God is Good...

Gosh, so much has happened since the last time I posted. I need to post more... I think I say that every time I write this blog... or at least I know I'm thinking it.


We went to the beach in May. We traveled from Wisconsin to Alabama to Brandon and Ellie's house. We stayed at the Hampton nearby one night, then we all left bright and early the next morning to the beach! The babies had never seen the beach, so Jeremiah was extremely excited! We had been planning for this trip for a month!
Ellie asked her friend, Hannah to go with us. When Brandon worked for the same company my husband works for, we got to go on an all expenses paid cruise... there was one ticket unclaimed, because someone had to back out last minute, so Ellie put Hannah's name in the hat- and she got the ticket! I say all of that to say that we've known Hannah for some time. We see her practically every time we go to Alabama. She was there the day Jeremiah was born through the whole birth!

The first time I met Hannah was at the Women's Gala at church about 5 years ago. She sat beside me... I remember thinking about how pretty she was in her green dress. We got to know one another a little that night and as I have explained. I remember thinking that I wished Stephan could find a girl like Hannah... that was during our most difficult times with Stephan. Stephan, five years ago is not the Stephan I know now... but I did think it! And well, the rest is history!

Rainey left last March (5 months ago) if you've been following my story... I've spoken to her through text a few times. Plus, I met with her on one trip to Alabama to give her some of her things that she left behind. She's working on the river at a restaurant. She came to Brandon and Ellie's house and sat and talked to all of us. Stephan was not with us on this trip...It was so good seeing her. When she left, I walked out with her and we embraced... we cried. We were part of one another's lives for a little over 2 years I guess. She got an offer to move to Maine to live with her uncle and to work there, but she has not gone yet, so I'm assuming she turned it down. I really wished she had went. There's been rumor through facebook that some temptations may have overtaken her. She is seeing someone too, which I'm glad for her. I can't help but feel in my heart that the Lord used the time we had together for some kind of good. I tried my best to mentor her in a motherly way... and in a Christian womanly way. She had never had that. She needed love and guidance and I pray that some little token of love from God was spoken to her through me. I pray she finds her footing Lord... away from substance. I pray she finds You...

The beach was just grand! We stayed in Fort Morgan in a house that was almost secluded! We had the whole beach to ourselves! I'm not a beach person... so this was perfect for me! The weather was perfect, the sand was perfect.. everything was just perfect!
We took the corn hole set and bocce ball... The babies had their toys under our shade tent. We all had such a great time. 

Stephan was pretty nervous about spending time with Hannah. Hannah is a little older than Stephan and is now living back home and has started working as a Pharmacy Tech. She was away at Auburn University for 4 years. She came home most every weekend through, which is how I was able to see her when we would go visit Brandon and Ellie! It is SOooo funny that before the beach trip, Stephan had only spent one afternoon with Hannah at Brandon's house last summer. They all built a fire in the back yard and sat out there and talked for several hours. Of course, Stephan and Rainey were still together during that time. That particular night, Rainey was visiting her family. Stephan's always been a faithful boyfriend.. he only commented that Hannah seemed really nice. He said her personality reminded him of me : ) haha.. That's about it!

Back to the beach trip in May... Stephan is 6 foot tall and Hannah is 4'11" !! The waves out in the ocean almost took them with her, so on about day two of the beach trip, Stephan offered her his hand. You know, it was an effort to save her life and doing so kept her from drowning! Every time I looked out- there they were, hand in hand jumping waves.. It was just the sweetest thing. They became inseparable... walks on the beach at night. Mornings watching the sunrise.. I knew what was happening.

Hannah is smart, pretty, stylish, a Christian--- I can't believe she hasn't been snatched up yet! She has only had one kinda real boyfriend and I think he broke her heart - even before she had her first kiss... By first kiss- I mean first ever- in her life first kiss! Ellie told me that Hannah was nervous about the beach trip before we left. I think she liked Stephan, but wanted to get to know him more. She told Ellie that she didn't feel like Stephan would want to date her for her "lack of" experience.. I guess Hannah's last guy and maybe some others had given her that impression... Sad, I know... However, I can't say for sure.

Hannah knows all about Stephan now... She said, "well, everybody makes mistakes!" I think Stephan was over whelmed at her even wanting to spend time with him or have anything to do with him!!! He had made several comments before the beach that once she got to know him, she wouldn't want to date him with all the things he has done in his past...

I have to say that the beach trip ended well. We all had such a wonderful time! Hannah had "eating s'mores on the beach" on her bucket list, and now that one is marked off! No one was badly sunburned and we found almost all the toys in the sand. We ate some great seafood and played cards games at night. We had such a fun time with the babies... Brandon and Ellie had some alone time. Richard and I had some alone time. Stephan found a great, young woman who he now has in his life... and Hannah received her first kiss.

God is good...

The Master Gardner

I wrote this for Stephan when he was in Rehab- Gosh, this was years ago. I just smiled as I wrote "years ago.." Stephan has been really doing some soul searching lately and I've never been so proud of him. All he does is talk about watching God work in his life. Just a month ago- He was scared to give God complete control it seemed. Stephan told me last week that he may start singing in church.... This Sunday, to my delight, I glanced over- and I'm trying to hold back tears just now, but my son was singing. --------------HE WAS SINGING Y'ALL! I think back to earlier days and never knew that days like these would ever come. I am in awe of God's amazing power and ways that He has answered prayer. You are an amazing God...

So, as I was looking through some old files on my computer, I came across this (below.) I printed it out for him to read back then, but I wonder if he remembers it? It seems very fitting to give it to him again as he is actually putting these things into practice today. He's asking God for wisdom... he told me that too. I hope this will be encouraging to him today:

The Master Gardner

Have you ever seen a tree that has sucker branches growing from it? A sucker is a branch that is unwanted and unproductive. It usually is a new growth that breaks through the soil from the root, or it can be a spindly branch growing near the ground. These small offshoots should be removed as soon as they are noticed! Suckers weaken the main growth of a tree and rob the tree of much needed nutrients it needs to grow and bear good fruit!

The term, sucker branch itself just sounds bad, doesn’t it? If we turn our focus away from trees and look at sucker branches in a spiritual sense, such as in the lives of believers; sucker branches can come in many forms. Pretending we are the tree, anything in our lives that inhibit us from growing in Christ is a sucker branch! It could be a habit, a strong hold, friends, music, negative thinking… etc. Sucker branches come in many, many forms.

How I pray that you and I can remain strong. Trees that do not let the “suckers” of this world try to inhabit the soil around us, so that we can live the fruitful life we were meant to live. I pray we can become trees that bear much fruit.

God has a plan for every person on this planet and it’s our job to figure out what that plan is. However, since we do not live in a perfect world and live in a sin filled world, we need to learn to identify the “sucker branches” in our lives! We don’t want to be robbed of the spiritual nutrients that we need to grow spiritually as we try to follow God’s leading in discovering exactly what His plans are for us! For goodness sake, we do not want to rot from the inside out, fall over on our side lifeless and become a slimy, new, moss covered home for squirrels do we?

Pruning - To remove (anything considered superfluous or undesirable). Remove dead, and diseased branches to help prevent insect & decay organisms from entering the tree.

Pruning is necessary in the lives of trees… and in the lives of believers! If you don’t remove dead and diseased sucker branches from a tree it will not grow as it should. It will likely die and never produce the fruit that it was intended to produce! Pruning does not hurt a tree, nor is it painful. This process actually strengthens the tree and allows it to grow taller, bigger and stronger and produce much more succulent fruit! However, in the life of the believer- the pruning process can be very painful or impossible! Sometimes it’s difficult to cut the “sucker branches” loose from our lives, but if they are not cut off they will... either stunt our spiritual growth, enable us to never grow spiritually or cause us to perish spiritually! Pruning, even though painful, strengthens us and allows us to grow stronger, wiser and have more wisdom in God!  

As the tree is being pruned and as it’s growing strong and healthy, there are still storms and strong winds the tree has to endure… Trials and testing’s that we go through in life can seem like these same storms… 1 Peter tells us that even though we will endure testing for a little while, the victory in the end will prove our faith genuine and prove it to be far more precious than mere gold (1 Peter 1:6-8).

As we allow God to prune our lives, getting rid of all the “sucker branches” that want to weaken us and rob us of good spiritual nutrition, we need to remind ourselves that God is the Master Gardner- the one with the pruning shears. He will only prune what we allow Him to prune… If we trust Him with our lives and our growth, we have to allow Him to have complete control of our whole lives, not just part of it. If a tree is not completely pruned- it will still become weakened and not grow into its fullness.

Having faith is trusting The Gardner (God) with the shears… and allowing Him complete control of our pruning process, even in the storms. He never tells us in His Word that we won’t go through storms, but He does tell us that He will be right there with us when we do…

Let’s identify today how we feel we need to be pruned. What do we need to give God complete control of? Also, we need to identify “sucker branches” in our lives. Anything and anyone that could possibly inhibit us from growing in Christ. Let’s meditate on being a strong, healthy Christian…allowing God to prune, restore and rebuild our lives…as only He can. 

 

Love,

Mom 

Becoming A Godly Husband

Richard was out of town two weeks ago. He left early Sunday morning and it was Mother's Day. Richard flew into Raleigh, NC and was going to spend time with his mother before having to be at work in Greensboro Monday morning. Stephan and I had decided to spend the day together also! I was getting ready for church and Stephan and I were going to meet there. All of a sudden, I heard the door bell ring- along with Stephan's signature knock! I answered the door and he had brought me flowers! He was happy and bubbly... We went to put them in water and as I turned around he presented me with the sweetest, heart felt note.

"Happy Mother's Day Mommy : ) As I can already see this note is slanting.. I had no real paper. LOL! But today is a special day for you! You went through the holding me and Brandon in your stomach for nine months and through pain of having us to share each other's company in this world OR just so we could take care of you when you get old HAHA!!! No, no, I'm kidding.. Honestly, on a serious note you were, and still are the best mom a guy could ask for. You are a great role model, mom, wife, cook- (yummy) : )  Not a speck of meanness to you. You are one of my best friends. Family is everything to you and that is special! One day, Me, You, Dad,  Brandon, Ellie and the kids- PS- my wife and kids- finger's crossed : ) will live close happily ever after. I just know God would want that for us. Happy Mother's day again. Tomorrow will be lots of fun!
Love- Your Son- AKA- Stephan the Great!"

I teared up and give him a big hug... We went to church and I sat there looking at him a few times just grateful he was with me. I guess ever so often I have this De ja Vu moment to where I remember how things used to be and all of a sudden, I am sitting there staring at my son - in church - with me! It felt surreal...

Stephan and I went to Metro Market to pick up a few things. I got a rotisserie chicken and we took it home and ate it with left overs for lunch. We had big plans for the day! We were going to take a picnic down to Lake Michigan and sit on the shore, build a fire, eat and make s'mores! Talk about a perfect Mother's Day!

During lunch, Stephan talked non-stop about God and how he didn't do a good job of being the leader in his and Rainey's relationship. He said, "You know, I told her we weren't going to drink during the week and when she brought it in, I caved. I should have been the man- the leader, you know?" He said, "I failed in our relationship!"  I talked to him about the role of a husband and how it "was" his responsibility to lead his home, but being that he wasn't a "husband," not really, because they weren't married, I said, "the whole relationship was outside of God's will."  I did tell him that perhaps this was a learning process- and ultimately- he WAS right on track! He is supposed to be the leader!

Rainey wasn't much of a follower though. I told him that I believed she wasn't willing to follow him, because she had her own beliefs and opinions and they didn't line up with scripture! She had been told what was right, but wasn't willing to make God's word the authority of her life. She was her authority. She wasn't ready or willing to follow God, so how could she follow Stephan who wanted to try to follow God? They were unequally yoked, with one person- Rainey, unwilling to yoke herself to Christ.

I told Stephan that he needed to determine what kind of woman he wanted to marry and try to find that person. I told him a story of our pastor in Alabama... When he and his wife were discipling us, they told us about their college days. Doug was known as a player... LOL! (Our pastor) haha... He was known to take a girl out a few times, then never call her again! When Katy had been asked out by him, everybody warned her that he would dump her after a few dates. Katy went anyway...  They've been married somewhere in the vicinity of 40 years now. : )  Katy told me that Doug was studying to be a pastor and he was looking for a woman as committed to the Lord as he was and was willing to minister alongside him as a pastor's wife! Katy wanted the same things out of life as Doug and he found someone who was wanting the same things out of life as he was...to serve God. He really wasn't a "player," he was just looking for the right woman "for him!" No need in wasting time on other people headed in another direction!

I told Stephan he needed to find someone headed in the same direction as he was... Someone willing to follow God and trust him as the leader of their home. Stephan's response to that was: "I'm gonna have to start reading books!" LOL! I laughed... and then I gave him some ideas.

He's reading a book now by Andy Andrews. I forget the name, but he already read, The Noticer by him. Stephan loved that book!

As Stephan and I drove to Lake Michigan our day was everything I'd hoped it would be. We built a fire, ate hot dogs, corn on the cob, and made S'mores! The weather was perfect! It was just a perfect day. I couldn't have asked for more....

Brandon also called me later that Sunday afternoon and I was able to talk to him. We had a wonderful conversation. I seriously have the best boys a mother could ask for... Sorry to all you other mothers out there... but I do. : ) My cup runneth over....

Finding God- Holy Spirit You are Welcome Here

Stephan came over a few Saturday's ago after he had been to the gym and he was totally perplexed! He had a wrestling in his spirit like I had never seen! He laid down on the love seat and I was on the couch. He wouldn't even look at me much- He was like Jacob wrestling with the Angel! That's what it reminded me of anyway!

He became friends with Kyle while Rainey was still here. I think she met him first. I don't know how the relationship started, but anyway Kyle and his girlfriend continued to come over even after Rainey left. I don't think Stephan had ever been to Kyle's house, but one Friday night he did... I know they drank some. Stephan still drinks on Friday night. Long story short-- Kyle's girlfriend made her intentions known to Stephan! Stephan was extremely angry at her after the fact... and now worried about how to tell Kyle that his girlfriend made the moves on him! He told us that she was messed up in the head anyway and Kyle probably needs to move on himself, but Stephan being Stephan.. hates to hurt anyone.

He finally told Kyle- a few days later. He was mad at Stephan! I guess that's a normal first response... Later Kyle was mad at his girlfriend, but from my understanding he was still dating her! Stephan said Kyle was stupid! He later said he really needed to find better friends and stop drinking.

So, back to Saturday-- As we laid in the living room talking... and Stephan's wrestling within himself, he was still talking about having a relationship with God. He mentioned talking to Drake again that morning as they worked out. He said, "You know, Drake's gonna be a great dad..." He said that Drake was concerned about being too strict and unloving like his own dad. I told Stephan that if Drake is thinking about these things now and making himself aware of it, that he would most likely be a wonderful dad!

After this conversation, Stephan went back to sin again. I had to remind him that God had forgiven him! I also said, "I ain't gonna lie, you still need to work on this drinking thing- because every time you do, nothing good comes of it! Look at last Friday night!" He said, "I know Mom..." I told him that walking with God is a day by day thing. Rome wasn't built in a day. I told him how proud of him I was and mentioned the things he was very successful in like his finances! He's very good with his money and never asks for anything.

I can't remember how long we talked allowing him to wrestle with himself and with God and living life with purpose and exactly what that purpose was, but it was at least an hour and a half. The Holy Spirit is speaking to him.

Holy Sprit you are welcome here...  Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere...
Your glory God is what our hearts long for...To be overcome by Your presence Lord....

Freedom from Lies...

Stephan is still going to the gym and his muscles are telling the tale. I've never seen him more focused on eating right and gaining muscle! He can't seem to gain weight, but when you work out an hour and a half a day, six days a week- well- that metabolism is raging! He is doing so well and I'm just grateful he has such a positive focus!

There is a girl at the gym, Stephan calls her "Treadmill," because he first saw her on the treadmill! He won't talk to her... He says that from what he can gather, just from observing her- a girl like her would never be interested in a guy like him. I TOLD STEPHAN that his thought process was simply Satan speaking lies to him. He talked to me about where he had been... I stopped him! We had such a wonderful conversation about God's forgiveness and I asked him straight out if he'd asked God TO forgive him of his past mistakes. He said that he had... I reminded him of what the scriptures say about God's forgiveness: 
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

I told Stephan that once he asked for forgiveness, God remembers his sin no more! They are as far as the east is from the west. I said, "The only one who reminds you of your past sin is yourself... and Satan! Satan never wants you to forget it, because he wants to drag you through the mud with it every chance he gets!"

I also reminded him that we are ALL sinners! I said, "There is no sin that is greater than another and because of our sin, we are all destined for Hell... That's why Christ died for us all. (For God so loved the WORLD) not-- For God so loved "some." 

**I made Stephan practice with me-- I pretended I was "Treadmill." Gosh, I wish I knew this girls real name! HA HA! I told him to start a conversation with me, like saying, "Hi, I'm Stephan.. How long have you been coming here?" He couldn't even talk to ME! It was quite hilarious! Poor boy....



Lord, create a longing in Stephan's heart for you... Allow Him to know and feel your love... I pray You become his heart's desire. Bless him as only You can... Refine him in your refiner's fire. Mold him and make him. May the work you began in him long ago be completed, so he can begin living the life You created him to live... Free him from Satan's lies...

Growing Faith in God

I've really got to start posting more. After Rainey left, Richard and I went to Alabama about a month later. It was in April. I had a few things to give her like her Bible that she left. Her grandfather had given it to her... I will admit, I was a little nervous about seeing her again. Part of me was glad I was getting to see her and there was this other part of me that felt I needed to let her go. I guess that's where my anxieties were coming from. If Rainey ever, ever needed me for anything, I'd be there. I grew to love her after all. However, down deep, I couldn't help but face the realization that if she and Stephan married one day- I have no idea what kind of wife and mother she would be... Her own mother is a drug addict and Rainey seems to want to live in that life style. It was just a scary thought.

So- anyway, she came to Brandon's and she and I both had tears in our eyes at different times. We had a nice visit and when she was leaving, I walked her out. We both embraced and cried. I told her I loved her. She's such a sweet girl! She just has lots and lots of baggage and she wasn't willing to lay down the marijuana while she was in Wisconsin. She enjoys it. She and Stephan both went to church with us while she was here... Even hearing the word of God, she wasn't willing to sway from what she believed... such as marijuana being ok. She had her opinions, but not a heart change.

When we arrived back in Wisconsin, Stephan was very glad to see us! We talked about our visit to Alabama. He talked about the gym and a guy he met there. This guy makes YouTube videos and wants to own his own gym one day... I have been praying that Stephan's atmosphere would change as far as friends go. I have been praying for God to send him like-minded friends that he could draw encouragement and inspiration from. He and Stephan became friends on Face Book.

Stephan works with Drake. Drake and Stephan go to the gym together after work. I think it's wonderful that Stephan has someone to go with to be accountable too. Drake also goes to Richard's Bible Studies at work every other Thursday and is about to become a father for the first time. He and Christina are expecting twins! Believe it or not, Drake and Stephan have been talking about life, father hood, marriage, etc... Drake grew up with a very strict father that he feared. He told Stephan that if he had done all the stuff he had done, his father would have killed him or disowned him! Stephan told Drake that we had kicked him out of the house several times and let him suffer... but we never stopped loving him. I think their conversation made Stephan feel bad about himself though... Stephan came to Richard and talked to him about it. He told Richard that he felt bad about putting us through all we did and he appreciated and loved us for loving him and having his back through it all. Richard also took an opportunity to talk to Drake about Christ. He talked about love and forgiveness... and grace. I think God is using Richard and Stephan both in Drake's life and at the same time, Drake's questions are causing growth in Stephan... I'm praising God for that...

Getting Your Focus Right

Two weeks ago Richard called me from work and said that he and Stephan had talked during lunch and that he had told Rainey to leave! For a few seconds, I couldn't speak. It was like a dream or something- I was stunned! Of course, this had happened like two other times, but for some reason, I believed it this time.

Rainey moved up here three years ago. We had been here a little over a year. They were usually ok and fun to be around, but boy did they have their fights! The worst fights they had were when they were both drinking. Neither one of them are fun when they were drinking. We were never around them during these times except the one night I went to get Stephan from jail many months ago... A few other times over the phone talking to us. They were both on the other end of the phone tattling on the other one to us... I was quite a big drama! Thing is... you can't talk any sense into drunk people.

Many days out of the week they both would come over. We would eat dinner and hang out! Richard and Stephan started working out in our basement. They would play chess or corn hole outside. We went down to Lake Michigan many Saturdays. We took a picnic down once and it was so much fun having sandwiches and watermelon by the Lake. It was cool, but sunny... Just enough for a sweater. I have to say, it was a perfect day.

Rainey and I walked some here and talked. We went shopping together. She had really been my closest friend in Wisconsin since moving here. It was great having another girl in my life. They were here almost every single Saturday and went with us to church. I had made her my mission field...

I shared the gospel with Rainey three different times. She just wouldn't totally surrender. There was a side to Rainey that I loved. She was gentle, kind, loving, generous.. She was always thinking of others. She would have made a terrific Christian if she would have allowed herself to follow Christ. I had even gotten to the point in my life that I let her totally "in." I told her I loved her... I tell Ellie I love her all the time! I didn't know if I could do that with Rainey until I was sure, but of what, I don't really know... Maybe it was a defense mechanism of not wanting to loose her one day and having to deal with the hurt later. Maybe it was the fear of her and Stephan's relationship not working out. Maybe I wasn't sure she was the one for him! I don't know what held me back. I wanted to love her and I finally did!

The other side of Rainey scared me a little. She was introduced to marijuana by her own mother at the tender age of 14. Even still today, Rainey's mom is a drug addict. She's on pills (hundreds a month.) She sells her prescriptions only to turn around and buy later when she doesn't have enough to take by the end of the month. She was making Rainey sell and buy for her while Rainey was still under age in Alabama. Her uncle introduced her to margarita's during those young, impressionable years too. I was sad to hear all of this coming from Rainey. Rainey didn't seem as upset about it as I did. I guess that concerned me. She had grown so accustomed to that way of life, that it was her "normal."  She loved her mom, but lived with her grandmother while she lived in Alabama. Her father was nearby, but was remarried with another child. I know he would have let Rainey live with him, but it was Rainey who chose not to live there. With all that Rainey had been through, I felt that maybe- being here in Wisconsin would allow her to have some freedom to make wise choices all on her own and get away from the destructive path she was on.

Rainey told Richard and I several times during these three years that she'd never really ever known what it was like to be part of a real family. She'd ask me to pray about things for her. She asked me to pray for her mom! I really felt like we were making a small difference in her life. There were times I wondered if we were making a difference at all. Sometimes life with Stephan and Rainey could be like riding a roller coaster. Up hill one day and down hill another.

Rainey didn't have a foundation like Stephan did. In the eyes of God, they were totally unequally yoked! Stephan wasn't walking with God, but he knew all about God. Rainey knew nothing about God and had experimented in the "spiritual world." She knew a lot about the darker side of things, not realizing that it "was" dark.. very dark. Once we found out about the spirit box she had- we told them that it must go! It made for a very good conversation about light and dark, good and evil, God and how Satan works. Stephan was very convinced it must go... Rainey was not, according to Stephan, but they both did finally decide to get rid of it anyway.

Over the last several months their fighting got worse. Stephan told Rainey that they were not drinking any more during the week. I was really glad to hear this news! Alcohol was what was causing a lot of their problems anyway. Stephan also decided to join a the gym and get a membership. Rainey got one too, but she only went once. I tried to encourage her to go- that it might be fun both of them working out together. I know it's intimidating, but basically told her that after she'd been there a few times, she'd get the hang of it! Stephan was not a lot of help. He kept reminding her that she "needed" to go because of how much weight she had gained! I privately scolded him and told him that his words would never encourage, but discourage her! Rainey needed to gain some weight too. She was way to thin when she first arrived in Wisconsin!

I believe they were growing apart... They weren't on the same page about a lot of things. Stephan grew more and more snappy. She grew more stubborn, which she admitted to me later on. Stephan didn't want to drink during the week, but she'd go buy alcohol and was drinking it when he came in from the gym. His anger grew... Her stubbornness grew... It was a cycle that was destined to fail. She also started smoking pot again... that alone topped it off for Stephan. He started coming over without her. He would go to the gym then come here. He wouldn't go home until bed time.

The day I heard she was leaving, I was shocked... but not surprised. I ain't gonna lie, it was a hard day. She was at home packing. Stephan was here. He told her she needed to pack and leave, but she didn't want to drive at night. She wanted to stay one more night, but he wouldn't let her stay there. I offered for her to come here, but she didn't want too. She stayed with a friend. Stephan wasn't even going to tell her bye. I told him that if she was leaving that they at least needed to end things on good terms.

It was snowing like crazy the next morning and Rainey and I were texting back and forth. She had to get something fixed on her car before she left. I wanted to see her before she left, so I went to pick her up at the Tires Plus while her car was in the shop. We drove back to the apartment, so she could tell Kitty bye one last time. She and I both wept. We talked some about the move, but not much. I could tell she didn't want too. I gave her a necklace and earings that I bought for her while we were at the Fireside Dinner Theater last Christmas. She spotted them and told me she loved them! I was saving them for her birthday, but decided to give them to her as something to remember me by. She said they were perfect. She actually drove by the plant where Stephan works and he came outside to see her. They said their goodbyes.

Rainey texted me off and on, on her way to Alabama. She got there safely around midnight that night. I didn't really know what to expect from Stephan with her not being here. I didn't know if he'd fall of the deep end again or continue working out at the gym... So far, he's doing GREAT! He said with her being gone it has been like a weight lifted from his shoulders. I don't know what he means by it exactly, but that's what he said. There is an empty space at my table. I miss her, but I really think that this is for the best for both of them.

Stephan's still working out, eating a lot of protein, drinking even less beer and he's loosing weight instead of gaining! That is his biggest concern right now!!! : )  He bought some Mass Gainer, hoping that will help him bulk up some. I told him he may be overdoing it at the gym and burning too many calories! Imagine that? Overdoing it at the GYM!! He works out with Drake from work and was approached by an Advocare Rep the other day at the gym. Stephan's going to one of his meetings Saturday! I don't know if Stephan will get involved, but if he did--- You can't go wrong trying to help people be more healthy!

He took a look at his finances the other day and told me that he thought he'd be fine paying all of his bills with Rainey not there. He said that he'd have to put so much more cash back every pay period! He has a thousand dollars saved in his emergency fund. He just paid his Best Buy card off. He paid his credit card off a few months ago. -He purchased something to make payments to build credit. He also has a car payment in his name... which is also helping him build his credit. He hasn't missed any payments, so I told him that when we ever move from Wisconsin back to the "south" HOPEFULLY that because he has such a good credit score that he may can purchase his first little home! Owning a home and not renting sounded really good to him! Stephan is paying almost three hundred more dollars per month in rent than his brother Brandon is on his own home in Alabama! Brandon has a really nice house!

Stephan has Kitty to keep him company on the nights he's not here. He's working late today, then going to the gym, so he said he won't be coming by tonight. I'm really proud of Stephan for knowing what he wants and he's setting out to achieve it. He said that he wasn't going to date for at least a year. I guess we will see on that one. He said he needs to work on himself. I really feel that this is a huge sign of maturity on his part! He said that there is also a tattoo that needs removing from his butt as well. Gotta laugh at that one... I didn't know he had one there! It seems that Caleb drew it on there way back when.... Glad he's getting it removed though! My my...

Stephan looks as healthy as he ever has. He's happy! He's talking college... Time will tell. I am just really proud of where he is right now. He's so smart... There's no telling where God will lead that boy one day!

Mom's First Priority / My Mission Field

 

We celebrated Stephan 23rd and Brandon's 25th birthdays in February! I can't believe my boys are this old! I sent Brandon his gifts to Alabama and we had FaceTime while he opened them. I had never missed one of my boys birthdays before moving to Wisconsin. Brandon having his own little family to celebrate with somehow lessens my burden of longing to be present, although I still wish I could be. He's not alone... that makes me happy. FaceTime is almost like being there... well, ...almost.

 

I had back surgery January 25th, so travel was not an option... I also wasn't able to go out with Stephan to celebrate his birthday with him, BUT.. he wanted Buffalo Wild Wings and went to get it himself and brought it here to the house celebrate with me! How sweet right? We had fun making a video of him eating the hottest wings they serve... He only ate two. His mouth was on..fire..! It was totally hilarious!

 

Stephan has been working out hard core! I mean-- 2 hours a day, 6 days a week! He joined a gym and is now worried about calories, fat, protein, etc. It's awesome watching him research all these things and apply it to his life. He decided to stop drinking during the week and reserve it for the weekends. I secretly wish he would stop altogether--- but---- comparing to where he is now and where he was six years ago, I can't be disappointed at all. Stephan is transforming into who God has called him to be little by little. Little changes happen daily. He's still going to church with us. While we're there, I can't help but glance over at him and when I do, I can hardly believe he's sitting there. It's like God has given me such a great gift that I'm totally in awe of. I really believe that our move to Wisconsin could have saved Stephan's life. However, I can't totally give all the credit to Wisconsin... Stephan deciding to move here was the first step. Stephan did that all by himself. I have God mostly to thank. He has been there on this entire journey. I thank God for answered prayers.

 

I am learning more and more each and every day that God has a plan for all of our lives and sometimes when we don't understand what those plans could be, He's working them for our good although we can't see it at the time.

 

During the last eight months, God has also been dealing with my heart. He has placed me in Wisconsin for reasons I could not understand. One of the reason's "was" Stephan and I believe that with all of my heart. What are the chances that God would move us away from our children (as hard as that was) only to return one of them to us- to allow him to heal? God gave Stephan a second chance. I truly believe that Stephan could have made these same changes in Alabama with God's help, but living in and near the playground of drug acquaintances- it was tempting, but still do-able! With God all things are possible, but for what ever reason, He decided to move us. There were other reason's we were supposed to move as well, if you remember me talking about those things in previous posts such as: Our son, Brandon, who worked with Richard at the same company, could have never moved up if Richard was still there. There are company rules that state that you cannot work "under" a family member. Brandon got the job and his wife, Eliana was able to stay home with Jeremiah. Such a blessing....

 

Like I said, God has been dealing with my heart in very unique ways lately. I have been doing some studying and praying about the "next" in my life. Several years ago, becoming an empty nester was not an easy transition for me. It seemed to happen way too fast. I had been a stay-at-home mom/homeschool mom for 19 years. Five of those years were spent homeschooling. My husband and children were my career of choice. Everything I did revolved around them somehow. I loved managing my household and I felt I did it well. I loved my job! When Brandon decided to move out and rent a little house while he was in college- that was hard. I was excited for him in the fact that he was financially supporting himself, but yet, an emptiness filled my heart. Walking to the top of the stairs at home and turning right was also another reminder that he was gone. He did come home often to eat and wash his clothes!! I helped him buy some things for his house, so he could function. I loved helping him set up house! It was just really, really different setting out three plates at dinner during the nights he wasn't there instead of four.

 

Not long after Brandon moved out, Stephan began having all the issues that this blog is about. Those years of worry and despair weighed heavy on my heart. I felt I had lost Stephan before I actually lost him, if that makes sense! During those years, Brandon met Eliana and married. They became our best friends! We spent almost all of our free time together. Where we went - they went. It was unusual to say the least. I thank God for the years we spent with them. It's unusual for a Mother-in-Law to say that her Daughter-in-Law is her best friend, but she was. We shopped together, we went to Starbucks together. We went to church together... They wanted to be in our Sunday School class! Life was good...

 

Not long after Ellie found out she was pregnant with Jeremiah is when we discovered that we may move. I really think God was working in Stephan's life during this time. He did finally move out of our house for good into his own apartment while we were still in Alabama. That was when he decided he was staying there and not going to Wisconsin with us. That day- my "whole" upstairs became empty. I cried... no I wept.... hard! I guess you could say that fear crept into my life on that day. I began reminding myself that, "God does NOT give us a spirit of fear.. but of power and a sound mind!" Yet, I felt powerless. How could we move and leave Stephan here when he needs us? He said he wasn't going to move with us...so what now? How can I leave Brandon, Ellie and this new baby? I was trying so hard to remain strong and not defeated, but it wasn't working.

 

Not only was the move shredding my heart to pieces, the unknown had me in it's death grip. My life as a mother was no more... I gave birth to two children. I "was" a mother, but my children didn't need me anymore. Where was my worth? The fear of this unknown- of the "next" in my life over shadowed my ability to see the road ahead. I felt as if I'd driven down a dead end street and there was nothing left for me in this world. The thought of leaving friends behind at a church I loved and leaving ministry behind that was so familiar, was pretty scary! It didn't feel that way when we left NC. Perhaps it was because our little family was still intact and I saw it as a new adventure... a journey to "next." Yes, that is exactly how I saw it...

 

I also knew that the emotions and thoughts I was having because of the move and motherhood was a perfect lie- straight from the pit. I decided one day that I was not going to be defeated, that I was going to embrace this new chapter in my life! God sent us here! I'm not damaged goods. I have worth...! I just have to figure out a way to refurbish myself! The Holy Spirit gives us all gifts to use in every season of our lives. I really believe there are seasons of winter-- Literally, winter when we moved here! But even though I was depressed, my "winter" gave me a chance to find who I was in Christ, not who I am in this world. He has called me to many purposes... He has a list of priorities that He wants me to keep in focus!! One is being His child. My relationship with God is the most important relationship that I will ever have. My relationship with my husband is second.. then my children... then my job... then ministry. Yep, ministry is last on the list! I remember Richard teaching on this in Family Ties oh so well. If our relationship with God suffers- it doesn't take long to have a negative ripple effect on our spouse and family... We have to cultivate our relationship with our husbands, because the children will not always be there. You don't want to be a stranger to your spouse when the children are gone! Our children should come before our jobs. Ministry "OUTSIDE THE HOME" should come last. Our spouse and children should be our "first" ministries... If we don't have that one right we have no right to minister elsewhere! If our relationship with God is strong and our husband and our children "are" our first ministries, then that puts many things in perspective! Just because I'm not an active "mom" anymore, doesn't mean that my husband and my children are not part of my ministry! I have a daughter-in-love that's never been a wife or a mother. In reading Titus 2, I am compelled to be this "older woman" in my Ellie's life. I have a lot of wisdom that I can share! Being a wife and mother was my career for goodness sake! Ha ha!! Same goes for Richard in Brandon's life!

 

I realized that my family had gotten a lot bigger! My ministry just got a lot bigger... I just had a different role to play, that's all.... It does make things a little hard being 750 miles apart at times, but I really think that's a God thing too. Brandon and Eliana don't need us 10 miles away, although it would be SOOOOoo nice! I wouldn't ache to see my grandchildren as we do, but they need to establish their own household and learn to manage it well, getting their priorities in order. If they ask for advice, which they do often, we give it! It's such a blessing to have a son or daughter-in-love to call on you first when problems arise. It doesn't get much better than that.

 

All the years we missed with Stephan-- God has given those years back to us here in Wisconsin! Stephan was beaten down by addiction, but by the power of God, he is doing so well. He's working out! He's at the gym two hours a day, six days a week! He and Richard are always mumbling about protein, gains, whey... Stephan is taking vitamins... He's watching fitness videos and learning from  guys online!  It's great! As he was leaving our house the other night, he started singing, "Tomorrow is chest and back day...!" I forget what it was in the tune too, but it was so stinkin' funny!

 

God has turned my grief into joy. I truly hope that one day God will work some kind of miracle to where we can live in the same city with Stephan and Brandon's family. I'm praying for it. For now, I have to keep my priorities in balance and know that I am on a mission to love God and to know Him more. I'm on a mission to love my husband in the ways he needs to be loved and by cooking him yummy food. I'm on a mission to speak truth into my children's lives. I'm on a mission to see that my grandchildren come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and know how to walk with Him. I'm on a mission to keep my house in order and to be used by God on a daily basis wherever I go... That's a huge mission field! It's mine... 

 

I wanted to add a few pictures. The first one is of Stephan before we moved. The second picture is of Stephan and I last summer. God has been good.... so very good........... 

 

 

 

 

Here are some lyrics to one of the last songs I sang at DBC. I loved this song then and I love it more now. It's called, "Waiting Here for You." 

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you,
I’m waiting here for you
 

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation
You’ve loved us from the start
 

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia
 

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You
 

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

Singing Alleluia
Alleluia, singing alleluia, alleluia.........................

How to Help Your Addicted Adult Child

I saw this the other day and it hit's home in my heart. Drug addiction is one of the most painful things you will ever face with a child that you love so much! The first thing Christian parents have to remember is that you didn't cause your child's addiction, you can't change it, and you can't cure it. Knowing this, and understanding the message in the Prodigal, weather that be an adolescent child or an adult child, you can rest assured you are on track in doing everything you can to help assist them by practicing the things listed below. The lesson that I have learned to be most valuable in my own son's life would be: Learning how to help him- help himself... 

 

“How to Help Your Addicted ADULT Child”

(Taken from The Most Excellent Way) - tmewcf.org

 

 

THE PRODIGAL

Read: Luke 15:11-24 NIV 
In Christ’s parable of the rebellious son, the father gives his son his inheritance and allows the young man to leave home...

 

THE PROBLEM 
Parents often ask what they should do to help their child who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The child is an adult, is unemployed and is still living at home with his parents. The parents are paying all or part of his or her living expenses. Parents who  provide a “safe house” where their children may eat, “sleep it off,” and come and go as they please, are actually forestalling their children experiencing the natural consequences of their destructive addiction. 

 
Parents are usually motivated to help their addicted children because of their love and sense of duty. Perhaps they believe they are somehow responsible for their child’s addiction. And they hope and pray their child will “wake up” to their problem and seek help. The guilt and shame parents feel are emotions that help keep their adult children at home and addicted.  

LET GO AND TRUST GOD! 

 
Let go of your child, and let God work His perfect will for him or her. Allow God to cause your child to reap the consequences of his/her selfish, self-destructive behavior. 

  
We parents forget that the lessons we learn best are those resulting from difficult times. When we interfere with God’s plan, we are being selfish. We are playing God.

The following Scripture applies to the parent as well as the child: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.”  Galatians 6:7 KJV 

As adult parents, with our own pasts, we can identify with both the son and father in Jesus’ parable.  In our youth, didn’t we want to live life on our own terms?  Didn’t we respond selfishly to that rebellious nature within and try to prove ourselves?  Just as the prodigal son indulged in the pleasures of the world, so did we.  It is human nature.  Our sinful nature.   The degree to which we choose to indulge ourselves isn’t what is important—Christ shows us in His Sermon on the Mount that it is a heart issue. To think of doing sinful behavior in the heart is equal to commission of sin.  

 

We all have war stories from our pasts, and our children experience their own wars.  We cannot change our child any more than another human being could have changed us.  When we suffered enough shame, humiliation and degradation, we decided to change.  Some of us despaired and threw ourselves on the mercy of someone who cared about us, someone who could lead us in the right way. 

 
When Jesus is that Someone, we experience a welcome home that cannot be expressed fully in human terms.  It is Jesus’ love, acceptance, and forgiveness we need.  Our parents could not satisfy that need. And we cannot satisfy that need for our children—no matter how much we want to. 
The prodigal’s father released the son and continued his own life, taking care of  his own responsibilities.  His joy at the return of his son shows us that he had missed his child very much, he did not withhold forgiveness, and he felt compassion for what the boy had experienced. The father never stopped loving his son!  

 
Our Father in heaven welcomes us into His home—His eternal kingdom—when we repent and humble ourselves to be His children.  What a homecoming!  

THE ADDICTED ADULT CHILD  

Drunkards and addicts do not and cannot understand the full effects of their behavior in their own lives or the lives of others because:

   
• They cannot clearly discern between good and bad.   
“The man without the Spirit does not  accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness  to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

 

I Corinthians 2:14 NIV “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12 NKJV 

• They are focused on gratifying their own self-centered desires.   “... but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”  James 1:14-15 NIV 

• They are spiritually deluded and do not know the kind of person they are. 
 
“Do not merely listen to the word,  and  so deceive  yourselves.  Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what  it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and   immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:22-24 NIV

 
• The chemically dependent person is enslaved (in bondage) to his addiction, and will make excuses for his behavior.  As long as he is prevented by over-indulgent family and friends from seeing the reality of  his hopelessness, he will remain deluded.  However, the excuses can -not block out the obvious, observable facts:  lying, stealing, laziness, abusive language, driving under the influence, violence, general lawlessness, missing school or work, etc. 

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? 

• FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM SOLVER!  Release your adult child totally to God’s care.  Acknowledge that He loves your child and sacrificed His own Son because of His great love. 
• Trust God for your child.  Though he or  she needs to be humbled by experiencing the consequences of destructive behavior, which will include physical, emotional and spiritual pain, God is in control. 

              
• Be prepared to allow your child to face  the consequences of his/her choices — poverty, hunger, homelessness and jail — without your intervention.   
“No temptation has seized you except what  is  common to man, and God is faithful;  He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide  a way  out so that you can stand under it.”  I Corinthians 10:13 NIV

 

This is God’s assurance for parent and child.  

    
• If you child becomes uncooperative, ask him/ her to leave your home, and not return until he/ she has been clean and sober for a specific amount of time. Assure him of your love and concern, yet firmly stress that you will no longer be a party to his self-destruction. Be prepared to obtain a restraining order from local authorities if you believe your child may retaliate with violence.

 
• When your child has reached his/her “bottom,” encourage him/her to seek help from Christian resources, i.e., “The Most Excellent Way,” residential facilities and programs. Encourage your child to seek resources without your help to prove he/she is resolved to become clean and  sober.  Of course you could attend support meetings with your child , or visit you child in a residential facility, to demonstrate your love and concern. 

• Expect angry accusations from your child: “You don’t love me,” “it’s your fault I’m this way,” etc.  If you believe there is some truth to the accusations, ask your child to forgive you, as God has forgiven you.  You cannot change the past, and God is in control of your future  and  your child’s.

 
• Make a list of the many effects and consequences of the dependent’s behavior  in order to present him with the evidence of his own bondage.  This list is not a “club” used to remember wrongs suffered against you, but rather a record of facts to refute your child’s excuses.

 
• Pray, pray, and pray some more.  Seek God’s will for your life and as well as your child’s.   
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all  understanding, will guard your hearts  and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7 NIV 

•Cultivate Biblical Love.  When God delivers your child from chemical bondage, you will have the opportunity to renew your relationship. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.   It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,  it is not easily angered,  it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  I Corinthians 13:4-8A NIV  

  
• Seek God — one day at a time — in His Word, at home, church, discipleship and fellowship groups to strengthen your walk with your Lord.  
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”   Matthew 6:33 KJV

 
“You will keep him in perfect peace , Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.  Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”   Isaiah 26:3-4 NKJV 

• Finally, forgive and forget.  When the lost relationship is found, when apology is genuine, when reconciliation is sought — forgive and forget, absorb the losses and the cost, and rejoice and let the party begin.

 

The Prodigal’s father restored his wayward son and celebrated his return.  In this reconciliation, the father absorbed the hurt and financial loss, and was willing to adjust his hopes and dreams for his child. People are not perfect — your life will not unfold according to your blueprints.  Your children will not develop according to your specifications. You can harbor resentment if you choose, but when it comes to relationships, that choice is always self-defeating. Joy embraces others — stubbornness shuns them.  Peace forgives others — pride prolongs the separation.  Self-pity smudges the record until one remembers who is at fault or why. 

 

Love cleans the slate of hurts recorded...



It's Christmas!!

On Christmas Eve, Stephan and Rainey spent the night with us per my request! I had asked each of my children before Christmas this question: "What makes Christmas special to you..?" Each of them gave me different answers, so when we were in Alabama for Christmas we did those special things that Brandon and Ellie requested. We exchanged ornaments that meant something special and we read the Christmas story. We played Christmas music. We also read A Charlie Brown's Christmas. That one was Ellie's request.

Stephan had said that he loved candles, Christmas music, breakfast on Christmas morning, then opening gifts in our pajama's! The only way to open gifts in our PJ's was to be here when he woke up, so I made it all happen.I made a big, special dinner that night as well. Since everything is closed on Christmas Day, we settled in, watched movies and made a day of it!  It was a wonderful day. We had also bought tickets to go see It's a Wonderful Life at the Fireside Dinner Theater the day after Christmas. Rainey and Stephan met us here and we drove down to the Fireside. The performance was was absolutely amazing. The food was great as always... It was just a good day and a really wonderful Christmas...

I am so thankful for such a wonderful family. I am especially thankful that I got to see all of my children this Holiday season.

Visit to Alabama in November/December

During the month of November we visited our son, his wife and our two precious little pumpkins! It was Thanksgiving... Richard and I drove down. I had so much to look forward too on this trip, because I was going to be bringing my two babies back with me to Wisconsin for eleven days, then return December 9th. I had cleaned my heart out preparing for my sweeties! I bought more toys, a high chair and a pack-n-play to have here for them. I was soooo excited! I could hardly contain my excitement!!!

The trip down was great! When we arrived, Jeremiah and Andrew were waiting for us at the door. When I see them, the rest of the world doesn't exist until I get my hands on them! I love Jeremiah's "littleness" and his wee voice yelling, "Miiii Miiiiii --- BIG DADDY!!! He jumps up and down, then runs to hug us! Andrew is usually smiling, taking it all in, trying to figure out why big brother is so excited- THEN- he starts reaching, because he all of a sudden recognizes us from facetime!!! It's simply the best moment of my life and only gets better as the days go by. They go by way too fast... However, this time, it didn't have to end, because they were coming home with ME!

We had such a good Thanksgiving. Ellie and I cooked. When I wasn't cooking, I was in the floor playing with the babies... We also celebrated Andrew's first birthday while we were there. I can't believe he's getting so big. Jeremiah's birthday is at the first of January, so we had his birthday party too. Their birthdays are actually only weeks apart and since we would be coming back for Christmas early, we wouldn't be coming back for Jeremiah's party. It all worked out and the boys had a fun filled Mickey Mouse clubhouse birthday!

The day we left with the babies, traffic did not cooperate at all. What was normally an eleven and a half hour drive turned into thirteen! They did great though... I had everything set up when we got home, so I put them straight to bed. Jeremiah had no problem sleeping in his little bed and Andrew drank his milk and slept in the bedroom with me.

In the morning, I heard Jeremiah open the door to his bedroom. I didn't hear footsteps... He wasn't moving at all. I imagined he might be confused as to where he was. All of a sudden I hear, "Eeellllooooo??" I whispered his name, trying not to wake Andrew, who was still sleeping in the pack-in-play at the foot of my bed. I heard his sweet little footsteps heading for the sound of my voice. He climbed up into the bed with me and we snuggled for a while until he thought playing with my iPad might be a little more fun...

The next eleven days were like a dream. We played, snuggled, read books, played with race cars, and rode the tricycle in the basement! Jeremiah got to see it snow, so of course we went outside... We went to the mall and to the fire station! I got to kiss them all I wanted! It was awesome!

The day came that we were going to have to head back to Alabama. I packed their little clothes with sadness in my heart, knowing the next time I came home, they wouldn't' be with me. I knew Mommy and Daddy were looking forward to seeing them again!

Stephan and Rainey went back with us this trip. We had to buy a "top of the car" big plastic thingy that you put luggage in. I don't know what it's called... Anyhow, we actually needed it! We were planning on driving half way with the babies to make this trip a little easier on them, so I had to take the pack-in-play, plus luggage for six people and Christmas gifts! UM, The car thingy was nice!

On the way down, we all played car games, trivia crack and more. Stephan is always the life of the party during road trips! He usually keeps us awake- he's quite entertaining! We stayed at the Hampton in Indiana and all of us slept great. I was a little nervous about the boys being in a hotel, but we got two rooms and Andrew did fine in his little bed. Jeremiah slept with Big Daddy!

We had a lot of plans on this trip. My sister, Cindy and my mom were coming down for Christmas and also to surprise Brandon! He had just completed the Police Academy and his graduation was during this visit! When we all finally arrived, Brandon was still an hour or so from getting home from the Academy, so Mama and Cindy hid from him. He went to the laundry room to take off his gear and they were in there. I thought Brandon was going to cry... he was so glad they were there.

We got to spend a lot of quality time with everyone in Alabama on this trip. Stephan stayed with us mostly. I told Richard that it was so nice, because in times past, he would come over to visit his brother and family, but he'd be with Caleb and other friends a little more. This visit, he stayed with us at the hotel all but one night and was at Brandon's every day. He did leave and spend one night with Caleb. He and Rainey also visited her family some. It was a great visit to say the least.

My son, Brandon's graduation was on the 10th. He graduated at the top of his class! Academically, he came in second... wow! He was awarded "Top Shot." He was also nominated to be the chaplain, so he was on stage the entire time and opened and closed in prayer. I took many pictures and couldn't have been more proud of him that day.

During the next few days, we opened gifts and had the most wonderful time. Mama and Cindy went back a day before us. It was so good to see them. It's always hard saying goodbye. We all cried... I don't get to visit NC as often as I'd like.

We came back on a Sunday. The trip back was good. Stephan, as always, came up with games to play. We laughed, slept, talked... it was great, quality time. We didn't get home too very late, but came in and crashed.

The next morning, I woke up as I knew I would to all the toys strewn about and the little beds still made. I did cry.... I am also satisfied with them being back with Mommy and Daddy... I'm just not satisfied being so far away from them. I cleaned up the toys and washed the bedding, but not before I smelled of their blankets that still carried their scent. I left all of their little finger prints that painted my dining room windows. They could be there just ....a little longer....

Consequences and Park Rangers

Richard and I visited family in North Carolina last week. Both of our families are there. I grew up in North Carolina where the summers were long, hot and summer vacation seemed to last forever when I got out of school. I was the barefoot, long brown-haired, little girl that you might see running around everywhere I went -if you were to travel down Route 3, which was a dirt road back then. I spent a lot of days at Grandma's listening to her hum while she cooked and eating raw pie crust from pies she would make. I loved playing with my cousins for endless hours during the days. We would play until the lightning bugs came out. About that time, I'd hear Mama calling for us. I also loved staying with Nanny and Papa. My sister, Monica and my cousin, Kelly would go get in the bed with Papa where we'd beg him to tell us stories of the "old days" while Nanny warmed up the house and made pancakes and bacon.

Richard was born in Florida, but moved to North Carolina when he was seven. In his younger days, with messy blond hair and big blue eyes, he wore nothing but his favorite Tarzan underwear that his mother made for him and spent most of his time in the woods with his dogs, or at the creek below his house catching snakes! He was a rambler just like me... Richard and I had much in common back then although we didn't know it. We lived 20 minutes apart, went to different schools, but we didn't meet until I was 14 and he was 16. That was the day the Earth stood still...... Richard and I quickly fell in love. I'm writing it now and even as an adult I know that what we felt was real. Our dating years was way before cell phones and text messages. We had to do all that the hard way. When Richard sent me a text it was in the form of a hand written letter in an empty Hardees cup thrown out into Mama's flower bed as he drove by. He'd have to wait till he got home to call me to tell me it was there. We were married at the ripe old ages of 17 and 19... I don't know what we were thinking, but we couldn't be happier. We had our fair share of hardship when the honeymoon wore off and real life took hold of us. I wrote on generational sin in another post. We struggled the first five years of our marriage, but the Lord Jesus Christ had new plans...

Another thing that has happened since I last blogged was that we flew into Raleigh and visited Richard's mother, sister and brother for a few days, then we drove to Elkin to see my mother, sister, niece and the rest of my family. My aunt Betsy had a "get together" for us, which is the southern term for: Being surrounded by all the people you love all in one place for a certain period of time!! She invited everyone to her pool and almost everyone came. It was so nice seeing everyone and catching up on life. Our visit with Richard's family was just wonderful as well! It's always so great spending time with family.... I have the best family and I miss them terribly.

Before we left Wisconsin, we knew that Stephan and Rainey were going camping. They were going with three others; two 18 years olds and a 19 year old. Stephan is 22 and Rainey is 19....  I offered Stephan some advice before he left. One bit of advice was an idea I found on Pinterest of how to make cinnamon rolls in an orange peel on an open fire... The other bit of advice was not to buy beer for under age kids. --I also tagged a little- "I have been the parent of an under age child "(YOU)" that has had alcohol purchased for him BY someone old enough to drink it and I didn't appreciate it!... Don't be that person!" on the end of that sentence.

Well................. do I even need to finish this post? As Richard and I were getting into bed at his mother's house he said that Stephan had texted him to tell him that their trip had been cut short. In an explosive text, Stephan wrote explaining how mad he was, because they bought all this food, drove 4-5 hours to this camp ground in Michigan, spent $60.00 on a camp site for two nights only to be kicked out the very first night! The details:
1. He bought beer.
2. Rainey and the three other's were under age.
3. It was a family camp ground (lights out at 10.)
4. They were loud.
5. Someone complained.
6. Park Rangers showed up.
7. Park Rangers found beer and wanted to see all of their driver's license.
8. Four of five of the kids got $267.00 tickets for under age drinking.

Stephan, as impossible as it seems, didn't get any kind of ticket and he's the one who bought the beer!
The Park Rangers took all the beer, put out their fire and told them to evacuate the next morning by a certain time. When we got back to Wisconsin and had to hear this story in person. The most unbelievable part was that Stephan and Rainey both were mad at the Park Rangers instead of their own selves! How in the world can it be anyone's fault but their own? It's apparent that they both still have a lot of maturing and growing to do. Lots.....

I have explained to Stephan over and over how the consequence of sin bleeds into our lives if we continue to feed the beast that cuts us over and over again, if we allow it to rule our lives! He still can't see that making a wise choice to JUST take food and soft drinks would have allowed him to have a really fun, Park Ranger free weekend.

I'm still praying for wisdom to come to him. He has to do the asking though...  In the meantime, Rainey will not have rent again this month due to her $267.00 ticket. They got into a really bad fight last night and I'm only guessing it's over the rent. Stephan can't blame her solely.... They both drank a lot of their rent money! It's lessons like these that will hopefully allow them to start wanting wisdom for themselves. Maybe one day they will be sick of being broke. Maybe one day they will realize they are "broken" and in need of a savior. The landlord will definitely come knocking of they don't pay... That has thankfully never happened!  Jesus knocks on the door of their hearts all the time. I hope one day soon- they will open it and begin living life for Him.

Lord, Carry my Heavy Heart

I have found myself being very weary today. We've been in WI for two and a half years now and I'm ready to move. Richard has the plant here almost running without him and that's exactly what was supposed to happen. We followed the Lord to Wisconsin and I believe with all my heart He sent us here. As I've said before, Stephan was part of that plan. Stephan, two years ago was a full blown drug addict in Alabama. He was a very immature, skeletal image of the son I knew from birth. He was usually somewhere else, rather than his own mind and it was heart wrenching for me to see and have to experience on a day to day basis.

In the meantime, Stephan... and our oldest son, Brandon, his wife and our (then) newborn grandson stayed behind as we set out on our trek North to the great state of Wisconsin. Leaving my grandson almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown. Well, let me back up a bit... - Richard actually moved to Wisconsin one month before I did, when our grandson was only four days old. So, I guess if you consider sitting out on my front steps screaming and hyperventilating as Richard left for Wisconsin a nervous breakdown- then maybe I "did" have one. One month later, he came back for me. I cried all the way to Kentucky.

When we arrived at our apartment here there was two feet of snow. I felt alone and as empty as I ever had in my whole entire life. I pretty much didn't leave the apartment except to go to the grocery store for four months. Today, we live in a condo that we purchased here. I've never lived in a Condo, but ours is very nice.... We've given it an "Extreme Makeover" and I love it on the inside. However, I never want to live in another one. I'm smothered.....  My home in Alabama was my dream home. It was also located in a very quiet neighborhood nestled nicely by a 25 acre lake. I woke every morning to the sound of geese whispering in my ears. Ahhhhhhh..... I miss it.

I am SO thankful to have had Stephan follow us here six months after we moved. I was very apprehensive at first, but he's been here all this time and he works for my husband at the plant. He has his own apartment, pays for everything and I'm very proud of him. He does still drink occasionally and I have a problem with it, but I do have to remind myself of my son two and a half years ago.
There's been mention of buying "yet" another plant, which was the plan from the beginning and when it happens, we will move again. Stephan has said that he would want to transfer with us. I would want that as well.

Although Stephan is doing "ok." there's just still things he will not give over to the Lord. Richard and I were talking in the car yesterday about the fact that Stephan "likes" being intoxicated. He does! It's just reality. So what do you do with that?

If you've followed my blog, you've read about Stephan's former friends- one being Caleb. The thought of even seeing Caleb's face made me want to vomit! However, I have come to the conclusion that although I want to, I can not blame Caleb or any other of Stephan's friends for Stephan's drug use or behavior in Alabama. Everyone makes their own decisions- including my son. He chose the path he took and he could have easily steered clear of it. He could have walked away. Why didn't he? He liked it.

With all of that said, I had to brace myself when I got the news a few weeks ago that Caleb was driving to Wisconsin to visit Stephan. I ain't gonna lie- I wanted to vomit, just like I just said... When those two are together, there is just nothing good that comes from it. NOTHING! I made my mind up that I was going to psyche myself out and prepare myself mentally for his arrival. I really hoped that (although I'd psyched myself out) that I would never see his face the whole time he was here! Not too much to ask for, right? BUT... if I do see his face I kept reminding myself that after all this time, Caleb has grown up some. He's 2.5 years older. He's going to college. He has a CHILD.... He's engaged and looking for a job. Everybody grows up right? The answer to that question is no... I have living proof in a few of my family members, a cousin for example, but anyhow....  HOPEFULLY Caleb "has."

The day came.... It was Sunday. To my disappointment, Stephan did not come to church. I guess in some way I imagined Stephan inviting him and I'd see him there because of both of their maturity levels had risen. Didn't happen.....They slept in, but wanted to come to our house to play corn hole after we got out of church and eat lunch of course. "Well," I thought... as I took a deep breath. It's time I be the adult and give this a shot. I had even thought of questions that I'd ask Caleb about his baby girl and about life in general. It's what Jesus would do!

He and Stephan walked in and they were both dressed like thugs. I hadn't seen Stephan looking so stupid in 2 years. Good Lord! I mean, what the heck? I actually felt queasy in my legs. Oh geeeez.... really?

Needless to say, Stephan has missed four days of work since his arrival. (Three of those days he did take off) but now has no PTO for Christmas. The other day, he called in with "pink eye." PINK EYE! Richard told him he needed to get meds because it was really contagious. He never went... and never had pink eye. It may have been "hangover eye." "Looks pretty much the same as pink eye, only not contagious!"

Since Caleb's arrival, Caleb, who is such a thinker and plans his vacations so wisely is mysteriously going to have to borrow money from Stephan to even get back to Alabama! Now, why would you drive 750 miles away from home without enough money to get you back? Those are questions I really have no option than to ponder... They also went out partying one night. It was after 11:00 when Rainey got off work. I can't think of anything good that happens after 11pm. can you? There was this video on facebook... I just won't go there. I just pray to God my Mama didn't see it before it was reported and removed by facebook!

Why? Just why?

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of the emotional roller coaster it puts you through. Especially since he's been doing so well. My conclusion today is that Stephan is doing what he wants to do. He's supposed to be back at work today and Caleb is leaving Wednesday from my understanding. When Caleb leaves, Stephan will still have a heart issue..... He will still have a walking with the Lord issue.... He will still have a discernment issue....

I have to say, I gave Stephan and Caleb the benefit of the doubt when they came over two times this week. Yes, I actually made a double attempt... We had good visits while they were here. Don't get me wrong, Caleb does seem more mature in some ways, so does Stephan, but there's still the matter of just getting things right with God. Caleb has a baby to think about now. You'd think he would be kind of getting over the bull crap.

My heart is heavy today. I guess I'm wondering exactly "where" Stephan is. I'm so thankful he's here and that he comes over to work out with Richard and eats dinner here several times a week. Please Lord consider my heavy heart and help me carry it today....

Overcomer!!!

The Lord is still teaching me to be an overcomer and not let circumstances get me down. A few weeks ago, Brandon, Ellie, Jeremiah and Andrew came to visit. They were here for 9 days. If you've followed my blog, you know how hard it was for me to leave Alabama and move to Wisconsin. We've been in Wisconsin for almost two and a half years and some days just do not get any easier. My sweet babies, Jeremiah and Andrew are 2 and 6 months now and I miss them terribly. I am thankful that I get to fly down to see them about every 8-10 weeks. So very thankful!!!

But back to what I was saying, they were here for 9 days.  We went to the Milwaukee Zoo, The Children's Museum, The Domes- a horticulture museum. We went to an authentic Columbian restaurant. Brandon and Ellie took our pass to the Harley Museum on a date. We went to the Mall and many places we'd wanted to show them! It was so much fun having my family here. My life was absolutely complete! Stephan and Rainey came over too... It was the best 9 days spent in a long time! It got even better: They left Jeremiah behind with me and Richard for 10 whole extra days when they went back home. That little Rascal- I could eat him to pieces! He is my love... we had so much fun. I took so many pictures and videos! He was so much fun!

We flew back to Alabama with Jeremiah and stayed there for about a week. I believe we were with Jeremiah for 24 whole days!!!! It was Heaven! Andrew is still having to be with Mommy, so I didn't get to keep him too, but I would've!!!! : ) Andrew is the squishiest little bundle of pure goodness! I could eat his cheeks off! I love holding and cuddling with him so much. After 24 days of Heaven- I had to fly back at some point. They always go to the airport with us and parting is such sweet sorrow. It's like leaving a part of me behind. It's almost too much. I try to readjust as we board the plane. By the time we are in Atlanta, reality has set in once again. When I feel the cool Wisconsin air I should feel home, but I don't.
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I texted Rainey the other day- actually, she and I exchanged about 50 texts.. I was really able to talk to her about Jesus more than ever before. She has really grown over the last year of being here. She wrote Richard and I a text not too long back that she was so glad to be here in WI with us and that being here, being in church and having us in her life was impacting her life like never before. Little does she know that it's not us... it's Christ in us! She said we were amazing people.... but no.... HE is amazing! I pray earnestly that she will come to know Him soon. As we were talking about events that have happened in her life, she opened up to me again about a lot of things and I asked her when she wanted me to pray with her to receive Christ. You see, this is the second time this opportunity has happened, but she just won't. Not yet....   I gave her some scripture to chew on and told her today was the day of salvation. I will continue praying towards it.

I did ask Rainey what her goals in life were... She said she wanted to marry Stephan, have a family and live a good life. She said she wanted her family to go to church and she wanted to protect her children from all the things she's had to endure during her life. I think this is wonderful goal.

Jesus was patient, loving and kind. He was a friend to all, especially sinners. I'm so glad He was a friend of mine! I am looking forward to the day Rainey and Stephan both surrender their lives totally to Him. So, while I am trying to overcome the fact that we live in WI, so far, far, far away from one son and his family. I am so grateful that my other son is here with me trying to overcome the world. We are in a battle.... a huge one. One that we can't see. I think that God has huge plans for Stephan's life. I really do. Perhaps this is why there is such a war going on....

Christ overcame and He gives us power to overcome. Lord reign down over us and protect us and guide us.