I posted a video yesterday (Henry's Story.) I can't get something his mother said off my mind. She said that a lot of people attribute teen drug use to bad parenting, which she said, is absolutely not true. I think she also said that people say that if teens use drugs, the "teen" is just a bad kid. I am not quoting here... but of course, like she said, neither is true.
The reason I can't get it off my mind is because it's funny the things you learn as you walk with the Lord. The things you learn about yourself and about others. It's also funny the things you learn from experience. I honestly used to believe that if you taught your children all the things they need to know growing up; that what was poured and planted into them would eventually cause gazillions of "sprouts of goodness" to grow from their heads and that nothing would ever go wrong! I have to admit, I struggled for a long time when we discovered Stephan was using. I thought "I" had done something wrong and I constantly asked myself the question, "Where did I go wrong?"
When your child reaches adolescence, we have to remember that all that goodness is still in there, but the child doesn't always choose to "prune" all of those "sprouts" growing out of their wee little heads!!!! Sometimes, it seems that they whack em' off at the root and burn the stump! Why do they want to go against what has been ingrained in them? Well, just as Adam and Eve fell into sin, so have we.. and so do our kids. We all have a sin nature. This nature rears it's ugly head in different ways for everyone.
Seeing Stephan struggle in this area has truly given me compassion for anyone going through any type of struggle. It's so easy to sit back and judge, but the truth is, what may seem easy to me may be tremendously hard for someone else. We all have our vices and crosses we bear. I'm sure things I personally struggle with may be a walk in the park for some others!!
I am a singer... I don't talk about that a lot, but it's one of my callings and my ministries. I sing on occasion for an organization called Celebrate Recovery or CR. We go to a fairly large Baptist church and CR is held at our church on Thursday nights. You can find CR's all over the US. When I'm asked to sing, I attend the worship secession of course and I sing a special during part of that service. Afterward, everyone breaks up into small groups. I'm not part of that, so I can't tell you what all that entails.
All I do know is that I love being around people who are open and honest about their struggles. The worship service is "freeing." You feel free to be exactly who you are, warts and all. We come to the cross - warts and all. Jesus forgives us- warts and all. The difference between certain Christians and Christians in CR is that the ones in CR have no more pride, because they openly admit to their struggles. They know now that nothing can separate them from the love of Christ. They know that they now have a savior who has paid the price for their sins and all has been forgiven! They worship, serve and seek help, because they have been freed from the guilt of sin. They truly understand Grace... and Mercy. They continue their journey through life by attending CR to overcome and maintain. There are some Christians in churches today living a lie. Seeking to protect their image in the community or their reputation among believers. Dear people, my husband often uses this analogy: "The church is a hospital for Christians" and in some ways it is. You don't have to "have" your life right before you can be part of a church, but you can't "get" your life right either until you are part of the church of Jesus Christ. ~Giving Him your heart is the first step. Their is healing in His hands. It's so freeing to come alongside other believers to have accountability and unconditional love.
Stephan doesn't understand all this. He says he hates church. He told me that last night. He was hurt by some of the youth members at church who say they love God, but then turned their backs on him. He calls them hypocrites out of hurt. I know that he doesn't understand, but they are growing.. just as he is. I've tried to explain that to him, but I can't change the fact that he was hurt. On the other hand, I am overwhelmed by the amount of adults who speak with him, talk with him, pray for him... I have people to ask how he is doing all the time. I've never been in a church quite like ours. I pray that very soon, Stephan will understand what it means to raise his hands and know that their is freedom, not condemnation in Christ. God doesn't want him to feel condemned, but loved. I hope he can grow to this point soon.
He tells me that his life is not right with God and that he's not going to pretend that it is, like some of his friends. You know, I'm so proud of him for that. You know what that tells me? It tells me that when he does get his life right with God- it will be real! I couldn't ask for anymore than that! As I said in my last post, He led my eight year old nephew to the Lord just last week! He knows the truth. (The way, the truth and the life!)
I have to believe that somewhere in that head of his, sprouts are rooting where seeds have been planted! I pray that very soon, these seeds begin take off and grow. Good parenting is planting seeds... that's it. It's up to our children to cultivate, prune and maintain the growth. It's part of growing up... If you're planting, then good job parent! ...You are doing all the right things!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
A letter to Stephan
The following letter is a letter I wrote to Stephan today. During Christmas, we went to my mother's house. My sisters children came over and spent the day with us. Jade is 14, Isaiah is 8. Jade nor Isaiah have grown up in church and have never even heard the gospel of Jesus Christ.... except from me. I have talked to Jade numerous times, but it's hard for her because our talks are not being cultivated by any other source. Living nine hours from her, it's hard to keep a relationship going except by facebook, e-mail and letters in the mail- which I have made a point to do through the years.
When we visit NC, Isaiah has taken to Stephan, especially in the last two years. I can tell by his eight year old expressions that he thinks Stephan is just SO cool!! He wants Stephan to play with him and wants to impress Stephan with things he knows how to do. Little boys are so impressionable at his age. I was so proud of Stephan for taking the time this Christmas to "play" with Isaiah and make him feel excepted.. silly giggles and all!
I noticed that Stephan and Isaiah stayed in the back bedroom for quite sometime. My husband went in there a few times and was told to leave... that they were talking. After about an hour Isaiah came into the living room, looked at Richard and said, "Do you pray... like everyday?" Richard was sort of taken by surprise, but told him that as a matter of fact, he does! Isaiah began to ask Richard question after question... He showed Richard a piece of paper he had in his pocket. Richard noticed it was Stephan's handwriting. Stephan had wrote down how to be saved and make Jesus Christ your Savior. He wrote scripture after scripture.... I had never been so proud. Isaiah told Richard that Stephan and he had prayed "what was on that paper" in the bedroom. Ok, tears.... tears!
Richard began to tell Isaiah (with Stephan in the room) all about Jesus and why he was born. He told him the Christmas story.. a story he had never heard. Isaiah wanted Stephan to buy him a "kids Bible" so that he could understand God. Now that we are home, we are getting it shipped to him from Stephan.
My heart is exploding with joy.... Stephan knows so much truth, yet he deny's God's power in his own life at times. He knows others need Him and leads them to Him, yet he runs.
I am reminded that God answered a prayer of mine a while back, a prayer that let me know that He in fact has a mighty plan for Stephan's life. It was on the day he got his drivers license. I sat there on a bench in the courthouse and prayed for Stephan as he went to take his drivers test. I prayed that the work that God started in Stephan years ago would be completed one day. I prayed for God's plan for Stephan's life... When Stephan came back, the officer said there was something special about Stephan and that God had a plan for his life! Ok, Knock me down! Such a God moment. And you know, Stephan has such great potential, he's the only one who can't see it at times. God does have great things in store.... it was confirmed.
I stumbled across this heart wrenching video today and I wanted Stephan to watch it. The boy, Henry, died at the age of 18 from a long struggle with drug addiction in which he finally overdosed and passed away. It is a sad video and I cried for Henry's family. I sent it to Stephan for two reasons I guess. This first reason I never mentioned to him of course... but I hope he sees that drugs are a dead end street and how easy it was for this young boy to get to a point of no return. I hope he sees how much this family loved Henry and miss him terribly. The second reason, the main reason is hoping that he can see that he wants more out of life... I want him to say to himself that "God's put me here for many reason's... I know so much about drugs, about the habit, about the addiction. Perhaps I can tell my story to hopefully help guys and girls steer clear or to think about how much life "is" worth living and drugs are not worth doing!" I hope he sees that drugs are not a game to toy with one's life with and that he has the ability to help others that could be struggling with the same things that he is/has gone through. I hope he sees that with God, he can have victory over his struggles by helping others overcome theirs.
I wanted this letter to Stephan to be encouraging... I hope it is.... He has so much to give.
(The Letter:
Hey Baby,
I am sending you this link to a video. When you see it you may roll your eyes and not want to watch it... I love you with all that is in me and I am so very proud of you in so many ways. You have surprised me in so many ways.. good ways over the last few days. I was so proud of you for being such a good friend and example to Isaiah. He came to know God because of you and what a better time than Christmas! My heart wells up with gladness. I've told you that you are going to do great and mighty things for God one day! Things that me, dad or Brandon may never do... I told you that back in homeschool! I know God has plans for your life. What plans? I don't know, but you've won more people to the Lord than even I have as of yet! You have a story to tell... a story that can help people around you. You know, what you have been through, the devil means for evil, but God means for good. He never takes us through anything that we can't get through when we trust Him. He will never leave or forsake us. God allows certain things to come into our life and allows us to go through hard times. I think that as long as we keep our hand in his hand He will bring us through and He wants us to help others going through the same stuff we've been through by teaching people what we've learned!
I hope this video helps you discover where you want to go and what you want to do with your life, because you have so much to offer this world! People love you, kids are drawn to you... Isaiah said you were his best friend- that's what he told me! : ) People listen to you, you just have a way with people and I think you know it. I think you should start a blog about your journey over the past few years and attempt to help kids struggling with drug addiction. You may make more of a difference in this world than you know... You may save lives in more ways than you know! I can help you start one!
I know that you have a purpose... you have a mission.... you can help kids like the one in this video by choosing to be used and finding your place in this world! I love you with all my heart!
Mom
http://www.wbir.com/dontmiss/139771/207/Henrys-Story-A-young-mans-battle-with-drug-addiction-and-the-family-who-tried-to-save-him
When we visit NC, Isaiah has taken to Stephan, especially in the last two years. I can tell by his eight year old expressions that he thinks Stephan is just SO cool!! He wants Stephan to play with him and wants to impress Stephan with things he knows how to do. Little boys are so impressionable at his age. I was so proud of Stephan for taking the time this Christmas to "play" with Isaiah and make him feel excepted.. silly giggles and all!
I noticed that Stephan and Isaiah stayed in the back bedroom for quite sometime. My husband went in there a few times and was told to leave... that they were talking. After about an hour Isaiah came into the living room, looked at Richard and said, "Do you pray... like everyday?" Richard was sort of taken by surprise, but told him that as a matter of fact, he does! Isaiah began to ask Richard question after question... He showed Richard a piece of paper he had in his pocket. Richard noticed it was Stephan's handwriting. Stephan had wrote down how to be saved and make Jesus Christ your Savior. He wrote scripture after scripture.... I had never been so proud. Isaiah told Richard that Stephan and he had prayed "what was on that paper" in the bedroom. Ok, tears.... tears!
Richard began to tell Isaiah (with Stephan in the room) all about Jesus and why he was born. He told him the Christmas story.. a story he had never heard. Isaiah wanted Stephan to buy him a "kids Bible" so that he could understand God. Now that we are home, we are getting it shipped to him from Stephan.
My heart is exploding with joy.... Stephan knows so much truth, yet he deny's God's power in his own life at times. He knows others need Him and leads them to Him, yet he runs.
I am reminded that God answered a prayer of mine a while back, a prayer that let me know that He in fact has a mighty plan for Stephan's life. It was on the day he got his drivers license. I sat there on a bench in the courthouse and prayed for Stephan as he went to take his drivers test. I prayed that the work that God started in Stephan years ago would be completed one day. I prayed for God's plan for Stephan's life... When Stephan came back, the officer said there was something special about Stephan and that God had a plan for his life! Ok, Knock me down! Such a God moment. And you know, Stephan has such great potential, he's the only one who can't see it at times. God does have great things in store.... it was confirmed.
I stumbled across this heart wrenching video today and I wanted Stephan to watch it. The boy, Henry, died at the age of 18 from a long struggle with drug addiction in which he finally overdosed and passed away. It is a sad video and I cried for Henry's family. I sent it to Stephan for two reasons I guess. This first reason I never mentioned to him of course... but I hope he sees that drugs are a dead end street and how easy it was for this young boy to get to a point of no return. I hope he sees how much this family loved Henry and miss him terribly. The second reason, the main reason is hoping that he can see that he wants more out of life... I want him to say to himself that "God's put me here for many reason's... I know so much about drugs, about the habit, about the addiction. Perhaps I can tell my story to hopefully help guys and girls steer clear or to think about how much life "is" worth living and drugs are not worth doing!" I hope he sees that drugs are not a game to toy with one's life with and that he has the ability to help others that could be struggling with the same things that he is/has gone through. I hope he sees that with God, he can have victory over his struggles by helping others overcome theirs.
I wanted this letter to Stephan to be encouraging... I hope it is.... He has so much to give.
(The Letter:
Hey Baby,
I am sending you this link to a video. When you see it you may roll your eyes and not want to watch it... I love you with all that is in me and I am so very proud of you in so many ways. You have surprised me in so many ways.. good ways over the last few days. I was so proud of you for being such a good friend and example to Isaiah. He came to know God because of you and what a better time than Christmas! My heart wells up with gladness. I've told you that you are going to do great and mighty things for God one day! Things that me, dad or Brandon may never do... I told you that back in homeschool! I know God has plans for your life. What plans? I don't know, but you've won more people to the Lord than even I have as of yet! You have a story to tell... a story that can help people around you. You know, what you have been through, the devil means for evil, but God means for good. He never takes us through anything that we can't get through when we trust Him. He will never leave or forsake us. God allows certain things to come into our life and allows us to go through hard times. I think that as long as we keep our hand in his hand He will bring us through and He wants us to help others going through the same stuff we've been through by teaching people what we've learned!
I hope this video helps you discover where you want to go and what you want to do with your life, because you have so much to offer this world! People love you, kids are drawn to you... Isaiah said you were his best friend- that's what he told me! : ) People listen to you, you just have a way with people and I think you know it. I think you should start a blog about your journey over the past few years and attempt to help kids struggling with drug addiction. You may make more of a difference in this world than you know... You may save lives in more ways than you know! I can help you start one!
I know that you have a purpose... you have a mission.... you can help kids like the one in this video by choosing to be used and finding your place in this world! I love you with all my heart!
Mom
http://www.wbir.com/dontmiss/139771/207/Henrys-Story-A-young-mans-battle-with-drug-addiction-and-the-family-who-tried-to-save-him
Last Probation Visit
Stephan's drug test came back clean again for a second time! I am praising the Lord....
We still have battles to fight. I have discovered that he has been drinking some and also got some ADHD medication from a friend. These two drugs do not show up on a drug test...
Although we are still at war, I feel as if some progress is being made, but I can't help feel somewhat helpless as we approach the end of his probation period. Will he fall back down into the deep, darkness that once encapsulated him? Oh, how I am praying not...
He is still his old self. He still has that spark that makes him "Stephan!" He finally has goals. He has plans to attend college and has called twice inquiring about what to take. He's making decisions and is looking for a full-time job!
We went to NC for Christmas and on Christmas Day he and his girlfriend decided to break up. She's going into the air force in seven months and the decision was mutual. I fear depression coming on. He's quiet, but happy... He's not devastated, or it doesn't seem that he is. Sometimes it's hard to tell. He is openly talking to me and Richard about the break-up, which I see as a good thing. He internalizes things at times and I just pray that he doesn't sink... I hope he's gained enough insight these last few months to swim! I pray that I can be encouraging enough to him and loving enough to help him through this. Break-ups are a big deal at his age.
Lord give us strength. Thank you for Your grace and mercy that reaches to the Heavens. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who intercedes for us when we don't know what to pray....
I lift my hands to you..... Protect and guide us. Help us... Keep my son in the palm of your mighty hand.
We still have battles to fight. I have discovered that he has been drinking some and also got some ADHD medication from a friend. These two drugs do not show up on a drug test...
Although we are still at war, I feel as if some progress is being made, but I can't help feel somewhat helpless as we approach the end of his probation period. Will he fall back down into the deep, darkness that once encapsulated him? Oh, how I am praying not...
He is still his old self. He still has that spark that makes him "Stephan!" He finally has goals. He has plans to attend college and has called twice inquiring about what to take. He's making decisions and is looking for a full-time job!
We went to NC for Christmas and on Christmas Day he and his girlfriend decided to break up. She's going into the air force in seven months and the decision was mutual. I fear depression coming on. He's quiet, but happy... He's not devastated, or it doesn't seem that he is. Sometimes it's hard to tell. He is openly talking to me and Richard about the break-up, which I see as a good thing. He internalizes things at times and I just pray that he doesn't sink... I hope he's gained enough insight these last few months to swim! I pray that I can be encouraging enough to him and loving enough to help him through this. Break-ups are a big deal at his age.
Lord give us strength. Thank you for Your grace and mercy that reaches to the Heavens. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who intercedes for us when we don't know what to pray....
I lift my hands to you..... Protect and guide us. Help us... Keep my son in the palm of your mighty hand.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
CHINS Program, Turning Our Son In...
As you know from my last post, Stephan left home. He chose to leave because he said that he could not follow our rules and my husband helped him pack a bag and took him into town and let him out. This was one of the most devastating decisions that we've made so far. I know my son is 17, but the thoughts of him walking down the road, in the dark with nothing but his backpack breaks a mother's heart. I am tearing up just writing this. My husband would not let me go.. of course, I didn't want to. I couldn't bear watching him walk away...homeless.
He stayed with his friend, who is also on drugs, for three days. During these three days, he did "live it up," so to speak. I knew he would. He called home high needing food. He said there was nothing at all to eat there and I believed him! The house itself looks like a home you would see on "Hoarders." There are dogs in the house, which do their business in the floor and no one cleans up! Yes... I know! Anyway, I asked him how much money he had and told him that he would need to skate or walk to the grocery store and buy him some food. Of course he played games with me and kept calling, but as much as I wanted to rescue him, I stood firm knowing that this may be our last chance at letting him learn just how great this lifestyle really was!!! He called my husband.. Richard asked him what his food budget was. Stephan said, "four dollars." So, Richard went to Publix and bought him bologna and a loaf of bread that Stephan paid for. Richard dropped it off and left. Stephan ate bologna till his heart was content.. um no, until he was sick of it! Finally, like I said after three days, he came home. He was complaining about the environment there. I reminded him of how lucky he was to have a clean home and a bed to sleep in.. food to eat etc. He actually agreed with me! He told me... (this is his words) how stupid they were for living that way and why can't people just clean up and live right! All you moms out there know what I was thinking about my own son, but I didn't say anything, I just let him complain hoping that he would talk himself into repentance! He said he almost starved and he would never eat bologna again! I was internally glad, you know, doing a jig inside--my happy dance--although, again, I didn't say a thing! I did ask him about his desire to live on his own, to get away from us and our rules. I asked him if it was as easy as he thought it would be and he did say no. He said he knew now that he couldn't afford it. He told me he'd need a full time job. All the things he was saying were very promising. I felt a glimmer of hope welling up inside me! How long would I get to feel this?
The next morning, he got mad because he couldn't find his cigarettes! This is what he does coming off drugs. I had learned to recognize it now. It was a fit of rage really! He was hitting his walls and punching his door. It was so terrible, I locked myself in my room and called my Richard to come home from work! When he arrived, he talked to Stephan, got him calmed down, but when they came back in, they went up to pack again.... my glimmer of hope was now extinguished! He took Stephan back into town where he wound up back at this same kids house for two more days until..........
Until... about 10:30 one night, we got a call from the alarm system company that monitors security at my husband's plant! The alarm had went off! I was almost relieved that it wasn't the police calling about Stephan! We got in the car and were on our way down there. In the mean time, my husband was speaking with the police on the phone- who had just arrived- and said that someone had broken in. They had thrown a huge landscape brick through a window and climbed in. We immediately suspected Stephan. Oh how I was praying for him to have nothing to do with this!! We arrived... Someone had climbed in, cut themselves, turned OFF the alarm, because they "KNEW" the code, stole cash from the cash box, and went out a back door. This was the worst moment of my life thus far... I'm staring into the face of a police officer knowing that it was my son... knowing and not "really" knowing all at the same time what was about to happen! We told the officers that we suspected our son, because whoever it was knew the code to disarm the security system. There was blood everywhere.. even on the wall beside the keypad... it was a bloody handprint that may belong to my son... I was sick...
My husband told them where to find our son, they went straight there and questioned him and saw the cut on his hand. There were two others involved. They cuffed them and took them downtown!
After I had time to process this in my mind, I thought, ok, this is the breaking point! He's in jail... We've come to the end of the road. It's time to act. It's now or never. My child is in JAIL!
I heard recently that when your children are small you are a cop! You monitor their behavior and when they mess up they are disciplined accordingly, but when they are teens, parents should be able to shift from cop mode to coach mode. We give them great advice and then give them the choice to make the right decision! I guess it's sort of a trial and error type of thing that they are still learning from their mistakes. I felt like that's what we did when we let him pack his stuff! Well, he did NOT make the right decisions! When they can't make the right decisions, you have no choice but to make decisions for your child, because they are not capable! I'm not sure if that means we are sort of cop and coach now... I just don't know. All I do know is there are real cops involved now.
Because Stephan was 17, they could not keep him unless my husband or Chuck, the president of the company pressed charges! My husband was on the phone with the police for, what seemed forever! That police officer had also had problems with his son, so he really helped us make some decisions. First, my husband had to call and wake up the president of his company to inform him of everything that had taken place that night. It was 2:30 am!! I could tell that this was not an easy call for Richard. Chuck is also his friend... but still this is Richard's boss and this is his company and our son stole from him. We were humiliated.
The police officer mentioned the CHINS (Child In Need of Supervision) program to Richard. We had already looked into CHINS when Stephan got caught selling marijuana to a kid he knew!! So.. we knew a little about it. Basically, you are transferring your parental rights to your child to the court system and they determine what's best for your child because the parents have exhausted their options! Your child is on "probation" so to speak and will report to a probation officer for drug testing once a month, they access your child to see if counseling is needed or rehab is needed etc.
Richard and Chuck decided that instead of pressing charges that this would be the best route to take for now. We met with Stephan's probation officer for the first time, they accessed him... I even had to take a test! We made an appointment for his first counseling secession. His drug test came back negative! Stephan knew he would have to take one. However, I will have to say that this was a real eye-opener for Stephan! He knows he was lucky! His probation officer was none to easy on him and for that I am glad!!!! She told him EXACTLY where he was headed if he didn't get it together! She asked him if he enjoyed his ride downtown!
Here is a link to the CHINS program:
http://www.masslegalhelp.org/children-and-families/chinsIt has been three months now.. or he's been three times to the probation office and he's clean!!! Praise God!! My son is cleeeeeaaannn! His behavior is different! Day by day I could see my old Stephan resurfacing! He's jokey... he goofy, he's responsible! I had forgotten who he was. I actually thought that his personality was just who he was becoming and I didn't realize the effect that drugs was having on that! He's keeping his room clean again and fusses at ME when I need to tidy up downstairs.... He even helps me! He has a girlfriend! By her coming into the picture has kept him away from all the guys he was around. This has been a blessing! We are not letting them go out yet... He's got a lot of trust to earn back.
Stephan's first counseling secession went great, but he does not want to go back. He says that he has goals. One, to stay off drugs, two to earn his money for his car insurance to be able to drive again, three to start college!!! Did you hear that? COLLEGE!!!! He says he had to do this on his own.... I disagree with him, which is why me and Richard are still in discussion about continuing the counseling. He has to want to go for it to do any good... But, if he does go- even if he don't want to at first, he may find that he's glad he is going for more support and accountability!
We are still not out of the woods... By no means are we! I will willingly admit that by now, I am not a naive parent and I do have concerns that when this probation period is over what we may face. My prayers are that by then he will have seen what life is like without drugs and that he will choose not to revert back into that behavior.
For now, we are still working on occasional outbursts of anger. His probation officer gave him a list of every job opening here and he has applied for three so far. His job that he works now does not give him many hours at all. That's another thing, Stephan has too much time on his hands. He neeeeeeds to be busy! He needs structure and somewhat of a set schedule! He's in the beginning stages of working toward his goals.
Turning him in was the best thing we've done so far... It gave us a foot-hold once again. Gave us a sense of control and gave him major accountability! If Stephan does not comply he will be facing boot camp for boys. So far, so good....
"(We can) be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)Stephan can't get away from God, He is his child. He was saved at an early age, but has strayed. God will complete the work He began in Stephan one day. It's a promise...
He stayed with his friend, who is also on drugs, for three days. During these three days, he did "live it up," so to speak. I knew he would. He called home high needing food. He said there was nothing at all to eat there and I believed him! The house itself looks like a home you would see on "Hoarders." There are dogs in the house, which do their business in the floor and no one cleans up! Yes... I know! Anyway, I asked him how much money he had and told him that he would need to skate or walk to the grocery store and buy him some food. Of course he played games with me and kept calling, but as much as I wanted to rescue him, I stood firm knowing that this may be our last chance at letting him learn just how great this lifestyle really was!!! He called my husband.. Richard asked him what his food budget was. Stephan said, "four dollars." So, Richard went to Publix and bought him bologna and a loaf of bread that Stephan paid for. Richard dropped it off and left. Stephan ate bologna till his heart was content.. um no, until he was sick of it! Finally, like I said after three days, he came home. He was complaining about the environment there. I reminded him of how lucky he was to have a clean home and a bed to sleep in.. food to eat etc. He actually agreed with me! He told me... (this is his words) how stupid they were for living that way and why can't people just clean up and live right! All you moms out there know what I was thinking about my own son, but I didn't say anything, I just let him complain hoping that he would talk himself into repentance! He said he almost starved and he would never eat bologna again! I was internally glad, you know, doing a jig inside--my happy dance--although, again, I didn't say a thing! I did ask him about his desire to live on his own, to get away from us and our rules. I asked him if it was as easy as he thought it would be and he did say no. He said he knew now that he couldn't afford it. He told me he'd need a full time job. All the things he was saying were very promising. I felt a glimmer of hope welling up inside me! How long would I get to feel this?
The next morning, he got mad because he couldn't find his cigarettes! This is what he does coming off drugs. I had learned to recognize it now. It was a fit of rage really! He was hitting his walls and punching his door. It was so terrible, I locked myself in my room and called my Richard to come home from work! When he arrived, he talked to Stephan, got him calmed down, but when they came back in, they went up to pack again.... my glimmer of hope was now extinguished! He took Stephan back into town where he wound up back at this same kids house for two more days until..........
Until... about 10:30 one night, we got a call from the alarm system company that monitors security at my husband's plant! The alarm had went off! I was almost relieved that it wasn't the police calling about Stephan! We got in the car and were on our way down there. In the mean time, my husband was speaking with the police on the phone- who had just arrived- and said that someone had broken in. They had thrown a huge landscape brick through a window and climbed in. We immediately suspected Stephan. Oh how I was praying for him to have nothing to do with this!! We arrived... Someone had climbed in, cut themselves, turned OFF the alarm, because they "KNEW" the code, stole cash from the cash box, and went out a back door. This was the worst moment of my life thus far... I'm staring into the face of a police officer knowing that it was my son... knowing and not "really" knowing all at the same time what was about to happen! We told the officers that we suspected our son, because whoever it was knew the code to disarm the security system. There was blood everywhere.. even on the wall beside the keypad... it was a bloody handprint that may belong to my son... I was sick...
My husband told them where to find our son, they went straight there and questioned him and saw the cut on his hand. There were two others involved. They cuffed them and took them downtown!
After I had time to process this in my mind, I thought, ok, this is the breaking point! He's in jail... We've come to the end of the road. It's time to act. It's now or never. My child is in JAIL!
I heard recently that when your children are small you are a cop! You monitor their behavior and when they mess up they are disciplined accordingly, but when they are teens, parents should be able to shift from cop mode to coach mode. We give them great advice and then give them the choice to make the right decision! I guess it's sort of a trial and error type of thing that they are still learning from their mistakes. I felt like that's what we did when we let him pack his stuff! Well, he did NOT make the right decisions! When they can't make the right decisions, you have no choice but to make decisions for your child, because they are not capable! I'm not sure if that means we are sort of cop and coach now... I just don't know. All I do know is there are real cops involved now.
Because Stephan was 17, they could not keep him unless my husband or Chuck, the president of the company pressed charges! My husband was on the phone with the police for, what seemed forever! That police officer had also had problems with his son, so he really helped us make some decisions. First, my husband had to call and wake up the president of his company to inform him of everything that had taken place that night. It was 2:30 am!! I could tell that this was not an easy call for Richard. Chuck is also his friend... but still this is Richard's boss and this is his company and our son stole from him. We were humiliated.
The police officer mentioned the CHINS (Child In Need of Supervision) program to Richard. We had already looked into CHINS when Stephan got caught selling marijuana to a kid he knew!! So.. we knew a little about it. Basically, you are transferring your parental rights to your child to the court system and they determine what's best for your child because the parents have exhausted their options! Your child is on "probation" so to speak and will report to a probation officer for drug testing once a month, they access your child to see if counseling is needed or rehab is needed etc.
Richard and Chuck decided that instead of pressing charges that this would be the best route to take for now. We met with Stephan's probation officer for the first time, they accessed him... I even had to take a test! We made an appointment for his first counseling secession. His drug test came back negative! Stephan knew he would have to take one. However, I will have to say that this was a real eye-opener for Stephan! He knows he was lucky! His probation officer was none to easy on him and for that I am glad!!!! She told him EXACTLY where he was headed if he didn't get it together! She asked him if he enjoyed his ride downtown!
Here is a link to the CHINS program:
http://www.masslegalhelp.org/children-and-families/chinsIt has been three months now.. or he's been three times to the probation office and he's clean!!! Praise God!! My son is cleeeeeaaannn! His behavior is different! Day by day I could see my old Stephan resurfacing! He's jokey... he goofy, he's responsible! I had forgotten who he was. I actually thought that his personality was just who he was becoming and I didn't realize the effect that drugs was having on that! He's keeping his room clean again and fusses at ME when I need to tidy up downstairs.... He even helps me! He has a girlfriend! By her coming into the picture has kept him away from all the guys he was around. This has been a blessing! We are not letting them go out yet... He's got a lot of trust to earn back.
Stephan's first counseling secession went great, but he does not want to go back. He says that he has goals. One, to stay off drugs, two to earn his money for his car insurance to be able to drive again, three to start college!!! Did you hear that? COLLEGE!!!! He says he had to do this on his own.... I disagree with him, which is why me and Richard are still in discussion about continuing the counseling. He has to want to go for it to do any good... But, if he does go- even if he don't want to at first, he may find that he's glad he is going for more support and accountability!
We are still not out of the woods... By no means are we! I will willingly admit that by now, I am not a naive parent and I do have concerns that when this probation period is over what we may face. My prayers are that by then he will have seen what life is like without drugs and that he will choose not to revert back into that behavior.
For now, we are still working on occasional outbursts of anger. His probation officer gave him a list of every job opening here and he has applied for three so far. His job that he works now does not give him many hours at all. That's another thing, Stephan has too much time on his hands. He neeeeeeds to be busy! He needs structure and somewhat of a set schedule! He's in the beginning stages of working toward his goals.
Turning him in was the best thing we've done so far... It gave us a foot-hold once again. Gave us a sense of control and gave him major accountability! If Stephan does not comply he will be facing boot camp for boys. So far, so good....
"(We can) be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)Stephan can't get away from God, He is his child. He was saved at an early age, but has strayed. God will complete the work He began in Stephan one day. It's a promise...
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Perfect Parenting....
Defining 'Successful Parenting'
by Tim Sanford
Many people believe every parent's job is to make sure his or her children turn out "right." Even though most of us don't quite know what that standard means, we feel obliged to meet it.
But if it were true, it would mean God messed up.
In Genesis we read about a place called the Garden of Eden. It was a perfect environment, "a perfect "home."
In this perfect place there were two perfect people — God's children, Adam and Eve. Wouldn't that be nice to have perfect children?
And there was a perfect God — the perfect parent.
There was also a rule: "You must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die" (Genesis 2:17).
You've probably heard the rest of the story.
Adam and Eve chose foolishly, defying what God had told them. Our human decay and ultimate death are stark reminders of that wrong choice — made by perfect people in a perfect environment with a perfect parent.
So what did God do wrong? If He "trained them in the way they should go," why did Adam and Eve choose the other option? If Proverbs 22:6 is a guarantee of success for parents, why wasn't it a guarantee for the Author of the Book?
Enter free will.
I'm talking about a God-given freedom to choose — part of being created in His image. Adam and Eve exercised it, and your teenagers exercise it today.
"But I want them to turn out right," you say.
Yes. I agree with you. But that's not your job.
"But I want the best for them, for their sakes."
I won't argue with that. But it's still not your job to make sure they do.
If controlling your teenager isn't your job, what is?
This article series will help answer that question.
We need to figure out what your real calling is — to help you stop doing what isn't your assignment. A blurry job description makes it easy to wander into the over controlling side of the delicate balance between control and influence.
Your essential task depends on whether you're a mom or a dad. If that sounds like stereotyping, bear with me. I'm not talking about aprons and rolling pins and dragging cavewomen by the hair. I'm talking about doing what you tend to do best, and what your teen tends to need most from you. (end of article)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me again: Before reading the links below, back to the reason for this article. Perfect Parenting... God is perfect and is a perfect Father, yet we mess up everyday. Is it his fault? No, it's our own and it is called freedom of choice! We do not choose for our children to sin, nor do we encourage it! If you are a parent trying different tactics with your child, using discipline to teach and train and encouragment to lift their self esteem, then you are doing all you can do... just keep doing it!
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/real_job_of_dads.aspx
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/real_job_of_moms.aspx
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/how_much_validation_and_nurturing.aspx
by Tim Sanford
Many people believe every parent's job is to make sure his or her children turn out "right." Even though most of us don't quite know what that standard means, we feel obliged to meet it.
But if it were true, it would mean God messed up.
In Genesis we read about a place called the Garden of Eden. It was a perfect environment, "a perfect "home."
In this perfect place there were two perfect people — God's children, Adam and Eve. Wouldn't that be nice to have perfect children?
And there was a perfect God — the perfect parent.
There was also a rule: "You must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die" (Genesis 2:17).
You've probably heard the rest of the story.
Adam and Eve chose foolishly, defying what God had told them. Our human decay and ultimate death are stark reminders of that wrong choice — made by perfect people in a perfect environment with a perfect parent.
So what did God do wrong? If He "trained them in the way they should go," why did Adam and Eve choose the other option? If Proverbs 22:6 is a guarantee of success for parents, why wasn't it a guarantee for the Author of the Book?
Enter free will.
I'm talking about a God-given freedom to choose — part of being created in His image. Adam and Eve exercised it, and your teenagers exercise it today.
"But I want them to turn out right," you say.
Yes. I agree with you. But that's not your job.
"But I want the best for them, for their sakes."
I won't argue with that. But it's still not your job to make sure they do.
If controlling your teenager isn't your job, what is?
This article series will help answer that question.
We need to figure out what your real calling is — to help you stop doing what isn't your assignment. A blurry job description makes it easy to wander into the over controlling side of the delicate balance between control and influence.
Your essential task depends on whether you're a mom or a dad. If that sounds like stereotyping, bear with me. I'm not talking about aprons and rolling pins and dragging cavewomen by the hair. I'm talking about doing what you tend to do best, and what your teen tends to need most from you. (end of article)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me again: Before reading the links below, back to the reason for this article. Perfect Parenting... God is perfect and is a perfect Father, yet we mess up everyday. Is it his fault? No, it's our own and it is called freedom of choice! We do not choose for our children to sin, nor do we encourage it! If you are a parent trying different tactics with your child, using discipline to teach and train and encouragment to lift their self esteem, then you are doing all you can do... just keep doing it!
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/real_job_of_dads.aspx
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/real_job_of_moms.aspx
http://http//www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/successful_parenting/how_much_validation_and_nurturing.aspx
Despair
Since my last post, Stephan's behavior has escalated out of control.... Although we are parents who require respect, we haven't received any from our son. We have found through this downward spiral of crisis that we "can" require it, but it's his choice to give it. When he doesn't, he faces consequences... Honestly, and I can't believe it's come to this, but we have no more consequences to draw out of the hat with which to sentence him with!!! We have drawn our last straw and we are at the bottom of the barrel...
He had another wreck a few weeks ago. He ran up on a curb and busted both tires on one side of his vehicle because he was drunk! Since then, he hasn't had transportation!! We suspended his insurance, took the tag off etc. That same day, he also took off and went with friends to a Tuscaloosa- four hours away! Three days later he finally contacts us wanting to come home. We didn't even consider it, although we knew he was hungry and was staying with a stranger... Actually, an Alabama Football player who was trying to get rid of Stephan. Richard told him, "You got there... get back the best way you know how! He did get back, and was wearing the underwear of a football player who's name I won't mention, but this guy weighs about 250 pounds more than Stephan and my only thought was- Why even wear them when they don't stay on?? I wished I'd kept those underwear. This guy is being recruited to play in the NFL and his underwear might have been worth all my pain and suffering....
I read a story once, of two girls running away together. Both eventually wanted to come home and called their parents. One set of parents sent their daughter plane tickets, the other set told their daughter that they would provide half of the money she needed for a bus ticket, but she would have to earn the rest. She did... Both girls returned home. The one girl who's parents paid her way continued to rebel and run away... The other girl never did! I know both sets of parents loved their daughters equally. But just as I've said in a previous post, there are parents who continue to bail their children out and they never learn from their mistakes. Sometimes tough love causes teens to have to take responsibility for their own actions! Sometimes Mama's want to go and rescue their babies, and part of me did, but I also knew he would take advantage of us more than he already does and he would never learn from this mistake. He did come home! He made it!! He found a way! I hoped that he would have changed.... I think in some senses, he did, but not enough to drop the drug habit.
Several days have passed: He didn't come home again the other night. My husband had already told Stephan that if this happened again and we continued to find drugs that he would have to consider telling Stephan that he will have to live somewhere else. We have rules... plus, we will not allow our son to blatantly sin right in front of our eyes!! We can not commend this type of behavior! We love our son and we want to help him!!! We love him with all our hearts!!
These were two things we discussed: Watching him sin/ and forcing him to get help!
On watching him sin: As Christian parents, we know he's smoking cigarettes on our property and know that he is doing drugs. We never see it, (except for the cigarettes... sometimes do get a whiff of that) but never see drug use except empty wrappers, or cellophane... We see behavior and.. he can not pass a drug test! He stays up all night and wants to sleep till noon, but I do pester him until he's up!! Since we do not want him sinning, we want him healthy and we love him, we discussed asking him if he could follow these certain set of rules that we would go over with him... 1)He would be given the choice to either live with us and follow our rules or live somewhere else! 2)We discussed the fact that as of right now, he can not financially support himself if he did live outside our home, so... he would be forced to come home eventually (and be glad to abide by our rules) after finding out what living on his own has to offer!!! That was a hard decision! He has a job, but not enough for an apartment. Leaving our home means him possibly living with other druggies, just livin' it up, so to speak while sinking deeper into quicksand. OR does it mean realizing, "Gosh, living at home under mom and dad's rules is a whole lot better than living with these people struggling to buy food or winding up in jail!!" That's where he's headed... if things don't change.
Forcing him to get help: We have gone over this one over and over. Stephan has been accessed by a counselor and we were making steps to get him counseling! Stephan said he was NOT going and we couldn't force him! We can't drag him to the car.... Our conclusion was that he won't be successful getting the help he needs until he realizes he needs help and is willing to help himself!
That, unfortunately is the cold, hard facts! Most people forced into rehab relapse within months! -so I've read. May not be completely true, but I'm new at all this...
Well, with this said, last Sunday night after not coming home (again,) Richard gave Stephan the option to stay here and let us help him. He would have to follow our rules... all of them! (No drugs, cigarettes, cell phone, till he earns it back, no car until he earns the money needed for insurance, no friends because 99% of them are drug users. He would work his job, earn money... Richard had arranged mission work for him to do. He would work helping shut-in's and work at our church helping our maintenance guy... our church is huge and so this would be a major help to Dewayne!! Dewayne agreed... He would work his regular job and for his mission work with the shut-in's and helping Dewayne, we would donate $10.00 an hour toward his car insurance! We thought this would give Stephan a feeling of accomplishment and also feel good helping those in need. He turned it down!...
Richard lovingly helped him pack and he's been staying with a friend/drug user!
Stephan lied this this boy's mother, which is why she's even allowing him to stay!
All I know is I am praying for Stephan diligently daily! I pray he will find that he cannot support himself, that he will realize that life is not all about a "high." I hope he realizes that drugs are a dead-end street! I hope this helps him find purpose!!
The only thing I can think of after this.... if this doesn't work... is turning him in! Lord, I pray we don't have to do that! Please guide us and lead us... please help our son return to you! You are his only salvation! Let him experience your love and see you in some way today. Let him see your undeniable power in his life.
He had another wreck a few weeks ago. He ran up on a curb and busted both tires on one side of his vehicle because he was drunk! Since then, he hasn't had transportation!! We suspended his insurance, took the tag off etc. That same day, he also took off and went with friends to a Tuscaloosa- four hours away! Three days later he finally contacts us wanting to come home. We didn't even consider it, although we knew he was hungry and was staying with a stranger... Actually, an Alabama Football player who was trying to get rid of Stephan. Richard told him, "You got there... get back the best way you know how! He did get back, and was wearing the underwear of a football player who's name I won't mention, but this guy weighs about 250 pounds more than Stephan and my only thought was- Why even wear them when they don't stay on?? I wished I'd kept those underwear. This guy is being recruited to play in the NFL and his underwear might have been worth all my pain and suffering....
I read a story once, of two girls running away together. Both eventually wanted to come home and called their parents. One set of parents sent their daughter plane tickets, the other set told their daughter that they would provide half of the money she needed for a bus ticket, but she would have to earn the rest. She did... Both girls returned home. The one girl who's parents paid her way continued to rebel and run away... The other girl never did! I know both sets of parents loved their daughters equally. But just as I've said in a previous post, there are parents who continue to bail their children out and they never learn from their mistakes. Sometimes tough love causes teens to have to take responsibility for their own actions! Sometimes Mama's want to go and rescue their babies, and part of me did, but I also knew he would take advantage of us more than he already does and he would never learn from this mistake. He did come home! He made it!! He found a way! I hoped that he would have changed.... I think in some senses, he did, but not enough to drop the drug habit.
Several days have passed: He didn't come home again the other night. My husband had already told Stephan that if this happened again and we continued to find drugs that he would have to consider telling Stephan that he will have to live somewhere else. We have rules... plus, we will not allow our son to blatantly sin right in front of our eyes!! We can not commend this type of behavior! We love our son and we want to help him!!! We love him with all our hearts!!
These were two things we discussed: Watching him sin/ and forcing him to get help!
On watching him sin: As Christian parents, we know he's smoking cigarettes on our property and know that he is doing drugs. We never see it, (except for the cigarettes... sometimes do get a whiff of that) but never see drug use except empty wrappers, or cellophane... We see behavior and.. he can not pass a drug test! He stays up all night and wants to sleep till noon, but I do pester him until he's up!! Since we do not want him sinning, we want him healthy and we love him, we discussed asking him if he could follow these certain set of rules that we would go over with him... 1)He would be given the choice to either live with us and follow our rules or live somewhere else! 2)We discussed the fact that as of right now, he can not financially support himself if he did live outside our home, so... he would be forced to come home eventually (and be glad to abide by our rules) after finding out what living on his own has to offer!!! That was a hard decision! He has a job, but not enough for an apartment. Leaving our home means him possibly living with other druggies, just livin' it up, so to speak while sinking deeper into quicksand. OR does it mean realizing, "Gosh, living at home under mom and dad's rules is a whole lot better than living with these people struggling to buy food or winding up in jail!!" That's where he's headed... if things don't change.
Forcing him to get help: We have gone over this one over and over. Stephan has been accessed by a counselor and we were making steps to get him counseling! Stephan said he was NOT going and we couldn't force him! We can't drag him to the car.... Our conclusion was that he won't be successful getting the help he needs until he realizes he needs help and is willing to help himself!
That, unfortunately is the cold, hard facts! Most people forced into rehab relapse within months! -so I've read. May not be completely true, but I'm new at all this...
Well, with this said, last Sunday night after not coming home (again,) Richard gave Stephan the option to stay here and let us help him. He would have to follow our rules... all of them! (No drugs, cigarettes, cell phone, till he earns it back, no car until he earns the money needed for insurance, no friends because 99% of them are drug users. He would work his job, earn money... Richard had arranged mission work for him to do. He would work helping shut-in's and work at our church helping our maintenance guy... our church is huge and so this would be a major help to Dewayne!! Dewayne agreed... He would work his regular job and for his mission work with the shut-in's and helping Dewayne, we would donate $10.00 an hour toward his car insurance! We thought this would give Stephan a feeling of accomplishment and also feel good helping those in need. He turned it down!...
Richard lovingly helped him pack and he's been staying with a friend/drug user!
Stephan lied this this boy's mother, which is why she's even allowing him to stay!
All I know is I am praying for Stephan diligently daily! I pray he will find that he cannot support himself, that he will realize that life is not all about a "high." I hope he realizes that drugs are a dead-end street! I hope this helps him find purpose!!
The only thing I can think of after this.... if this doesn't work... is turning him in! Lord, I pray we don't have to do that! Please guide us and lead us... please help our son return to you! You are his only salvation! Let him experience your love and see you in some way today. Let him see your undeniable power in his life.
Stages and Warning Signs of Substance Abuse
Stages and Warning Signs of Substance Abuse:
Experts in adolescent substance problems have identified a common progression of alcohol- and drug-related behaviors that moves from bad to worse.
While it is not a foregone conclusion that everyone who experiments with drugs will progress to the worst stages of involvement, a child can incur a lot of damage before parents or others notice that something is wrong. Secretive adolescent behavior and skillful lying, combined with parental denial ("No one in our family could have a drug problem!"), may delay identification of the problem. While paranoia and daily inquisitions around the breakfast table are counterproductive, wise parents will keep their eyes and ears open and promptly take action if they see any signs that a problem may be developing.
Stage one: Experimentation — entering the drug gateway
Characteristics:
•Use is occasional, sporadic, often unplanned — weekends, summer nights, unsupervised parties.
•Use is precipitated by peer pressure, curiosity, thrill-seeking, desire to look and feel grown-up.
•Gateway drugs are usually used — cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, possibly inhalants.
•A drug high is easier to experience because tolerance has not been developed.
Parents may notice:
•Tobacco or alcohol on the breath or intoxicated behavior.
•Little change in normal behavior between episodes of drug use.
Stage two: More regular drug use — leaving the land of the living
Characteristics:
•Alcohol and other drugs are used not only on weekends but also on weekdays, and not only with friends but when alone.
•Quantities of alcohol and drugs increase as tolerance develops; hangovers become more common.
•Blackouts — periods of time in which drugs or alcohol prevent normal memories from forming — may occur. "What happened last night?" becomes a frequent question.
•More time and attention are focused on when the next drug experience will occur.
•Fellow drinkers/drug users become preferred companions.
Parents may notice:
•A son or daughter will be out of the house later at night, overnight or all weekend.
•Unexplained school absences and deteriorating school performance.
•Outside activities such as sports are dropped.
•Decreased contact with friends who don't use drugs.
•Disappearance of money or other valuables.
•Withdrawal from the family, and an increasingly sullen and hostile attitude.
•The user is caught in one or many lies.
Stage three: Waist deep in the mire of addiction — and sinking
Characteristics:
•Alcohol and drugs become the primary focus of attention.
•Becoming high is a daily event.
•A willingness to try more dangerous drugs or combinations of drugs.
•More money is spent each week on drugs. Theft or dealing may become part of drug-seeking behavior.
•Increasing social isolation and loss of contact with non-drug-using friends. More drug use in isolation, rather than at parties or with other users.
Parents may notice the behaviors listed earlier, plus:
•Escalation of conflicts at home.
•Loss of nearly all control of the adolescent.
•Possible discovery of a stash of drugs at home.
•Arrest(s) for possession of and/or dealing drugs or for driving while intoxicated.
Stage four: Drowning in addiction
Characteristics:
•Constant state of intoxication. Being high or stoned is routine, even at school or a job (if the user even bothers to attend).
•Blackouts increase in frequency.
•Physical appearance deteriorates, with noticeable weight loss, infection, and overall poor self-care.
•Injectable drugs may be part of the user's routine.
•Involvement in casual sexual relationships, at times in exchange for drugs.
•User will likely be involved with theft, dealing and other criminal activity.
•Guilt, self-hatred and thoughts of suicide increase.
Parents are likely to deal with:
•Complete loss of control of adolescent's behavior and escalation of conflict, possibly to the point of violence.
•Ongoing denial by the user that drugs are a problem.
•Increasing problems with the law and time spent with police, attorneys, hearings, court officials, etc.
•Other siblings negatively affected because the family is preoccupied or overwhelmed by consequences of the drug user's behavior.
This descent into drug hell is a nightmare that no parent envisions while rocking a newborn baby or escorting an eager 5-year-old to kindergarten. But it can happen in any neighborhood, any church, any family, even when parents have provided a stable and loving home environment. In fact, it is often in such homes that a drug problem goes undetected until it's reached an advanced and dangerous stage. This can't be happening; not in my house! But if it does, parental guilt, anger and depression can undermine the responses necessary to restore order.
Adapted from the Complete Guide to Family Health, Nutrition & Fitness, a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
While it is not a foregone conclusion that everyone who experiments with drugs will progress to the worst stages of involvement, a child can incur a lot of damage before parents or others notice that something is wrong. Secretive adolescent behavior and skillful lying, combined with parental denial ("No one in our family could have a drug problem!"), may delay identification of the problem. While paranoia and daily inquisitions around the breakfast table are counterproductive, wise parents will keep their eyes and ears open and promptly take action if they see any signs that a problem may be developing.
Stage one: Experimentation — entering the drug gateway
Characteristics:
•Use is occasional, sporadic, often unplanned — weekends, summer nights, unsupervised parties.
•Use is precipitated by peer pressure, curiosity, thrill-seeking, desire to look and feel grown-up.
•Gateway drugs are usually used — cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, possibly inhalants.
•A drug high is easier to experience because tolerance has not been developed.
Parents may notice:
•Tobacco or alcohol on the breath or intoxicated behavior.
•Little change in normal behavior between episodes of drug use.
Stage two: More regular drug use — leaving the land of the living
Characteristics:
•Alcohol and other drugs are used not only on weekends but also on weekdays, and not only with friends but when alone.
•Quantities of alcohol and drugs increase as tolerance develops; hangovers become more common.
•Blackouts — periods of time in which drugs or alcohol prevent normal memories from forming — may occur. "What happened last night?" becomes a frequent question.
•More time and attention are focused on when the next drug experience will occur.
•Fellow drinkers/drug users become preferred companions.
Parents may notice:
•A son or daughter will be out of the house later at night, overnight or all weekend.
•Unexplained school absences and deteriorating school performance.
•Outside activities such as sports are dropped.
•Decreased contact with friends who don't use drugs.
•Disappearance of money or other valuables.
•Withdrawal from the family, and an increasingly sullen and hostile attitude.
•The user is caught in one or many lies.
Stage three: Waist deep in the mire of addiction — and sinking
Characteristics:
•Alcohol and drugs become the primary focus of attention.
•Becoming high is a daily event.
•A willingness to try more dangerous drugs or combinations of drugs.
•More money is spent each week on drugs. Theft or dealing may become part of drug-seeking behavior.
•Increasing social isolation and loss of contact with non-drug-using friends. More drug use in isolation, rather than at parties or with other users.
Parents may notice the behaviors listed earlier, plus:
•Escalation of conflicts at home.
•Loss of nearly all control of the adolescent.
•Possible discovery of a stash of drugs at home.
•Arrest(s) for possession of and/or dealing drugs or for driving while intoxicated.
Stage four: Drowning in addiction
Characteristics:
•Constant state of intoxication. Being high or stoned is routine, even at school or a job (if the user even bothers to attend).
•Blackouts increase in frequency.
•Physical appearance deteriorates, with noticeable weight loss, infection, and overall poor self-care.
•Injectable drugs may be part of the user's routine.
•Involvement in casual sexual relationships, at times in exchange for drugs.
•User will likely be involved with theft, dealing and other criminal activity.
•Guilt, self-hatred and thoughts of suicide increase.
Parents are likely to deal with:
•Complete loss of control of adolescent's behavior and escalation of conflict, possibly to the point of violence.
•Ongoing denial by the user that drugs are a problem.
•Increasing problems with the law and time spent with police, attorneys, hearings, court officials, etc.
•Other siblings negatively affected because the family is preoccupied or overwhelmed by consequences of the drug user's behavior.
This descent into drug hell is a nightmare that no parent envisions while rocking a newborn baby or escorting an eager 5-year-old to kindergarten. But it can happen in any neighborhood, any church, any family, even when parents have provided a stable and loving home environment. In fact, it is often in such homes that a drug problem goes undetected until it's reached an advanced and dangerous stage. This can't be happening; not in my house! But if it does, parental guilt, anger and depression can undermine the responses necessary to restore order.
Adapted from the Complete Guide to Family Health, Nutrition & Fitness, a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
A Wreck and other Updates
It's been an up and down hill battle for months. Stephan had a really bad wreck a few months ago. He was with two friends and they had been drinking.
Stephan had asked us if he may spend the night with this boy he was with before the wreck. We said that he could... He seemed to be a good kid. We met his mother...
We had gotten to the point with him that we were realizing he wasn't listening to our advice. We've spent hours.. grueling hours advising him and counseling him. He knows the truth, he knows right from wrong, he knows what the right decision is- he just doesn't make it! The fact is: He's going to do what he wants to do no matter what we say. We feel that the only option we have at this point is to let go.. and let him learn from his own mistakes! This was a tough decision for me to swallow! I do want him to learn from his mistakes- but I don't want us allowing him to learn on his own to take him to jail or to take his life either! I don't want him drinking. I want him safe! My husband and I had been back and forth with this decision! You can rule a teen with an iron fist and "make" them respect you and be obedient... Oh, and trust me, he and his dad have had some knock down drag outs!! But we would rather him come to the place of respect and obedience because it's something he desires to do from his heart. He's the type of kid that will only learn respect and obedience from trial and error. We've realized that we can't protect him. He doesn't listen- he'll sneak out of the house if we lock him in his room (so to speak.) He's been grounded, grounded, grounded.. He's had lecture after lecture. He's had his friends, phone, car, TV, video games, etc... etc... taken away to the point that there is nothing left!!! He drinks when we say don't! We have made him buy his drug tests to use at home for our viewing pleasure!! What does he do? He smokes pot and does drugs right after taking a drug test!
Now, I have painted a pretty ugly picture. Stephan is not all "bad." He does have a kind heart. He's respectable to everyone he meets. He smiles and shakes hands with gentlemen. He helps older ladies with their shopping carts! He loves children and animals. He loves us!! He's quite the conversationalist, everyone likes him! But- He's mixed up and needs to surrender his life to God. He's searching for who he is... Let me also say: He bought his car and pays his own insurance!!!
Like a carousel that goes round and round, there are days that we feel as if our only option left is to call the authorities, because he gets completely out of hand with us! We truly don't want to do that until we've tried everything that loving parents can do in attempt to help him and allow him to grow up mentally in the process of it all. Now, I have to say that we have called the police three times when he's ran away! When I say call the authorities- I mean for them to come pick him up and appoint him a probation officer!!!
In this process of letting him learn from his own mistakes and suffering the consequences- If he winds up in jail.. then he'll have to 'learn from those consequences!" No mother wants to see their baby go to jail, and I'm afraid that when he turns 18 that may be a road he has to travel if he doesn't change!
Love is tough... I had a female probation officer friend of mine tell me that the worst thing parents can do with a teen who has been put in jail is bail them out! It starts a process that will never end... Just like a three year old child who gets their way every time he/she has a tantrum. These young adults are constantly bailed out and never allowed to face the consequence that they created for themselves. Parents really think they are helping... but they are creating a monster that will suck the life out of them!
So... back to the wreck: We said he could spend the night. We were awakened one Saturday morning at 5:50 by paramedics telling us that he had been taken to our city hospital with two other kids and one had been released! They gave us no details as to his condition! I have never been so desperate for prayer than that moment! I dropped to my knees, shaking like a leaf and cried out to God to please just let him be ok!! Please just let him be alive!! I could hardly put my clothes on, I was shaking so bad my fingers didn't want to seem to work. I had this awful knot in my throat that choked me to the point that I couldn't breathe. On the way, silence deafened Richard and I both as neither of us knew what we were walking into once we graced the doors of the hospital. Were they taking us to the ER or to the morgue? Oh please GOD not the morgue. When we arrived, he was bloody, moaning and strapped to a table from head to toe and was in and out of consciousness. OH GOD- HE's ALIVE! Oh gracious Lord, I was so thankful he was alive!!! He was put through MRI's, X-Rays, blood tests... the list goes on.
I was certain that with his friend, Blake in the next room, strapped down just like him that Stephan was thinking hard on lots of things! There was really no need to remind him that he just made a horrible mistake!! Part of me wanted to clobber him now that he was alive... but I didn't. I had to reboot myself. He did need love... and lots of it! He knew that this was his fault and at the time he didn't need us to remind him of that! I can't imagine what he was thinking.
We walked out of the hospital that day, praise the Lord!! I have never, ever been so thankful and grateful to God above!!! All three kids were fine, aside from soreness, some stitches, and days on the sofa!
Stephan had ran into a ladies mailbox during the wreck and Richard decided to let Stephan fix it since that was the only thing on "that" property that was hit. He also hit a tree on another property. If he hadn't hit the tree, they would have drove hood first into a swimming pool. So, then came then came the dealings with the insurance company and bills! I informed Stephan of everything, because I didn't want him to think - Oh, - I have a wreck and the insurance pays for me a new vehicle, damage to the properties and pays all these medical bills- end of story!! He did have to interview with the insurance company! And I told him that me and his dad were not paying anything. If the insurance company covered their part and there was a remainder, he would be responsible for that. I believe that the insurance will cover all the bills, and don't want to put loads of pressure on Stephan, but do want him to understand that bad choices have bad consequences!!
Since the wreck, he has found a job and is working. Richard found a list of goals Stephan had written in his room the other day. Some of the things he mentioned were: finding a better job and going to college! Good news!
As I've always said, I know that God has plans for Stephan's life. His life now will be a testimony to others one day. My prayer is that he will begin to see that with obedience and respect comes much blessing.......
Monday, June 7, 2010
From High School to GED
My husband is a wonderful father! He has spent countless hours this weekend talking to Stephan... We have done everything we know to do! He continues to travel a path that I just don't understand why he chooses to travel. He has basically been under house arrest for over a year. He can not go out with any friends that we don't approve of. This really means that .. he isn't going out! We had his cell phone number changed. Well, after he got it back! After one year of Homeschool, we decided it best that he go back to the school he had previously attended...
This current school year, he began to fail in most of his classes and was told that he would have to leave because of getting into trouble. He took the back pack from a girl who had drugs and then Stephan was caught with it. It's funny, he took it from her so SHE wouldn't get caught--although they both were planning on doing the drugs at some point that day!
He went to a center for expulsion for almost a month. I had to pick him up everyday and it was painful to watch my child coming out of a facility with others that looked as if they were doing hard time! My heart was sinking.... After finishing his sentence, he returned to school only to find himself in more trouble. He was told at this point that he would need to leave his high school! They were expelling him for good! The only alternative was a high school in downtown. It was the last resort. We put him in a High School for teens who were having trouble. This was an especially tough decision, because most of the kids there "were" in the same situation that he was in himself! There were pregnant girls and kids on drugs that had been in and out of rehab. We didn't know if we wanted him in the environment. One week later, he was in trouble again.... He cussed the administrator out because she said something about a hole in his pants. It was against the rules. After this.. there are no other options except homeschool and I wasn't about to go that route again. Homeschooling in the tenth grade just about destroyed us both! The administrator gave him one last chance. That chance was short lived. In just a few short weeks he was expelled for skipping.
After several grueling days of discussion between Richard and I and help from someone at church who is a GED instructor, we decided to let him drop out and attempt to get his GED. I was currently discipling this lady and I trusted her. This wasn't an easy decision.... I am the type of mother who desired to see my son walk across stage in his cap and gown. I have to tell you though, this was such a "God thing." I don't believe anything happens except there is a reason behind it. I thought to myself about what the chances were that the woman I'm discipling happens to be an instructor!! She takes people, mostly young, and teaches them in a classroom environment for several months to prepare them for the GED. God is so good... She came over to our house and gave him a 3 hour practice test, in which he passed! She just wanted to see where he might be, so she would know where to place him in her classes- she didn't expect him to PASS! She suggested that he just come to the college and take the test! Guess what? He passed!!!! It proved one thing... he's smart! He was now a High School Graduate.
We decided that getting his GED would get him away from the environment that he was in and give him an opportunity to get started in college one year earlier. He could get his basics out of the way anyway! We also made him get a job and he has done that! He works at a local grocery store and is working about 20 hours a week. It's put a lot more responsibility on him, which he needed as well... Hopefully he will begin to focus in new areas.
This current school year, he began to fail in most of his classes and was told that he would have to leave because of getting into trouble. He took the back pack from a girl who had drugs and then Stephan was caught with it. It's funny, he took it from her so SHE wouldn't get caught--although they both were planning on doing the drugs at some point that day!
He went to a center for expulsion for almost a month. I had to pick him up everyday and it was painful to watch my child coming out of a facility with others that looked as if they were doing hard time! My heart was sinking.... After finishing his sentence, he returned to school only to find himself in more trouble. He was told at this point that he would need to leave his high school! They were expelling him for good! The only alternative was a high school in downtown. It was the last resort. We put him in a High School for teens who were having trouble. This was an especially tough decision, because most of the kids there "were" in the same situation that he was in himself! There were pregnant girls and kids on drugs that had been in and out of rehab. We didn't know if we wanted him in the environment. One week later, he was in trouble again.... He cussed the administrator out because she said something about a hole in his pants. It was against the rules. After this.. there are no other options except homeschool and I wasn't about to go that route again. Homeschooling in the tenth grade just about destroyed us both! The administrator gave him one last chance. That chance was short lived. In just a few short weeks he was expelled for skipping.
After several grueling days of discussion between Richard and I and help from someone at church who is a GED instructor, we decided to let him drop out and attempt to get his GED. I was currently discipling this lady and I trusted her. This wasn't an easy decision.... I am the type of mother who desired to see my son walk across stage in his cap and gown. I have to tell you though, this was such a "God thing." I don't believe anything happens except there is a reason behind it. I thought to myself about what the chances were that the woman I'm discipling happens to be an instructor!! She takes people, mostly young, and teaches them in a classroom environment for several months to prepare them for the GED. God is so good... She came over to our house and gave him a 3 hour practice test, in which he passed! She just wanted to see where he might be, so she would know where to place him in her classes- she didn't expect him to PASS! She suggested that he just come to the college and take the test! Guess what? He passed!!!! It proved one thing... he's smart! He was now a High School Graduate.
We decided that getting his GED would get him away from the environment that he was in and give him an opportunity to get started in college one year earlier. He could get his basics out of the way anyway! We also made him get a job and he has done that! He works at a local grocery store and is working about 20 hours a week. It's put a lot more responsibility on him, which he needed as well... Hopefully he will begin to focus in new areas.
Lord grant me patience and help me guard my words when speaking to my son! Help him to know he can trust me and help me to show him that he is not condemned in my eyes, but loved.
Help and guide us in the decisions we should make...
Convict him of this sin he is caught up in...
Help me to trust that you have a perfect plan in all of this...
Give him the strength to stop doing drugs...
Give him purpose and allow him to see that he is special and has so much to offer...
Thank you Lord for putting people in our lives that help us in our time of need...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Causes For His Feelings of Dependancy For Drugs
About a month before home school ended, Stephan refused to do any of his work! I want to say that home school was coming between us, but really it was him. His attitude stunk! He was terribly disobedient and rebellious in many ways. We found out that he had been sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and also started smoking cigarettes. There was a girl that he really liked that broke his heart. Many factors played into the attitude and drug problem.
Things I began to notice was that before drugs, Stephan has always been a "neat freak." His room was always spic-n-span! It was really odd to walk into his room and find a book out of place or something laying in the floor! His shoes lined his closet, sitting atop the boxes we bought them in.. His clothes all hung up in a row and neatly organized. His bed was always neatly made every morning. In his bathroom, you would never find anything out of place or splatters of toothpaste on the mirror or the faucet!
One day I noticed that he wasn't picking up after himself. For this to happen means that he doesn't care. For him not to care means that there are deeper issues lying around, which is causing his feelings of dependency for drugs. He needed his mind to be "taken away."
In talking to Stephan, I really feel that he felt he loved this girl that broke his heart. They never really dated, but had known each other for quite sometime. He knew her from public school and from church. They also evidently spent time together that we didn't know about. She came to our house a couple of times. I have to admit that I didn't like her. Well, maybe I should say that I didn't like her for him! Before she ever came to our home or I knew that Stephan was interested in her, he told me that she had a string of problems of her own and was pretty "friendly" with the boys. When he shared this with me, he was being very negative, so I took it that he wasn't interested in her and from what he was describing; I felt that he was describing a type of girl that he wouldn't date! I was kind of perplexed that he wanted to know if she could come over after what he shared with me! It was quite a shock. I also didn't think it was a good idea to mix his problems with her problems. As I said, she came over a few times and I will have to say that I made myself be nice toward her. I know this isn't the attitude that I should have. I guess it was out of protection for my son, being we were going through these other issues already. I didn't need any more... I really had my guard up!
They wound up breaking things off after a short while. Weeks afterward, I found out that they did have sex. "That" broke my heart.... I have taught my children since they were old enough to understand that sexual intimacy is honoring to God and to be saved for marriage. I talked about how special it would be. We've been praying for the boys wives since they were small and they know that.
He and she shared the most intimate thing that people have to share... I'm sure that it was hard when she broke things off with him. I can't help but think that if he'd listened and honored God with his body, things wouldn't be so hard, but that's not where we are. He is struggling with the consequences of his own actions and drowning these consequences with drugs.... therefore suffering consequence after consequence...
He can't see that he is bringing even more hurt upon himself and others around him.
Things I began to notice was that before drugs, Stephan has always been a "neat freak." His room was always spic-n-span! It was really odd to walk into his room and find a book out of place or something laying in the floor! His shoes lined his closet, sitting atop the boxes we bought them in.. His clothes all hung up in a row and neatly organized. His bed was always neatly made every morning. In his bathroom, you would never find anything out of place or splatters of toothpaste on the mirror or the faucet!
One day I noticed that he wasn't picking up after himself. For this to happen means that he doesn't care. For him not to care means that there are deeper issues lying around, which is causing his feelings of dependency for drugs. He needed his mind to be "taken away."
In talking to Stephan, I really feel that he felt he loved this girl that broke his heart. They never really dated, but had known each other for quite sometime. He knew her from public school and from church. They also evidently spent time together that we didn't know about. She came to our house a couple of times. I have to admit that I didn't like her. Well, maybe I should say that I didn't like her for him! Before she ever came to our home or I knew that Stephan was interested in her, he told me that she had a string of problems of her own and was pretty "friendly" with the boys. When he shared this with me, he was being very negative, so I took it that he wasn't interested in her and from what he was describing; I felt that he was describing a type of girl that he wouldn't date! I was kind of perplexed that he wanted to know if she could come over after what he shared with me! It was quite a shock. I also didn't think it was a good idea to mix his problems with her problems. As I said, she came over a few times and I will have to say that I made myself be nice toward her. I know this isn't the attitude that I should have. I guess it was out of protection for my son, being we were going through these other issues already. I didn't need any more... I really had my guard up!
They wound up breaking things off after a short while. Weeks afterward, I found out that they did have sex. "That" broke my heart.... I have taught my children since they were old enough to understand that sexual intimacy is honoring to God and to be saved for marriage. I talked about how special it would be. We've been praying for the boys wives since they were small and they know that.
He and she shared the most intimate thing that people have to share... I'm sure that it was hard when she broke things off with him. I can't help but think that if he'd listened and honored God with his body, things wouldn't be so hard, but that's not where we are. He is struggling with the consequences of his own actions and drowning these consequences with drugs.... therefore suffering consequence after consequence...
He can't see that he is bringing even more hurt upon himself and others around him.
Lord, help me be the mother that I need to be to my son. You loved the whole world that you gave your only begotten Son. Those who believe in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. I know that Jesus came into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. You love us unconditionally... Help me not to condemn, but help me love as you love...
Sometimes I struggle with my use of words toward him. I want so much to see him repent and restored. Sometimes, I need to realize that you must complete your perfect work in him whatever that is.
Help me to uplift and encourage, not to remind him of the wrong he has done...
Help me Lord to allow you to love him through me...
I love him so much...
In Jesus name, Amen
Waiting Patiently
After a year of homeschool, things didn't seem any better. During school, Stephan was able to take Bible Doctrines as one of his electives. I thought that this was a "god-send." During school, we would go through the book together, as we would all of his subjects until he became increasingly frustrated at me, school and everything else around him. I knew in my heart that he wasn't ready for soteriology, eschatology, theology, or any other "ology" out there, he just needed Jesus.
I began making up my own studies for him. I'd spend about 45 minutes making him a question/answer sheet to answer after reading passages of scripture that I chose. I'd always choose scripture that seemed fitting to his situation. Scripture about choices, sin, the rewards of living an obedient life before God and how much God loves us and offers forgiveness. He told me once, and only once that my Bible studies were good and that they meant something to him. It wasn't the studies... It was being in the Word that was speaking to him.
There were also "those" days that I was left with nothing else to give from inside me, except relenting myself to the floor of my laundry room, crying and screaming out to God during our bad homeschool days. The feel of the rug on the floor are etched deep into my memory. Many tears fell upon it. I was in such despair I couldn't stand...weakness had over taken me.
There were many days that Stephan didn't want to be in the house with me! He wanted to be at school with his "friends." We made the decision to take him out. It was a act of protection on our parts. It was during the times of crying and screaming out to God that He held me. I felt numb and helpless as if my hands were tied. I saw my son sinking deeper and deeper into a dark pit that didn't appear to have a bottom and there was nothing that I could do to pull him out.
I began making up my own studies for him. I'd spend about 45 minutes making him a question/answer sheet to answer after reading passages of scripture that I chose. I'd always choose scripture that seemed fitting to his situation. Scripture about choices, sin, the rewards of living an obedient life before God and how much God loves us and offers forgiveness. He told me once, and only once that my Bible studies were good and that they meant something to him. It wasn't the studies... It was being in the Word that was speaking to him.
There were also "those" days that I was left with nothing else to give from inside me, except relenting myself to the floor of my laundry room, crying and screaming out to God during our bad homeschool days. The feel of the rug on the floor are etched deep into my memory. Many tears fell upon it. I was in such despair I couldn't stand...weakness had over taken me.
There were many days that Stephan didn't want to be in the house with me! He wanted to be at school with his "friends." We made the decision to take him out. It was a act of protection on our parts. It was during the times of crying and screaming out to God that He held me. I felt numb and helpless as if my hands were tied. I saw my son sinking deeper and deeper into a dark pit that didn't appear to have a bottom and there was nothing that I could do to pull him out.
We found out that he was getting drugs during homeschool! So, then the question arose," is homeschool really any better?" Like I said before, for things to be any better, he just needed Jesus... He needed to come to a place in his life to where he understood that he was hurting himself and his body! He needed to realize that this was sin. There is a old saying that goes, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!" Well, yes, my son needed Jesus, he needed to turn to Him and ask Him to lead and guide him, but he didn't want it...
I truly believe that God will use all that we have poured -and are still trying to pour into him. I believe that God has a plan for his life and it will unfold. I think that all his struggles will be part of his testimony one day. In the mean time, we have to love him and guide him in the best ways that we can... Most of all pray! Prayer is the key. Let God hear my cries, let Him hear my pain, let Him hear my concerns. I've asked Him so many questions! I guess the first question was: "Why my child?" I think that it's ok to ask God these questions... We are feeble-minded, He is the Alpha and Omega. His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. Many years ago, I gave my children to Him. I have to trust that He knows what He's doing, because He will never leave or forsake us in any way.
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."
Psalm 40:1-2
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Spiritual Battles
As I said in a previous post, I was fighting a battle for my son. But let me say that on another front, I was fighting another battle within. Yes, our son was raised in a Christian home, but we must have gone wrong... Where did we go wrong? For weeks I felt lonely, abandoned and deserted as I pondered these thoughts within myself. Slowly but surely, God began showing me that I had been lied to by the deceiver himself years prior to the events that were currently plaguing my life!
When my boys were at the innocent ages of two and four we had trials... temper tantrums, hitting, biting, tattling, even sassy little mouths and just plain disobedience, which was always corrected with time outs or yes, spankings!! When they were young I read numerous books on raising children and obedience and felt that if I followed these rule books of instruction that everything would turn out right! Right??
I truly felt that like a delicious cake- if we pour all the right ingredients into our children that everything would turn out perfect in the end... with icing on top! At this time in my life when the boys were small, I would hear of older parents going through struggles with their teens and seriously, the first thought I would have is I would wonder what went wrong in parenting!! I felt that maybe they missed out on all of Dr. James Dobson's parenting books! I'm telling you, I have been humbled beyond words in my beliefs!
If you are a mother who is questioning these things like "What did you do wrong? Are you a bad parent?"... Dear One, you haven't done anything wrong! If you and your husband have raised your son or daughter to trust in God, to make Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior, to follow Him in all their ways.. You have done everything right! That IS the most you can do.
Reading the story of the Prodigal Son has made Proverbs 22:6 become clearer and clearer to me. We train our children up in the loving admonition of the Lord and "if" they do wander... if they run through all their inheritance, so to speak, if they make a real mess of things.. God promises that one day they will remember and they will return to the foundations set before them. They will return...
I am clinging to that promise.. I claim that promise!
When my boys were at the innocent ages of two and four we had trials... temper tantrums, hitting, biting, tattling, even sassy little mouths and just plain disobedience, which was always corrected with time outs or yes, spankings!! When they were young I read numerous books on raising children and obedience and felt that if I followed these rule books of instruction that everything would turn out right! Right??
Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
If you are a mother who is questioning these things like "What did you do wrong? Are you a bad parent?"... Dear One, you haven't done anything wrong! If you and your husband have raised your son or daughter to trust in God, to make Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior, to follow Him in all their ways.. You have done everything right! That IS the most you can do.
Reading the story of the Prodigal Son has made Proverbs 22:6 become clearer and clearer to me. We train our children up in the loving admonition of the Lord and "if" they do wander... if they run through all their inheritance, so to speak, if they make a real mess of things.. God promises that one day they will remember and they will return to the foundations set before them. They will return...
I am clinging to that promise.. I claim that promise!
Monday, February 22, 2010
I Was Devastated
I don't remember what day of the week it was, but I do remember getting a call from the school telling me that my son wasn't in a certain class. I remember the empty feeling I had, wondering what could have happened to cause him not to go to class! I also remember that afternoon the words that my oldest son, Brandon spoke to me.. words that he had overheard Stephan say on the way to the car leaving school. He had overheard him telling another kid that he had smoked catnip laced with marijuana in the bathroom with another boy earlier that day. When I heard this other boys name my heart sank, because I knew that this kid was on drugs! Stephan had come home telling me tales about this kid. Because of these horrible tales, I felt certain that he was telling me this out of sorrow for this young man. I thought by him sharing this that surely he wouldn't want to involve himself in this type of thing. Well, that day I felt like I had been hit by a huge ocean wave and completely knocked off my feet. I was in utter despair... My husband and I talked to Stephan hoping to hear that it was all a farce... that he was joking or some such thing! Even joking about something like this at this point would have been fine with me as long as "this" information was false!! To my horror... it was true!
Months prior to this event ever taking place, Stephan had got into skateboarding. As a mom, I never liked, nor did I approve of what seemed to go along with the skateboarding fad... I hated skulls! That all represented demonic darkness to me. I didn't like long hair, black clothing, loud non-Christian music... skinny jeans... etc! Stephan was skating to Christian music, wore t-shirts and hoodies with skateboards on them or a "brand" name of skateboarding equipment! I told him and warned him of the potential dangers, not just physically, but spiritually and socially. We talked about friends and choosing friends that will build him up, not tear him down. I never cared if he learned all the different tricks you do on a skateboard as long as he stayed away from all the junk associated with the sport.
As with anything, Stephan gave skateboarding one hundred and fifty percent! He was good!! He could jump, kick, flip and do all that stuff that makes you "somebody" in the skateboarding world!
I also remember that he would watch a particular skateboarder on youtube, who was also a Christian skateboarder... so I thought that things were going well for him and I was proud that he was having fun and keeping in mind the things we had discussed.
He had a friend over one day and I began to notice differences... The radio in the garage was NOT playing Christian music and Stephan began having anger issues... Of course he and his dad would have long talks about the choice of music and fits of rage... and everything would seem fine again.
A few other things happened in our lives during this time. Things that from the beginning were against my better judgement... Stephan was almost sixteen and a friend of his who was a little younger than him was spending time at the mall during the summer and at a waterpark. This kids parents were dear friends of ours from church and we fully trusted them and their judgement for their child. I wasn't very comfortable with Stephan joining him at the mall or the waterpark at all, only because I didn't trust Stephan! After wavering back and forth over the matter, I struck it up as me not being able to let go as a mother...I had to let him grow up! After all, Stephan was almost sixteen for goodness sake and learning to "drive" for that matter! Maybe I should let him have a little freedom. Even with this little bout of freedom that I thought I'd let him have, I still held on and didn't allow him to be at the mall or the water park, but maybe three times.. maybe four times the entire summer!Stephan was immature for his age and I knew it... I know my child! I also shared this with the mother of his friend. Maybe I was being a little over protective or overbearing!!
Now back to the present... For all you mothers out there... Being through what we've been through this past year and a half..things that I haven't even wrote about yet... let me tell you, it's ok to be protective! Trust the Holy Spirit trying to warn you of things that may not be good for your child. What's good for one, may not necessarily be good for another. He, even at fifteen and a half was not ready for this freedom!!! To me, it was the beginning of our journey down this troublesome road. Now, I do and am aware of knowing that no matter how old they are, they all have the power to choose right from wrong and make their own decisions! You may have a fourteen year old that hangs with his friends at the mall and everything may be rosy! I really hope so... As mothers, I think God gives us a special intuition when it comes to our children. I have learned that when something just doesn't "seem" right.. when there's doubt or confusion, I need to stand back and refocus on the situation! God may just be trying to tell me something!!
When we found out about the catnip laced with marijuana we knew that something major had to be done! How could we send our child back into this lions den? What do we do? We had found out also that during these three short trips to the mall, he had bought drugs from a stranger!
Stephan was being very disrespectful to me in the car one day, so I immediately took his cell phone! I dropped him off at my husbands work and went on about my business... I had put his phone in my purse and heard it ring.. it was a text wanting to know if he was still interested in buying it. I texted this guy called, "The Man" back and forth trying to secretly find out what it was that my son was wanting to buy. He thought I was Stephan you see... Again, it was drugs!
My husband and I made the decision to remove him from school completely. We didn't know who to turn to or what to do! I had homeschooled when my boys were small for five years, so we felt that homeschooling and time to refocus would be beneficial to him. Honestly, I didn't want to homeschool again.. not it the tenth grade, but we decided to do the Abeka Video School, which was wonderful! So that's what we did, we took him out of public school. We also got rid of his skateboard, his clothing and anything associated with the sport. If there were any forms of darkness trying to work it's way into our son's life or our home through this, we wanted it removed! We gave Stephan the choice to choose another sport. He was very angry at us as you can imagine! He threw tantrums and pretty much hated us, because he truly didn't understand why we were doing this! He just didn't "get" it as most teens don't! My husband took him golfing one day and ever since that day he hasn't really gave us any more grief over taking his things away. He bought himself some clubs, shoes etc. and absolutely loves golfing.
Lord, I'm learning more and more each day to listen to your voice. You love my son more than I do! You give me the Holy Spirit who bring me to all truths... I trust in you. Help me to stand firm and strong when things don't seem right. Help me to have ears to hear and a heart fully devoted to You! I love you so much Father... You are an ever-present help in time of need...
Months prior to this event ever taking place, Stephan had got into skateboarding. As a mom, I never liked, nor did I approve of what seemed to go along with the skateboarding fad... I hated skulls! That all represented demonic darkness to me. I didn't like long hair, black clothing, loud non-Christian music... skinny jeans... etc! Stephan was skating to Christian music, wore t-shirts and hoodies with skateboards on them or a "brand" name of skateboarding equipment! I told him and warned him of the potential dangers, not just physically, but spiritually and socially. We talked about friends and choosing friends that will build him up, not tear him down. I never cared if he learned all the different tricks you do on a skateboard as long as he stayed away from all the junk associated with the sport.
As with anything, Stephan gave skateboarding one hundred and fifty percent! He was good!! He could jump, kick, flip and do all that stuff that makes you "somebody" in the skateboarding world!
I also remember that he would watch a particular skateboarder on youtube, who was also a Christian skateboarder... so I thought that things were going well for him and I was proud that he was having fun and keeping in mind the things we had discussed.
He had a friend over one day and I began to notice differences... The radio in the garage was NOT playing Christian music and Stephan began having anger issues... Of course he and his dad would have long talks about the choice of music and fits of rage... and everything would seem fine again.
A few other things happened in our lives during this time. Things that from the beginning were against my better judgement... Stephan was almost sixteen and a friend of his who was a little younger than him was spending time at the mall during the summer and at a waterpark. This kids parents were dear friends of ours from church and we fully trusted them and their judgement for their child. I wasn't very comfortable with Stephan joining him at the mall or the waterpark at all, only because I didn't trust Stephan! After wavering back and forth over the matter, I struck it up as me not being able to let go as a mother...I had to let him grow up! After all, Stephan was almost sixteen for goodness sake and learning to "drive" for that matter! Maybe I should let him have a little freedom. Even with this little bout of freedom that I thought I'd let him have, I still held on and didn't allow him to be at the mall or the water park, but maybe three times.. maybe four times the entire summer!Stephan was immature for his age and I knew it... I know my child! I also shared this with the mother of his friend. Maybe I was being a little over protective or overbearing!!
Now back to the present... For all you mothers out there... Being through what we've been through this past year and a half..things that I haven't even wrote about yet... let me tell you, it's ok to be protective! Trust the Holy Spirit trying to warn you of things that may not be good for your child. What's good for one, may not necessarily be good for another. He, even at fifteen and a half was not ready for this freedom!!! To me, it was the beginning of our journey down this troublesome road. Now, I do and am aware of knowing that no matter how old they are, they all have the power to choose right from wrong and make their own decisions! You may have a fourteen year old that hangs with his friends at the mall and everything may be rosy! I really hope so... As mothers, I think God gives us a special intuition when it comes to our children. I have learned that when something just doesn't "seem" right.. when there's doubt or confusion, I need to stand back and refocus on the situation! God may just be trying to tell me something!!
When we found out about the catnip laced with marijuana we knew that something major had to be done! How could we send our child back into this lions den? What do we do? We had found out also that during these three short trips to the mall, he had bought drugs from a stranger!
Stephan was being very disrespectful to me in the car one day, so I immediately took his cell phone! I dropped him off at my husbands work and went on about my business... I had put his phone in my purse and heard it ring.. it was a text wanting to know if he was still interested in buying it. I texted this guy called, "The Man" back and forth trying to secretly find out what it was that my son was wanting to buy. He thought I was Stephan you see... Again, it was drugs!
My husband and I made the decision to remove him from school completely. We didn't know who to turn to or what to do! I had homeschooled when my boys were small for five years, so we felt that homeschooling and time to refocus would be beneficial to him. Honestly, I didn't want to homeschool again.. not it the tenth grade, but we decided to do the Abeka Video School, which was wonderful! So that's what we did, we took him out of public school. We also got rid of his skateboard, his clothing and anything associated with the sport. If there were any forms of darkness trying to work it's way into our son's life or our home through this, we wanted it removed! We gave Stephan the choice to choose another sport. He was very angry at us as you can imagine! He threw tantrums and pretty much hated us, because he truly didn't understand why we were doing this! He just didn't "get" it as most teens don't! My husband took him golfing one day and ever since that day he hasn't really gave us any more grief over taking his things away. He bought himself some clubs, shoes etc. and absolutely loves golfing.
Lord, I'm learning more and more each day to listen to your voice. You love my son more than I do! You give me the Holy Spirit who bring me to all truths... I trust in you. Help me to stand firm and strong when things don't seem right. Help me to have ears to hear and a heart fully devoted to You! I love you so much Father... You are an ever-present help in time of need...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths....
Proverbs 3:5-6
Saturday, February 20, 2010
A Testimonial About Us...
My husband, Richard and I became Christians at different times in our lives. Neither one of us grew up in a "Mother and Father both sold out" Christian home. My mother sent my sisters and I to Vacation Bible School and we attended church for a brief time, but I did not learn what it meant to surrender my life fully to God. I gave my heart to Jesus Christ at the age of fourteen through the witness of a friend at school, but because I didn't have any strong Christian friends, a church home or youth group; I never grew past my commitment. I met Richard when I was fourteen and he was sixteen at a high school basketball game. Except for a six month period of time we were inseparable! When I was seventeen, my parents began the process of a very painful divorce, in which court battles lasted for more than seven years! Richard's parents also began the process of divorce at nearly the same time. In all that chaos, we figured that the best thing we could do was "get" married!
The first five years of our marriage was extremely rocky! We just didn't know how to "do" marriage! We had no skills! Communication, what's that? We didn't know how to do that either! We loved one another, but didn't know "how" to love one another if that makes sense!
Richard was saved at the age of twenty-four through the witness of two men that he worked with and his sister who was saved in college and was, at the time, serving God through Campus Crusade for Christ. I rededicated my life to Christ and at that point in our lives, we were changed. We knew that God had a purpose for our lives and for our children's lives, who were about one and three years of age. We knew that we had a lot of work to do and gracious, so much to learn! I can remember Richard and I sitting at our kitchen table making a list of people/friends we knew who we would want to model our marriage after. We came up empty... We tried to list couples characterised as being an example of godly parents that we wanted our lives to resemble. We came up with two!.. Well, it was a start!
At that time in our lives, we "mentally" cut the chains of bondage from our family tree including anything or anyone that could hold us back from living our lives fully for Christ. When I mean mentally, I mean the negative things that we learn growing up that just become second nature to us all. We inherit these family characteristics, "ways of thinking"... or mannerisms and pass them on to innocent by-standards generation to generation! The Bible refers to it as Generational Sin... Sometimes people never stop and wonder how all of the chaos worked out for those who passed it on to them! Of course, most people don't contribute their own problems to generational sin either. However, negative consequences are not very good! We wanted a new start! We wanted to take the positive, get rid of the negative, search the scriptures and let God guide us in replacing the negatives with positives! We wanted all the old to pass away and all things to become new! God transformed our hearts and lives... Oh, the stories that I could tell of the things God has done in our lives through the years!
I have to say that we are still in the process of building. A marriage is a work in progress! We haven't "arrived," by no means, but we are walking hand in hand! : ) We struggle with the flesh many days...
All of us have issues- some private- some public... There's this sin nature in us all that even through redemption- still finds sin. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy covenant relationships and a marriage is a covenant relationship between husband, wife and God. His targets are marriages and family! Marriage is work and when two people are truly committed to God is when success rates are at their highest! Richard has quoted this many times to people we speak with: He begins with- "Making a marriage work is not a "he gives 50% and she gives 50%." That's not the deal, it's a 100/100 percent deal! You can't get stuck in the 50/50 way of thinking- "I'll do my part as long as they do theirs! That's setting yourself and your marriage up for failure because we all are going to disappoint at one time or another!! When one of us having a bad day, the other one is supposed to be there for support to pull the other one along... and vice versa, because we 'are' gonna have bad days!" And this is my favorite: Richard says, "Christel and I are trying our best to "out love" one another... and guess what- We're both winning!" I think my all time favorite quote from my husband is what he said to me on one- very- hot- Alabama summer day... "You and me are like two Hershey kisses on the dash of a hot car!" I do have to admit-- that one "melted" my heart! Ha Ha!
Richard and I celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary last March and like I said, we are not who we were in the beginning. Reading the Word and putting the knowledge and wisdom that God has given us into practice has totally transformed us and is continuing to transform us more and more each and every day! I still say that we have a long way to go.. and we do! But I look back at all that God has done and think, "wow, look how far we've come!" Praise God!
We have two son's, both that we are very proud of... My oldest, Brandon is nineteen. He is a freshman in college. He wants to become a Nurse Practitioner. He works and pays his own tuition. He's a mild-tempered, easy going guy. He's nineteen going on thirty and has always been years ahead of himself! His heart belongs to Spanish speaking people! He's fluent in Spanish and has been on three mission trips which include Canada, Costa Rica and Nicaragua. He's currently the Spanish music minister at church and wants to be a long term missionary one day in a Spanish speaking country.
Our youngest, Stephan is seventeen. He's a junior in high school. He has spoken of owning his own business one day. He is strong tempered and strong willed, but has such a sense of compassion for those who are hurting. He especially loves children! His favorite thing to do is golf for the time being... whatever he does he gives it one hundred and fifty percent!! He's only been golfing about a year now and has really impressed many grown men who have been golfing for years!
Currently, my husband and I have had a Bible Study Department at church seemingly laid at our feet.. such a God thing.. It's called Family Ties. We started out with 9 people and now have a little over 80 people in our class. My husband teaches from his heart -things that the Lord has spoken to him about. We are able, because of the environment of our class being geared toward family, marriage and parenting, to use so "many" examples of trials and victories that God has brought us through to minister to the couples in our class. We usually always end class with a marriage minute.
Praise be to God... we have seen so many couples become closer to one another and more committed to their own marriages. They've grown to a deeper understanding of one anothers thoughts, feelings and emotions! It's so awesome to witness God doing such a work! We have also counseled many couples through the years that God has brought to us as well. There have been many people at our kitchen table or on our living room couch just seeking someone who can understand a little of what they may be going through. I think that Richard and I can only share our hearts because of experience and if that helps someone along in their journey we are most glad to share... I really believe that looking back, God allowed us to go through the struggles we went though to be "able" to minister to others today! We can now be a living example of God using these trials that we have gone through for His glory! It's only by his grace that we have a non-perfect, but healthy marriage! Did I say "non-perfect?" Oh- yes.. I did!
Richard and I began discipleship two years ago. We had the privilege of being discipled by our pastor and his wife. We have turned around and are now discipling others. The process of discipleship takes almost a year. We have just started our second discipleship relationship with another couple! It is so neat to see relationships grow and people feast upon the Word of God, making it the authority of their lives...
As for me, I am also a singer. It's my passion and one place of ministry that God has me in. He's privileged me to be able to be a soloist, but also part of a praise and worship team and band who's heart are totally sold out to Him! My other ministry is women's mentorship and being able to pour my life into encouraging women.. wherever they are in their lives...
I'm going to tell you, the day I found out that my son had tried marijuana I was devastated beyond belief! I was blindsided! My heart grieved, ached, felt that it had been spat upon... I was so angry and hurt! I had so many questions and felt bewildered and confused! Why..... Why my son? I don't understand... How could a child that had been reared in a loving, Christian home make such horrible choices? We're not perfect, but look at all the things that we've tried to pour into him.. Is it lost? What did we do wrong? Am I a bad mother? Are other people going to think I am? Through the tears God began working. He began showing me and teaching me things about myself as mother and about sin... He began showing me that this is not my fault, it's my son's choice. But how do I help him? What do I do? What can I do? I had just began the most serious spiritual battle of my life!
A battle for my son's life.....
The first five years of our marriage was extremely rocky! We just didn't know how to "do" marriage! We had no skills! Communication, what's that? We didn't know how to do that either! We loved one another, but didn't know "how" to love one another if that makes sense!
Richard was saved at the age of twenty-four through the witness of two men that he worked with and his sister who was saved in college and was, at the time, serving God through Campus Crusade for Christ. I rededicated my life to Christ and at that point in our lives, we were changed. We knew that God had a purpose for our lives and for our children's lives, who were about one and three years of age. We knew that we had a lot of work to do and gracious, so much to learn! I can remember Richard and I sitting at our kitchen table making a list of people/friends we knew who we would want to model our marriage after. We came up empty... We tried to list couples characterised as being an example of godly parents that we wanted our lives to resemble. We came up with two!.. Well, it was a start!
At that time in our lives, we "mentally" cut the chains of bondage from our family tree including anything or anyone that could hold us back from living our lives fully for Christ. When I mean mentally, I mean the negative things that we learn growing up that just become second nature to us all. We inherit these family characteristics, "ways of thinking"... or mannerisms and pass them on to innocent by-standards generation to generation! The Bible refers to it as Generational Sin... Sometimes people never stop and wonder how all of the chaos worked out for those who passed it on to them! Of course, most people don't contribute their own problems to generational sin either. However, negative consequences are not very good! We wanted a new start! We wanted to take the positive, get rid of the negative, search the scriptures and let God guide us in replacing the negatives with positives! We wanted all the old to pass away and all things to become new! God transformed our hearts and lives... Oh, the stories that I could tell of the things God has done in our lives through the years!
I have to say that we are still in the process of building. A marriage is a work in progress! We haven't "arrived," by no means, but we are walking hand in hand! : ) We struggle with the flesh many days...
All of us have issues- some private- some public... There's this sin nature in us all that even through redemption- still finds sin. Satan wants nothing more than to destroy covenant relationships and a marriage is a covenant relationship between husband, wife and God. His targets are marriages and family! Marriage is work and when two people are truly committed to God is when success rates are at their highest! Richard has quoted this many times to people we speak with: He begins with- "Making a marriage work is not a "he gives 50% and she gives 50%." That's not the deal, it's a 100/100 percent deal! You can't get stuck in the 50/50 way of thinking- "I'll do my part as long as they do theirs! That's setting yourself and your marriage up for failure because we all are going to disappoint at one time or another!! When one of us having a bad day, the other one is supposed to be there for support to pull the other one along... and vice versa, because we 'are' gonna have bad days!" And this is my favorite: Richard says, "Christel and I are trying our best to "out love" one another... and guess what- We're both winning!" I think my all time favorite quote from my husband is what he said to me on one- very- hot- Alabama summer day... "You and me are like two Hershey kisses on the dash of a hot car!" I do have to admit-- that one "melted" my heart! Ha Ha!
Richard and I celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary last March and like I said, we are not who we were in the beginning. Reading the Word and putting the knowledge and wisdom that God has given us into practice has totally transformed us and is continuing to transform us more and more each and every day! I still say that we have a long way to go.. and we do! But I look back at all that God has done and think, "wow, look how far we've come!" Praise God!
We have two son's, both that we are very proud of... My oldest, Brandon is nineteen. He is a freshman in college. He wants to become a Nurse Practitioner. He works and pays his own tuition. He's a mild-tempered, easy going guy. He's nineteen going on thirty and has always been years ahead of himself! His heart belongs to Spanish speaking people! He's fluent in Spanish and has been on three mission trips which include Canada, Costa Rica and Nicaragua. He's currently the Spanish music minister at church and wants to be a long term missionary one day in a Spanish speaking country.
Our youngest, Stephan is seventeen. He's a junior in high school. He has spoken of owning his own business one day. He is strong tempered and strong willed, but has such a sense of compassion for those who are hurting. He especially loves children! His favorite thing to do is golf for the time being... whatever he does he gives it one hundred and fifty percent!! He's only been golfing about a year now and has really impressed many grown men who have been golfing for years!
Currently, my husband and I have had a Bible Study Department at church seemingly laid at our feet.. such a God thing.. It's called Family Ties. We started out with 9 people and now have a little over 80 people in our class. My husband teaches from his heart -things that the Lord has spoken to him about. We are able, because of the environment of our class being geared toward family, marriage and parenting, to use so "many" examples of trials and victories that God has brought us through to minister to the couples in our class. We usually always end class with a marriage minute.
Praise be to God... we have seen so many couples become closer to one another and more committed to their own marriages. They've grown to a deeper understanding of one anothers thoughts, feelings and emotions! It's so awesome to witness God doing such a work! We have also counseled many couples through the years that God has brought to us as well. There have been many people at our kitchen table or on our living room couch just seeking someone who can understand a little of what they may be going through. I think that Richard and I can only share our hearts because of experience and if that helps someone along in their journey we are most glad to share... I really believe that looking back, God allowed us to go through the struggles we went though to be "able" to minister to others today! We can now be a living example of God using these trials that we have gone through for His glory! It's only by his grace that we have a non-perfect, but healthy marriage! Did I say "non-perfect?" Oh- yes.. I did!
Richard and I began discipleship two years ago. We had the privilege of being discipled by our pastor and his wife. We have turned around and are now discipling others. The process of discipleship takes almost a year. We have just started our second discipleship relationship with another couple! It is so neat to see relationships grow and people feast upon the Word of God, making it the authority of their lives...
As for me, I am also a singer. It's my passion and one place of ministry that God has me in. He's privileged me to be able to be a soloist, but also part of a praise and worship team and band who's heart are totally sold out to Him! My other ministry is women's mentorship and being able to pour my life into encouraging women.. wherever they are in their lives...
I'm going to tell you, the day I found out that my son had tried marijuana I was devastated beyond belief! I was blindsided! My heart grieved, ached, felt that it had been spat upon... I was so angry and hurt! I had so many questions and felt bewildered and confused! Why..... Why my son? I don't understand... How could a child that had been reared in a loving, Christian home make such horrible choices? We're not perfect, but look at all the things that we've tried to pour into him.. Is it lost? What did we do wrong? Am I a bad mother? Are other people going to think I am? Through the tears God began working. He began showing me and teaching me things about myself as mother and about sin... He began showing me that this is not my fault, it's my son's choice. But how do I help him? What do I do? What can I do? I had just began the most serious spiritual battle of my life!
A battle for my son's life.....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
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