggled, read books, played with race cars, and rode the tricycle in the basement! Jeremiah got to see it snow, so of course we went outside... We went to the mall and to the fire station! I got to kiss them all I wanted! It was awesome!

The day came that we were going to have to head back to Alabama. I packed their little clothes with sadness in my heart, knowing the next time I came home, they wouldn't' be with me. I knew Mommy and Daddy were looking forward to seeing them again!

Stephan and Rainey went back with us this trip. We had to buy a "top of the car" big plastic thingy that you put luggage in. I don't know what it's called... Anyhow, we actually needed it! We were planning on driving half way with the babies to make this trip a little easier on them, so I had to take the pack-in-play, plus luggage for six people and Christmas gifts! UM, The car thingy was nice!

On the way down, we all played car games, trivia crack and more. Stephan is always the life of the party during road trips! He usually keeps us awake- he's quite entertaining! We stayed at the Hampton in Indiana and all of us slept great. I was a little nervous about the boys being in a hotel, but we got two rooms and Andrew did fine in his little bed. Jeremiah slept with Big Daddy!

We had a lot of plans on this trip. My sister, Cindy and my mom were coming down for Christmas and also to surprise Brandon! He had just completed the Police Academy and his graduation was during this visit! When we all finally arrived, Brandon was still an hour or so from getting home from the Academy, so Mama and Cindy hid from him. He went to the laundry room to take off his gear and they were in there. I thought Brandon was going to cry... he was so glad they were there.

We got to spend a lot of quality time with everyone in Alabama on this trip. Stephan stayed with us mostly. I told Richard that it was so nice, because in times past, he would come over to visit his brother and family, but he'd be with Caleb and other friends a little more. This visit, he stayed with us at the hotel all but one night and was at Brandon's every day. He did leave and spend one night with Caleb. He and Rainey also visited her family some. It was a great visit to say the least.

My son, Brandon's graduation was on the 10th. He graduated at the top of his class! Academically, he came in second... wow! He was awarded "Top Shot." He was also nominated to be the chaplain, so he was on stage the entire time and opened and closed in prayer. I took many pictures and couldn't have been more proud of him that day.

During the next few days, we opened gifts and had the most wonderful time. Mama and Cindy went back a day before us. It was so good to see them. It's always hard saying goodbye. We all cried... I don't get to visit NC as often as I'd like.

We came back on a Sunday. The trip back was good. Stephan, as always, came up with games to play. We laughed, slept, talked... it was great, quality time. We didn't get home too very late, but came in and crashed.

The next morning, I woke up as I knew I would to all the toys strewn about and the little beds still made. I did cry.... I am also satisfied with them being back with Mommy and Daddy... I'm just not satisfied being so far away from them. I cleaned up the toys and washed the bedding, but not before I smelled of their blankets that still carried their scent. I left all of their little finger prints that painted my dining room windows. They could be there just ....a little longer....

Consequences and Park Rangers

Richard and I visited family in North Carolina last week. Both of our families are there. I grew up in North Carolina where the summers were long, hot and summer vacation seemed to last forever when I got out of school. I was the barefoot, long brown-haired, little girl that you might see running around everywhere I went -if you were to travel down Route 3, which was a dirt road back then. I spent a lot of days at Grandma's listening to her hum while she cooked and eating raw pie crust from pies she would make. I loved playing with my cousins for endless hours during the days. We would play until the lightning bugs came out. About that time, I'd hear Mama calling for us. I also loved staying with Nanny and Papa. My sister, Monica and my cousin, Kelly would go get in the bed with Papa where we'd beg him to tell us stories of the "old days" while Nanny warmed up the house and made pancakes and bacon.

Richard was born in Florida, but moved to North Carolina when he was seven. In his younger days, with messy blond hair and big blue eyes, he wore nothing but his favorite Tarzan underwear that his mother made for him and spent most of his time in the woods with his dogs, or at the creek below his house catching snakes! He was a rambler just like me... Richard and I had much in common back then although we didn't know it. We lived 20 minutes apart, went to different schools, but we didn't meet until I was 14 and he was 16. That was the day the Earth stood still...... Richard and I quickly fell in love. I'm writing it now and even as an adult I know that what we felt was real. Our dating years was way before cell phones and text messages. We had to do all that the hard way. When Richard sent me a text it was in the form of a hand written letter in an empty Hardees cup thrown out into Mama's flower bed as he drove by. He'd have to wait till he got home to call me to tell me it was there. We were married at the ripe old ages of 17 and 19... I don't know what we were thinking, but we couldn't be happier. We had our fair share of hardship when the honeymoon wore off and real life took hold of us. I wrote on generational sin in another post. We struggled the first five years of our marriage, but the Lord Jesus Christ had new plans...

Another thing that has happened since I last blogged was that we flew into Raleigh and visited Richard's mother, sister and brother for a few days, then we drove to Elkin to see my mother, sister, niece and the rest of my family. My aunt Betsy had a "get together" for us, which is the southern term for: Being surrounded by all the people you love all in one place for a certain period of time!! She invited everyone to her pool and almost everyone came. It was so nice seeing everyone and catching up on life. Our visit with Richard's family was just wonderful as well! It's always so great spending time with family.... I have the best family and I miss them terribly.

Before we left Wisconsin, we knew that Stephan and Rainey were going camping. They were going with three others; two 18 years olds and a 19 year old. Stephan is 22 and Rainey is 19....  I offered Stephan some advice before he left. One bit of advice was an idea I found on Pinterest of how to make cinnamon rolls in an orange peel on an open fire... The other bit of advice was not to buy beer for under age kids. --I also tagged a little- "I have been the parent of an under age child "(YOU)" that has had alcohol purchased for him BY someone old enough to drink it and I didn't appreciate it!... Don't be that person!" on the end of that sentence.

Well................. do I even need to finish this post? As Richard and I were getting into bed at his mother's house he said that Stephan had texted him to tell him that their trip had been cut short. In an explosive text, Stephan wrote explaining how mad he was, because they bought all this food, drove 4-5 hours to this camp ground in Michigan, spent $60.00 on a camp site for two nights only to be kicked out the very first night! The details:
1. He bought beer.
2. Rainey and the three other's were under age.
3. It was a family camp ground (lights out at 10.)
4. They were loud.
5. Someone complained.
6. Park Rangers showed up.
7. Park Rangers found beer and wanted to see all of their driver's license.
8. Four of five of the kids got $267.00 tickets for under age drinking.

Stephan, as impossible as it seems, didn't get any kind of ticket and he's the one who bought the beer!
The Park Rangers took all the beer, put out their fire and told them to evacuate the next morning by a certain time. When we got back to Wisconsin and had to hear this story in person. The most unbelievable part was that Stephan and Rainey both were mad at the Park Rangers instead of their own selves! How in the world can it be anyone's fault but their own? It's apparent that they both still have a lot of maturing and growing to do. Lots.....

I have explained to Stephan over and over how the consequence of sin bleeds into our lives if we continue to feed the beast that cuts us over and over again, if we allow it to rule our lives! He still can't see that making a wise choice to JUST take food and soft drinks would have allowed him to have a really fun, Park Ranger free weekend.

I'm still praying for wisdom to come to him. He has to do the asking though...  In the meantime, Rainey will not have rent again this month due to her $267.00 ticket. They got into a really bad fight last night and I'm only guessing it's over the rent. Stephan can't blame her solely.... They both drank a lot of their rent money! It's lessons like these that will hopefully allow them to start wanting wisdom for themselves. Maybe one day they will be sick of being broke. Maybe one day they will realize they are "broken" and in need of a savior. The landlord will definitely come knocking of they don't pay... That has thankfully never happened!  Jesus knocks on the door of their hearts all the time. I hope one day soon- they will open it and begin living life for Him.

Lord, Carry my Heavy Heart

I have found myself being very weary today. We've been in WI for two and a half years now and I'm ready to move. Richard has the plant here almost running without him and that's exactly what was supposed to happen. We followed the Lord to Wisconsin and I believe with all my heart He sent us here. As I've said before, Stephan was part of that plan. Stephan, two years ago was a full blown drug addict in Alabama. He was a very immature, skeletal image of the son I knew from birth. He was usually somewhere else, rather than his own mind and it was heart wrenching for me to see and have to experience on a day to day basis.

In the meantime, Stephan... and our oldest son, Brandon, his wife and our (then) newborn grandson stayed behind as we set out on our trek North to the great state of Wisconsin. Leaving my grandson almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown. Well, let me back up a bit... - Richard actually moved to Wisconsin one month before I did, when our grandson was only four days old. So, I guess if you consider sitting out on my front steps screaming and hyperventilating as Richard left for Wisconsin a nervous breakdown- then maybe I "did" have one. One month later, he came back for me. I cried all the way to Kentucky.

When we arrived at our apartment here there was two feet of snow. I felt alone and as empty as I ever had in my whole entire life. I pretty much didn't leave the apartment except to go to the grocery store for four months. Today, we live in a condo that we purchased here. I've never lived in a Condo, but ours is very nice.... We've given it an "Extreme Makeover" and I love it on the inside. However, I never want to live in another one. I'm smothered.....  My home in Alabama was my dream home. It was also located in a very quiet neighborhood nestled nicely by a 25 acre lake. I woke every morning to the sound of geese whispering in my ears. Ahhhhhhh..... I miss it.

I am SO thankful to have had Stephan follow us here six months after we moved. I was very apprehensive at first, but he's been here all this time and he works for my husband at the plant. He has his own apartment, pays for everything and I'm very proud of him. He does still drink occasionally and I have a problem with it, but I do have to remind myself of my son two and a half years ago.
There's been mention of buying "yet" another plant, which was the plan from the beginning and when it happens, we will move again. Stephan has said that he would want to transfer with us. I would want that as well.

Although Stephan is doing "ok." there's just still things he will not give over to the Lord. Richard and I were talking in the car yesterday about the fact that Stephan "likes" being intoxicated. He does! It's just reality. So what do you do with that?

If you've followed my blog, you've read about Stephan's former friends- one being Caleb. The thought of even seeing Caleb's face made me want to vomit! However, I have come to the conclusion that although I want to, I can not blame Caleb or any other of Stephan's friends for Stephan's drug use or behavior in Alabama. Everyone makes their own decisions- including my son. He chose the path he took and he could have easily steered clear of it. He could have walked away. Why didn't he? He liked it.

With all of that said, I had to brace myself when I got the news a few weeks ago that Caleb was driving to Wisconsin to visit Stephan. I ain't gonna lie- I wanted to vomit, just like I just said... When those two are together, there is just nothing good that comes from it. NOTHING! I made my mind up that I was going to psyche myself out and prepare myself mentally for his arrival. I really hoped that (although I'd psyched myself out) that I would never see his face the whole time he was here! Not too much to ask for, right? BUT... if I do see his face I kept reminding myself that after all this time, Caleb has grown up some. He's 2.5 years older. He's going to college. He has a CHILD.... He's engaged and looking for a job. Everybody grows up right? The answer to that question is no... I have living proof in a few of my family members, a cousin for example, but anyhow....  HOPEFULLY Caleb "has."

The day came.... It was Sunday. To my disappointment, Stephan did not come to church. I guess in some way I imagined Stephan inviting him and I'd see him there because of both of their maturity levels had risen. Didn't happen.....They slept in, but wanted to come to our house to play corn hole after we got out of church and eat lunch of course. "Well," I thought... as I took a deep breath. It's time I be the adult and give this a shot. I had even thought of questions that I'd ask Caleb about his baby girl and about life in general. It's what Jesus would do!

He and Stephan walked in and they were both dressed like thugs. I hadn't seen Stephan looking so stupid in 2 years. Good Lord! I mean, what the heck? I actually felt queasy in my legs. Oh geeeez.... really?

Needless to say, Stephan has missed four days of work since his arrival. (Three of those days he did take off) but now has no PTO for Christmas. The other day, he called in with "pink eye." PINK EYE! Richard told him he needed to get meds because it was really contagious. He never went... and never had pink eye. It may have been "hangover eye." "Looks pretty much the same as pink eye, only not contagious!"

Since Caleb's arrival, Caleb, who is such a thinker and plans his vacations so wisely is mysteriously going to have to borrow money from Stephan to even get back to Alabama! Now, why would you drive 750 miles away from home without enough money to get you back? Those are questions I really have no option than to ponder... They also went out partying one night. It was after 11:00 when Rainey got off work. I can't think of anything good that happens after 11pm. can you? There was this video on facebook... I just won't go there. I just pray to God my Mama didn't see it before it was reported and removed by facebook!

Why? Just why?

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of the emotional roller coaster it puts you through. Especially since he's been doing so well. My conclusion today is that Stephan is doing what he wants to do. He's supposed to be back at work today and Caleb is leaving Wednesday from my understanding. When Caleb leaves, Stephan will still have a heart issue..... He will still have a walking with the Lord issue.... He will still have a discernment issue....

I have to say, I gave Stephan and Caleb the benefit of the doubt when they came over two times this week. Yes, I actually made a double attempt... We had good visits while they were here. Don't get me wrong, Caleb does seem more mature in some ways, so does Stephan, but there's still the matter of just getting things right with God. Caleb has a baby to think about now. You'd think he would be kind of getting over the bull crap.

My heart is heavy today. I guess I'm wondering exactly "where" Stephan is. I'm so thankful he's here and that he comes over to work out with Richard and eats dinner here several times a week. Please Lord consider my heavy heart and help me carry it today....

Overcomer!!!

The Lord is still teaching me to be an overcomer and not let circumstances get me down. A few weeks ago, Brandon, Ellie, Jeremiah and Andrew came to visit. They were here for 9 days. If you've followed my blog, you know how hard it was for me to leave Alabama and move to Wisconsin. We've been in Wisconsin for almost two and a half years and some days just do not get any easier. My sweet babies, Jeremiah and Andrew are 2 and 6 months now and I miss them terribly. I am thankful that I get to fly down to see them about every 8-10 weeks. So very thankful!!!

But back to what I was saying, they were here for 9 days.  We went to the Milwaukee Zoo, The Children's Museum, The Domes- a horticulture museum. We went to an authentic Columbian restaurant. Brandon and Ellie took our pass to the Harley Museum on a date. We went to the Mall and many places we'd wanted to show them! It was so much fun having my family here. My life was absolutely complete! Stephan and Rainey came over too... It was the best 9 days spent in a long time! It got even better: They left Jeremiah behind with me and Richard for 10 whole extra days when they went back home. That little Rascal- I could eat him to pieces! He is my love... we had so much fun. I took so many pictures and videos! He was so much fun!

We flew back to Alabama with Jeremiah and stayed there for about a week. I believe we were with Jeremiah for 24 whole days!!!! It was Heaven! Andrew is still having to be with Mommy, so I didn't get to keep him too, but I would've!!!! : ) Andrew is the squishiest little bundle of pure goodness! I could eat his cheeks off! I love holding and cuddling with him so much. After 24 days of Heaven- I had to fly back at some point. They always go to the airport with us and parting is such sweet sorrow. It's like leaving a part of me behind. It's almost too much. I try to readjust as we board the plane. By the time we are in Atlanta, reality has set in once again. When I feel the cool Wisconsin air I should feel home, but I don't.
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I texted Rainey the other day- actually, she and I exchanged about 50 texts.. I was really able to talk to her about Jesus more than ever before. She has really grown over the last year of being here. She wrote Richard and I a text not too long back that she was so glad to be here in WI with us and that being here, being in church and having us in her life was impacting her life like never before. Little does she know that it's not us... it's Christ in us! She said we were amazing people.... but no.... HE is amazing! I pray earnestly that she will come to know Him soon. As we were talking about events that have happened in her life, she opened up to me again about a lot of things and I asked her when she wanted me to pray with her to receive Christ. You see, this is the second time this opportunity has happened, but she just won't. Not yet....   I gave her some scripture to chew on and told her today was the day of salvation. I will continue praying towards it.

I did ask Rainey what her goals in life were... She said she wanted to marry Stephan, have a family and live a good life. She said she wanted her family to go to church and she wanted to protect her children from all the things she's had to endure during her life. I think this is wonderful goal.

Jesus was patient, loving and kind. He was a friend to all, especially sinners. I'm so glad He was a friend of mine! I am looking forward to the day Rainey and Stephan both surrender their lives totally to Him. So, while I am trying to overcome the fact that we live in WI, so far, far, far away from one son and his family. I am so grateful that my other son is here with me trying to overcome the world. We are in a battle.... a huge one. One that we can't see. I think that God has huge plans for Stephan's life. I really do. Perhaps this is why there is such a war going on....

Christ overcame and He gives us power to overcome. Lord reign down over us and protect us and guide us.

Work In Progress.....

Stephan got his license back a week ago. Like I said, he had a wreck and got a DUI a while back. Since then, he's made the decision not to drink liquor again. He's quit for a while, started back, so now, he said he was only drinking beer..... and doing so only on the weekends and only at home. no more drinking and driving. Sometimes he drinks too much beer. Stephan is loud when he's had too much beer and his neighbors have been involved a few times as I've mentioned. Not good.......

Since he and his dad have been working out, Stephan said that beer has too many calories now and he wants to drink liquor again.... but only on the weekends and only at home. His waffling back and forth puts me on my knees quite often! If I'm not on my knees, I pray wherever I am- cleaning the shower, vacuuming... wherever! The Lord does not mind where I talk to Him! I actually scrub harder when I'm praying for Stephan....

If I lived in a perfect world where I could make decisions for my Stephan and he would actually listen I'd have him not drinking at all and he would like it!

I look back through the years by way of posts on this blog and I am so grateful that we are not where we were. We've come away from hard drugs and now we're dealing with alcohol, but I am thankful to my God daily that we've walked a few hundred miles and are not where we were.

Stephan came over yesterday to work out before Richard got home and we talked for about 30 minutes (while his pre-workout kicked in.) It's wonderful to have him in our basement caring about his health. He and Rainey have even stopped drinking soft drinks! They drink the liquor- but not Dr. Pepper! I have to insert a little smile here.... While some things are good, other things are not, over all- things are really, really good.

Stephan is still working hard and has built his credit up enough to purchase this other car he just bought all on his own. He totaled the last one in the wreck. This has been 5 cars he has totaled... I may not have mentioned the forth car he wrecked. He drove it off into a hole down at the driving range one night. That was eventful! He was drunk-- and just drove.. it.. off.. into.. a.. hole! He called Richard to come pull him out and when Richard got there, all he could see was Stephan's head and his eyes peering at him from the pit his car had disappeared in. When Richard walked over, he was only able to see the back end of the car sticking up out of the mire!!! Pulling it out was not an option!! They called a wrecker to avoid cops, another DUI, and of course, lost the money in his car that the insurance company would have covered if it had been a legitimate accident!

So anyway, back to the latest car-- We went to the dealership with him and he actually sat there with a calculator in hand, making sure he could afford the car and the insurance along with all his other bills before signing on the dotted line. I was very proud of him for making sure he could pay all of his bills before he bought the car!

We are still a work in progress here.... I pray to the Lord to use me in Rainey's life. I pray he uses Richard and I both in Stephan's life and hers. They continue to go to church with us. I am most grateful for that!!!!!!

Feeling a little Blah....

It's April here in Wisconsin and I'm still waiting on spring. The snow has melted and I can see traces of green grass here and there if I look closely. I long to go outdoors, look up to the sky, close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun on my face as I breathe in the fragrant scent of spring.... That would have been nice today. Instead, I sat wrapped in my heated blanket in this stupid chair I'm sitting in now. I found myself in a hard place today. I've cried.... I've feel lonely..... I feel defeated.

We've been attending a church here for quite a while. We've been going for like a year and a half. Well, ever since we visited and left the "smaller" church I've mentioned in previous posts. The church is huge. There's 5 services. One Friday, one Saturday and three on Sundays. Richard had lunch with one of the pastors there and had coffee with another and not once did either of them follow up him. When Richard met with our pastor in Alabama, they had lunch- then Richard was helping him co-teach his Sunday school class. He and his wife discipled us and got us plugged in and serving immediately!!! It was also a huge church (that was also in the south.) I find it very hard to make friends here, find connections here or like church here. People are just.... I'm so sorry.... but rude. I can't say that about everyone.... I've ran into nice people with friendly smiles, but majority of people are really rude, or perhaps it just seems that way. Maybe it's a cultural thing. You've heard of "Southern Hospitality." Now that I'm separated from the good ole south, I now see what all the hype is about the friendliness of the south! It's true. People there are kind and nice and won't let the door slam in your face! People in the south hold the door for the next person if they are close enough to grab it. Sometimes, people in the south hold it long enough for you to grab the door even if they see you coming. Chivalry does not exist in Wisconsin. Or at least that's the way I feel today. Too many people have let the door slam in my face, run over me with their shopping cart and almost hit me with their car! People will walk right in between me and the grocery shelf to get what they want instead of waiting until I make my selection since I was there first. It's like I'm invisible! If (I) do not move- I will get hit or forced out of the way. I don't know the rules here. If two local people are headed toward one another with their shopping carts who moves out of the way? I actually had three very heavy grocery bags in my hands, my purse on my shoulder and was pulling my shopping cart to the place where you put it away and a man (carrying NOTHING) was walking toward me. The area where we were both supposed to pass was very narrow, but I kept going, because I had a lot of weight that I was carrying. He kept walking and so did I... finally- he moved out of the way and stood there giving me an evil look as if he were thinking, "Are you kidding me!!!"  Maybe I should have just dropped all my things right there in the floor and let the stupid man get by me! Men in the south do NOT do that! They would grab my cart and offer to put it away for me once they noticed that I had such a heavy load! That's the problem-- No one notices.

Ok, my rant is over....

My son, Brandon and his family are coming up on the 18th! I can hardly wait. Jeremiah is 2 now and little Andrew is 4 months! I'm trying to plan things to do. I really am hoping it's warm enough to go to the Zoo.

Stephan and Rainey were over this past weekend. We went to church. It was Easter Sunday. The service was good, but again, not a lot of focus on the cross, Christ and salvation. I guess what I meant by good- (the service was good) was that it "was" a good message.... just not leading people toward salvation which is what I expected. I guess Christ is a southern thing too.. my, my...

Stephan and Richard have been working out together. Stephan has gained about 53 pounds since being here! : ) He's trying to loose a little now! Ha Ha! He is 6 foot tall and got up to about 185, which is still a great weight for him! He doesn't like his little bit of belly fat. LOL!

Rainey and I sat and printed out recipes that she wanted from my "loose recipe" book. This book is a 3 ring binder where I have placed all my loose recipes in page protectors inside. I have them organized and categorized. I cook A LOT! I love cooking.... My most recent fascination is with Julia Child. She is my latest inspiration. I made her Beef Bourguignon a few weeks ago. Holy Smoly.... Oh my gracious... Richard said it was on the list of his top 5 favorite things he's ever put in his mouth! This week, I am making Coq Au Vin. Can't wait!!!! I have to pour myself into something, right? Why not French cooking!

Rainey has quite a big interest in cooking herself. It's something that we have found we have in common and she asks me questions and has started cooking at home. She made buffalo chicken sliders and said they were out of this world! I was very proud of her. It's awesome to see her trying new things and exploring new territory. 

Catching Up!

I seriously can't believe it's been over 8 months since I've updated my blog. Wow, a lot has changed since my last post. In September, I celebrated my 43rd birthday. Gosh, am I that old? We went to Alabama in November to welcome our second grandchild into the world. There's nothing in the world like grandchildren : ) My oldest just turned 2 in January and now the youngest is over a month old now. Time sure does fly. We also went to Alabama for Christmas... What a joyful time.

Golly gee, where do I start? Last time I posted on here Rainey still lived in Alabama. She moved up here to Wisconsin to be with Stephan during the summer. He moved out of our place before she arrived into his own apartment, which is near the plant where he works. It may have been May or June when she got here. If you remember in previous posts, we were charging Stephan rent, which we were saving for him and all of his money he had saved was readily available for his deposit and other things he needed.

After Rainey moved, we didn't see Stephan as much for a few weeks. I was ok with that. I know he's got to establish his home here with her. I also felt in my heart that Rainey felt uncomfortable at our home. Maybe she felt as if we would judge her for marijuana being a part of who she was... She knew we were Christians and strong in our faith, but I wanted her to know us and our hearts. Except for the grace of God- there goes I, right? We're not the judge, nor are we perfect... I don't want to imagine what my own life would be without Christ!

Now that Rainey was here, she was part of our family. That was just the way I felt. I prayed and was honest with God... I don't want Stephan drinking. I don't want her smoking pot... I want my son and the girl he loves to have life as easy and as pain free as possible. I think we all want that for our kids. I saw the strongholds in their life as being something that was holding them back from experiencing life at its fullest. It was also holding them back from who they could become. Hiding all this in my heart, I knew I was on a mission field. A bigger one!

For those first few weeks- maybe two weeks. Stephan and Rainey did not attend church with us. I had expected that they wouldn't, however, I did not loose hope. I remember one day Stephan calling us and asking us if we wanted to go play tennis with them across from where we lived! They drove over and we walked to the tennis courts. I had never played tennis a day in my life, but couldn't wait to try! We really had a wonderful time! Richard and Stephan are so dang competitive! Plus, either of them could be stand up comedian's!! All of us cutting up made for such a great time that day. I think maybe Rainey realized that day that we weren't these stiff necked, stick in the mud parents, or atleast I hope she did.

It wasn't long after that day that we played tennis again... and again. We've went down to Lake Michigan three times now. Twice last summer... the last time we took a picnic. It was Rainey's idea. We also went down to the lake during the first snow. It was really cool being at the Lake, which looks like the ocean, with snow on the ground. We've went to play putt putt together twice. We've went to a park and walked, looking at the river and the geese. Most importantly, after those first few weeks, Stephan and Rainey both started attending church with us and have only missed a few Sunday's since. It's been an awesome ride....  We all go out to lunch when church services are over and they both usually wind up coming back to our house to spend the evening. We watch movies... Richard taught Stephan how to play chess. Everything goes great as long as Stephan wins!!!! Holy cow! He cracks me up! Rainey and I talk or watch movies. It's nice having a girl around and we are getting close...

Rainey was here for about 3 months before she found a job. She had to stop smoking pot and she did. She actually wound up talking to me about pot and it's effects on the human body even before she started applying for a job and that is really what seemed to break the ice in our relationship. You know, I wasn't hard on her... I didn't give her all my thought out advice. I did talk about how smoking it was harmful and most of all, it's illegal. I talked to her about taking care of her body... I'm one of these weird, all organic, non-toxic people who cares deeply for my health to the point that I study about holistic medicine and all-natural this, that and the other all the time! I did talk to her about my relationship with God as well. She told me that she didn't want to smoke pot forever, but she also thought that it was ok to have it legalized to use for medicinal purposes! Oh me...
She told me she had to take one day at a time... I totally agree... Rome wasn't built in a day.

God extended His grace upon me the day I was saved and took me on a journey to where I am now... and there's more to come! I have so much more to learn myself... If God can use me to get her started, she will also be on the most exciting journey she's ever been on.

I love to cook! My husband says that I should be a chef : ) Of course he's bias.... and has to say those things if he wants to eat, but I admit, I can make a few killer dishes! Rainey wanted to learn how to make one of my chicken dishes, so I told her to come over. When she arrived, I was her guide, but she made the chicken all by herself and it was great!

She called one day to see if I'd meet her for lunch, so we met at Jersey Mikes! She's sent me some Pin's in Pinterest and wanted me to help her make some gifts for her family for Christmas. We had a really great time putting those together. We laughed and talked as I helped her.

Stephan and Rainey come over about 3-4 times a week to hang out : ) I sometimes think it's so cool that they want to hang out with us so much... but then.... they also eat dinner every time they come! Either we are cool or my cooking is- either way- I am honored they come! Ha Ha!  Stephan and Richard have also began to work out together. They're really having fun with that! Stephan's gained almost 50 pounds now and he looks great!

Although these last several months have been great, we have had a few tough times as well. Stephan is still drinking beer and just can't drink two. He and Rainey got into a fight at their apartment, he was drunk and so was she, so the cops were called. About 12am one morning, I got a call from Rainey telling me Stephan was in jail! JAIL!!  I thought we had left all that in Alabama!!! All I could think to say when we hung up was, "Oh dear Lord God... and Richard's out of town!" He was, he was in NC on business. Sigh.....................

When Stephan got the job that he's currently at, he had to volunteer to take random drug tests whenever the president of the company wanted him too. If you're new to this blog, my husband Richard is the plant manager where Stephan they both work and it's by the grace of God that Stephan got the job there! If Stephan doesn't show up for work because he was in jail, he would automatically loose his job! Rainey said he could be bailed out... and told me that Stephan had the money to bail himself out, but he needed me to come pick him up. I went down there... At 12am the place looked closed, but I knew it wasn't! I walked in to where I saw a security camera glaring down upon me! An officer came inside and I told him who I was here for. I have to say, situations like this have a way of making you feel about a half inch tall. I wondered if the officer thought I looked like a scumbag mom. Then I thought- who cares-- I'm at the jail! It doesn't get much worse than this anyway, so why worry about it!

Stephan paid his bail, but I brought him home with (me!) He was in no shape to return home with Rainey!! He was drunk and not that it did any good that night, but we had a really good heart to heart that I prayed he would remember in the morning- at least bits and pieces!

Stephan has also wrecked and totaled another car during this time of absence from blogging. Stephan has a court date now and has lost his license for 6 months... So now, Rainey is having to take him to work or he has to get a ride.

He and Rainey were also in another altercation where the neighbors were involved, called the police... blah, blah... end of story- Stephan was charged with a domestic dispute, not by Rainey, but by a neighbor. He's awaiting a court date for that! Alcohol makes him a different person. Tangled webs..............

Positive!! --He is paying his bills on time and never asks for anything. I am really proud of him in this area! I think it took wrecking his car (again) and going to jail (again) to make him realize he needed to make some changes (again!) Stephan is just the kind of guy who has to learn from his mistakes, he can't do anything the easy way.

I see little changes daily... better decisions made at times and caring a little more about his health as time goes by. I see Rainey trying to keep house, decorate and make weekly menu's. I gave her a print out that I use that helps me a lot! She shops with it now. I see her becoming more established here and enjoying spending time with us. She laughs and jokes with us. Sometimes I can't believe they like hanging out with us so much! Again- it may be the food! Ha Ha! Where we are now at this moment in time and even after all the above has happened, it's definitely better than where we were when I started this blog. We try to love Stephan with the love that God bestows on us ourselves. He's a great kid! He's come a long way.

Pointing Our Children To The Scriptures....

Stephan and Rainey are arguing again. In a nut shell, her pot habit angers Stephan. His alcohol habit angers her. Neither one of them practice protecting their relationship and only one of them has the key to unlock the door to a new future. Now, this "new future" wouldn't be free from stress, but this "new future" would involve relying on a greater power than themselves (God) to be able to navigate through life at a stronger pace. Everything would have a purpose and there would be goals that they are both working toward obtaining.

Yesterday, Stephan went to church with us. OH, how grateful I am to see him sitting beside me there. He listens... He makes it a point to go. I'm so proud of him for making the choice to go. After church was over, he said he was going to go hang out with Dan from work and eat lunch with him. I also felt in my heart that he was going to go to Dan's to drink. Stephan still deals with problems by drinking occasionally.

Last night, Stephan came in around 10:00 and he didn't appear to have been drinking. There's a possibility he drank a few beers. Stephan drinking a few beers is like me drinking a sweet tea. I'm sad that his tolerance is so high, but it is. He's not drinking vodka anymore.... that's a positive change!!! There was a period of time in-between my blogging absences that he started on some hard stuff! I was pretty upset going down that road with him after gaining so much ground.

However, we continue to see positive changes.... the fact he's gained 40 pounds, he's working out and trying to eat healthy and he gave up the hard stuff as far as alcohol is involved. Another positive change recently is that he bought an electronic cigarette. He's been puffing away on that and hasn't had a real cigarette in a few days. He tells us he may not quit smoking... he doesn't know for sure yet, but I'm excited about the thought of it. Stephan is also the kind of guy that doesn't want to set himself up for failure. He won't tell us he's GOING to quit- in case he fails at trying. I did warn him of the dangers of even electronic cigarettes. I had just read something about it right before he brought one home. While I don't want to discourage, I also don't want him to think it's a healthy alternative, but a means of quitting...

With Stephan giving up "the hard stuff" and the thought's of him stopping smoking excites me! It's still progress... Even if he doesn't quit smoking- He thought about it and is trying. I pray the Lord gives him strength to over come.

One of the major problems he and Rainey are having is:

TRUST.

She goes places and does things with people that Stephan doesn't like. Just last night, Stephan went with Dan to a college where he and Stephan found themselves in a Dorm Room with two girls they met.

Stephan told me about this when he got home and of course I got angry. I reminded Stephan of how he should protect his relationship with Rainey if he cares about her and being alone in a dorm room with two girls you just met is not a good place to start!

In his infinite wisdom, he told me that both girls told he and Dan that they were dating someone. I said, "so even though these girls are in a relationship, they invite two total strangers back to their room?"

Geezzzz....

 I also said, "And... you're in a relationship with Rainey and you GO to these girls rooms?"

He said, "Mom, we are all just friends...."

I gave him the analogy of Rainey doing the same exact thing in Alabama.... He didn't like that too much! He actually got angry just thinking about it!

I gave him advise.... I said, "You and Rainey will never get along without TRUST in your relationship. You both have to work hard to protect your relationship. I can't blame her for getting mad at you over this! How can she trust you? God has appointed you to be the leader. She needs to stop smoking pot and you need to stop handling stress with alcohol and you both need to get on the same page with God. It's only then that you both will begin to grow spiritually and your relationship will take on new meaning!"

I asked Stephan a few weeks ago about Rainey's salvation. He said she was saved. I said, "How do you know" His reply was: "She said she was."  I asked him about evidence in her life by a walk with God... He didn't have anything so say.

Rainey has recently been studying palm reading which sent Stephan on a RAMPAGE!!! He was so angry!!! I was really happy with all the "reasons" he was angry! He told me he couldn't believe she would do this!!! He said it was of the devil and not even close to being Christian!!!! I was glad that he was thinking about the spiritual realm of good and evil, honoring God and knowing about the dark side of things like that. He even said that things like this is a tool that Satan uses to influence people's lives.

Stephan was giving me reasons why people shouldn't do this and he couldn't convince Rainey otherwise- she saw no harm in it! I took the opportunity to point Stephan to the scriptures. I told him that God's Word is the only thing that will speak to Rainey's heart. I told him God's Word is alive and reaches into the depths of one's soul. Stephan's words would be able to reach her heart, but God's Words would. I pointed him to Hebrews 4:12  For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart..."

I told Stephan that the best way to reach Rainey was to dig in God's Word and find proof that these things are harmful! He did...............  My son was researching scripture. Amen! Stephan's always been told to use the Bible as the authority of his life, but it's as the old saying goes, "You can drag a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink!" I want Stephan to see God's Word as a fountain of blessing... a life source... not to be used on an as-needed basis, but a daily dose of nourishment!

Before I left, I told Stephan that he needed to continue reading his book on relationships. He had been reading it before bed. I was actually a bit surprised he was, but so glad! It's a step in the right direction. It has a lot of scripture in it! In my heart, I imagine my son being influenced by the pages of this book, which lead him on a journey to read THE BOOK! The Bible is the only real place to find refuge, strength, wisdom, guidance....I hope that he will get there too.

I decided that if Rainey is going to be part of Stephan's life in the future that I need to be more of a part of her life too. She may move here one day- or move to be where we are! She may be his future wife. Christ can make her even more beautiful than she already is. She's His creation. She's loved by Him. Rainey has no Christian influence in her present life. Her mother is on drugs. Her father has another family. She lives with her grandmother, who I don't know.

I sent Rainey a text today to see if I have the right number for starters. I haven't heard back from her. I do not want to be in the middle of her and Stephan's relationship... I only want to be her friend. I hope to encourage her and to let her know she's important to God and to me.
 

Motherhood Is A Calling Even When You Feel "Restless"

I'm reading a book called, Restless, by Jennie Allen. A friend, recommended it to me who read it herself. She felt stuck.... My friend, Amanda who's husband was a major league baseball player for several years suddenly fell slave to a torn rotator cuff, which led to surgery, which led to major physical therapy, which led back to baseball- only... never in the major leagues again. One of my friend's ministries was leading the baseball wives in Bible Studies or just being a good mentor. When all that ended, she wondered what purpose God had for her life. Two children later and with the expectation of two twin boys that they are in the process of adopting, she felt a little abandoned and ached for even more purpose. You may wonder how in the world anyone could want more their purpose in life with so much responsibility- but it's there... there must be something more... a grander purpose than just changing diapers.

I believe we all are stuck somewhere at times when we forget that "no unique purpose for our life will fill our soul. The only thing that will fulfill and settle our soul's is God Himself!" As I long to claim that statement and adhere it to my soul; even in the midst of knowing it's true-I have found myself between a rock and a hard place and...

I am stuck....

My friend recommending this book couldn't have come at a better time. In Alabama, Richard and I had a powerful ministry. We went to a very large church. We had a Sunday School class of about 80 called Family Ties. We mainly focused on marriage, family and parenting in our studies and people were soaking it up as if they were bone dry sponges outside in the pouring rain! It was the life stage we were all in! Christian families aren't immune to hardship, financial troubles, the loss of a job, sickness, a wayward child, a run away child, an adult child on drugs, adultery, marital discord, blended-family discord, parenting issues, divorce, substance abuse, pornography, terrible two's, terrible three's, terrible tween's, terrible teens.... I'll stop now, 'cause I could just keep going! We addressed all these issues and more and people NEEDED it like they need food, water and air.

I also was involved in the music ministry. I led worship with the worship team, plus I was in our choir and I sang solo. I was used a lot. I was appreciated. I loved it... it was my passion. When we go back home and we walk in you would think that we were someone sort of important by the way people flock to greet us, but we're just us! We are just loved... It feels so good to be loved.

We moved to Wisconsin about a year ago and I'm just stuck! We found a church here- a larger one- if you can imagine that feels like home, but this particular church has life groups that meet in homes. No Sunday School Bible Study like we're used too... it's just different and frankly, we just don't want to be part of it. It sounds awful to say it, but deep down, Richard and I both know we're supposed to be here, but we also know that when the company buys another facility, we may be moving again. I don't want roots. Isn't that awful?? I want to protect myself from loving anything here. I just can't explain it and I feel selfish for feeling that way. I can't bear to leave church family again like we did in Alabama.

Another issue is there is no choir and there is a praise band, but it's all the same people every Sunday. Could I join? Possibly... Do I want too... no. Why? Are our hearts hard? Are we in a season of life we just don't understand quite yet? Are we backsliding?

What does it mean to run after God? I feel like I'm not. Part of me does with Stephan. I feel like God moved us for several reasons. Actually, I know it.

1) He moved us so that Stephan would eventually move to be with us, taking him away from his environment, giving him a chance to have a new life!
2) He moved us so that our other son (who works for the same company as my husband) could be promoted! Of course this wasn't even an option when we moved. It wasn't even on the radar. It was an act of God and true blessing that happened a few months after we were in WI. My son can't work under my husband, so with Richard gone- Brandon had new opportunity.
3) God moved us so Brandon could be promoted, so that Ellie could stay home with Jeremiah!
4) God moved us so that Brandon and Ellie could find their way on their own as a married couple and we could mentor from a distance.
5) He moved us to strengthen us.
6) He moved us to deepen our faith and trust in Him.

Perhaps right now, God has given me an opportunity to re-fuel in a sense. I'm having to trust Him more than EVER! Perhaps I've been given an opportunity to focus "just on my main ministries" my family... Maybe this is God's plan for now.

Richard and I have been given a gift for sure. I sit at dinner every night and I can't believe my Stephan is sitting right across from me. It still feels surreal...

I asked Stephan what something in my book meant night before last. I asked him what does, "The kind of life I want so badly lies on the other side of death" mean?  He looked at me funny... : ) Eventually, he gave me the right answer. The kind of life that we struggle obtaining when we're struggling with something like drugs or alcohol lies right in front of you when you die to yourself. Only in dying to yourself will you be able to find what you're looking for. It's only then when you can overcome sin. Through the power of Christ...
It was a good discussion.

Maybe- that's where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm supposed to be reading this book trying to find my purpose only to find that I'm living my purpose and although I see it mundane at times, God has given me this gift of time for a greater good!

C.S. Lewis said it best: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world..."

Heaven is our home- not here- not Alabama-not Wisconsin! My job here is to fulfill my calling. Right now, my calling is blogging, cleaning and exploring healthy Paleo recipes and cooking meals for my family of three. It's grocery shopping and finding things like grass fed beef at a nearby market. It's mentoring my daughter-in-law Ellie and saving her a trip to the laundromat when she had no idea her washer was a King capacity and she could wash a comforter in it.  It's scheduling a trip to Alabama so that we can help Brandon put up a fence and other things around their house they can't do by themselves or maybe don't know how to do. It's loving my husband and trying my best to meet his love languages. It's asking my son, Stephan questions. It's even telling Stephan things that he doesn't want to hear at times.... to only later overhear him giving the same advice to others. It's knowing he's listening when he's not! It's loving Stephan through girlfriend troubles and trusting that God will grow him and teach him. It's letting go.... and letting life experience be the best teacher. It's helping him set up on line banking and other things that are gradually becoming part of his life and seeing him become more responsible every day. It's mentoring my niece, Jade and having two hour long conversations about hair and makeup and trying to deal with the fact that she doesn't have simple things she needs... It's buying a birthday present for a little girl here. It's buying a bike for someone who walks to work everyday because he has no drivers license. It's buying another bike for a guy who just got out of prison and cant afford a car, so he can get to work everyday. It's buying baby items for a new mother in need and supporting our friends in Alabama when they go on mission trips. It's Richard's willingness to lead a Bible Study at work for anyone who's interested.

God has us right where He wants us and I have to be satisfied. I, alone have a purpose and because I'm not doing what I "feel" like I should be doing doesn't mean I'm not doing what God has called me too for such a time as this.........

My friend, Amanda is now homeschooling her oldest daughter. Amanda always knew part of her calling was motherhood, but I believe she discovered her calling right inside her home. It was all she was supposed to be doing during this particular season of her life. Sure what she did was awesome in baseball and our ministry in Alabama was awesome, but sometimes we discover that our greatest ministry is within our own four walls and may be the greatest ministry ever given to us. God has a plan for my son's life.... and I have a feeling I'm a itty bitty part of it. : )

Amanda has started mentoring a young lady and having her over for tea once a week. I think this is amazing. She knows her calling, but is also reaching out to others, inviting them inside her home, still giving pieces of herself away.

If we don't change our children's diapers, they won't be able to change the world....What ever we do- do it as unto the Lord.

I can't help but feel like God has a plan for our entire family. I don't feel as if we're supposed to make WI our home forever. I guess that's my unsettling feeling or why I feel stuck at times and perhaps why I'm reluctant to sprout roots here. This is true too: I can be there for my family and my calling and minister outside my home, but maybe I'm in a "waiting" period that I don't understand yet. I'm in a season... a sabbatical. Maybe we needed one. The one thing I am sure of is that I have to leave the stuff "I don't know" to God and believe He has it all worked out for our good. God is moving... He has plans.... My only job is trust.

For now, I'm going shopping today! I haven't bought any new clothes in some time!! Richard told me to go.... hey, so I'm going! I have a dinner in the crockpot. My day is set.............

See you later! 

Overcoming Drug Abuse "Guidance Equals Growth"... It's In The Little Things

If you read "Little Updates" on February 4th, you may be wondering about the judges decision in the trial that Stephan had to go for in Alabama. You may also be wondering if we are moving to Tennessee...

First of all, the Tennessee location did not work out. My husband's company made an offer... evidently someone made a higher one or it's most likely that investors jumped on it and made them on offer they couldn't refuse. You'd have to read back into my blog to even understand if you're clueless right now.

I was really hoping with all my heart that the company my husband works for would purchase this location so we could be closer to Brandon, Ellie and Jeremiah in Alabama. It would put us living only an hour and a half away! I fantasized about being able to spend much more time with my oldest son and his family. The news of it not happening broke me to the very end for three days. I mourned over it. I had gotten my hopes up too high. I had imagined driving to Alabama and getting my grandson as often as I'd liked. I imagined the things we would do together- all the snuggling we would do. Brandon and Ellie could come up every other weekend or so. I was sure this was God's plan. God does have a plan.... but this is not it. I was heartbroken...

Secondly, the trial went as smooth as peanut butter! Richard and Stephan had flown to Alabama a day before the trial and Richard said that Stephan did great. He got up on the stand, was honest about what happened the day of the wreck, had a candid sense of humor at appropriate times... He was level headed and remembered everything as if it happened yesterday. I believe the jury could see a "more grown up" young man today that made some terrible choices three years ago! On the other hand.... Blake and his mother were not honest. Blake (the other kid that Stephan was in the wreck with) contradicted himself many times and couldn't seem to remember anything! It was horrible. Richard said that Blake looked bad and just wasn't all there. I believe it was evident to the jury that Blake's mother was just out for some money too. They lost... Our insurance company paid for Richard and Stephan's expenses to fly down, so it was no expense to us. In the end, Stephan and Blake both made mistakes and I know Stephan learned a lot from this experience. I can't help but feel sorry for Blake.... it doesn't seem that his life is any different.

On to a different subject, the last two months have been a little surreal. The things that have happened have impacted Stephan's life for good, although these circumstances are really terrible for the family involved. The first thing that happened is Matt, a guy Stephan hung out with -who was the biggest acid dealer in Northern Alabama died. It was said that he committed suicide by heroin overdose. Stephan described Matt as a really great guy, a musician and a chemistry genius with a really big problem.... drugs and the love of money. I believe that his death made Stephan feel grateful that he had been given another chance at life. If Stephan hadn't made the choice to move to Wisconsin.... Well, I don't even want to think about where he might have wound up. Drugs make people do horrible things. Things they don't realize they're doing until it's over- "if" they make it till it's over.

Another thing that happened is that four of Stephan's friends who he hung out with were arrested for drug possession. One of these kids may go to prison for a very long time! I think Stephan is internally glad and relieved that he made the decision he made to come be with us and away from the playground he had been playing on.... He told me that he knows this could have been him. I agreed! I said, "if you were still living in Alabama you may not be here, or you may be in jail!" Stephan said, "yep!"

Stephan and Rainey are still trying to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't even remember what was happening last time I spoke of her. They are supposed to go to the beach in a few months. Heather, Rainey's friend is also going.

Richard and I both had a profound conversation the other night. We were discussing the fact that "if Stephan loved Rainey so much and wanted to be with her.... under normal circumstances he should have moved back to Alabama a long time ago!!" He hasn't.... He does have a job here with my husband's company, which is the only thing holding him here. He "could" find a job in Alabama as good as the one he has making about the same money, but he remains here with us. Richard and I both found ourselves in awe of God's miraculous power. Stephan's here because he wants to be here. He does love Rainey and wants her to move here! Actually, they have discussed her moving here first of next year.

I know that Rainey has problems of her own. She's 18 and her mother is strung out on drugs. Her mother is a terrible influence and abuses Rainey by making Rainey feel responsible for her unhappiness and health problems if Rainey doesn't do what she asks! What she asks of Rainey---is to sell prescription pills for her for money, then at the end of the month, buy more because she's out! It's a ridiculous circle of crap that my mind can't even begin to understand! Rainey's mother will whine and cry "oh I'm in pain" until Rainey does what she wants. It's sad.... Stephan get's SOOOO mad at Rainey for doing this for her mother! I have also told Stephan that the best way for Rainey to help her mother is to stop this cycle and to tell her no! Like I said, Rainey is 18. I am not making excuses for her, but Rainey is the child and her mother is the mother... not the other way around. I can't imagine being her age and feeling responsible. I know she's NOT responsible for her mother's habit or pain, but an abusive situation like this can sure make a young girl think she is.

I have no idea what God has in store for Stephan as far as Rainey is involved. Rainey needs Jesus Christ. That is the one thing I keep telling Stephan. I also keep reminding Stephan that he's the leader. I tell him that God has appointed him as leader of his future home and family and that he needs to be the example that Rainey needs even now. He's growing.... He's learning.

I'm very proud of Stephan for many reason's lately. Sometimes it seems that even though some days are rough, I'm reminded that we've been given a second chance with him. Stephan took our first one away, but he's come home and he's allowing us to guide him.

1) I helped Stephan set up an online banking account where he can check his statement and see where his money is going. I keep telling him that he should check it often. He checked it the other day by himself for the first time! He also found that Subway had charged him twice for a foot long sub! Go Stephan!
2) We know that Stephan needs credit to be able to get his own apartment or buy a home one day. I helped him get a small limit credit card where he made two purchases and is paying on it monthly. I instructed him to make his payments on time! It's imperative to building his credit score! He also bought a little car. Richard had to co-sign on the loan, but of course, Stephan is making the payments on it. If he don't, it will be someone else's car! Thankfully, it's never been even remotely an issue! In 3 more months we are going to try to see if Stephan can get the car in his name alone... even if he has to refinance.
3) I helped Stephan set up Bill Pay. We made a calendar that he keeps in his room to remind him of when things are due. He also set up reminders on his phone to send him a text when things are due. He schedules everything on the 19th of the month through Bill Pay. This last month- Stephan sat down and did it himself without my help! He even found out yesterday that he made a mistake! He scheduled his car payment to be made in May.... He clicked on the wrong calendar!!! Should have been April!! But... he caught it! Progress!!
4) Stephan filed his taxes!
5) I have stopped doing things for him like make calls for him during the day. Example: He got a letter in the mail from the IRS wanting him to give them information to protect him from identity theft. I told him that before he sends them anything, he needs to make sure things like this are legitimate! I told him he needed to call them- not the number on the letter- but the number that he finds on line to make sure it's the real IRS! He called me the next day from work... ( I really think he hoped I'd call for him) but I looked up the number online and gave it to him. He never asked me to call for him and I never offered. He called them and called me back. It was legitimate!! When he got home he asked me how to run our copy machine. We made the copies and he put the information in the mail!
6) Stephan is also paying us rent! We let him choose the amount. He chose $400.00 per month. We told him we would put that in an account for him as a sort of savings account for when he does move out. We don't pay any of his expenses unless you count what little he adds to our power bill and what he eats. Those two things I could care less about! Mama's gonna feed her baby! Haha... If he were going to college and still living at home- which is what life stage we would be in under normal circumstances, we probably wouldn't charge him anything at all! But since we are where we are and we are trying to guide him into helping himself- perhaps in the future, we'll step it up another notch and keep a portion or charge him more for mundane things. For right now, he's taking one baby step at a time and he's putting one foot in front of the other. That's the goal!
7) Stephan has gained 40 pounds since he moved here last June! Yes, you heard me right! He really needed too. He's 6 feet tall and he weighed approximately 132 pounds when he moved here. Now, he's right at 172!! He's also trying to eat right... He cracks me up talking about fatty foods!! : ) He's also working out in our mini gym in the basement. It's the little things like this that I call progress..

With all the wonderful things going on in my son's life right now, I hope you're not feeling down or depressed because you want your son or daughter to be there too- right now! I understand where you are. If you look back to our "not so bright" days, you know that it has taken years. Years of love and patience. Years that added more gray hair to my head. Years I thought I'd loose my mind or wind up in a divorce! Oh my word, hang in there. I do want you to understand too- You can't guide someone who doesn't want to be led. For a long time, this was the case for us. I am so grateful to God that Stephan is in a place now where he sees the benefit of being loved by us and allowing us to be part of his growth! We have lots to be thankful for... We're still on the journey. He's still drinking occasionally. I pray that soon even this will be a distant part of his life....but again, we have much MUCH to be thankful for. Stephan's a joy- everyday!

Lord God, continue to guide and protect our family. Show us Your Will for our daily lives. Help us to trust you in every situation knowing you have our best interests in mind...

How Drug Abuse Effects The Home- From A Dad's Perspective

The following post is from my husband, Richard. I'm getting many e-mail responses from people hurting all over the globe and he wanted to share a little piece of his heart to you as well.... Thanks for all your responses. I haven't figured out my comments button on here yet. It's not working.. I do appreciate all of your e-mails. Keep them coming...

From a Dads perspective…

I have neglected to post on this as I have neglected to understand the value of a blog until I have seen the email responses from around the world of families who have been hurting like ours and we are farther down this path and our experiences and emotions can offer a source of hope and encouragement.

First of all, let me say that if our situation was with girl vs ours with our son, all bets are off. I do believe my entire experience would have been different due to my heart being SOFT to girls and somewhat tougher towards boys. Just how I’m wired.. Also, I must say that Stephan is our biological son, if we would have been in a blended family, we would have had OTHER issues to overcome. Christel and I did not always agree on the methods of LOVE and DISCIPLINE and IF Stephan wasn’t ONE of ours, we would have instantly BLAMED the other of being indifferent or not loving due to this fact. My heart goes out to blended families as this is ALWAYS in the back of your minds (I suspect).

As a father, I am 10 foot tall and bullet proof…or at least I used to be. The older my boys got the less important their super hero became…that’s life to some degree. My boys always loved me through these years, which served as an element of strength to continue to “be there” for them.

What started out as pot, spilled over into alcohol abuse, cocaine, Roxy’s, Dramamine, heroine (once I think), acid, mushrooms, meth, and maybe some car battery acid...how many stupid things can you run through your body. Stephan is now 21, works with me at my company as a machine operator (arriving at work by 5:30am everyday), is working on starting to save for his $1,000 emergency fund, has a car payment to build credit, and has shown signs of growing up in this confusing ole’ world.

Looking back we simply lost 5 years of Stephan’s life. I am a strong willed individual; plant manager; have been a Bible study teacher for 15+ years (at that time); served as deacon, vice chairman of deacons, and as chairman of deacons. I have visited/served inside of a federal penitentiary with Chuck Colin’s Prison Fellowship Ministries  bla bla bla…basically I have served in almost every capacity at our local church and have spoken from the pulpit Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. I have humbly watched people surrender to the Lord after those services. God has given me the privilege to serve Him. I baptized both of my sons following professions of faith and NOW I find my youngest in an absolute whirlwind with no end in sight.

What would I suggest you to do in your whirlwind? Magic potion... I have none BUT God did give me a message about it that I will share BUT before I do let me tell you that I TRIED everything I could think of; grounding from friends, cell phone, car etc. We got into physical altercations (I am sorry to say). We got into verbal altercations ( I am sorry to say). I intercepted texts, emails, phone calls, created phony facebook characters and had my son to accept me (I guess the girls picture off of google images looked cool) [this one I am pretty proud of actually!] All of this did nothing except to expose the UGLY and my sweet bride always wanted to know what I found out so I then spread the UGLY around our home and we hurt….really bad. Christel and I have been married now 25 wonder years and there was an 18 month period that we experienced turbulence in our marriage that was foreign and dangerous to survive. I was completely shocked that we were on different pages as often as we were. We both were desperate to some degree.

I suspect that most people do NOT enjoy being out of control in any area of life, especially if it seems to be at the expense of the safety and wellbeing of a child you dearly love. Man, these were excruciating times. Sometimes I felt entirely too close to the situation. Our family is tight and I wondered if we were TOO tight. Maybe not knowing would help, especially since we were unable to deter any negative actions. The sleepness nights, edgy days, and uncertainty raged in and out of our lives. If you are there, I really hurt and sympathize with you. I would hold you and pray with you right now. I know that is something tangible I could do to “be there”.

What did GOD tell me to do?

I am not sure if you call this a revelation but it felt like one to me. It was short and easily spoken but proved to be impossible to do (to some degree). “Richard you are the one to administer the primary discipline and Christel is the one to administer the primary love (no matter the circumstance).” We both could cross the boundary of the other BUT the instruction seemed clear to me. Christel and I did NOT agree on what I thought I heard from GOD, which did not allow us to implement it well. Keep in mind again, we were desperate to some degree.

Here is a golden nugget I can pass along and I FULLY believe will work for you, IF you are able to follow what you hear. God gave you this child. That childs DNA and your DNA is God matched for each other. NO ONE can discipline or love this child like you can. Do NOT under estimate your position or your place during this time. You can do it WITH Gods help. Pray earnestly that the holy spirit would give you the DAILY instruction as what you should do AS it is possible that it will changed DAILY. I am afraid the tactics of war often change during the battle. Listen and implement as best you can.

Keep in mind: It is vitally important that you focus on ministering IN your HOME before sending resources outside of it. Keep the home front strong. It was so important for Christel and I to love each other during this time. We both know the other loved Stephan that was undeniable. We also know that God has plainly instructed us to love one another. Your child NEEDS and WANTS to see you loving each other.

Dads I know you hurt too. Don’t give up. Bow your head and tell our Father your current position on this battle field and REQUEST back up. Stand secure…it’s coming.

Richard

King Lemuel's Mother- The True Proverb's 31 Woman

 Richard and I have started writing family/marriage devotions for Brandon and Ellie. We will send them one a month. Richard is writing Brandon's and I am writing Ellie's!! They both sent us a list of struggles they both have and answered a questionnaire that Richard sent them! What married couple doesn't have struggles? I hope that God will use these to bless and encourage : )  I began Ellie's devotions with being a woman/motherhood...  Enjoy!

King Lemuel’s Mother- The True Proverb’s 31 Woman

When Christian women talk about the Proverbs 31 Woman it’s usually in an idolized fashion and out of utmost respect. After all, you’re speaking of the ideal Christian woman, right? She’s the pure, picture perfect inspiration for all of us who want to be “godly” women, wives and mothers. She is the standard role model, mentor and example of how Christian women should be. Sadly, after a few moments of boasting about how wonderful she is, most women’s pleasant conversations turn into discouraging comments about themselves and then comes the suffering and painful discontentment of knowing that they really- just- don’t- measure- up- to this lady!

We have this imaginary vision that the Proverbs 31 Woman can do it all!! If we apply the 31^st chapter of Proverbs to women of today we come up with something like this: She’s skinny because she teaches Cycle Fit down at the gym. She’s a chef- and writes her own cookbooks! She leads amazing ladies Bible Studies at church and has quite the following. Her husband is chairman of Deacons. Her children never have a hair out of place or have dirty, snotty faces! She sews and then monograms all her girl’s dresses! Her hair is always salon perfect and her make-up flawless. Her nails are always beautifully manicured. She’s the epitome of fashion and everyone looks to her for what to buy each season. Her house is always clean. She volunteer’s in the community through several different charitable organizations. She’s Homeroom Mom! She’s a Girl Scout leader and assistant dance coach! She’s also team soccer mom and she’s president of the P.T.A. for goodness sake! Her husband is always bragging on her in public…they’re so in love! She’s the person that everybody wants to be friends with on Facebook! Anyone who’s anyone follows ALL of her boards on Pinterest! If you’re not following her on Twitter, you’re really missing out! Can I get a witness?  

What if I told you the Proverbs 31 Woman wasn’t real? Do I hear gasping? When most women read Proverbs 31, they usually skip down to about verse 10 which reads, “A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life……… etc, etc…” It’s true that these words of scripture are words to genuinely treasure. They’re precious gems of wisdom and skill to be sought after. They are things to strive toward and to admire. These words shouldn’t be taken lightly at all, but are qualities meant to inspire!  But, before we miss it, let’s back up just a little to Proverbs Chapter 31:1- which says, “The words of king Lemuel; the oracle which his mother taught him.”  Let’s repeat that: The oracle which his mother taught him…

The first nine verses of Proverbs 31 aren’t about a woman at all; they’re about a mother instructing her son and teaching him about chastity, justice, mercy and temperance. She was warning him of behaviors that destroy rulers. She advised him to avoid alcohol and loose women, so that he could always have a clear head to rule justly. She reminded him of the duties of a King, which were to defend the weak and uphold the helpless.

² What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
    What are you doing, son of my vows?
³ Do not give your strength to women,
    your ways to those who destroy kings.
⁴ It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    or for rulers to take strong drink,
⁵ lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
    and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
⁶ Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
    and wine to those in bitter distress;
⁷ let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.
⁸ Open your mouth for the mute,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
⁹ Open your mouth, judge righteously,
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Stop and continue to read verses 10-31 in your Bible… In these verses, King Lemuel’s Mother begins advising her adult son on marriage! Beginning in verse 10 and ending with verse 31, she describes a noble woman, a woman of excellence, determination and who is hard working. She speaks of this woman being of great character, having concern for others and independent enough to be resourceful in her daily tasks. She describes a woman that gives to the poor and provides food and clothing for her family, a woman who is faithful to her husband and does him good, not evil. She’s a woman of strength and honor. She is clearly describing a woman who is a blessing to her husband and her family. 

Proverbs 31 isn’t what we think! It’s not a chapter for women to measure themselves against; it’s perhaps a song about a virtuous woman that King Lemuel’s mother used as an example to teach her son about what kind of qualities or characteristics to look for in a wife. King Lemuel’s mother is the real Proverbs 31 Woman here! She’s the example for women to follow! Even in her son’s adulthood, she was still pouring her life into her son and giving him the wisdom that he needed to succeed as a King and in his future as a father and husband. You may say, the scriptures didn’t mention anything about fathers or husbands in these verses!! You would be right… but think about it, she was instructing him in finding this “virtuous woman,” a helpmeet, a wife- who would one day take her place to love her son and to help him succeed as she had. That would then make him a husband and eventually, hopefully a father.

In verse 2, she mentioned him being “son of her vows.”  The name Lemuel also means (“for God” or consecrated to Him.)  When she said, “Son of my vows,” commentary says that it is probably an expression of dedication she had to the Lord in the raising her son. I would have to assume that King Lemuel’s mother saw her son as a gift from God and a heritage not to be ignored. She honored God by pouring herself into her son, instructing him and passing along wisdom that had probably been given to her by her mother.  I would also personally love to think that her mindset was also thinking of the future. She was “creating and leaving” a legacy through her son that would carry on for generations to come! Wow, what a thought…. That suddenly makes our jobs as mothers take on a whole new meaning!!! What we teach our children now will affect our children’s, children hundreds of years from now… people that we will never even meet! That kind of thought process changes the way we think of parenting! That kind of parenting changes the world! Building the Kingdom of God changes the world one child at a time. Through one itty, bitty little limb on your family tree; that little limb will grow into a strong branch one day and bear much fruit when the legacy you leave lives on…

There’s a lot to ponder and to be learned from the true Proverbs 31 Woman….  She’s sacrificial. She’s proactive. She’s genuine. She’s selfless. She puts her children before herself. She cares about honoring God with how she instructs her children and prepares them for the future.  When we come to the end of our life one day we need to remember that a true Proverbs 31 Woman is not a woman to be admired for the things she “could” do that allowed her to gain the praises of man. She’s a woman to be admired because of the things she “did” do that earned her no earthly praises at all…. 

 A poem by Forrest Whitcraft:

 “It will not matter
What kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank
Nor what my clothes looked like.
One hundred years from now
It will not matter
What kind of school I attended,
What kind of typewriter I used,
How large or small my church,
But the world may be ...
a little better because...
I was important in the life of a child………...” 

** As a little side note, I posted this on facebook and a lady at my church in Alabama called wanting to know if she could put it in the next WOW's (Women on the Way) next newsletter! I was humbled and honored...