Getting Your Focus Right

Two weeks ago Richard called me from work and said that he and Stephan had talked during lunch and that he had told Rainey to leave! For a few seconds, I couldn't speak. It was like a dream or something- I was stunned! Of course, this had happened like two other times, but for some reason, I believed it this time.

Rainey moved up here three years ago. We had been here a little over a year. They were usually ok and fun to be around, but boy did they have their fights! The worst fights they had were when they were both drinking. Neither one of them are fun when they were drinking. We were never around them during these times except the one night I went to get Stephan from jail many months ago... A few other times over the phone talking to us. They were both on the other end of the phone tattling on the other one to us... I was quite a big drama! Thing is... you can't talk any sense into drunk people.

Many days out of the week they both would come over. We would eat dinner and hang out! Richard and Stephan started working out in our basement. They would play chess or corn hole outside. We went down to Lake Michigan many Saturdays. We took a picnic down once and it was so much fun having sandwiches and watermelon by the Lake. It was cool, but sunny... Just enough for a sweater. I have to say, it was a perfect day.

Rainey and I walked some here and talked. We went shopping together. She had really been my closest friend in Wisconsin since moving here. It was great having another girl in my life. They were here almost every single Saturday and went with us to church. I had made her my mission field...

I shared the gospel with Rainey three different times. She just wouldn't totally surrender. There was a side to Rainey that I loved. She was gentle, kind, loving, generous.. She was always thinking of others. She would have made a terrific Christian if she would have allowed herself to follow Christ. I had even gotten to the point in my life that I let her totally "in." I told her I loved her... I tell Ellie I love her all the time! I didn't know if I could do that with Rainey until I was sure, but of what, I don't really know... Maybe it was a defense mechanism of not wanting to loose her one day and having to deal with the hurt later. Maybe it was the fear of her and Stephan's relationship not working out. Maybe I wasn't sure she was the one for him! I don't know what held me back. I wanted to love her and I finally did!

The other side of Rainey scared me a little. She was introduced to marijuana by her own mother at the tender age of 14. Even still today, Rainey's mom is a drug addict. She's on pills (hundreds a month.) She sells her prescriptions only to turn around and buy later when she doesn't have enough to take by the end of the month. She was making Rainey sell and buy for her while Rainey was still under age in Alabama. Her uncle introduced her to margarita's during those young, impressionable years too. I was sad to hear all of this coming from Rainey. Rainey didn't seem as upset about it as I did. I guess that concerned me. She had grown so accustomed to that way of life, that it was her "normal."  She loved her mom, but lived with her grandmother while she lived in Alabama. Her father was nearby, but was remarried with another child. I know he would have let Rainey live with him, but it was Rainey who chose not to live there. With all that Rainey had been through, I felt that maybe- being here in Wisconsin would allow her to have some freedom to make wise choices all on her own and get away from the destructive path she was on.

Rainey told Richard and I several times during these three years that she'd never really ever known what it was like to be part of a real family. She'd ask me to pray about things for her. She asked me to pray for her mom! I really felt like we were making a small difference in her life. There were times I wondered if we were making a difference at all. Sometimes life with Stephan and Rainey could be like riding a roller coaster. Up hill one day and down hill another.

Rainey didn't have a foundation like Stephan did. In the eyes of God, they were totally unequally yoked! Stephan wasn't walking with God, but he knew all about God. Rainey knew nothing about God and had experimented in the "spiritual world." She knew a lot about the darker side of things, not realizing that it "was" dark.. very dark. Once we found out about the spirit box she had- we told them that it must go! It made for a very good conversation about light and dark, good and evil, God and how Satan works. Stephan was very convinced it must go... Rainey was not, according to Stephan, but they both did finally decide to get rid of it anyway.

Over the last several months their fighting got worse. Stephan told Rainey that they were not drinking any more during the week. I was really glad to hear this news! Alcohol was what was causing a lot of their problems anyway. Stephan also decided to join a the gym and get a membership. Rainey got one too, but she only went once. I tried to encourage her to go- that it might be fun both of them working out together. I know it's intimidating, but basically told her that after she'd been there a few times, she'd get the hang of it! Stephan was not a lot of help. He kept reminding her that she "needed" to go because of how much weight she had gained! I privately scolded him and told him that his words would never encourage, but discourage her! Rainey needed to gain some weight too. She was way to thin when she first arrived in Wisconsin!

I believe they were growing apart... They weren't on the same page about a lot of things. Stephan grew more and more snappy. She grew more stubborn, which she admitted to me later on. Stephan didn't want to drink during the week, but she'd go buy alcohol and was drinking it when he came in from the gym. His anger grew... Her stubbornness grew... It was a cycle that was destined to fail. She also started smoking pot again... that alone topped it off for Stephan. He started coming over without her. He would go to the gym then come here. He wouldn't go home until bed time.

The day I heard she was leaving, I was shocked... but not surprised. I ain't gonna lie, it was a hard day. She was at home packing. Stephan was here. He told her she needed to pack and leave, but she didn't want to drive at night. She wanted to stay one more night, but he wouldn't let her stay there. I offered for her to come here, but she didn't want too. She stayed with a friend. Stephan wasn't even going to tell her bye. I told him that if she was leaving that they at least needed to end things on good terms.

It was snowing like crazy the next morning and Rainey and I were texting back and forth. She had to get something fixed on her car before she left. I wanted to see her before she left, so I went to pick her up at the Tires Plus while her car was in the shop. We drove back to the apartment, so she could tell Kitty bye one last time. She and I both wept. We talked some about the move, but not much. I could tell she didn't want too. I gave her a necklace and earings that I bought for her while we were at the Fireside Dinner Theater last Christmas. She spotted them and told me she loved them! I was saving them for her birthday, but decided to give them to her as something to remember me by. She said they were perfect. She actually drove by the plant where Stephan works and he came outside to see her. They said their goodbyes.

Rainey texted me off and on, on her way to Alabama. She got there safely around midnight that night. I didn't really know what to expect from Stephan with her not being here. I didn't know if he'd fall of the deep end again or continue working out at the gym... So far, he's doing GREAT! He said with her being gone it has been like a weight lifted from his shoulders. I don't know what he means by it exactly, but that's what he said. There is an empty space at my table. I miss her, but I really think that this is for the best for both of them.

Stephan's still working out, eating a lot of protein, drinking even less beer and he's loosing weight instead of gaining! That is his biggest concern right now!!! : )  He bought some Mass Gainer, hoping that will help him bulk up some. I told him he may be overdoing it at the gym and burning too many calories! Imagine that? Overdoing it at the GYM!! He works out with Drake from work and was approached by an Advocare Rep the other day at the gym. Stephan's going to one of his meetings Saturday! I don't know if Stephan will get involved, but if he did--- You can't go wrong trying to help people be more healthy!

He took a look at his finances the other day and told me that he thought he'd be fine paying all of his bills with Rainey not there. He said that he'd have to put so much more cash back every pay period! He has a thousand dollars saved in his emergency fund. He just paid his Best Buy card off. He paid his credit card off a few months ago. -He purchased something to make payments to build credit. He also has a car payment in his name... which is also helping him build his credit. He hasn't missed any payments, so I told him that when we ever move from Wisconsin back to the "south" HOPEFULLY that because he has such a good credit score that he may can purchase his first little home! Owning a home and not renting sounded really good to him! Stephan is paying almost three hundred more dollars per month in rent than his brother Brandon is on his own home in Alabama! Brandon has a really nice house!

Stephan has Kitty to keep him company on the nights he's not here. He's working late today, then going to the gym, so he said he won't be coming by tonight. I'm really proud of Stephan for knowing what he wants and he's setting out to achieve it. He said that he wasn't going to date for at least a year. I guess we will see on that one. He said he needs to work on himself. I really feel that this is a huge sign of maturity on his part! He said that there is also a tattoo that needs removing from his butt as well. Gotta laugh at that one... I didn't know he had one there! It seems that Caleb drew it on there way back when.... Glad he's getting it removed though! My my...

Stephan looks as healthy as he ever has. He's happy! He's talking college... Time will tell. I am just really proud of where he is right now. He's so smart... There's no telling where God will lead that boy one day!

Mom's First Priority / My Mission Field

 

We celebrated Stephan 23rd and Brandon's 25th birthdays in February! I can't believe my boys are this old! I sent Brandon his gifts to Alabama and we had FaceTime while he opened them. I had never missed one of my boys birthdays before moving to Wisconsin. Brandon having his own little family to celebrate with somehow lessens my burden of longing to be present, although I still wish I could be. He's not alone... that makes me happy. FaceTime is almost like being there... well, ...almost.

 

I had back surgery January 25th, so travel was not an option... I also wasn't able to go out with Stephan to celebrate his birthday with him, BUT.. he wanted Buffalo Wild Wings and went to get it himself and brought it here to the house celebrate with me! How sweet right? We had fun making a video of him eating the hottest wings they serve... He only ate two. His mouth was on..fire..! It was totally hilarious!

 

Stephan has been working out hard core! I mean-- 2 hours a day, 6 days a week! He joined a gym and is now worried about calories, fat, protein, etc. It's awesome watching him research all these things and apply it to his life. He decided to stop drinking during the week and reserve it for the weekends. I secretly wish he would stop altogether--- but---- comparing to where he is now and where he was six years ago, I can't be disappointed at all. Stephan is transforming into who God has called him to be little by little. Little changes happen daily. He's still going to church with us. While we're there, I can't help but glance over at him and when I do, I can hardly believe he's sitting there. It's like God has given me such a great gift that I'm totally in awe of. I really believe that our move to Wisconsin could have saved Stephan's life. However, I can't totally give all the credit to Wisconsin... Stephan deciding to move here was the first step. Stephan did that all by himself. I have God mostly to thank. He has been there on this entire journey. I thank God for answered prayers.

 

I am learning more and more each and every day that God has a plan for all of our lives and sometimes when we don't understand what those plans could be, He's working them for our good although we can't see it at the time.

 

During the last eight months, God has also been dealing with my heart. He has placed me in Wisconsin for reasons I could not understand. One of the reason's "was" Stephan and I believe that with all of my heart. What are the chances that God would move us away from our children (as hard as that was) only to return one of them to us- to allow him to heal? God gave Stephan a second chance. I truly believe that Stephan could have made these same changes in Alabama with God's help, but living in and near the playground of drug acquaintances- it was tempting, but still do-able! With God all things are possible, but for what ever reason, He decided to move us. There were other reason's we were supposed to move as well, if you remember me talking about those things in previous posts such as: Our son, Brandon, who worked with Richard at the same company, could have never moved up if Richard was still there. There are company rules that state that you cannot work "under" a family member. Brandon got the job and his wife, Eliana was able to stay home with Jeremiah. Such a blessing....

 

Like I said, God has been dealing with my heart in very unique ways lately. I have been doing some studying and praying about the "next" in my life. Several years ago, becoming an empty nester was not an easy transition for me. It seemed to happen way too fast. I had been a stay-at-home mom/homeschool mom for 19 years. Five of those years were spent homeschooling. My husband and children were my career of choice. Everything I did revolved around them somehow. I loved managing my household and I felt I did it well. I loved my job! When Brandon decided to move out and rent a little house while he was in college- that was hard. I was excited for him in the fact that he was financially supporting himself, but yet, an emptiness filled my heart. Walking to the top of the stairs at home and turning right was also another reminder that he was gone. He did come home often to eat and wash his clothes!! I helped him buy some things for his house, so he could function. I loved helping him set up house! It was just really, really different setting out three plates at dinner during the nights he wasn't there instead of four.

 

Not long after Brandon moved out, Stephan began having all the issues that this blog is about. Those years of worry and despair weighed heavy on my heart. I felt I had lost Stephan before I actually lost him, if that makes sense! During those years, Brandon met Eliana and married. They became our best friends! We spent almost all of our free time together. Where we went - they went. It was unusual to say the least. I thank God for the years we spent with them. It's unusual for a Mother-in-Law to say that her Daughter-in-Law is her best friend, but she was. We shopped together, we went to Starbucks together. We went to church together... They wanted to be in our Sunday School class! Life was good...

 

Not long after Ellie found out she was pregnant with Jeremiah is when we discovered that we may move. I really think God was working in Stephan's life during this time. He did finally move out of our house for good into his own apartment while we were still in Alabama. That was when he decided he was staying there and not going to Wisconsin with us. That day- my "whole" upstairs became empty. I cried... no I wept.... hard! I guess you could say that fear crept into my life on that day. I began reminding myself that, "God does NOT give us a spirit of fear.. but of power and a sound mind!" Yet, I felt powerless. How could we move and leave Stephan here when he needs us? He said he wasn't going to move with us...so what now? How can I leave Brandon, Ellie and this new baby? I was trying so hard to remain strong and not defeated, but it wasn't working.

 

Not only was the move shredding my heart to pieces, the unknown had me in it's death grip. My life as a mother was no more... I gave birth to two children. I "was" a mother, but my children didn't need me anymore. Where was my worth? The fear of this unknown- of the "next" in my life over shadowed my ability to see the road ahead. I felt as if I'd driven down a dead end street and there was nothing left for me in this world. The thought of leaving friends behind at a church I loved and leaving ministry behind that was so familiar, was pretty scary! It didn't feel that way when we left NC. Perhaps it was because our little family was still intact and I saw it as a new adventure... a journey to "next." Yes, that is exactly how I saw it...

 

I also knew that the emotions and thoughts I was having because of the move and motherhood was a perfect lie- straight from the pit. I decided one day that I was not going to be defeated, that I was going to embrace this new chapter in my life! God sent us here! I'm not damaged goods. I have worth...! I just have to figure out a way to refurbish myself! The Holy Spirit gives us all gifts to use in every season of our lives. I really believe there are seasons of winter-- Literally, winter when we moved here! But even though I was depressed, my "winter" gave me a chance to find who I was in Christ, not who I am in this world. He has called me to many purposes... He has a list of priorities that He wants me to keep in focus!! One is being His child. My relationship with God is the most important relationship that I will ever have. My relationship with my husband is second.. then my children... then my job... then ministry. Yep, ministry is last on the list! I remember Richard teaching on this in Family Ties oh so well. If our relationship with God suffers- it doesn't take long to have a negative ripple effect on our spouse and family... We have to cultivate our relationship with our husbands, because the children will not always be there. You don't want to be a stranger to your spouse when the children are gone! Our children should come before our jobs. Ministry "OUTSIDE THE HOME" should come last. Our spouse and children should be our "first" ministries... If we don't have that one right we have no right to minister elsewhere! If our relationship with God is strong and our husband and our children "are" our first ministries, then that puts many things in perspective! Just because I'm not an active "mom" anymore, doesn't mean that my husband and my children are not part of my ministry! I have a daughter-in-love that's never been a wife or a mother. In reading Titus 2, I am compelled to be this "older woman" in my Ellie's life. I have a lot of wisdom that I can share! Being a wife and mother was my career for goodness sake! Ha ha!! Same goes for Richard in Brandon's life!

 

I realized that my family had gotten a lot bigger! My ministry just got a lot bigger... I just had a different role to play, that's all.... It does make things a little hard being 750 miles apart at times, but I really think that's a God thing too. Brandon and Eliana don't need us 10 miles away, although it would be SOOOOoo nice! I wouldn't ache to see my grandchildren as we do, but they need to establish their own household and learn to manage it well, getting their priorities in order. If they ask for advice, which they do often, we give it! It's such a blessing to have a son or daughter-in-love to call on you first when problems arise. It doesn't get much better than that.

 

All the years we missed with Stephan-- God has given those years back to us here in Wisconsin! Stephan was beaten down by addiction, but by the power of God, he is doing so well. He's working out! He's at the gym two hours a day, six days a week! He and Richard are always mumbling about protein, gains, whey... Stephan is taking vitamins... He's watching fitness videos and learning from  guys online!  It's great! As he was leaving our house the other night, he started singing, "Tomorrow is chest and back day...!" I forget what it was in the tune too, but it was so stinkin' funny!

 

God has turned my grief into joy. I truly hope that one day God will work some kind of miracle to where we can live in the same city with Stephan and Brandon's family. I'm praying for it. For now, I have to keep my priorities in balance and know that I am on a mission to love God and to know Him more. I'm on a mission to love my husband in the ways he needs to be loved and by cooking him yummy food. I'm on a mission to speak truth into my children's lives. I'm on a mission to see that my grandchildren come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and know how to walk with Him. I'm on a mission to keep my house in order and to be used by God on a daily basis wherever I go... That's a huge mission field! It's mine... 

 

I wanted to add a few pictures. The first one is of Stephan before we moved. The second picture is of Stephan and I last summer. God has been good.... so very good........... 

 

 

 

 

Here are some lyrics to one of the last songs I sang at DBC. I loved this song then and I love it more now. It's called, "Waiting Here for You." 

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you,
I’m waiting here for you
 

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation
You’ve loved us from the start
 

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia
 

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You
 

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

Singing Alleluia
Alleluia, singing alleluia, alleluia.........................

How to Help Your Addicted Adult Child

I saw this the other day and it hit's home in my heart. Drug addiction is one of the most painful things you will ever face with a child that you love so much! The first thing Christian parents have to remember is that you didn't cause your child's addiction, you can't change it, and you can't cure it. Knowing this, and understanding the message in the Prodigal, weather that be an adolescent child or an adult child, you can rest assured you are on track in doing everything you can to help assist them by practicing the things listed below. The lesson that I have learned to be most valuable in my own son's life would be: Learning how to help him- help himself... 

 

“How to Help Your Addicted ADULT Child”

(Taken from The Most Excellent Way) - tmewcf.org

 

 

THE PRODIGAL

Read: Luke 15:11-24 NIV 
In Christ’s parable of the rebellious son, the father gives his son his inheritance and allows the young man to leave home...

 

THE PROBLEM 
Parents often ask what they should do to help their child who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The child is an adult, is unemployed and is still living at home with his parents. The parents are paying all or part of his or her living expenses. Parents who  provide a “safe house” where their children may eat, “sleep it off,” and come and go as they please, are actually forestalling their children experiencing the natural consequences of their destructive addiction. 

 
Parents are usually motivated to help their addicted children because of their love and sense of duty. Perhaps they believe they are somehow responsible for their child’s addiction. And they hope and pray their child will “wake up” to their problem and seek help. The guilt and shame parents feel are emotions that help keep their adult children at home and addicted.  

LET GO AND TRUST GOD! 

 
Let go of your child, and let God work His perfect will for him or her. Allow God to cause your child to reap the consequences of his/her selfish, self-destructive behavior. 

  
We parents forget that the lessons we learn best are those resulting from difficult times. When we interfere with God’s plan, we are being selfish. We are playing God.

The following Scripture applies to the parent as well as the child: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.”  Galatians 6:7 KJV 

As adult parents, with our own pasts, we can identify with both the son and father in Jesus’ parable.  In our youth, didn’t we want to live life on our own terms?  Didn’t we respond selfishly to that rebellious nature within and try to prove ourselves?  Just as the prodigal son indulged in the pleasures of the world, so did we.  It is human nature.  Our sinful nature.   The degree to which we choose to indulge ourselves isn’t what is important—Christ shows us in His Sermon on the Mount that it is a heart issue. To think of doing sinful behavior in the heart is equal to commission of sin.  

 

We all have war stories from our pasts, and our children experience their own wars.  We cannot change our child any more than another human being could have changed us.  When we suffered enough shame, humiliation and degradation, we decided to change.  Some of us despaired and threw ourselves on the mercy of someone who cared about us, someone who could lead us in the right way. 

 
When Jesus is that Someone, we experience a welcome home that cannot be expressed fully in human terms.  It is Jesus’ love, acceptance, and forgiveness we need.  Our parents could not satisfy that need. And we cannot satisfy that need for our children—no matter how much we want to. 
The prodigal’s father released the son and continued his own life, taking care of  his own responsibilities.  His joy at the return of his son shows us that he had missed his child very much, he did not withhold forgiveness, and he felt compassion for what the boy had experienced. The father never stopped loving his son!  

 
Our Father in heaven welcomes us into His home—His eternal kingdom—when we repent and humble ourselves to be His children.  What a homecoming!  

THE ADDICTED ADULT CHILD  

Drunkards and addicts do not and cannot understand the full effects of their behavior in their own lives or the lives of others because:

   
• They cannot clearly discern between good and bad.   
“The man without the Spirit does not  accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness  to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

 

I Corinthians 2:14 NIV “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12 NKJV 

• They are focused on gratifying their own self-centered desires.   “... but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”  James 1:14-15 NIV 

• They are spiritually deluded and do not know the kind of person they are. 
 
“Do not merely listen to the word,  and  so deceive  yourselves.  Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what  it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and   immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:22-24 NIV

 
• The chemically dependent person is enslaved (in bondage) to his addiction, and will make excuses for his behavior.  As long as he is prevented by over-indulgent family and friends from seeing the reality of  his hopelessness, he will remain deluded.  However, the excuses can -not block out the obvious, observable facts:  lying, stealing, laziness, abusive language, driving under the influence, violence, general lawlessness, missing school or work, etc. 

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? 

• FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM SOLVER!  Release your adult child totally to God’s care.  Acknowledge that He loves your child and sacrificed His own Son because of His great love. 
• Trust God for your child.  Though he or  she needs to be humbled by experiencing the consequences of destructive behavior, which will include physical, emotional and spiritual pain, God is in control. 

              
• Be prepared to allow your child to face  the consequences of his/her choices — poverty, hunger, homelessness and jail — without your intervention.   
“No temptation has seized you except what  is  common to man, and God is faithful;  He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide  a way  out so that you can stand under it.”  I Corinthians 10:13 NIV

 

This is God’s assurance for parent and child.  

    
• If you child becomes uncooperative, ask him/ her to leave your home, and not return until he/ she has been clean and sober for a specific amount of time. Assure him of your love and concern, yet firmly stress that you will no longer be a party to his self-destruction. Be prepared to obtain a restraining order from local authorities if you believe your child may retaliate with violence.

 
• When your child has reached his/her “bottom,” encourage him/her to seek help from Christian resources, i.e., “The Most Excellent Way,” residential facilities and programs. Encourage your child to seek resources without your help to prove he/she is resolved to become clean and  sober.  Of course you could attend support meetings with your child , or visit you child in a residential facility, to demonstrate your love and concern. 

• Expect angry accusations from your child: “You don’t love me,” “it’s your fault I’m this way,” etc.  If you believe there is some truth to the accusations, ask your child to forgive you, as God has forgiven you.  You cannot change the past, and God is in control of your future  and  your child’s.

 
• Make a list of the many effects and consequences of the dependent’s behavior  in order to present him with the evidence of his own bondage.  This list is not a “club” used to remember wrongs suffered against you, but rather a record of facts to refute your child’s excuses.

 
• Pray, pray, and pray some more.  Seek God’s will for your life and as well as your child’s.   
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all  understanding, will guard your hearts  and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7 NIV 

•Cultivate Biblical Love.  When God delivers your child from chemical bondage, you will have the opportunity to renew your relationship. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.   It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,  it is not easily angered,  it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  I Corinthians 13:4-8A NIV  

  
• Seek God — one day at a time — in His Word, at home, church, discipleship and fellowship groups to strengthen your walk with your Lord.  
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”   Matthew 6:33 KJV

 
“You will keep him in perfect peace , Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.  Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”   Isaiah 26:3-4 NKJV 

• Finally, forgive and forget.  When the lost relationship is found, when apology is genuine, when reconciliation is sought — forgive and forget, absorb the losses and the cost, and rejoice and let the party begin.

 

The Prodigal’s father restored his wayward son and celebrated his return.  In this reconciliation, the father absorbed the hurt and financial loss, and was willing to adjust his hopes and dreams for his child. People are not perfect — your life will not unfold according to your blueprints.  Your children will not develop according to your specifications. You can harbor resentment if you choose, but when it comes to relationships, that choice is always self-defeating. Joy embraces others — stubbornness shuns them.  Peace forgives others — pride prolongs the separation.  Self-pity smudges the record until one remembers who is at fault or why. 

 

Love cleans the slate of hurts recorded...



It's Christmas!!

On Christmas Eve, Stephan and Rainey spent the night with us per my request! I had asked each of my children before Christmas this question: "What makes Christmas special to you..?" Each of them gave me different answers, so when we were in Alabama for Christmas we did those special things that Brandon and Ellie requested. We exchanged ornaments that meant something special and we read the Christmas story. We played Christmas music. We also read A Charlie Brown's Christmas. That one was Ellie's request.

Stephan had said that he loved candles, Christmas music, breakfast on Christmas morning, then opening gifts in our pajama's! The only way to open gifts in our PJ's was to be here when he woke up, so I made it all happen.I made a big, special dinner that night as well. Since everything is closed on Christmas Day, we settled in, watched movies and made a day of it!  It was a wonderful day. We had also bought tickets to go see It's a Wonderful Life at the Fireside Dinner Theater the day after Christmas. Rainey and Stephan met us here and we drove down to the Fireside. The performance was was absolutely amazing. The food was great as always... It was just a good day and a really wonderful Christmas...

I am so thankful for such a wonderful family. I am especially thankful that I got to see all of my children this Holiday season.

Visit to Alabama in November/December

During the month of November we visited our son, his wife and our two precious little pumpkins! It was Thanksgiving... Richard and I drove down. I had so much to look forward too on this trip, because I was going to be bringing my two babies back with me to Wisconsin for eleven days, then return December 9th. I had cleaned my heart out preparing for my sweeties! I bought more toys, a high chair and a pack-n-play to have here for them. I was soooo excited! I could hardly contain my excitement!!!

The trip down was great! When we arrived, Jeremiah and Andrew were waiting for us at the door. When I see them, the rest of the world doesn't exist until I get my hands on them! I love Jeremiah's "littleness" and his wee voice yelling, "Miiii Miiiiii --- BIG DADDY!!! He jumps up and down, then runs to hug us! Andrew is usually smiling, taking it all in, trying to figure out why big brother is so excited- THEN- he starts reaching, because he all of a sudden recognizes us from facetime!!! It's simply the best moment of my life and only gets better as the days go by. They go by way too fast... However, this time, it didn't have to end, because they were coming home with ME!

We had such a good Thanksgiving. Ellie and I cooked. When I wasn't cooking, I was in the floor playing with the babies... We also celebrated Andrew's first birthday while we were there. I can't believe he's getting so big. Jeremiah's birthday is at the first of January, so we had his birthday party too. Their birthdays are actually only weeks apart and since we would be coming back for Christmas early, we wouldn't be coming back for Jeremiah's party. It all worked out and the boys had a fun filled Mickey Mouse clubhouse birthday!

The day we left with the babies, traffic did not cooperate at all. What was normally an eleven and a half hour drive turned into thirteen! They did great though... I had everything set up when we got home, so I put them straight to bed. Jeremiah had no problem sleeping in his little bed and Andrew drank his milk and slept in the bedroom with me.

In the morning, I heard Jeremiah open the door to his bedroom. I didn't hear footsteps... He wasn't moving at all. I imagined he might be confused as to where he was. All of a sudden I hear, "Eeellllooooo??" I whispered his name, trying not to wake Andrew, who was still sleeping in the pack-in-play at the foot of my bed. I heard his sweet little footsteps heading for the sound of my voice. He climbed up into the bed with me and we snuggled for a while until he thought playing with my iPad might be a little more fun...

The next eleven days were like a dream. We played, snuggled, read books, played with race cars, and rode the tricycle in the basement! Jeremiah got to see it snow, so of course we went outside... We went to the mall and to the fire station! I got to kiss them all I wanted! It was awesome!

The day came that we were going to have to head back to Alabama. I packed their little clothes with sadness in my heart, knowing the next time I came home, they wouldn't' be with me. I knew Mommy and Daddy were looking forward to seeing them again!

Stephan and Rainey went back with us this trip. We had to buy a "top of the car" big plastic thingy that you put luggage in. I don't know what it's called... Anyhow, we actually needed it! We were planning on driving half way with the babies to make this trip a little easier on them, so I had to take the pack-in-play, plus luggage for six people and Christmas gifts! UM, The car thingy was nice!

On the way down, we all played car games, trivia crack and more. Stephan is always the life of the party during road trips! He usually keeps us awake- he's quite entertaining! We stayed at the Hampton in Indiana and all of us slept great. I was a little nervous about the boys being in a hotel, but we got two rooms and Andrew did fine in his little bed. Jeremiah slept with Big Daddy!

We had a lot of plans on this trip. My sister, Cindy and my mom were coming down for Christmas and also to surprise Brandon! He had just completed the Police Academy and his graduation was during this visit! When we all finally arrived, Brandon was still an hour or so from getting home from the Academy, so Mama and Cindy hid from him. He went to the laundry room to take off his gear and they were in there. I thought Brandon was going to cry... he was so glad they were there.

We got to spend a lot of quality time with everyone in Alabama on this trip. Stephan stayed with us mostly. I told Richard that it was so nice, because in times past, he would come over to visit his brother and family, but he'd be with Caleb and other friends a little more. This visit, he stayed with us at the hotel all but one night and was at Brandon's every day. He did leave and spend one night with Caleb. He and Rainey also visited her family some. It was a great visit to say the least.

My son, Brandon's graduation was on the 10th. He graduated at the top of his class! Academically, he came in second... wow! He was awarded "Top Shot." He was also nominated to be the chaplain, so he was on stage the entire time and opened and closed in prayer. I took many pictures and couldn't have been more proud of him that day.

During the next few days, we opened gifts and had the most wonderful time. Mama and Cindy went back a day before us. It was so good to see them. It's always hard saying goodbye. We all cried... I don't get to visit NC as often as I'd like.

We came back on a Sunday. The trip back was good. Stephan, as always, came up with games to play. We laughed, slept, talked... it was great, quality time. We didn't get home too very late, but came in and crashed.

The next morning, I woke up as I knew I would to all the toys strewn about and the little beds still made. I did cry.... I am also satisfied with them being back with Mommy and Daddy... I'm just not satisfied being so far away from them. I cleaned up the toys and washed the bedding, but not before I smelled of their blankets that still carried their scent. I left all of their little finger prints that painted my dining room windows. They could be there just ....a little longer....